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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
 Posted - 01/25/2013 : 03:31:41
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4. Recognize that certain situations make your symptoms worse. This is because you have said a lot of negative things, thought a lot of negative thoughts, or done something with extreme intensity about these situations in the past.
This may be related to being sensitized to the situation from your childhood or some other reason. You have to decondition yourself to these situations.
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 04:18:46
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Where Pavlovian conditioning meets forgiveness.
I hold tenaciously to my grudges.
I have been betrayed.
I have been traumatised.
I have been wounded.
And yet...
Have I betrayed someone? Yes.
Have I traumatised another? Yes.
Have I wounded them? Yes.
To forgive them is to forgive myself in equal measure.
Such a sweet act of compassion.
"Most of what we learn that has any value arises out of our own personal experiences. And often what we learn most from, because they are so tenacious and difficult to escape, are our experiences of suffering.
We know intellectually, yet it remains hard for us to grasp. We want life to be different. We want to believe that we can learn most from books, or from observing other people, or from civilised conversation over glasses of wine. But this is not the case. We do learn from books, observations, arguements, discussions. A great deal of what we learn in this way is invaluable. It may even be what best sharpens our wits. But 'civilised', second-hand learning rarely knocks our corners off, nor saves our souls.
Suffering does that. Through tearing us down, and forcing us to think about what really does matter, it offers an irreplaceable opportunity to see things through the wisdom of the heart as well as of the mind."
~ Stephanie Dowrick |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 05:12:20
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| This particular key is very important for me personally as it rings so true. I do feel at times that it is essential to pull oneself away from certain situations as they cause way too much discomfort. But then again how much do we withdraw ourselves yet maintain the ability to function normally? |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 05:36:24
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Hard to strike that balance Shawn. My best friend is passionately involved in a world I find very toxic. For ten years I've juggled supporting her with my own needs, and in no small way has the constant second-hand exposure damaged my ability to reconcile and heal never mind forgive. There's a distance between us now that saddens me and even though I've explained it, she doesn't really understand.
How to desensitise something of this nature? And should I even try, when for me it died a decade ago.
I don't want to end my friendship with this funny, sweet, smart and wonderful soul but I'm at an impasse. |
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pspa123
672 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 06:41:59
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| Deconditioning doesn't have to mean avoiding, it can (I think) also be accomplished by changing one's attitude towards the person who is causing the anguish. |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 07:23:25
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| Yes Pspa is correct. You actually DONT want to pull away from the situation (this is listed at a later key), but you have to decondition yourself to it instead. This is the moment that healing occurs. |
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pspa123
672 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 07:31:49
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| As Dolly Parton sings, it's enough to make you crazy, IF YOU LET IT. And yeah, this one's a lot easier in theory than in practice, I know very well. |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 07:40:40
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| Can you suggest some ways of deconditioning, please. |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 07:44:07
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| just sitting in the situation and using the affirmations in the background and not going with the urge to react in the ways that your previously reacted. Act the opposite and try to feel relaxed in these situations, but dont force it. This takes time and practice. |
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Racer
USA
129 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 07:46:07
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| I posted about this on my original first topic,where Dave helped understand about de-conditioning. Whenever I sit continuously for 20-30 minutes, I get some kind of uneasiness or thoughts about negative feeling, and the pain will start in pelvis (groin, hip, etc) and foot exactly in 20-30 minutes. I got rid of this negative thought, and believe me, I can sit crossed legs for an hour or more, and continuously sit for few hours without pain. |
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carrick
Ireland
19 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 07:58:08
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Thanks Plum, Ace1
I just have a quick question if you don't mind... I am making progress with year long knee pain, I was at the point where I could hardly walk, but my knee is still my focus of attention and I really need to decondition myself to situations. I walk funny, kick my leg out, I suppose I'm protecting my knee, stairs are still a problem and high heels (I know that may sound silly but I'm a girl and like my shoes!, I only feel safe in trainers!). Should I just get back to my usual shoes and get on with it, but then fear sets in....Should I used more affirmations in these situations?. I have to keep telling myself that I am improving and If there was a major structural problem I would not be making any progress. My knees click really bad, but I keep telling myself this is tension, (only clicking in last year) it's like the clicks are my minds way of saying, you see there is something wrong, and then I have to give out to myself and say no, it's just tension, now stop! I'm really trying but sometimes loose hope, one of those days today....
Anyway thanks for listening and for your posts that really help. I feel a bit disheartened when I read people saying that TMS in placebo, I try not to give that much though!!
Thanks again
Lou |
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pspa123
672 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 08:09:34
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| Is the placebo effect really all that different from "thinking psychological?" The improvement comes from a change in belief, not from the action of a drug or a physical treatment. |
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 08:13:33
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For Plum, on whether to take the energy to "decondition" or not ... I think this decision also has to be made in the light of the #20 Key (ie how major a stressor it is):
20. Remember, someone who can change their life to take out major stressors (quit a job, divorce etc) will get better faster than ones who cannot and has to accept their life the way it is and recondition themselves. Unless the circumstance is extreme or very easy to fix, it is to your benefit to recondition yourself than to change your life.
RSR |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 08:40:37
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RSR,
Thanks so much for this.
I realise I have deconditioned myself regarding this situation before and it spiraled out of control again because while I was busy shifting gears, I was not paying heed to my personal boundaries. In this way I did myself no favours. |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 08:45:17
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Ace1 and Racer,
On another, more day-to-day level, this is sinking in but to clarify can I slide into metaphor? We've had oodles of snow and I drive a big heavy car and these last few days have taught me much.
When the (tms) wheels start spinning, you take your foot off the gas (negative thinking, focus on pain), stop (relax) and then turn the wheel (affirmations) with better purchase on fresh ground.
You simply stop the wheels spinning, going nowhere and consciously change your approach, break the circuit. |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 08:53:25
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Hi Lou,
Go gently, gently. This is the approach I'm taking. Nothing heroic. Maybe you can start by wearing your trainers daytime and sometimes, in the evening, slinking around in your high heels at home. Even just wearing them while watching tele!
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 09:39:22
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| As you get better from the affirmations and keys as an overall picture, the heels will automatically start to feel better when put on. I had a guy with severe neck pain and stopped working out. He did the affirmations and the work in the keys and just automatically with time got so good that he felt he could workout again. None of this was challenging the symtptom, its just when you feel good it wont even be a concern |
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bryan3000
USA
513 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 10:00:40
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Thanks Plum/Ace,
Great one. I would also add that the inverse of this rule is also true. Recognizing what situations help you can teach us a lot too. Learning to be kind to yourself and to give yourself those moments of pleasure, rest and relaxation can be very difficult for our type of personalities. This will probably be discussed in future rules, but I felt like it kind of tied in.
Great posts by all. |
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chickenbone
Panama
398 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 11:09:29
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I am also working hard on #4. I am doing well with the more minor situation stressors, but have not made a lot of progress with some of the major ones. Retirement, in general, has been a big stressor for me. I did better when I had the structure of working. Getting more organized and making lists, as well as not pushing myself too hard has helped. I also do better with situation stressors that have no element of suprise. Emergencies that I cannot expect continue to be difficult for me. I feel that I am making slow, but steady improvement on this one.
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 14:02:14
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quote:
Originally posted by carrick
I just have a quick question if you don't mind... I am making progress with year long knee pain, I was at the point where I could hardly walk, but my knee is still my focus of attention and I really need to decondition myself to situations. I walk funny, kick my leg out, I suppose I'm protecting my knee, stairs are still a problem and high heels (I know that may sound silly but I'm a girl and like my shoes!, I only feel safe in trainers!). Should I just get back to my usual shoes and get on with it, but then fear sets in....Should I used more affirmations in these situations?. I have to keep telling myself that I am improving and If there was a major structural problem I would not be making any progress. My knees click really bad, but I keep telling myself this is tension, (only clicking in last year) it's like the clicks are my minds way of saying, you see there is something wrong, and then I have to give out to myself and say no, it's just tension, now stop! I'm really trying but sometimes loose hope, one of those days today....
Hi Lou, I hope you don't mind I jump in. I found that it helped me when I adopted a "don't care" mentallity. You have to reallize that it is totally normal that your knee is still your focus of attention. It hurt like hell, you're in pain, how can you not focusing on it. Don't let that bother you, don't be concern, we are human and we automaticly focus on our pain. It would be NOT normal if your knee hurt and you don't think about it all the time.
Now imagine what do we do if we have a cavity and one our teeth hurt. Or if we broke a leg, get a nasty bump on our head, got a deep cut on our finger, ... how do we feel. Those thinngs can hurt like hell too and they will be the focus of our attention until: we go to the dentist and pull out the bad tooth, until we have a cast put on our leg and wait for it to heal, until be ice our head bump and wait for it to go down, until we wash, clean, and bandaged our finger and take some tylenol... The different between a broken leg and your tms knee pain is FEAR. With the broken leg we know we will be safe, we know it will heal. But with the tms we are "not sure" if it will heal and there is doubt in our head that maybe something is really wrong, some nerve damage, ... With a real injury the fear, the worry is usually not there. With tms there is always the fear factor. Fear because of doubt.
So to get well you have to remove that doubt, you have to remove that fear, you have to stop worry. HOW?, you have to trust dr. Sarno, you have to trust Ace, you have to trust Claire Weekes, you have to believe that tms chronic pain will heal, it is not dangerous, and you will get rid of it. You have to accept the tms diagnosis. Even if you don't believe in their teaching 100%, just take a chance and accept it, take a leap of faith and follow their teaching, you will over come your chronic pain.
Affirmation will help with this. Also, everytime you notice that your attention in on your knee pain, don't get piss off, just gently replace that thought with something else. just make sure that something else is interesting enough to hold your attention for as long as possible. Get busy, be with someone interesting, put yourself in situation that would require your attention. do some charity work, take a class,... remember, your brain can only hold 1 thought at a time. You can not think about something else and your knee at the same time.
It is just my thought, I Hope this help.
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No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 14:29:56
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| Balto, I love you. |
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Ace of the Day - Day 4
