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brightondebs
United Kingdom
21 Posts |
 Posted - 01/21/2008 : 16:43:02
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Hi all,
a few weeks ago I found this forum and felt it was helping me immensely. Sadly since then I've gone downhill. I'm doing the classic "it's been three months since I started following this program, why aren't I better?".
I was first diagnosed with RSI and/or Fibromyalgia about two years ago after working in web design for 12 years (I'm 34). I pursued treatment via the NHS in the UK with little luck. I sought out recommended physiotherapists and started stretches, made my workstation ergonomic etc. Still the pain continued. I then turned to extensive alternative treatments: osteopath, massage therapy, acupuncture, alexander technique, reflexology, Bowen, Reverse Therapy, Hypnotherapy, etc. I had some improvement but continued to go downhill. Eventually I went part time, then a year ago I quit, in pain and depressed. After quitting I spent five months at RECOUP - a specialist RSI clinic in India. Despite 4-6 physiotherapy/cognitive behavioral therapy/yoga/mediation treatments a day, seven days a week, I left the clinic still in pain and went to NZ to live with my parents.
About this time I decided to give the Dr Sarno approach some serious thought. The problem is, that decision was October last year and I'm still struggling. I've read continuously since then all Sarno's books except the first, read many success stories, Nate, Rachel etc., journaled every day, meditated when I can and I've started using my hands again as much as possible. I HAVE had improvements, I'm typing this after all, but I'm still far from being able to work again.
I have doubts, all the time. I fear I just don't "get" it. Today is particularly bad. I had a therapy session yesterday which brought up a serious issue from my past and today I woke up incredibly depressed.
Please help, any advice, virtual hugs, encouragement welcome!
Debs
p.s strangely, just writing that seems to have helped lift the gloom a little. |
Edited by - brightondebs on 01/21/2008 17:59:02 |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 01/21/2008 : 18:08:13
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quote:
I had a therapy session yesterday which brought up a serious issue from my past and today I woke up incredibly depressed.
This is the "tell" (like in poker) that shows that you are on the right track. In my life experience, sometimes you have to go down in order to come back up. Those things from your past may really, really need to be acknowledged and let go of. Your unconscious may not agree that the most important thing is getting back to work and having happy wrists.
Sounds good that you are having therapy and rootin' around in there... and really good that just writing about it here made you feel a bit better. Hang in there. For many of us it isn't a straight uphill path, but once you get that these are the real issues, and you start to improve, what else are you gonna do? Go back to the fake approach?
xx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 01/21/2008 : 19:06:47
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quote:
"it's been three months since I started following this program, why aren't I better?".
This can definitely be a downer. I find it helpful to remember that this is some number of months compared to potentially getting better for the rest of your life, maybe 60 years or possibly more! On that score, a few more months isn't much. You're dealing with physical patterns that were established over the course of 12 years and emotional patterns that have been established for your entire life. It's not easy to change everything around.
My therapist talks about the middle phase of therapy (on a light note, the first time she mentioned this I thought 'Thank god she thinks I've at least gotten past the beginning'!) where you are beginning to figure things out and understand what you want but often you find that you keep doing the same things you were doing before. This is also a middle phase of Sarno, I think. You know it can work, and you believe in it, but you don't have consistent physical results.
Another and very concrete encouragement is that you started out a few weeks ago getting helped a lot by Sarno and this forum. If Sarno and this forum can help you, then the origin of your problem is not physical! Think about it in these terms: if your problem were physical, only physical changes should help. Yet you found that physical changes haven't really helped but information and new mental and emotional practices have. It means you're on the right track.
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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qso
USA
52 Posts |
Posted - 01/21/2008 : 20:34:50
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| I empathize with you too-I went through many occassions over the period of a year when things got worse and I thought it just wasn't working..I had given up on doctors and the physical so it was depressing also to give up on Sarno -it seemed like there was no hope at all. I had known about and believed in Sarno's methods 5 years before I even had the problem which made it more disappointing that I thought it wasn't working. And to make things worse -as you are probably finding-everybody and their aunt is telling you what they think is wrong with you and what you should be doing about it. But the one thing that led me back to Sarno again and again was the absolute conviction of three good friends who just knew and didn't have to go into lenghty explanations of why. I even doubted them at times but their conviction was very empowering and drew me back again and againn until success came. Likewise you should be resolute in your conviction and remove all doubt, that you are on the right path, that there is nothing physically wrong with you, and your subconscious wants you to know it is talking to you. Make sure also that are not doing something that could be interpreted as a physical treatment as it will prevent complete recovery. |
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 01/22/2008 : 00:50:18
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^^ Damn, man. I wish I had three friends who knew about Sarno during the dark hours. That must've helped. I can see why Sarno does the whole "group therapy" thing. Makes you feel like it's not You Vs. The World.
Author of tms-recovery.com
A collection of articles on emotions, lifestyle changes, and TMS theory. |
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scottjmurray
266 Posts |
Posted - 01/22/2008 : 00:59:01
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quote:
a few weeks ago I found this forum and felt it was helping me immensely. Sadly since then I've gone downhill. I'm doing the classic "it's been three months since I started following this program, why aren't I better?".
For this I recommend acknowledging that it is a distraction mechanism. It's trying to keep your brain occupied, and so you have accidentally started playing into it's little games. It's got a bunch of them it can use against you, so you need to start becoming more aware of what the process actually means. It will trick you until you can't be tricked anymore.
quote:
I've read continuously since then all Sarno's books except the first, read many success stories, Nate, Rachel etc., journaled every day, meditated when I can and I've started using my hands again as much as possible.
You might be trying way too hard. Fixing emotional problems can take a lifetime, and it's not a requirement (in most cases anyway) to resolve TMS. If you continue to read and journal out of fear of your TMS symptoms, it will only work against you in the long run. The obsession is part of the disorder. My suggestion is to devote a half-hour block every day to Sarno-type emotional work, and spend the rest of the day living.
quote:
I have doubts, all the time. I fear I just don't "get" it. Today is particularly bad.
It's totally okay to have this doubts and fears right now. An exercise I did at one point was to try to live a completely normal day and record every single time I thought about my symptoms, worried about something TMS related, or got afraid of my symptoms. These things are what I call "playing into the game." I ended up feeling quite ridiculous at the end of the day, noticing exactly how wrapped up I was in the entire thing. I must've thought about TMS a billion times. Try this, you'll start to notice how crazy the entire system is.
Do your best to live your life exactly how you would if you had no pain, no fear of pain, no fear of symptoms, and no preoccupations and obsessions. Do that, and notice how many times your brain tries to trick you. Acknowledge these tricks, and get back to living. You have to outwit your own brain here, which may sound daunting, but it's definitely within your abilities. Good luck!
Author of tms-recovery.com
A collection of articles on emotions, lifestyle changes, and TMS theory. |
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campbell28
80 Posts |
Posted - 01/22/2008 : 02:47:57
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Hi Debs,
If it helps at all, I've been doing the Sarno stuff since August / September and have definitely had my ups and downs! I am on the up now and have been since about the end of November, but it is a slow up.
I think what Wavy said: "Your unconscious may not agree that the most important thing is getting back to work and having happy wrists." is very true.
Straight after I read the MBP in August I had three weeks where I was so much better it was almost scary. It was like a curtain came up. LIterally the weight came off my shoulders; I stopped waking up stiff in the morning; I did some typing; I thought ' Wow, Im free!'
THen, because I was feeling so much better, I started to think (and worry) about going back to work. At this point I was still kidding myself that what I wanted to do was do some freelance journalism work.
Thankfully (though i wasn't very thankful at the time) my unconscious knew better. My symptoms all blew up again; my back and shoulders felt like someone was screwing wire tight all across them. I went away for a few days by myself to try and 'think' the pain away but it didn't work, because I still hadn't properly come to terms with everything - so I started back with the physical therapy 'just to help things along'.It didn't help!
After 2 months I read something on the forum that just clicked in my head and I realised I had fallen back into the old pattern of behaviour - worrying about symptoms, obssessively checking my shoulders etc. I realised my brain was screwing with me again, and thats when I really started to get better. I gave up all the physical therapy, all the Pilates stretches I had been doing every day, even the apparently innocuous 20 mins of Alexander lying-on-my-back I had been doing (I had gone from doing the Alexander once a day to about 6 times a day because the relief it provided was increasingly short-lived)
ALso, by that point I had really accepted that I could not push myself into being ready to go back to work before I actually was ready. I was having weekly counselling sessions and there was still stuff I needed to think about, particularly the fact I was on completely the wrong career path.
It is very frustrating when you feel you're not making continuous progress, but that just seems to be the way it goes. It's a fine balance between telling your subconscious you know it is tricking you, and accepting that it may be causing you pain for its own good reasons.
I have come to see my particular brand of TMS as a very annoying messenger from my unconscsious. FOr whatever reason I am a bit detatched from my own emotions; I don't always know what I am really feeling. The TMS is there to prod me and remind me that my high-achieving, over-analytical perfectionist thinking is not always the best thing for me. I am becoming gradually better at knowing and accepting my emotions and hopefully, eventually, there will be no need for my brain to yank my shoulders tight in order to get me to think emotionally.
Hope this burbling is of use. |
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Bacchus
USA
10 Posts |
Posted - 01/22/2008 : 06:25:32
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Hi Debs,
I'm struggling with 'RSI' as well and just like you I had exhausted all the principles of physical treatment...I came to Sarno's theories months ago and am still fighting. I'm at the point ACL described:
quote:
You know it can work, and you believe in it, but you don't have consistent physical results.
When I stopped considering the calender, I started looking at the small improvements I've made (despite many setbacks). A line in Sarno's book states something like, "the smallest improvements are signs that the process is working".
Keep your chin up and know that you're not alone in your struggle! |
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Redsandro
Netherlands
217 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2008 : 04:21:03
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Just a small addition to the OP,
When you've improved, temporarily or not, to the point where you're typing this post - something that you couldn't do before - isn't it extremely odd if your problem is physical in origin to begin with?
I remember bad doubts when I was recovering from 6 years of RSI. But the fact that I partially recovered, even though the pain came back for a while, was a real motivator.
Here's an old topic back when I had full blown RSI and just started Sarno where you can see me whine, but I am totally recovered for about a year now.
http://tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2729
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TMS is the hidden language of the soul. |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2008 : 07:00:26
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I come at this thing a little differently than many as I tend not to delve too deeply. I accept the TMS diagnosis on faith, which in practical terms consists in using the offending body part just as much as I possibly can. I've had various TMS attacks...knee, shoulder...back...foot...and I've yet to regret pushing forward...
You've had improvement, you're typing!!! Now build on that!! You're in exactly the right place. |
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Big Rob
32 Posts |
Posted - 01/23/2008 : 10:20:17
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quote:
today I woke up incredibly depressed.
One little bit of advice, if you wake up depressed try and get out of bed and do something, anything to stop you spiralling down.
At the moment I am in a bit of limbo (not the dance  ) with my TMS treatment.
I find if I make my OCD worse then when my OCD subsides, I get pain. That may be true for depression.
Remember you are trying to shift your core belief around. That
1. Your pain is caused psychologically and not physically
2. You can and will get better
You said you had CBT and I found a CBT approach to TMS treatment is good. Try to spot any activities you may be avoiding through fear of the pain becoming worse (this includes getting out of bed if you feel depressed  ). Try to spot errors in your thinking i.e.
Replace thoughts like 'I will never get better' with 'I have got better in the past so there is every chance I can get better again'.
One of my nasty thoughts is 'This pain is terrible/unbearable', I challenge this with 'This pain is uncomfortable and unpleasant however I can bear it as I have done in the past'. I also try and think of how the pain is scaring me, then when activities arise that the pain may cause me to avoid, I try and perform the activity.
Anyway, I hope this helps. The best of luck to you. |
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brightondebs
United Kingdom
21 Posts |
Posted - 01/24/2008 : 20:39:39
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Oh wow guys, everything everyone said is so helpful and greatly appreciated, thank you. I had a few days when I took a break from this forum and reading Sarno because I felt it had become a meaningless ritual and something I was resenting. I feel more positive about the process now and finding my own way to keep working on healing.
The more I think about things the more I think that my downhill slide is at least partly because in little over a week I have to stop hiding out at my parents in NZ and return to the UK to try and find a job. I've been an unemployed web designer since May 06 and to be honest, have no desire to go back to it! Yet, I have to eat, so about a week back I sought out some freelance work. Problem is, I don't think I'm ready to go back to work and I don't think web design is what I want to do anyway. I feel like I'm on exactly the same path as you campbell28. What did you do? |
Edited by - brightondebs on 01/24/2008 20:40:49 |
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campbell28
80 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2008 : 11:44:20
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| hi debs I have sent you an email because it turned into the most ridiculously long post! |
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Redsandro
Netherlands
217 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2008 : 17:52:24
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@campbell28:
Since you've already typed it, it is on-topic and it will probably conclude this topic for the topic starter anyway, can I convince you to post the lengthy reply anyway?
I am interested in how people deal with the idea of not wanting to do what they're about to do. I am delaying my graduation, but I'm not sure if it's because of the future job or not wanting to start the type of life that I know as the beginning of the end.
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TMS is the hidden language of the soul. |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2008 : 01:02:01
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quote:
I am interested in how people deal with the idea of not wanting to do what they're about to do. I am delaying my graduation, but I'm not sure if it's because of the future job or not wanting to start the type of life that I know as the beginning of the end.
____________
TMS is the hidden language of the sou
This is a very interesting point. As I said above, it seems that my unconscious doesn't have quite the same agenda as me. Sometimes symptoms are the only thing that can stop my willful, push-through mentality.
At first when I realized this (pre-TMS), I thought, AHA, I will just "take some time off." But I stayed sick.
I tried everything to get better, for decades, and especially in the last year or so. Is it "this,"? Is it "that"? It turned out it was everything - husband, friends, home, career, community, financial and legal situation - pretty much everything.
This may not sound very encouraging, but in fact I now feel much more free, and here I still am! I no longer believe I have some mysterious illness, even though I am coughing up green gobs as I type.
The "lesson" I was trying to give myself was one that I would never have chosen consciously in a lifetime. That is why I quoted the bit about TMS being the hidden language of the soul. Apparently I was supposed to lose everything and go down the rabbit hole and come out in a new world. It was incredibly painful, losing everything and everyone. But since then I have had less symptoms, because I got back on my life path which is a lot less glamorous than the one I was on, but more internally authentic.
Hope this helps.
xx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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campbell28
80 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2008 : 15:57:58
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Hi redsandro - here is the enormously long post, slightly abridged. Funnily enough it kind of echoes wavysoul's last post about having to go through ' the rabbithole' to end up somewhere that is more true to yourself. I definitely agree with you on that one wavy.
Hope this is of some use to you redsandro:
Hi Debs,
It does sound as if we've had a pretty similar experience. I think what I would say is that if you don't feel ready to go back to work, then just don't do it. It's not worth it to derail everything you're working for - although I know worrying about money is really stressful. I think you really need to feel quite secure in the TMS diagnosis and in your own ability to challenge and stop the symptoms before you start doing full-time work again. Otherwise if it flares up you will feel defeated and it will set you back.
I say this because I know how bad I am at accepting my own limits, and I have several times tried to push myself to do things when I wasn't really ready. I think it's difficult because TMS is such an individual thing, but in the books you tend to take most note of the stories where people recovered immediately and started doing everything again.
I think for some people this is fine and the right way to do it. However for others, definitely for me, the TMS was masking a lot of stuff that I really needed to deal with before I got back to everyday life. I think I pretty much had a nervous breakdown when I left my job - I just didn't notice because I thought it was RSI (sounds crazy but i think its true).
So when I began doing all the Sarno stuff, and the physical symptoms backed off, I suddenly had to deal with all these emotions - anxiety, fear, anger - that had been locked away. It would have been very difficult for me to work full-time and really address all this stuff at the same time, because I think I would have reverted to my former pattern of dealing with work: ie, getting on and pretending everything was fine when in fact it wasn't at all.
When all these feelings came up I also realised I just could not face going back to journalism either. The thought of writing an article to deadline made me feel sick - still does. The pressure and the stress were too much. I don't know quite how anti-web-design you are feeling, but if you know you don't really want to do it, you may find your subconscious REALLY doesn't want to do it, and lets you know about it, as it seems to have been doing.
You say you have to come back to the UK - is that to start a job? Obviously it completely depends on your circumstances, but could you change your ticket to a later date and stay in NZ for a bit longer till you are really secure with the TMS stuff? Or, if you have to come back, could you apply for benefits, or do some kind of non-web-design work?
I know how hard it is trying to balance taking care of yourself and taking care of your finances - but in the end, if you don't look after yourself first you can really set yourself back.
Here is a brief account of what happened to me in case it will be helpful: I started having wrist problems, diagnosed as RSI, when I was doing a journalism course in 2003 -4. I started work on the features section of a newspaper in June 2004. When I moved to news in Jan 2005, my wrists started to get worse and worse.
Then my shoulders got really stiff too. Then, in Oct 2005, my hips and legs got really stiff - it was painful walking, and I went and got insoles fitted. By then I'd kind of got used to the pain so was just working through it. Then in April 2006 it flared up really badly, so it was too painful to type, and in July 2006 I left the job.
At this point I thought I would give myself 3 months to heal the RSI and then go back to work (ha ha!). A year later it was still there and I had cut down on everything I did so I didn't handwrite, chop, lift things, any of that. I had been to see 3 physios, a masseur, a rolfer, an acupuncturist, a homeopath, and an Alexander teacher. At first i was on jobseekers allowance, then they put me on incapacity (im still on it but hope not for much longer)
When I read the Sarno stuff it all totally made sense. It took a while for it to sink in properly, as I mentioned on the forum, but when it did I realised some pretty important stuff, the most relevant of which was:
1. I have always wanted to write fiction for a living, and have been writing stories, poems, etc since I was about 7. My news journalism job was not only incredible stressful, in a horrible office with no natural light but was leaving me no time or energy to do any of my own writing. It was totally the wrong job for me in pretty much every way, but I had been bashing away at it, feeling like I wasn't really much good at it but still desperate to be 'the best' because I am your typical Sarno over-achieving goodist.
2. I had given myself a nervous breakdown by doing this. I occasionally have to visit my old office and if I spend any amount of time there it makes me feel all tense and upset and RSI-ish again, it had such a stong effect on me.
3. I was absolutely terrified of the future, of failure, of not knowing what to do with my life or how to do it. Every little thing I had to do seemed like an enormous obstacle. I realised this when I asked myself how I would fee lif the RSI went away just like that ( Rachel Podolsky reccomends this on her website). I realised if the RSI went away I would have to decide what to do next, and the thought of that was terrifying.
4. I had spent my whole life putting massive pressure on myself to achieve, succeed, and live up to what i felt were peoples expectations of me. This pressure was making me miserable.
Despite all of this, in December I applied for a job as press officer at an arts organisation a job that wouold be very similar to my old one in terms of stress, having to do lots of writing etc. I applied because on paper it was the perfect job for me, and my friends and family all thought it was a good thing for me to do.
I wrote about this somewhere on the forum, but as soon as I finished typing up the application, I felt absolutely awful - my wrist hurt, my shoulders hurt, I had to go upstairs and cry and hit things for about an hour. I sent off the application but in my heart of hearts I knew I really didn't want that job. It was a massive relief when I didnt get it, because if they'd offered it to me I would have felt I had to take it.
After all this, I realised that what I really wanted was to do a nice, non-stressful job that you can leave behind at the end of the day - at least for this year. I want to go away and do some work on organic farms, maybe a bit of travelling, do some of my own writing but not worry about it or put pressure on myself in any way.
So now I am applying for full-time receptionist work at various places. It doesn't pay much worse than my old job and now I actually feel like I could cope with it. I know that I will take more care of myself and I know how to deal with symptoms if they flare up ie. ignore them. I still do get symptoms but I am no longer afraid they will take over my whole life.
THis has turned into an enormously long email - sorry! its hard to keep it snappy when all this stuff is so complicated.
I hope some of it strikes a chord - I know one of the things that helped me most was reading other peoples stories and recognising stuff that applied to me. Let me know if you have any other questions and GOOD LUCK!!!
You CAN beat the TMS and it sounds like you are really on the way to doing it. I know when things feel bad it feels like they will be bad forever and you can't see a way out, but there is a way! You may not be able to see it now but you WILL get there. These things take their own time. This all sounds like a load of cliched crap but it is true. 2 months ago I was in absolute despair 80% of the time about what the hell I was going to do ( and this was AFTER the worst of the physical symptoms had gone). I wanted it all to just be over - I felt completely exhausted by all the sodding emotional effort. It was like, jesus, I'm having to battle my OWN BRAIN. This is RIDICULOUS. Why can't I just be normal? Now I only feel that exhaustion about 20% of the time - and even when I do feel down I KNOW that I will feel better again the next day, or the next week.
And even though it has been truly horrible, I had to go through this experience to really know myself. Before, I was paying no attention to the deepest half of myself, and now I am. So I am actually kind of grateful to the TMS (when I am not cursing it because its playing up). It was only trying to save me from myself! |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2008 : 16:16:22
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campbell, great expression of things. Even though I ended up being more of a "get back to doing everything" style person, I feel like our experiences have a lot in common. While I was down in the dumps with RSI I did a lot of thinking about whether what I was doing was what I really wanted. I did a lot of crying and (even without knowing about Sarno) made a start on understanding why I was so unhappy. I almost decided to quit my degree course, and then I almost decided not to get a job in my field. I eventually did, but I'm glad that I really thought hard about not doing it.
When I got out of the pain I found that my depression came back, and I knew that something was still very wrong and I needed to fix it. I've really found that I didn't know myself at all in the deeper sense, and I've taken some time out the last nine months or so (approaching a year, wow) to see a therapist, journal a lot, and try to get to the point where I can feel my feelings, where I know a lot more about what I want, and even more importantly, it matters to me whether I get what I want, rather than just what I think I 'should' have.
Had I just kept going headlong, pushing myself to achieve and do things that I should do, I don't know where I would be now. It is like a rabbit hole where it's dark and twisty and confusing and depressing inside, but where you come out is somewhere much better.
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It's not 100% belief that's required, but 100% commitment. |
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Littlebird
USA
391 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2008 : 16:27:15
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Brightondebs, don't have anything to add to the great advice you've received from others, but I just want to wish you well and to say thanks for starting this thread, because I've benefited from all of the responses that you got.
Campbell28, thank you for sharing that long post--I found it really helpful. I wonder how many people who continue to have TMS in spite of doing the work are trying to push ourselves back into lifestyles that we don't really want.
ACL, thanks for for sharing those comments about getting to know yourself, figuring out what you want, and realizing that it matters whether you get what you want--that's really useful for me at this point in my efforts. |
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Redsandro
Netherlands
217 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2008 : 18:17:54
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Thanks for replying this. I like that, even though I am nowhere near catastrophal TMS at the moment. I cured my crippling TMS for about 3000% a year ago. But since then, I got (minor) flareups (funnily almost always when I visit this forum) and symptom imperatives. On the scale from what? to Kill me I classify these symptoms as annoying, although sometimes I am under the impression it alerts me for things I don't like (anger) and it helps me distinguish selfthreatment from timewasting.
But since they are there, my meter isn't empty. And I know for a fact that I hate university. I forsee trouble when the time comes, but whatever will or won't happen, stories and views of people dealing with remotely similar stuff interest me. Hence my previous post.
Wavy Soul,
Nice to see how you figured it out, especially since we ('people') don't like giving up anything. Thanks.
Also, credits partially go to the person (I forgot who, someone on this forum) from who I stole the original signature "Love is the hidden language of the soul". One could argue that love IS TMS, being irrational self-inflicting depression-causing pain and everything.. but that's another topic.
campell28,
I appreciate you posting this! That's all I can counter your lengthy post with. Having suffered RSI myself, I can identify with your nervous breakdown feeling. I worked at a news tv station and we had to deal with a deadline every damn day. That was a sucky period. Journalism must suck equaly well, if not more, because I could exchange some of the tight schedule video editing with the more relaxed camera work.
Funny thing you like writing, but hate the related job. Because I like video editing. It's just that I can't stand the pressure.
That's exactly my current problem. I like what I do (multimedia), but I hate dumb ideas from stupid clients (production) and I hate pressure (news gathering, production) and my fear for post-graduation.
I'll see.
brightondebs,
I second that notion in the mail you got:
You CAN beat the TMS and it sounds like you are really on the way to doing it.
____________
TMS is the hidden language of the soul. |
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mcone
114 Posts |
Posted - 01/27/2008 : 23:57:19
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A profound theme in this amazingly insightful topic is that a TMS crisis is precipitated by non-obvious (or unconscious) conflicts created by major life circumstances.
According to Rachel and Dr. Sarno (Rachel recovered from "RSI" and created a page about TMS):
Conflict between one's inner needs and desires AND the need to maintain one's self image (a self image which may be based on one's higher value's or those of others) generates powerful subconscious undercurrents - so TMS emerges to prevent those threatening feelings from surfacing - an avoidance mechanism to evade the reconciliation of very powerful, but (seemingly) incompatible mental directions. Rachel suggests looking for conflicts which threaten your self image.
A perfect example is being stuck on a career path that "you should" be on, that everyone expects you to be on, that seems "objectively" sound to you - your self image is created around this. Yet at the same time, you really would rather be doing some else. TMS symptoms emerge to protect you from trying to resolve this seemingly irreconcilable conflict.
My speculation is that the path to resolution varies among individuals and thier predicaments. At one end of the continuum, people come to terms with the conflicts and accept thier situations -this is when just knowledge and insight is the cure. At the other extreme, people go through a "scorched earth" experience and change everything. |
Edited by - mcone on 01/28/2008 00:08:46 |
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campbell28
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Posted - 01/28/2008 : 04:54:37
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What I find so amazing is that all this must be happening to so many people all the time, and yet most of them have no idea where their physical symptoms have really come from.
it's incredible, once you know why it's happening it all makes total sense. and yet it's something a lot of people find really hard to accept.
Mcone - I know that TMS-style illnesses have been around probably since time began, but I wonder if they are more prevalent in modern life because there is more of a gap than ever before between people's self-image, what they expect to achieve, and what they actually want from life?
We are surrounded by pictures and examples of aspirational lifestyles, through advertising, magazines, TV, and somehow this idea that everyone should be able to have their own big materialistic slice of the pie (home, good job, car, clothes, big fat wedding and cute babies) when in fact there is more competition for good jobs and houses than ever before.
I know when I left university I had this vague idea that I would just magically fall into my perfect career; that being a graduate automatically meant a good living and delighted employers welcoming you into their companies. Nothing had prepared me for the lack of structure and sheer effort involved in making your way in life (I'm sure others may have had a more realistic view of how things work; I know i have a tendency to daydream).
When i finally began to figure out how things worked, it seemed that to achieve 'success' you had to be willing to work your fingers to the bone for little renumeration for large companies that didn't give a toss about you. In order to succeed in these circumstances you had to be the most steely, ambitious, hardworking yesman in the office. Maybe this has more to do with the industry I was in - not known for its sensitive side.
But the weird thing is, I don't think anybody working in my office was actually like that naturally - even those who genuinely loved journalism and I think will be working in journalism for ever. It was like most people felt they had to
conform to this image of the hard-nosed newshound, staying later than anyone else, acting tougher and taking on more work; knocking back coffee and chained to the computer. And it really didn't do anyone any good. In the past 2 / 3 years 4 or 5 people in my old office developed RSI - two of us so badly we had to stop work.
I wonder how many other people are trying to fit in to an image of what their profession expects them to be? Making themselves lay aside emotion and denying their own nature to become something that doesn't even exist, is just a kind of collective hallucination of what a modern professional should be in our lunatic 24-hour short-attention-span world.
I realise this is rather a career-oriented view of TMS, probably because my own crisis was mainly precipitated by my job ( though there were clearly other factors). I do find it interesting though.
Redsandro: the thing I hated about news journalism specifically is that it actually has nothing to do with writing! Yes it helps if you have a good writing style but what it is mainly about is the ability to hunt down stories. you also need to be able to juggle all sorts of things at once, spreading your focus wide - whereas for creative writing you need to be able to focus deeply on one thing. There are a lot of brilliant news reporters who can't spell or construct an article for toffee. That's what the editors and sub-editors are for - to take the raw material and polish it up.
And to be honest, while I know the job was wrong for me, it was the place I worked more than anything else that did me in.
armchair: yes, definitely the rabbit-hole. It's interesting you found as well that when the RSI went away a whole lot of other stuff came up. I could not describe myself as having been clinically depressed, but I was definitely a bit of a mess. It is like it's not necessarily the end when you deal with the physical symptoms - you may have to deal with or at least accept what they were masking as well.
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Help! Hit rock bottom with doubt and depression
