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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
 Posted - 12/28/2006 : 07:03:02
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Hi All,
Hope your Holidays are going great..Mine were better then expected in some ways..On Christmas eve I witnessed a huge blow out at one party and then after Christmas day all hell broke lose in my family..My sister is at the center of it all..There are deep seated issues she has always had and never healed..She medicates with Xanax and food..She has always been extremely competitive and jealous of me..She is almost a decade older and yet I have been the responsible 'older' sister..My mom favored me because I was there for her and didn't drive her nuts like my sister did..I don't want this to become a novel..(my novel days are over..lol)..The bottom line, I woke up with a very stiff and painful neck this morning..hmm..wonder what that is about??
I am very close to my oldest neice and my sister is green with envy..She is starting all kinds of problems trying to put a wedge between my neice and I..THis is part of the reason I moved from NJ to LV 12 years ago..I couldn't take all the drama..I have watched my sister hurt everyone in my family for years, including my parents who died 16 years ago..and certainly my neices..My family is very small and my neices/nephews mean the world to me..The last time my sister did something outrageous and we didn't talk for 9 months, my youngest neice allowed her to poison her against me and she also didn't speak to me for 9 months..It was devastating..It's so hard when your family is super small like mine..Most are still in Czech Republic and don't even speak English and the others deceased..Anyway, this is getting too long..Hope you all had a more peaceful holiday then I did..
God's blessings,
Karen |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 12/30/2006 : 07:11:52
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Surprised not a single person out of 56 who read this could relate...Oh well...I have always felt like an alien anyway..:)
Happy New Year to all of you!
God's greatest blessings,
Karen |
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LitaM
Canada
54 Posts |
Posted - 12/30/2006 : 07:20:56
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Singer Artist,
You aren't an alien, all families are a little crazy. I have a sister in law who told me to fu#@ O** in front of my children. This was at her own child's birthday party.
Just keep the lines of communication open with your nieces and nephews, that is all you can do. You can only control your behaviour, so only worry about that. Don't discuss your sister with them at all, avoid conversation in a negative way about her at all costs. Don't get pulled in.
Your inner child is easily enraged, sore neck most definetly tms. Think psychological and talk to that brain, tell it that you won't be intimidated and that you know what it is up to.
Best Wishes, do the best that you can do. Hope your new year is more peaceful. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 12/30/2006 : 14:32:21
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In all honesty Karen, like Dr. Sarno qualifies his patients, I qulaify who I will dialog with on this board. When you first came on the board, I put a lot of time and effort, as well as others did, into being sincwerely helpful to you. There came a point, as you had stated, that you felt "ganged up on" and lashed out. I realized that my tough-love, constructive help was of no use and stopped the communications.
If you promise to not get upset with what I say I will answer your posts, otherwise I will keep my distance.
Best Wishes for the New Year,
tt |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 12/31/2006 : 03:09:14
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quote:
like Dr. Sarno qualifies his patients, I qulaify who I will dialog with on this board.
Are you kidding? Like Dr. Sarno you say? Every time I resolve to lay low and keep my mouth shut, I come across something like this..
By the way, putting aside the obvious ego for a moment, "tough love" is essentially an oxymoron when it comes to dealing with frightened and vulnerable human beings. |
Edited by - art on 12/31/2006 03:10:57 |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 12/31/2006 : 07:06:01
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As usual you only come on the board to attack and name-call me.
Question one to you: What is your opposition to me having an ego. Do you think this ties into your opposition to G-d?
My view is that you can't have TMS success without a strong ego.
Karen is quite an intelegent person. I was impressed with the long list of areas she has expertise in including entertainment, art, mathematics, counseling and a few more that I can't recall. She has expressed a wish to re-open the communications we had when she first came on the board. She seems to be in a better place now and I thought we might have another go at this TMS stuff, but I didn't want a repeat of the past when she felt ganged up on. Seems reasonable to me.
Why don't you let her speak for herself?
I said I would agree to stay away from your posts if you would do like-wise. I have held up my end. Why don't you just ignore me? I feel I make a positive contribution to the board, you seldom if ever post positivley about that. You are not fair and balanced.
Why not make a New Year's resolution to ignore me and explore your compulsion to attack me?
You've said in the past you have occasional urges to explode, I guess it's your time of the month.
Happy New Year's anyway. |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 12/31/2006 : 10:43:00
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Wow, Thank you so much EVERYONE who responded to me..I found value in every post and I am more then open to speaking to each and every one of you who wants to communicate..I am in a better place on all levels then I was when I first signed onto the forum..I should have realized that everyone was very busy with the holidays, like was pointed out..I guess I am so used to rejection in my family of origin that I expect it in other arenas as well..Thank God i have always had wonderful friends who are my true family..
Since I wrote this initial post things have calmed a bit..My oldest neice told my sister that perhaps i am keeping my distance to make sure things remain peaceful..My sister responded positively saying that she thought that was a good idea..So basically we are going to just communicate on major holidays, it appears...That is just fine with me..However, I know it's only a matter of time again til she freaks out about something related to how close I am to her daughters! Such BS and yes it does really piss me off..But I do my best to keep peace for my neices/nephews sakes..I think I have so many surrogate brothers and sisters in my friendships to make up for what I am lacking in my family..And things have just not been the same since i lost both my parents 16 years ago..
I know all of this is at the root of my TMS, family issues, repressed rage toward my sister and even toward my parents for not taking better care of themselves and dying so young...
IN addition, the conflicts of the present I am in regarding being in love with someone who is allergic to my dogs is VERY stressful as well..
Again I do soooo appreciate all of your replies and I am open to hearing more..I wish you all PEACE, HAPPINESS, JOY, PROSPERITY, and LOVE in the coming year..
Happy New Year to you all and thanx again for your input!
~Karen |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 12/31/2006 : 14:25:11
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Hi Alexis,
I hear you..and agree..Thanx for sharing that you went through something similiar to what I am dealing with..Yes it is very hard..and I don't feel conscious anger toward him for something he cannot control..but I am sure my subconscious is another story..What happened in your situation w/ the dog allergy..how did it end up?
Take care,
Karen |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 01/01/2007 : 06:26:08
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quote:
Originally posted by tennis tom
As usual you only come on the board to attack and name-call me.
Question one to you: What is your opposition to me having an ego. Do you think this ties into your opposition to G-d?
My view is that you can't have TMS success without a strong ego.
Karen is quite an intelegent person. I was impressed with the long list of areas she has expertise in including entertainment, art, mathematics, counseling and a few more that I can't recall. She has expressed a wish to re-open the communications we had when she first came on the board. She seems to be in a better place now and I thought we might have another go at this TMS stuff, but I didn't want a repeat of the past when she felt ganged up on. Seems reasonable to me.
Why don't you let her speak for herself?
I said I would agree to stay away from your posts if you would do like-wise. I have held up my end. Why don't you just ignore me? I feel I make a positive contribution to the board, you seldom if ever post positivley about that. You are not fair and balanced.
Why not make a New Year's resolution to ignore me and explore your compulsion to attack me?
You've said in the past you have occasional urges to explode, I guess it's your time of the month.
Happy New Year's anyway.
I hadn't realized that I was causing you some psychic pain. My impression was that you were a tough guy who didn't mind a little spirited debate. I see that has limits and I'll agree to your request that I not respond to your posts. You on the other hand are welcome to respond to mine.
And I'm not saying you don't make a positive contribution to the board. You obviously do, much more than I and you've got plenty of friends here....again I'm sure many more than I...
As to the response to Karen, if you can't see how that would strike me as a tad egotistical, I'm not going to try to explain it to you...I think that's something one would either get or not get.
Thanks for the holiday well wishes...Happy New Year to you as well...
A. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 01/01/2007 : 07:22:54
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Art it's not the psychic pain, it's the futility. We had our lively debate in the 20 pager GW thread that's thankfully been expunged.
I still ask you what is wrong with haveing an ego? I am a Sarno devotee, I try to share my viewpoint--my knowledge of TMS-it's the TMS 'goodist' profile. If after a few posts the dialog isn't going anywhere, I pull-back and not waste my efforts.
This isn't about a popularity contest, who has the most votes for class president. I'm not here to make friends (or enemies).
I obviously don't mind a debate, but I don't see the relavancy of me being egotistical to furthering the Good Doctor's theory. In fact I take being labeled egotisitcal a mark of TMS progress. I have long ago disasocciated myself from the "cool" generataion.
As for "tough love" I don't see TMS sufferers being that frightened and vulnerable. Like the spine, I give the mind credit for being tougher than that. It's difficult to gage one's mental state over the internet. The internet is not for sissies. If one put's their story out their, they shouldn't be surprised at the wide range of responses they may get. This site is much tamer than any others I've seen and I think that's indicative of the core of the TMS issue, repression of anger. |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 01/01/2007 : 08:38:17
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quote:
still ask you what is wrong with haveing an ego? I am a Sarno devotee, I try to share my viewpoint--my knowledge of TMS-it's the TMS 'goodist' profile. If after a few posts the dialog isn't going anywhere, I pull-back and not waste my efforts.
I know I'm going to regret this, but I can only answer with respect to the post that bothered me...
Let's turn it around a bit...Here's a hypothetical...Suppose this were a forum on psychoanalysis...That is, we discuss the subject both from the standpoint of its academic interest as well as as its potential for healing...
You've been around a bit, have come a long way, but still are struggling with various emotional issues that are quite painful...You put up a post to which no one responds...After a couple of days, obviously disappointed you put up another...
I'm a long time member and I begin a response to you this way..."Just like Sigmund Freud was, I'm selective in who I choose to reply to.."
Now I ask you, what personal characteristics would I have that would lead me to say something like that? What do you suppose my view of my own role in the forum would be?
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Edited by - art on 01/01/2007 08:46:00 |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 01/01/2007 : 12:15:20
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Hi Alexis,
Thanks again for your response..I am happy to see Art and Tom are chatting in a more civil way..As a typical TMSer goodist who feels guilty over everything..I must admit I was starting to blame myself for the heated discussion that came about between you guys..(Art and Tom..) Art we have become friends and have written outside of here and I care about you and appreciate your kind soul very much..Tom, You really have helped me alot with certain posts in the past..We did have a rough patch because I found some of your responses a bit too abrasive for my tastes..I own that I am overly sensitive at times as well..The bottom line is that I wish everyone would get along and we all were pals..You have all helped me soooo much during the real rough times..and you continue to..I hope that this resolves well and positively..Just like I hope my crazy life somehow works out..all the various Catch 22's I now find myself in..wishing you all the best New Year ever..
God's blessings and hugs,
Karen |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 01/01/2007 : 12:18:50
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| PS..I want to again thank everyone who has responded to me in this post..I have read and re-read all of your thoughts and they are very helpful..Regarding my sister I have just decided to keep a safe distance and just see one another for major events/holidays..Things get so easily misconstrued between her and I so this is the way it must be..I am praying that my youngest neice doesn't take issue with me over this decision..It hurts because my family is so very small and I wish we could all be okay with one another..But it appears that even my youngest neice feels jealous or threatened by how close my oldest neice and I are..So..I am feeling like I am walking on eggshells over this situation and other situations in my current life..I suppose that causes unconscious rage and adds to the TMS..Thanks for listening..:)) |
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YogaKym
USA
6 Posts |
Posted - 01/01/2007 : 16:46:23
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Thank you to those who have posted on this topic and have been so open. The several comments about specific problems with a sister could have easily been my own. Easily. It's just nice to know that other people could probably relate to what I'm going thru with a family member. (I believe I have TMS with RSI, and am working thru it using Dr. Sarno's book and this forum--and have ordered the lectures too.)
My sister, who has had depression and taken anti-dep drugs for it for years, didn't show up at my house on Christmas. When called on the phone to find out what happened to her, she proceeded to come over and take out her frustrations on me (longer explanation but i'm trying to be brief), effectively ruining our family's Christmas celebration, even though I thought we covered the incident weeks ago. No matter that I usually just apologize to her for whatever she's mad about at the moment (it's down to such things as 'my attitude' and 'my facial expression' now that she's trained me, over several years, not to say ANYTHING she doesn't like), it starts all over again a month or two later. It's so hard to listen to someone so mad on the phone. So, I surpress rage from her consciously, over her unsurpressed rage against me on the phone, etc.---but I also need to not repress rage UNconsciously, over the stuff she does to me, to get well. There are other things, too, I'm sure I get enraged about besides the issues with my sister, and am looking forward to becoming aware of them and dealing with them this year.
The last few days have been difficult, TMS wise, for a number of other reasons, too--but perhaps that's a good thing that I'm fighting thru some layers of this, using the principles in the book and the helpful suggestions in the forum.
Kym
Kym |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 01/01/2007 : 18:40:12
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Art if you research my posts you will see that I have NEVER been uncordial to a frist time poster. I am usually the one who welcomes them to the board. I notice if no one has responded and feel empathy for them and welcome them. I'm the one usually gives them the link to tarpityoga to help find a TMS doctor, so they can do the FIRST thing they need to do to get a DX to find out if they have TMS or a legitimate injury.
I have never fired the first salvo in a flame. If I am attacked, I will not turn the other cheek but will defend myself. You have always done a grand job of turning the tables around and accuse me of being the attacker and I know in my heart that's is not true. Let's face it, you dislike me for what you percieve my political views. It all started with my comments against marijauna, dr weil, my views on global warming, Fox News. etc, etc. It has nothing to do with TMS it's just your personal dislike for me.
If I'm atttacked, I will come to my defense. Your characterization of me as un-welcoming is 180' off base.
I guess we'll start the year off just like the last one. If I turn people off so much, there are other TMS boards, Monte Hueftle has one and Tarpit Yoga has one. I occasionaly peruse them but the action is here.
Alexis, to each his own, if you don't like my style, don't read my posts. I'm not going to change my ways to suit you. Like I said if after a few posts, things don't go well I've learned to dis-enagage.
You and I have lost raport over style issues so I guess syle has triumpehed over substance.
Just because the board is titled TMShelp does not mean it is a support board. I was around when AustinGary, it's founder was here and that was not his intent. You are taking it too literaly. That is perhaps why you have TMS, when the world doesn't act in a literal way it frustrates you. I am not going to bow to the rules of PC or to the rules you are trying to compartmentalize me into. I will be me. If I offend you and you split the board for that, Art will be the first to point it out. Actualy I'm the one who will probably be splitting soon as I have stated. I've gotten what I need here and given back in return. I have no guilt over my behavior here.
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 01/02/2007 : 06:48:51
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Hi Kym,
Thank you for sharing about your sister issues..It does help me to know I, too, am not alone with such family dilemas..I am sure that the TMS you and I both deal with must have to do w/ repressing all of that understandable rage we feel..It is horrible to be attacked for no apparant reason..and very frustrating to not be able to fix the situation and just accept that it is what it is...Is she older then you? My sister is 9 years older..Don't know if that has something to do w/ her dislike of me or not..
Happy New Year!
Karen |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 01/02/2007 : 10:22:50
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quote:
Your characterization of me as un-welcoming is 180' off base.
I've personally spoken with several newcomers you've offended to the point that they've either left the forum, or seriously considered it. I can also think of at least one oldcomer who was so offended he left.
You never answer the questions put to you. You asked a specific question. I answered that to the best of my ability with an illustration followed by a question of my own. The reason I wrote that I'd regret getting involved in any further discussion was because I knew from experience that you'd pour all your energies into defending yourself, rather than engaging in a geniune dialogue.
Just more of the same TT. More of the same..
Thanks but no thanks...
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Edited by - art on 01/02/2007 10:24:31 |
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ReferFire
USA
15 Posts |
Posted - 01/02/2007 : 13:13:05
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the best way to overcome TMS and stress in life in general is to work at something you love. for me, one thing i love is my art. happy new years!
I overcame TMS and, while I'm seriously smart and special, I'm not that smart & special. You too can overcome it. |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 01/02/2007 : 17:08:12
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What a fabulous thread!
I especially enjoyed this, from Randolph:
"Slather froth magger warts blinky botswargle"
Seriously (oh I hate saying that word), I contend that all families are nucking futs. The problem I have had is in believing that it is SUPPOSED to be otherwise. Reminds me of a comment from Byron Katie to someone complaining about her unfaithful husband: "On what planet are all husbands faithful?"
My biggest realization of the last year was that I can only really expect everyone to be themselves, perfectly. Those "selves" comprise all kinds of layers of wounding, suppressed rage and various ridiculous strategies of defense in the form of a personality (or if you are a New Yorker: "poisonality").
Sometimes your personality seems to be meeting my needs and I "love" you. Other times it's not, or even triggering my worst wounds, and I "don't love" you. The problem with this, for me, is that a lifetime of expecting other people to be other than they are has dug me deeper into thinking I have to be other than I am.
I feel great peace when I expect people to be however they are being. As a belief system it avoids setting up new dramas to trigger new rage that I can then suppress, and stay a sickie forever. However, the truth is that other people's behavior triggers my old rage. I sat today with several couples who were triggered by their partners' behavior - not because the behvior was that bad in itself, but because they reminded them of family of origin.
It is SUCH a trance to get hurt by other people, even though we know that other people are as mysterious and unreliable as we are. I can hardly believe how much suffering I have caused myself (and probably others) by wanting people to meet my needs.
I'm not saying I don't still have reactions to how people are, what they do, etc., but I am more quickly catching them as my old unresolved reservoir of rage issues. It feels like a big relief to be in the process of giving up expecting anything of anyone except ... dare I say it.... er... the universe. God. Goddess. My higher self. Insert non-enraging word here, or get enraged and enjoy it!
Happy New Year to all
xx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 01/02/2007 : 18:31:58
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Art, You didn't bother reading my post carefully, but I don't pay much attention to yours either. It's just not worth my time to deal with your vendetta towards me. I have exchanged in flames, but I never was the one to start them. I have always cordially greeted newcomers and answered their questions with facts about TMS and TMS resources. The only times things went south was when they started it.
You've sited "several" newbee's that I drove away. As you can see I have the most posts here, well into the thousands. I'm not counting and I don't give a hoot if I've posted once or 10,000 times, it's just that Ive simply hung around longer than most others and have a great interest in the topic.
You've proven my point, I've replyed to perhaps hundreds of posters and you can only site "several" who've left--the poor vulnerable darlings. (They e-mailed me too, and I can assure you those delicate flowers, can curse like druken sailors).
That's a pretty darn good record. Thank you Art, I had never thought of it like that. Even the Good Doctor says most people won't be interested in TMS. I probably have a better record than many TMS doctors in regard to inoculateing sufferers with TMS penicilin.
Donald Dubin told me once that I had one of the best understandings of TMS he had encountered. (He said the BEST, but I would hate to appear immodest)--you may call me egotitical again. I bet you would be for captial punishment for people with big egos--they are the bane of all civiliztion.
I give my TMS knowledge and advice away for free--you get what you pay for. If you're not happy with my services take it up with the Better Business Bureau or make a complaint to the FDA.
When I was coming out of my deep depression, I lurked here and not. It was fun to observe the occasional flame. I realized that was how you and I appeared when we went at it. People would e-mail me and encourage it in fact. It livened-up 'ye old board.
When you and I go at it, my typing speed improves, and the board has some entertainment to distract it from the depressive grayness of TMS--every Shakesperian tragedy needs some comic relief and our flames provide it here.
Art, you're really inspiring me now--I just had a thought, I may become the first TMS stand-up comic, and you can be assured I will give you all due credit for launching my career. I should have an in with Rosie O'Donell and Howard Stern, don't you think? I might even hire you to be part of my writing team.
Same old, same old,
tt 
From Dodge City, Kansas
p.s. I just noticed you edited your post and you changed it's context--so if I were Sigmund Freud or Dr. Sarno, how would you talk to me?
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Edited by - tennis tom on 01/02/2007 22:51:46 |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 01/02/2007 : 19:18:59
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Ruberfire,
I hear ya..My music and my art keeps me sane, indeed! And when I am in the middle of creating a painting, I can go for hours even without eating or drinking..Or, at other times..the TMS flares from sitting too long, etc..
WavySoul,
WOW! Excellent reply..Full of inspiration and truth..thank you for sharing this..I will be re-reading it for sure! You are very wise..
Happy New Year!!
Blessings,
Karen |
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Family Holiday Drama
