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kelvin
USA
103 Posts |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
 Posted - 05/30/2007 : 18:50:13
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quote:
Originally posted by skizzik
thanx TT, armchair...
Got the report....I'ts ugly.....I think I'm scared....bummed for sure...
Skizzik, don't bail on us now. Tell us ALL about it. You're not the only one here who has had imaging reports with nocebos attached. Tell us about it and maybe we can clarify it or help put a different spin on it.
Some of my favorite excerpts from " _THE DIVIDED MIND_ " :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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Edited by - tennis tom on 05/30/2007 20:47:22 |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 05/30/2007 : 19:22:46
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thank you for that kelvin. I was sorta prepared for this to happen. I was beside myself 4yrs ago at that MRI, which I got over w/ Sarno, but this one seems worse.
Well, my non TMS trained primary called to tell me I've got problems. A large portrusion at L4,L5...a small portrusion at S1,L5 w/ associated annular tear.
He kept saying you've got problems (older guy, past retirement if it matters) and referred me to a neurosurgeon.
Of course my heart dropped when he started off the conversation saying I have problems. I calmed a bit when he said portrusions. But he kept implying the word "large portrusion".
I guess the annular tear explains the stabbing pain that I had. And I think thats what I aggravate when I try working out again. But I just read a study where out of 26 asymptomatic (non back pain) volunteers 18 had annular tears. Cool.
Also my 3,4 and 2,1 levels are bulging as well. And they threw in the obligatory mild stenosis,flattenings, height loss..etc..
So.....where to go from here...
I want to go full mental/sarno. But I can't help but think I need some scarring to take place back there for a real injury/s.
Also, when do you guys gals think I'm done w/ the conventional route that will satisfy nothing seriously wrong w/ me? I should go over the MRI w/ the dreaded neurosurgeon right? Sarno says that there are definite good reasons for removing disc material in some instances.
I contacted Sarno's office today again, and spoke to the not so friendly secretary, (perhaps she's more polite w/ long islanders) she gave me the # to a Dr. Alao in Syracuse. An Md who trained w/ Sarno. But the Phone# is not working, and information had nothing, and She had no other contact for him. So goodbye lowly upstate New Yorker
B4 talking to my primary dr. I read probably 40 more pages of MBP slowly today. As I've been doing all week. So, how will I be feeling tommorow?
Thanks to all of you for responding, I really feel the support, and feel like I have somewhere to go. Thank you. Your experiences are so helpful. |
Edited by - skizzik on 05/30/2007 20:22:05 |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 05/30/2007 : 20:20:58
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Skizzik, f.y.i.:
PubMed Citation
Articles by Alao, A. O.
First-Person Accounts (by Patients, Others)
Psychiatr Serv 53:665-666, June 2002
© 2002 American Psychiatric Association
Personal Accounts: Anatomy of the Mind
Adekola O. Alao, M.D.
"He is a bright, knowledgeable, dedicated physician and teacher who is compassionate, empathic, and easy to get along with. He performs his duties in an exemplary manner and possesses great diligence and high standards. He handles stressful situations very well." This is a direct quotation from the chair of my department in a letter of recommendation he wrote for me.
After my psychiatric residency training, I was delighted to secure a tenure-track position in the same teaching hospital where I had my training. The job involved clinical work, administration, teaching residents and medical students, and research. It was exciting and challenging, and it would provide opportunities for professional development as well as for me to prove to myself and others what I was capable of. I was thrilled.
I worked hard. I maintained my composure under stress and accepted my responsibilities without question or complaint. I was working as a faculty member with colleagues who a few months earlier had been my teachers, trainers, and mentors. I felt the need to succeed, to please them and not disappoint them, and to be pleased. Although I felt intense pressure, I did not give voice to it; that would have been giving up.
After six months as a faculty member, I began to suffer from low back pain, which gradually got worse. I became obsessed with my pain. I would reach for over-the-counter painkillers before I got out of bed in the morning and several times during the day. I would sometimes take painkillers again while seeing patients for psychotherapy. During sessions with patients I would remain in a semireclined position to alleviate the discomfort I felt. I stopped all my exercise routines and gained weight. I stopped carrying heavy loads, stopped carrying my kids, and stopped driving long distances.
Soon I started to feel fear and anticipatory anxiety before waking up, before taking the first few steps, and before going to bed at night. I slipped into the syndrome—the vicious cycle of pain, bed rest, fear, more pain, fear, fear, and fear. I was compromised by the pain, and I was working to maintain normalcy. I recognized that my pain fluctuated in a capricious and arbitrary way, in both degree and location, extending beyond the boundaries of nerve distribution and of the localization that would result from disk prolapse.
"Daddy, is your back OK?" my kids would ask. "Can you carry me today?" My anxiety developed into a sad mood. My colleagues noticed. "You are not smiling anymore," they would remark. No, I was not smiling; I was in pain, I was in agony, and I had no cause to smile. I was incapacitated.
Because the pain did not improve with bed rest and painkillers, I visited my doctor, who got me into the routine of analgesics, nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, and eventually narcotic medications. Magnetic resonance imaging showed a disk protrusion between the fourth and fifth lumbar vertebrae. On my doctor's recommendation, I saw chiropractors and physical therapists. Ten minutes after one of my physical therapists told me that only surgery could help, I started having painful sensations down my legs.
I began to follow a treatment routine of lying on my back and applying ice blocks and a hot water bottle. I began mild stretching exercises, and I always used a back brace. After a year, twenty-odd sessions with three different chiropractors, and another 20 sessions with three different physical therapists, I found myself on the operating table having cortisone nerve blocks. Four months later, I was preparing for back surgery.
At that point, my department chair gave me a book to read: Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection, by John E. Sarno, M.D. (1). Dr. Sarno, whose field is rehabilitation medicine, believes that pain is created in the body as a defense against unconscious rage. In this book he discusses the role of tension and stress in the etiology of back pain. After some experience in treating patients with back and neck pain, he concluded that most of these patients were not suffering from a localized structural lesion but from a more generalized process. This process, he says, is common among people with certain personality traits. Most of these people are hard working and conscientious and are pleasant or nice.
I saw myself in the book. It was embarrassing to realize that I was so typical, but reassuring to learn that my back was probably normal.
Sarno's theory is that the brain produces pain to prevent unconscious rage from becoming conscious and causing unpleasant emotions. The source of unconscious rage may lie in various types of experiences or personality traits—for example, from physical, sexual, or emotional childhood abuse, from abandonment or rejection, from having a perfectionist trait or a "pleasant" personality, and from current life stresses.
Sarno hypothesizes that the autonomic nervous system—normally involved in the fight-or-flight response—causes constriction of blood vessels as a response to unconscious rage. This vasoconstriction leads to ischemia in the back muscles, causing spasm and low back pain, and of the sciatic nerve, causing pain radiating toward or down the leg. Any other part of the body may be affected as well, although most commonly the upper back, shoulders, neck, and arms are involved.
Sarno's thesis suggested that while consciously I was "coping properly and being a compassionate and pleasant person," my unconscious or id was enraged. While outwardly I was handling difficult situations well, I was accumulating anger in my unconscious. The more the pressure, the more the rage.
Reading Sarno's book put me in turmoil. Had I been abused as a child? Certainly my parents raised me to be hard working. They did not believe in the word "impossible." "If you set your mind to it, it can be done," my father would say. As an African immigrant, I was even more determined to succeed, since I was expected to be conscientious and hard working. But don't all young faculty members feel this way? With reflection, I realized that I needed to be liked and respected.
I was reminded too of my father's words some years back: "He works hard, he does a great job, he will become a doctor." Was I angry with my parents? Had my past caught up with me? Was I angry at society for rewarding excellence? According to Sarno, my back pain was a defense, a camouflage, a diversion, or a distraction. It distracted me from being aware of my emotions, and I focused my attention on my body instead of on my mind and my emotions. Thus my pain had released me from a stressful situation filled with anxiety and fear. It was a ticket to the safety of the doctor's office. I felt the need to keep the primitive, angry, selfish, and antisocial feelings repressed, and the pain solved this problem, or so my mind seemed to think.
It also began to dawn on me why my pain was shifting from one part of the body to another—why I was having pain in my left leg when the MRI showed the slipped disk on the right side; why I was having pain in areas outside the distribution of the L5 nerve; why I was given conflicting advice about sitting, bending, exercise, and driving; why nothing worked. The pain was in my mind, not in my back. The pain was caused by tension myositis syndrome. The more the rage threatened to erupt into consciousness, the worse the pain became.
This was a difficult set of notions to face. I knew my anatomy text. I had learned about the etiology of sciatica in medical school. How could I discard basic scientific knowledge that I had held for so long? Would I be betraying my profession?
Becoming aware that the pain served as a distraction from the enormous unconscious rage I felt was the beginning of my recovery. It was as though a heavy weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I became less anxious and less obsessed with my back pain and my physical limitations. I felt I was ready to move on. I realized that my symptoms were due not to the prolapsed disk that appeared on my MRI but to tension myositis syndrome—a generally harmless condition that causes mild oxygen deprivation to the body but can also cause severe symptoms.
I began "talking" to my brain: "Do not distract me with this pain; I am not afraid to confront my feelings, issues, or emotions. Stop playing tricks on me." I started thinking "psychologically" about my repressed emotions and anger. I allowed myself to think about my past and what I had missed during my childhood. I changed my behavior and began to express myself more openly. It is OK to say no, I realized.
I continued to acknowledge my suppressed emotions and freed them from my unconscious. I resumed my normal activities, including my daily exercise routines. I resumed jogging, I discarded my lumbar support, and I stopped my sessions with chiropractors and physical therapists. I resumed playing with my children. The secret was out, and my brain could not play this trick on me again.
Three weeks after I accepted Dr. Sarno's explanation of my pain, I started to get better; the pain in my back lessened, and the pain radiating into my leg vanished. My confidence increased, and I began living a normal life again. Emotionally, I became less anxious about my back, my work, and my family. As the pain lessened in intensity, I had fewer and fewer sad days. "It is good to see you smile again," my colleagues said.
The pain had always been in my mind. The anatomy of my back had been in my mind. The brain had found another way to distract me. For the first time in over a year, my first reaction to the pain was not fear, not anxiety, not a sad mood, and not reaching for painkillers.
Footnotes
Dr. Alao is assistant professor in the department of psychiatry and associate director of the division of consultation-liaison psychiatry of the State University of New York Upstate Medical University, 750 East Adams Street, Syracuse, New York 13210 (e-mail, kola.alao@usa.net).
Sarno JE: Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection. New York, Warner Books, 1991
Copyright © 2002 American Psychiatric Association. All rights reserved.
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Some of my favorite excerpts from " _THE DIVIDED MIND_ " :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 05/30/2007 : 20:30:53
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TT,
thanx alot, I'm definitely gonna look him up now. He's only 2hrs away. I just noticed you posted b4 my last one, thanx for the encouragement. |
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salamander
85 Posts |
Posted - 05/30/2007 : 22:26:10
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Skizzik,
Go back to my original post. You are now the recipient of a new MRI scan that shows you "have a problem". In my opinion, instead of ruling out any "significant" problem, which was done to help relieve your mind, it has done the opposite and thrown you into a tailspin.
You've allready read Sarno, who has told you that protrusions, extrusions, etc... do not cause pain. Having been in your position myself, I did nothing but think about how my back was falling apart, disk by disk. I veiwed myself as fragile, vulnerable. I spent almost two years laying around in misery. I obsessed over my MRI report. Now, if you are the typical TMS'er, you will obsess over your MRI report. It will occupy you're ever waking moments.
I broke through the pain and have not had any problems since. Looking back on my pain, I still can recall the utter dispair that I felt of ever getting better. The pain, as you said, felt so "real". I suppose that the final step for me getting better was to finally accept that I "could not hurt myself" if I pushed it. I won't say that is was easy, but over a few months, the pain slowly went away.
You need to forget about this latest MRI and convince yourself that your back is fine. As so many have already pointed out....until you refute the MRI findings, you are setting yourself up for continued problems.
Really look at your life.
Regards,
Doug
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 05/31/2007 : 04:51:48
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thank you sal,
I'm trying so hard. I've read all 4 books in the last 3mos, 5 if you include Brady's (well I got halfway thru there, need to finish it)
It seems like somedays I did'nt have too much pain, but when I was vigorus at work, I'd get faint, fatigued, unable to move, and it would be relieved by acetiminophin to a degree I could function. So that worries me. Better now, that was like 6 weeks in a row. But I go into these slumps where I find it hard to move or talk, smile, feel ill (which was all the time in feb and march), and it scares me because it seems to be after I carry my 7 yr old on my shoulder or bent over working at work for a bit. I have friends that discovered there herniated discs from passing out, one in the shower, one raking leaves. I've come close to passing out on the job. Also, I was on the trampoline the other day just bouncing the kids around, and I hyperextended in a weird twist, and got the most unpleasent shock thru the spine, I was done for the night. It was scary, like something is wrong scary.
It seems b4 that I had spasms, and sciatica and was scarred. Now, not to much spasm or sciatica, but real freakin spine pain (sharp/dull) and stiffness. I know I keep listing symptoms, but could the truth be in the middle? Could I need some healing to go on for some months b4 I'm pain free?
I'm fustrated because I Sarno'd it away b4, and used to agonize over my old MRI. Now......I don't know.
I guess I still have to see a neurosurgeon right? Sarno says to get fully checked out. I hate this. I want to be on the other side convincing others again. I do re-read the posts youre putting on this thread. thanx. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 05/31/2007 : 09:00:19
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Skizzik, you need a TMS "Knowledge Penicillin" booster shot. Your old one has lost it's effect. Did you read Dr. A's story? Don't you think you would get more benefit right now from seeing him rather than a neuro-SURGEON? Don't ask a barber if you need a hair-cut.
Everything you are writing is in line with the nocebo effects of getting images. The gremlin is f-ing with you.
Have you gotten Dr. A's phone number yet? Since you're here, I would think that's the first thing you'd be doing. I found his address easily enough by just googling his name and NY--he came right up.
Good Luck!
Some of my favorite excerpts from " _THE DIVIDED MIND_ " :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 05/31/2007 : 09:22:42
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Herniated discs are normal. They do not necessarily cause pain.
It seems as if you are setting yourself up to go down the physical treatment path, when you get the inevitable positive findings on that MRI.
There is no middle. You cannot believe that some of your pain is related to structural cause, and other symptoms are TMS.
STEP 1: REPUDIATE THE STRUCTURAL DIAGNOSIS
If you can't get past this step then don't bother with the rest of the TMS treatment. Go the other path: physical therapy, steroid injections, chiropractic, massage, accupuncture, surgery ...
If you truly believe in TMS you can't be half hearted about it. You have to take the leap of faith, ignore the symptoms, and banish the fear. If the symptoms control you, the battle is lost. But not necessarily the war. You need to re-focus. |
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salamander
85 Posts |
Posted - 05/31/2007 : 09:45:12
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Skizzik,
In my opinion it is the the lingering concern that something might be wrong with your back that will hinder your recovery. This is the most difficult part of getting over TMS, namely, coming to terms that nothing is wrong physically. Unfortunately, the mind will use these bulging/protruding disks as some sort of "proof" or reason for your pain. I've had many TMS episodes throughout my body, where it was difficult for me to believe that something was not seriously wrong. I'm sure that others on here can attest that TMS can cause some pretty serious symptoms.
I would suggest making a checklist of all the "findings" in your MRI. Make sure that each one of these is mentioned by Sarno as being one of the many structural "things" that are harmless and of no cause for concern. If you observe that every "finding" in your MRI is covered by Sarno, then you need to unequivically repudiate a structural cause.
I'm no doctor, but I can't see how "passing out" has anything to do with the back. The only way that I can see someone "passing out" is if they don't get enough oxygen, or maybe faint from pain. We already know that TMS causes pain.
Lastly, there is very good chance that a neuro surgeon will suggest that you need surgery. That's what they do. This will futher add to your anxiety.
At some point you are going to have to take that great leap of faith and move past a structural cause of your pain. Ultimately, it might be that you will need the reassurance from a TMS trained physician to get you over this hurdle.
Best in your recovery.
Doug
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 05/31/2007 : 10:12:30
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TT you managed to make me smile on a dreary day for me. Yes I need that shot. I contacted his building and left a message. The secretary told me he's not taking new patients. I did get his pager and am tempted to use it. No, I don't want a neuro-haircut!
thanx sal, maybe I'm having panic attacks. I've tried that leap of faith, but I had to get the MRI done I guess. Now maybe I can take that leap again.
Dave, thanx, I've been journaling my personal problems past and present all day. Some MBP too. I just keep falling into that "faint" funk. Legs weak and wobbly. I want to go pure Sarno in the worst way! |
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ralphyde
USA
307 Posts |
Posted - 05/31/2007 : 10:20:04
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There's already some very good advice here. Here's some more, from Dr. Marc D. Sopher, whose book, To Be or Not To Be... Pain-Free, is very good:
"With the availability of CT and now MRI scanners, it is possible to obtain remarkable images of the body. That is the good news. The bad news is that many of these images will be reported as abnormal - one study reported in the New England Journal of Medicine that greater than 60% of spine MRIs showed abnormalities, the same percentage in those without pain as with pain. Virtually every person over 20 who has a spine MRI will be told they have degenerative disc disease, disc herniation, degenerative changes, or some other abnormality. As these findings are present equally, no matter whether symptoms exist, it is Dr. Sarno's and my contention that these are incidental, rarely the cause for pain. Unfortunately, physicians are taught to find a physical cause for physical symptoms and thus tell their patients about their "back problem."
"Being told that you have a "problem" or "condition" can aid the "nocebo response." This is the opposite of the placebo response. With a placebo, belief in a worthless remedy can provide relief, almost always temporary, due to the desire to be well and faith in the value of the remedy. With a nocebo, symptoms will persist or intensify as a result of being informed, incorrectly, that a significant defect or problem is to blame. This is a critical part of conditioning - coming to believe that certain actions, circumstances, or aspects of the environment are the cause of symptoms, when in fact the cause lies in the mind."
Ralph
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 05/31/2007 : 13:08:38
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skizzik, it sounds like you are experiencing a lot of intense stuff if you are having times when you find it hard to smile. That sounds like emotional stuff to me, depression, possibly?
The mind has a great deal of power over the body, from mood to immune response to pain. Your MRI doesn't show anything that Sarno doesn't mention as not cause for concern, AFAICT from being a layperson hearing you describe it. The report should always be interpreted by a doc, because, like the x-ray tech, we as laypeople don't know for sure how serious things are or not.
I think you should get yourself checked out by a GP to make sure that the faint spells, etc are nothing to worry about, and then go to a TMS doc. You need a knowledge shot, like Tom said. :-)
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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spiritcloud
USA
12 Posts |
Posted - 05/31/2007 : 14:11:06
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quote:
I disagree with this part. Dr. Sarno says many times that "TMS is a harmless condition." The above quoted statement could only add to one's fears, and make it more difficult to follow his treatment plan. Nothing about TMS requires surgery. In fact, "Losing one's fear and resuming normal physical activity is possibly the most important part of the therapeutic process." HBP p.81.
Ralph
I apologize if I added to anyone's fears. I absolutely did not intend to. My goal was to state the opposite--that certain conditions some professionals claim are serious enough to require surgery are caused by the mind, and can be fixed by the mind. In "The Mindbody Prescription" Dr. Sarno refers to such multiple times. (For example, issues with the spine. pps. xvii, xxv)
Again, I apologize if I came across wrong. My whole point was that the mind has the power to fix almost anything.
I haven't even read all of the one book I have about TMS. I just know that Sarno's basic concepts fit in with thoughts I have had. If I stray from his ideas, the fault is my own, and certainly just my own opinion. I will never try to force my beliefs on anyone.
Nuff said. |
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LadyBug
USA
54 Posts |
Posted - 05/31/2007 : 16:24:12
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Skizzik! If I hadn't already been this route, I must admit that there would be a little guy with horns, sitting on my shoulder  , speaking to me about surgery and telling me to ignore all that I had learned about TMS. But I've already had back surgery and it didn't help anything. You have ruled out tumors. You are done with "modern medicine". Doesn't Sarno suggest that if you hurt yourself to go and lie down, maybe even take a painkiller and rest. Then get up and get going.
Go back to the Sarno drawing board. Talk to your brain and silence the nay saying devils. I had BACK SURGERY. It did not help. You knew what to do before. Do it again, please.
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 05/31/2007 : 20:27:33
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You guys are awesome! I get so down, post.... come back and I get 3-4 responses of people who are looking out for me, have been there, and want nothing in return. As overwhelmed as I am w/ life right now, you guys won't quit and thank you for that!
Spirit, I knew what you meant, that TMS causes real pain, and unbeknownst to the patient and doc, they might do surgery for a structural abnormality. Good post.
Ladybug, did you post more about your surgery experience? I'd like to read it. yes, no tumors, so I guess I can go full Sarno right?
armchair, yes...no...I don't know,,the doc put me on prozac for depression for those symptoms, I couldnt get past one night, uncontrolable thoughts, dreams insomnia. Then he sent me to a neurologist, who gave me zoloft, which I ditched in 3 days for insomnia. The slump, no smile, fatigue, malaise feeling is/was so overwhelming I kept thinking it was due to the pain, but it does coincide w/ depression I suppose. I'm glad you interpret my results as unremarkable from a TMS point of view.
ralph, I think you hit it on the head for me, I've had the pain, but turned it up for my last primary doc visit so he'd put in for the MRI approval and not send me to PT anymore. Well, thats why he came back and said "you have problems" ...He might not have been so harsh had I not played the pain card so much. But I had to get the MRI, and they're a bitch to get approval for ...so I see now they look for commonalities on the scan, rather than read the whole thing unbiased not looking for whats causing the pain.
-so-
having said all that, I went and picked up a personal copy of the MRI for $60, and after a 10hr day in the 85 degree heat and 90% humidity I pulled out the pics in my car out and looked at them. Here comes the Huge portrusion, tear, stenosis ..etc..
-and-
ya know, it looks like my old MRI. There they were, my 2 herniated discs, just like b4. Maybe the L4,L5 was a bit more extended, but I've seen worse on the net, I think. And there was the annular tear, that little white line near the bulge in L5, S1. I was like, that little thing? I expected my heart to drop, but I was calm. My anxiety lessened. I still had some pain and stiffness, but it bothered me less mentally. And I was a wreck earlier today.
I went home, pulled out the old MRI, and compared. I'm no radiologist, but there they were, 2 MRI's w/ a spine showing 2 herniated discs. Again, the new one had perhaps some more bulge, but was it in my head?
I went upstairs and showed my wife. She told me not to tell her which was which. So I showed her some pics, and said what do you see. And she pointed to the bulges and said these? I said yeah, and after showing her each she said "that one I would say was worse".
 she picked the old set
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LadyBug
USA
54 Posts |
Posted - 05/31/2007 : 21:49:08
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Woooooo Hoooooo! Is that the sound of calm settling? Wow, I hope so. I can so relate to your panic. I pray it is over for you. Go do your Sarno. Tomorrow perhaps, I will explain my surgery. Yuk! Going to bed for now. I am hoping you will have a peaceful night.
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished |
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natureboys
USA
9 Posts |
Posted - 06/01/2007 : 01:07:34
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Skizzik, don't freak out. Tell us what the report said.
Joe Garrett |
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natureboys
USA
9 Posts |
Posted - 06/01/2007 : 11:18:03
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Tell us what the MRIs said.
Joe Garrett |
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skizzik
USA
783 Posts |
Posted - 06/02/2007 : 10:20:10
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quote:
Originally posted by natureboys
Skizzik, don't freak out. Tell us what the report said.
Joe Garrett
thanx joe,
a bunch of medical jibberish, then at the bottom it said in capital letters
IMPPRESSION:
LARGE PORTRUSION L4,L5
SMALL POTRUSION W/ SMALL ANNULAR
TEAR IN L5,S1
and a couple other things, mild stenosis I think associated w/ large portrusion.
I was actually kinda relieved when I reviewed them w/ my own eye. Because except for the annular tear, it looked like my old MRI. But I'd like to get an expert opinion (good idea?)
My anxiety went down alot. But has returned because I still have pain when hyperextending (bending backwards) and my spine stiffens up tremendously when I'm standing in place. I see a spine dr. wed. Well the Physician Assistant anyways. I talked to her on the phone. She seems very nice and I asked her about psychosomatic pain, and she said the mind is very powerful. So that was cool.
I guess I just want to rule out any stress fractures or pars inticulars stress fracture or whatever. I'm trying earnestly to go full TMS treatment, but the powerliftng workout I did/was doing, and the bruising I thought I saw, and my wife too w/ out me even asking her to look for (she just came out of nowhere and said is your back bruised?) keeps bugging me like I really sprained something or the whole group of lumbar paraspinal ligs and tendons, if thats the case perhaps I should still hold off on vigorus activity?
I was out w/ my wife for our anniversary last night. Back was ok for a while, but then I got the stabbing pain in L5 so bad, and I went into that slump where I could'nt talk, smile, eat, drink or whatever. I kept trying to think whats bothering me, TMS is a distraction to my repressed rage etc...etc..to no avail..my wife caught on quick that I was in my slump and the night was ruined. Instead of going out after dinner, we picked up the kids from grandpas and I let her drive home while I passed out. After waking and puttin the kids to bed, I passed out myself.
The stabbing pain was gone this morning, and I had tightening of my spine in L3 thru L1. So we took the kids to soccer, HBP in hand, and I reviewed the 12 reminders over and over. Kept stopping to think what could be bothering me. So fustrated. I'm in pain now.  I know I'm not supposed to post about symptoms....but...I don't know.
I kept trying to bull thru it w/ putting my kids on my shoulders, run around. Even did some arm curls this morning. I'm worried about going into another slump. |
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MRI tommorow......sigh
