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Alpha
Germany
43 Posts |
 Posted - 12/11/2006 : 03:18:00
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Hi everyone, my name is Ken, i am 20 yo and i am from germany, so forgive my for my imperfect english please.
I came across TMS a few weeks ago and bought the books of Dr. Sarno, although i hadn't read them yet. I suffer so much from my problems, that i don't know where i should begin telling my story. Let's do it in a cronological manner.
When i was 14 years old i had an accident with a Pneumothorax. After this event i got really anxious. I had panic and depression and was often thinking about death. When i had the accident, i had a exchange student from france.
One year later, my class went to france to visit the exchange student.
On the second day i got sick there and the next morning i got visual snow, eye floaters and light sensitive eyes, like explained here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Visual_snow
This condition remains till today.
A little later i developed a tinitus, with although remains till today.
The really bad problems started approximatley 3-2 years ago. I often felt pain in my penis and pelvic.
Till now it had developed to a full Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrom.
I suffer from: urination frequency, burning sensation, pain in the penis, numbness und itching around the anus, congestion, weak morning erection, penis shrinkage, low sex drive. The whole pelvic feels inflammed.
And i have the feeling, if my stomach is bloated. I have problems with breathing, my whole abdomen and chest feels so tight and tensioned.
When my symptoms are very bad, i also suffer from pyrosis and have the feeling, if my esophagus is very tight.
In addition, i feel pain in my shoulders. Not to forget depression, sadness, social anxiety (because i know i am very unpleasened as long as i feel the pain), anxitiy about been ill...
I visited every doctor in the past, but neither for my eyes nor for my pelvic problems they had any solution. They never found anything.
Know i started to seek solutions by myself. First i started to live very healthy. Sport everyday, much raw fruits and vegtables. Enough sleep, no alcohol etc. This helped but as soon as i stopped exercising for some days, the symptomes returned.
Then i read about Triggerpoints and Relaxation in the book "A Headache in the pelvic" and started to search for Triggerpoints. I found really rock-hard knots all over my neck, and jaw, in my shoulders, my abdomain and inside my rectum. Like really big and painful musclesknots. With massaging them my stomach often starts to mumble and i got very relaxed. My symptomes disappeared 70% percents.
I was so happy, i had so much fun with my friends. I got my old self-counciesness back, i was so full of power and energy.
I countinued massaging everyday. But now i had a setback and i feel like **** again... now i start to doubt this method, particularly beause it doesn't give me a answer about where the problems come from?!
So i start really to think about if it is TMS. I mean this **** eats my life. I have started collage 2 month ago and i allready stumble, because all my thoughts are cunsumed by my condition. There are days, when i really feel good and go out with friends and just have fun, but most of the time all my thoughts twist around my condition and how i can fix it. Do you think this could be TMS? my problem is, that i understand TMS is about pain, but i also have this functional problems, like the disturbing eye problems, my sexual problems, breathing problems etc. Is this also normal for TMS?
Pls help me, i wanne have my life back, i wanne enjoy my youth, have a girlfriend, finish collage etc., but in the moment i am so frustrated and depressed, i wanne hide myself in the woods, i don't know, i can't talk about it with anyone, everybody thinks i a crazy. I can't reach my goals in sport, social life, career, because everytime i get so distracted through my ****ing problems. I am crying as i write this, because i am so feed up with it. Plz, if you thing this could be TMS, plz give me an answer, i would really appricated it.
- Alpha |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 12/11/2006 : 05:53:47
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Hi Alpha
Sorry to hear of your problems.
Did you read any of Dr. Sarno's books yet? If not, it is important to do so in order to understand many of the concepts discussed on this board.
Other then your pain, what kind of stress is taking place in your life?
How was your childhood?
How about your personality traits? How would your describe yourself as a person?
These are important questions to think about when considering the TMS diagnosis.
Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrom is, in my opinion, yet another TMS equivalent.
Shawn |
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Paul
134 Posts |
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Alpha
Germany
43 Posts |
Posted - 12/11/2006 : 11:22:52
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Hi, intresting, your condition is similar to mine in many ways.
So you got better without doing relaxation techiques or Triggerpoint massage at all?
I mean, the Triggerpoints are obviously there, they are sore, burning and painful to touch.
So, did your triggerpoints in the rectum disappear with the pain after your emotional break-through?
Which books have you read to get the results? |
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Stryder
686 Posts |
Posted - 12/12/2006 : 01:21:27
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Hello Alpha,
If you have not already done so you should read one of Dr. Sarno's later books, like The Mindbody Prescription or The Divided Mind.
Sounds like you have already been to many doctors about your pain. I would suggest though that you again see an eye doctor (an opthalmologist) about the floaters to rule out any serious condition.
True floaters are small pieces of debris floating in the fluid in your eye. A differnet kind of visual disturbance is an aura, often associated with migrain headace. An aura is lights that you can "see", but they are not really coming from you vision, but rather your optic nerve and brain due to stress and reduced blood flow (low blood presure in the blood vessels). If your doctor rules out any serious condition then the aura can be a symptom of TMS and you can reduce the auras by treating it as TMS.
I used to have frequent aura with migrain headace and that is much reduced since I know about TMS and not longer consume caffeine (coffee, tea, Cocc Cola, etc.)
I have had occasional very minor floater and they seem to be better when I get more sleep (not sure how that helps, maybe a coincidence).
In general it sounds like your over anxious condition may be causing TMS symptoms. In addition to the accident you had when you were 14, what else is going on in your life?
-Stryder |
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Alpha
Germany
43 Posts |
Posted - 12/12/2006 : 17:22:48
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@shawnsmith: I suffer from the condtion, discribed here, related to my eyes: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Visualsnow-80.jpg
It came over night, also the mouches volantes, its not like some kind of aura. Its like little cells floating on my eye.
What i refer to as visual snow, is much more disturbing, but this whole thing, there are other people suffering from it, hundrets i think (there are some forums on it). I visited every doctor, few years ago, i was seeing neurologist, doing Computertomography , everything. There is nothing wrong with my eyes.
Also with my sexual and pelvic pain problems, i visited so many doctors, and one after the other assured me that i have to see a theraphist... because there was everything right do to there ****ing tests.
I have even seen special doctors because of breathing problems, bowel movement problems, kneepain, all that ****. Always the same: Its everything fine, maybe you worry to much, blah blah.
I am so feed up with doctors, i havent visited one in years.
Yesterday i started reading Healing back pain, and even if its not about my problems (and i will read TDM and Mindbody P.) i could really see myself in it. Exspecially the whole wants to be perfect and having success, is where strong in me.
I also remember some episodes in my youth where i was humiliated by other kids very often and was getting very fearful about it.
Also having not the success with girls i always wished was an issue combined with my dad making jokes about me being gay or something.
Also after my acciedent i started playing alot computer games and always hated me for it, because i was losing so much time with it.
Some times later my eye troubles begun and i always thought playing computer was to blame (wouldnt that be a nice trigger?)
Than later, i also developed a adiction to porn and masturbating, due to the facts that i nad no success with girls. And i always hated me for that either. It was like i must do it everyday, and everytime after it i was very angry about me doing it so much and collecting porn. It was really a conflict between my urge to do it and my moral view/mind. I was addicted to it, but i adjudged myself at the same time for it.
Then there was this panic anxiety about being ill, first after the accident, then after years of having the eye problem and worrying everyday not knowikg what it was. "Will i get blind? Will it become worse? Will i ever see normal again? Whats wrong with my body?"
Then slowly my CPPS (Cronical Pelvic Pain Snydrom) started with all the unpleasend effects related to it. Now i got really scared. It was/is like losing the masculinity. Not having a girlfriend ever i am now to anxious about it because of my condition, because i am not feeling well around there. I think there are more issues in my past if i think about it, but there definitly are some!
But one thing i am confused about, is, that i feel like, my psychological problems started with my physical problems and get worse as they get worse. As more ill i got and felt as more depressed and anxious i became. So its difficult to think about the psychical problems as the root of the physical ones. Most difficult thing is, that there are times, when i feel happy and motivated, than i get out of pain and problems, i feel relaxed and my body relaxes to, than i don't feel psychical ill. When my body feels well, my soul/mind feels well, so i always think of my physical problems as the root of my psychical. I wrote alot about my anxiety in the Thread called 'anxiety' so i wont go into it much more here. But maybe emotional issues are something else as i think of it. Maybe surpressed emotions create "dark mental conditions" like depressen and anxiety also, like the physical smyptoms?!
Now i will countine reading, hoping for some new insides! ;)
I am already very thankful for your helps and appricate it, that you listen to what i have to say, it is really releaving to write about it, even if not in my motherlanguage. But maybe you know how i can find out, if there is an doctor teached by Dr. Sarno here in germany?
I don't even found a german forum about tms, although there exist german forums about every other ****...
In anticipation about your writing,
Ken |
Edited by - Alpha on 12/12/2006 17:24:06 |
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kevin t
USA
72 Posts |
Posted - 12/13/2006 : 12:21:18
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holy crap alpha, you just described EVERY symptom I have. Right down to the pains in the anus,itching, bloated stomach,etc. Since ive done TMS work these symptoms have improved very much. Also, I swim everday atleast 40 laps. I know that Dr Sarno doesnt encourage us to think as stretching and exercise as "the cure" , but it helps me burn off exess energy and tension.It also helps me feel stretched out around my waist,stomach,hips, etc. That along with journaling and being more aware of my feelings has helped slowly but surely.
Hell man, sometimes Ive been convinced that I will lose function of my bladder and legs,etc. But i also know that muscles tension can cause every one of the symptoms you described if the tension is MOUNTING or if you suffer loads of anxiety/stress. I myself upon waking in the morning feel absolutely NO symptoms, but give me about 15 minutes and "oh ,its back again" . I think this proves the mental connection and lack of structural evidence.
Anyway, hope what I said helps. |
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Alpha
Germany
43 Posts |
Posted - 12/13/2006 : 16:18:28
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hey kevin,
man i am really happy you wrote! Its a real relieve to hear, that there is someone with the same problems!
I made the same experience, that doing A LOT of sport (jogging and exercising everyday for quit a while) really makes things better and made me feel much more relaxed.
I also find deep breathing and sauna/hot-cold showering very relaxing and making things better. Also having fun with people makes the symptoms go away, but its always hard again to start being social, because at first i am so afraid and nervous, but when i can conquer my fear and start joking around and pretend to be happy and self-confident, it soon starts to become reality again, but due to my condition i ALWAYS tend to isolate myself, its a feeling of not being ready for life, as long as i have "it". And as longer i retreat from social life, as more focused on my problems i get and they start to worsen. Its like a vicious circle. I know, that leading a normal life: going to collage everyday, meeting people, going out, doing sport makes my condition much better, but there is always the feeling of rather being for myself and "doing something about the problem" than meeting a young lady or going out to the clubs. Everytime i really cancel a appointment or don't visit a class and instead looking for a new cure, symptoms and depression start to get worse again.
Conclusion: My observation is, that really not focusing on my problems and trying to lead a normal life makes things MUCH better.
Living healthy also makes it better.
But this isn't a real solution, because i always must force myself to "be normal" because of the negging feeling that something is wrong and must be fixed, that i am not ok....
But i lose the plot. Kevin, which symptoms exactly you can refer to? It would really intrest me, because i always found someone who could refer to one or two of my problems, but not to much more.
I read in one of your older postings, that you had really bad knots in your muscles and you was asking, how TMS could create something like that. Its the same here, i found really big, hard knots on the side of my neck, exspecially under behind my ear/ between the top of the jar and my neck. Its like huge ****ing stones there. I always thought it must be a bone. After reading about triggerpoints i also found some in my rectum, and the muscle there feels like dead, its burning but feels numb and its so bumby/uneven. I am afraid, that the muscle tension had damaged my muscles, i think i will have a hard time really exapting TMS because i can't get rid of the thought, that i am permemently damaged on some parts. Because some of my symptoms are ALWAYS there. Like my visual snow, its there 24/7 for 6 years now. Also pain in my penis, pelvic is always there to some degree, i had actually one orgasm in the last three years, that felt good... i mean my sexuality is suffering so bad from this whole thing, its so hart to ignore it. As soon as i got involved with a girl, i start to thing about the problem and how i can't enjoy myself and relax.
To sum it up: Is TMS just pain, which move around and comes and goes
or can it also be:
There almost 24/7, not just pain, but also functional problems like disturbed vision, sexual dysfunction, urination frequenzy, dry nose & eyes, problems to breath, because of tight feeling in the chest, etc.
Can the permement tensioning of muscles due to tms create really bad, physical knots in the muscles? And will they go away, when i solve my emotional problems, because they are so ****ing hart, that i cant believe they just go away.
Ah and i ve almost finished "Healing back pain" and i feel much anticipation for the other two books of sarno.
Ah and one more thing, i can't really remember something really bad happening in my childhood, it was a quit happy childhood. I can remember some smaller things, but nothing i can relate to emotionally today. But maybe, its something i really repress. I think i will start journaling from beginning of my memory, as you did, kevin. Maybe there is something deep, deep buried giving fire to my symptoms as long as i don't see it, face it and destroy it.
Its more in my youth, where i felt very insecure and volnarable and i remember some bad experiences about people making fun of me and ginving me a hard time. Today i always acts as the Badboy and kind of KIng of the jungle, been the coolest guy around. Maybe i have become so to protect myself to never get ridiculed again. I always hated it, when somebody made fun of me or when i was excluded. I think there where some people who really hurted me. Maybe also the fact, that i have moved to different towns 7 times in my life till the age of 12 or 13. Always making new friends and being the new guy is not easy. But i don't wanne bore you, this things are for my journal ^^
So thx again for your reply kevin, hope to hear from you again!
Mit freundlichen Grüßen (as we say in germany *g*)
Ken |
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kevin t
USA
72 Posts |
Posted - 12/13/2006 : 22:10:45
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well ken , what can I say?
Lets see, I always have this feeling in both legs like circulation isnt all there. My muscles in my thighs always feel tight and not loose. I also feel as though they will "snap" or "tear" if I do anything that requires stretching. I also feel weird things in my penis,like a sharp pain on the left side, but it always follows tightness somewhere in my ASS. My ass always itches and no its not a sanitary thing, it like its inflamed. Sometimes I get muscles twitches in my groin, theyre small and brief.I get watery and itchy feeling sometimes, but not really "pain" in my legs anymore. Its more subtle, its a pure muscular feeling, not to be confused with sciatica.Although I HAD sciatica for months. It just feels like my muscles wont let up in my legs, like theyre "fragile" and tight.
As far as the "not being ready for society" I can totally relate. Your life is always geared around the "it" feeeling. Like your always on the verge of tearing something. Then sometimes you get afraid of being with a woman because youre afraid that this will happen during sex or a date or some crap. The "it" feeling becomes your life, especially when its chronic.Its like you just want to reverse the clock back to the time when you used to slam dunk on people in the park without worrying what was going to "happen". Chronic pain can turn you into a very lonely person, especially when it seems that the whole world is having a grand ole time but you. Like Dr. Sarno says, it can cripple someone to a point beyond even those in wheelchairs. I must agree, there are so many mental implications to chronic pain.
My advice would be to get out more and face life a little bit more every day. Go to the beach or out in the middle of nowhere with a few beers and scream at the stars if you have to, just get out. I force myself to go swimming everyday. Anything to just feel like Im back in society somehow. Just take little steps and dont kick yourself in the ass about not being a successful jetsetter with chicks and hot tubs and life in the fast lane. lol, trust me, youre not missing anything.Just do what you can to improve your life, and get beyond the "something is wrong feeling". I myself need to follow my own advice on this matter. So thank you for reminding me. |
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kevin t
USA
72 Posts |
Posted - 12/13/2006 : 22:34:55
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whoa hold the phone ken,
I just reread your post. Did you say that you had one orgasm in 3 years? Is this because of an inability too? Youre having trouble urinating? Does your groin feel numb? And when I say numb , I mean NUMB, as in you cant feel if you tug on a hair in your groin. Do you feel your stream when you pee?
As far as the knots go, I had discovered Dr. Sarno after months of intense massage therapy. So the knots were "worked out". I have none now after reading about TMS. Im one of those that believe the tension and bad health that follows can become so bad that you have build up of knots in muscles. Although I havent seen any mention of this from Dr Sarno, though I havent read all his stuff.
I can say though that Ive felt every symptom you have described , except for the eye floater things. And since Ive been doing TMS books, they have all improved little by little each day.(along with swimming). I would also say that such a BROAD BASED range of symptoms makes me suspicious. That coupled with the fact that doctors have found nothing wrong tells me its EXTREME anxiety. The type of anxiety one would get with constant self loathing/ low self esteem/ anxiety/worry/bad sleep/and all that good stuff. Trust me BEn, muscles can flip out when there is hidden tension. The pain itself can cause the mind to spiral into self doubt , whcich in return brings more pain. Its a crazy cycle. I believe that one can get to the point of near health failure if given enough CONSTANT enxiety and tension. Enough to make whole body function shut down after years of it.
Just try to accept the TMS theory as a whole and dismiss that something is "wrong". Try to get to the point where you can SEE physical symtoms change with changes in thinking. Notice the things about your pain that are connected to your emotions. Like me, Ive noticed lately that when Im about to get hostile mad at something, my legs start to feel cold and like a water drop is running down my knees. Now isnt that fishy? Try to notice things like this and then you can add it to the "this really might be TMS file" in your head. |
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Alpha
Germany
43 Posts |
Posted - 12/14/2006 : 08:35:00
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@kevin t: Yeah, normally since my Pelvic pain **** started, it doesn't feels very good, as it just to be, when i reach orgasm.
But few month ago, in a episode, when i felt very well, was doing lots of fitness and stuff, i felt really relaxed and acutally had a very good feeling, relaxing orgasm again. But poorly i couldn't hold that level.
About the anxiety: I am anxious, but only about being sick or not healthy, i was always worried about being sick, but its only because of that ****ing symptoms, which no doctor can identify. It just gives me a really bad feeling to feel so sick and disabled and nobody knows whats wrong with me.
And whats also intresting is the fact, that i really have a broad range of symptoms, but nothing is really bad pain. I don not have any unbearable pain like many others here.
I share your view about going out and living your life as good as possible, because it can really distract you from your fukin symptoms and they start to get better.
I feel now, where i think much about my problem again, due to reading about tms, how they start to get worse again. Its really like feeding the monster. Don't paying attention to it, is still the best strategy.
Anyway, thx to your much suggestions and encouragement!
- Alpha
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 12/14/2006 : 11:16:47
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Alpha
I want to advise you that the number one thing you must begin to do is stop obsessing about the physical symtoms, as this obsession is part of the TMS syndrome. I know that this is easier said than done, but it is essential that you begin the process of refocusing your thoughts. Try not to talk all the time about your pain as it will merely draw attention to it and empower it even further.
Number two, I highly recommend (for myself also) you read Byron Katie's book "Loving What Is." I feel the recording of her book is more powerful.
Number three, read over and over ago the treatment and psychology sections of Dr. Sarno's books until the message sets in your brain.
Number four, I advise you to begin journaling and in your journaling concentrate on the three following areas:
1) Your personality traits. How do you describe yourself? Do you place pressure on yourself to be good or accomodating to others?
2) Think about current stressors in your life. Don't worry, we all have them, even when things are going 100% our way. Write them down and ponder over them.
3) Think about any past traumas during your childhood. How were you raised? Did you have a strict upbringing? Were your parents physically or emotionally abusive?
Finally, number five. Take time to laugh every day. Rent out funny movies or read something light hearted. Do things that gives you pleasure, and try not to be sad over the things you can't do right now. It is ok to cry though, as it is a way to release some of that pent up sadness and anger.
I have printed out all your postings and am going to study them further so I can see myself in you. I have similar symptoms as yours and I know they are tough, but take the time everyday to work on it and you will succeed in overcoming your pain and come out being a better and more balanced person.
Best wishes.....
Shawn
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 12/14/2006 : 12:29:44
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Alpha
I read your postings more carefully. Suprisingly, they mirror some of my experiences. From your comments it appears you have unresolved issues surround the following:
Anger at your parents over the way they brought you up and moving around a lot. You feel, as a result, that you have been ripped off from a normal chilhood. You are reeeeeeeaaaallllllyyyyy pissed off at them, but you don't know it as the anger is repressed!!!!!!!
You seem to have a lot of low self-esteem issues, which is common for people with TMS. It comes out on almost every sentence you write.
You have unresolved issues surrounded your past near death accident. Perhaps your religious teachings have made you really afraid of the after life and thoughts of death consume your mind. That's normal. Ponder on this for awhile.
You have unresolved guilt (and anger) feelings over what you consider to be wasting time on the computer as well as the consumption of porn. Thus your eyes and your pelvic area are feeling the pain. In addition, you are correct when you say that porn tends to take the place of being unable to establish normal relationships with others. You are angry over that. Porn and obsession with sex, in my opinion, serves the same psychological function as TMS.
You stated yourself that you try to please others. This is a big TMS type personality trait and generates a lot of rage in the unconscious.
I have read "Headache In The Pelvis." With all due respect to the good Dr David Wise who wrote it, his treatment program is a placebo, and thus the pain reappears because it is treating a non physical condtion using physical means. Dr Wise knows about Dr. Sarno, and has actually met him but he does not accept the TMS diagnosis. That is his problem, not yours.
In an earlier posting you asked:
"Can the permement tensioning of muscles due to tms create really bad, physical knots in the muscles? And will they go away, when i solve my emotional problems, because they are so ****ing hart, that i cant believe they just go away."
Yes, TMS has been known to place people right on their backs where they cannot move. The knots are oxygen deprivation initiated by the brain to distract you from unconscious rage inside you. That is why physical massage is not the proper treatment. It is not so much "resolving" your emotional problems, but coming to terms with them and accepting the way you react to things which is the road to recovery.
Best wishes.
Shawn |
Edited by - shawnsmith on 12/14/2006 17:45:26 |
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Alpha
Germany
43 Posts |
Posted - 12/15/2006 : 03:33:39
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shawnsmith,
your postings came to the right time. I felt worse the last days and start to become relly depressed, because i was very unsure about tms as the right treamtment.
Now you gave me new courage. Your uplifting words gave me the power to getting my act together again and get going.
Your analysis of my physical symptoms and their connection to my psycological issues and personality traits soud very convincing, i will definitly write and think about it.
About the "moving around" thing i have this question:
Everytie i go on holidays or like now, move to another city for college, my symptoms get crazy and i just wanne go home. I even home i get so worse, that somebody send me home, even when i live i my dreamtown now, where i have everything i need to reach my goals.
Maybe it has something to do with the pain of moving away to often.
Another big one is my problem about masturbation. Because my pelvic pain started in a time i was really concerned about doing it to often, now everytime i do it, my symptoms get worse and i am so convinced, that i have damaged myself due to it, even if i can read everywhere it is health.
So, Headache in the pelvic was really very convincing to me, exspecially after i found the triggerpoints and massage of them made me MUCH better. But most likely it was really just a placebo effect.
So you think even the massage makes me feel better and more relaxed i should stop it, for not helping my brain to hide the real reasons for my pain?
How exactly do i come to terms with my past/emotions? Do i have to discover some memories i have forgotten/buried deep inside? Do i have to rethink about some past memories and accept how it really made me feel? I mean how do i know that something was a reason for tms and that i have uncovered it yet?
Anyway, i really like clear step-by-step instructions, so i will follow your recommended steps for becoming better. "Loving what is" i have actualy here already, because it was recommented in "A Headache in the pelvic". So i will read it for sure. I have some other books about emotional work and self esteem issues here although, i mean reading the can't hurt,hm?
I made the expierience, that listing to anthony robbins, Brian tracy and other self help trainers, made me feel much better about myself and helped me to focus my attention on my goals and the achievement of happiness insteat of my symptoms. I think this can't hurt either?
Watching happy movies is no problem anyway, because i love movies.
I will start journaling today.
Although, i have MBP and TDM still to read, in addition To Be or Not to Be... Pain-Free: The Mindbody Syndrome, Pain Free for Life and Rapid Recovery from Back and Neck Pain: A Nine-Step Recovery Plan are coming to me. I will read it all untill my concious accepts the fact, that it is emotional not psychological reasons why i am sick. Even if this will be really though, because being ill and "not normal" is the only continious thought in my life, i can think about. I was always convinced, that something is wrong with my body.
Uhh, have i mentioned, that i have a mild Pectus carinatum (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pectus_Carinatum)? It was always an issue in my youth, i was really concerned about it. First that others could discover it and make fun of me, second, that i am more fragile because of it.
Last year i had really problems to breath and had almost made an operation because of it, even when the doctors have said, that everyting is fine with my chest and the deformation doesn't limit me in any way. For god's sake i haven't done it and today i have just breathing difficulties when i am really in tension. This could be another emotional issue.
So thx again shawnsmith, your posts had really encouraged me!
I will definitly stick to this idea and fix my emotional problems!
Oh some things i remembered while readind "Healing Back Pain" which point to TMS:
- In my childhood and youth i had regulary "growning Pains", like the doctors and my mom said, in my arms and legs.
- When i was 14/15 i had regular pain beyond my nipples. Nothing wrong here either...
- I can remember, that i often felt like hot needles/rain on my hands when i was younger, thats also discribed in "Healing back pain"
- I often had Numb/"fallen asleep(like we would discribe it in germany)" legs and arms after waking up in the morning.
-Until last year i had every 4-6 weeks sharp pain in my upper back and sometimes in my lower back. It was for 4-7 days,average.
-The sites of my buttocks, the top of my shoulders, my neck and small of back are tender and sensitive to touch!
-Massage, hot/could water, sauna, deep breathing, hard exercising make my symptoms significantly better and i feel really relaxed (normal?) after it.
I think it all adds to the assumption, that i actually HAVE TMS, what do you think?
Thx for your help
-Alpha |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 12/15/2006 : 20:22:00
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Alpha
Pain symptoms moving around is a strong indication that you do not have a structural problem and that in fact you have TMS. Your brain will do this to keep you pre-occupied. Dr. Sarno writes about this.
You did not damage yourself from masturbation, so put that out of your mind. Masturbation is not harmful. If you do it a lot your body will tell you to take it easy, but you will not hurt yourself. And no, it will not make you go blind as some people have asserted in the past.
If you have TMS, continuing the physical treatment will not bring about recovery because TMS cannot be treated using physical means. Read Dr. Sarno's treatment section in "Healing Back Pain" regarding this point.
With regards to past emotions / trauma you most likely will not be able to uncover them, but that is not necessary for a recovery. The goal is to invision what you think may be going on in the inside. You are in the process of shifting your attention from the physical to the psychological. It is not a matter of fixing your emotional problems, but looking at the person you are on the inside and how this generates tension. Accept yourself for who you are. Give yourself a big hug, warts and all. Read the psychology section over and over again and take notes as you go along.
Yes, it is good to read inspirational books as they will lift your spirits. Anything that makes you happy should be encouraged.
And finally you wrote:
"I think it all adds to the assumption, that i actually HAVE TMS, what do you think?"
Yes, based on my limited knowledge of this syndrome it sure looks like you have TMS. But I am not the one to be convinced. You have to convince yourself of that.
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Edited by - shawnsmith on 12/16/2006 08:47:18 |
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Carlton_King
United Kingdom
7 Posts |
Posted - 12/16/2006 : 11:09:51
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quote:
Originally posted by Alpha
Hi everyone, my name is Ken, i am 20 yo and i am from germany, so forgive my for my imperfect english please.
I came across TMS a few weeks ago and bought the books of Dr. Sarno, although i hadn't read them yet. I suffer so much from my problems, that i don't know where i should begin telling my story. Let's do it in a cronological manner.
When i was 14 years old i had an accident with a Pneumothorax. After this event i got really anxious. I had panic and depression and was often thinking about death. When i had the accident, i had a exchange student from france.
One year later, my class went to france to visit the exchange student.
On the second day i got sick there and the next morning i got visual snow, eye floaters and light sensitive eyes, like explained here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Visual_snow
This condition remains till today.
A little later i developed a tinitus, with although remains till today.
The really bad problems started approximatley 3-2 years ago. I often felt pain in my penis and pelvic.
Till now it had developed to a full Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrom.
I suffer from: urination frequency, burning sensation, pain in the penis, numbness und itching around the anus, congestion, weak morning erection, penis shrinkage, low sex drive. The whole pelvic feels inflammed.
And i have the feeling, if my stomach is bloated. I have problems with breathing, my whole abdomen and chest feels so tight and tensioned.
When my symptoms are very bad, i also suffer from pyrosis and have the feeling, if my esophagus is very tight.
In addition, i feel pain in my shoulders. Not to forget depression, sadness, social anxiety (because i know i am very unpleasened as long as i feel the pain), anxitiy about been ill...
I visited every doctor in the past, but neither for my eyes nor for my pelvic problems they had any solution. They never found anything.
Know i started to seek solutions by myself. First i started to live very healthy. Sport everyday, much raw fruits and vegtables. Enough sleep, no alcohol etc. This helped but as soon as i stopped exercising for some days, the symptomes returned.
Then i read about Triggerpoints and Relaxation in the book "A Headache in the pelvic" and started to search for Triggerpoints. I found really rock-hard knots all over my neck, and jaw, in my shoulders, my abdomain and inside my rectum. Like really big and painful musclesknots. With massaging them my stomach often starts to mumble and i got very relaxed. My symptomes disappeared 70% percents.
I was so happy, i had so much fun with my friends. I got my old self-counciesness back, i was so full of power and energy.
I countinued massaging everyday. But now i had a setback and i feel like **** again... now i start to doubt this method, particularly beause it doesn't give me a answer about where the problems come from?!
So i start really to think about if it is TMS. I mean this **** eats my life. I have started collage 2 month ago and i allready stumble, because all my thoughts are cunsumed by my condition. There are days, when i really feel good and go out with friends and just have fun, but most of the time all my thoughts twist around my condition and how i can fix it. Do you think this could be TMS? my problem is, that i understand TMS is about pain, but i also have this functional problems, like the disturbing eye problems, my sexual problems, breathing problems etc. Is this also normal for TMS?
Pls help me, i wanne have my life back, i wanne enjoy my youth, have a girlfriend, finish collage etc., but in the moment i am so frustrated and depressed, i wanne hide myself in the woods, i don't know, i can't talk about it with anyone, everybody thinks i a crazy. I can't reach my goals in sport, social life, career, because everytime i get so distracted through my ****ing problems. I am crying as i write this, because i am so feed up with it. Plz, if you thing this could be TMS, plz give me an answer, i would really appricated it.
- Alpha
Damn, I know exactly how you feel.
I'm 18 and have been dealing with this crap for 2-3 years.
"I suffer from: urination frequency, burning sensation, pain in the penis, numbness und itching around the anus, congestion, weak morning erection, penis shrinkage, low sex drive. The whole pelvic feels inflammed. "
Same here! I've got all of that plus some other stuff - extreme chemical sensitivity/ allergies, very poor digestion, skin problems, muscle pain all over my body, strange sensations and feelings of nerve damage in various places, and even psychological problems (ocd tendencies and extreme depression) - basically all the symptoms that alternative types like to associate with candida/ parasites/ leaky gut etc (can't tell you how much time I spent researching/ ruminating over that crap).
I've tried all the different diets/ cleansing programs/ health relating schools of thought - with absolutely no success, and infact the opposite. The fact that I paid so much attention to it is probably the reason why it got so bad. Now it's to the point where I feel almost suicidal. My body is an absolute wreck but what's by far worse is the mental aspect of it. I feel depressed and guilty over things that a few years ago I would have laughed off. I've never had an easy life, far from it, but now I see how (relatively) lucky I was when I was a child. I fear that I'll never again be happy.
- I've got to go know, I'll post more later when I have time.
* I've read sarno's book (mbc) and have done a huge amount of reasearch on the mind/body side of health but nothing seems to help.
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Edited by - Carlton_King on 12/16/2006 11:15:27 |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 12/16/2006 : 13:29:11
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Carlton_King
Doing huge amounts of research may mean you are trying to intellectualize things too much as well as exhibiting perfectionist tendencies. Your perfectionism drives you with a need to know everything about the topic and to become an expert.
Of course these "different diets/ cleansing programs/ health relating schools of thought" will bring absolutely no success, because they constitute a physcial modality being used on a non physical problem. These programs may all be good for your general health, but they are not what you need in order to recover.
Tell us about what is going on in your life, both past and present.
Tell yourself you will be happy again. Your body believes every word you say.
"I am happy, healthy and pain free,I am happy, healthy and pain free, I am happy, healthy and pain free." Over and over again.
Shawn |
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Alpha
Germany
43 Posts |
Posted - 12/16/2006 : 17:27:57
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Carlton_King, i understand that you are very sad and feed up with life.
I felt so either many times, and i know how hard it somethimes is to bear this burden, BUT never give up.
This is our challenge, our quest. I am very angry about having this condition, but i know one thing: I am responsible. Whatever it is, i am responsible for feeling so misrable today. We have to face this challenge and explore its roots and once we found them, we will cut them ****ing off! Carlton, we will destroy this monster, don't give up.
I have a nice quotation here, to motivate you:
"Pelvic Pain usually does not occur in someone who feels balanced, relaxed, and happy. It tends to be the expression of what is out of balance, fearful, and out of sorts. Viewed this way, you can consider your pelvic pain and dysfunction an intimate advisor aout your life. Pelvic pain is not your enemy. Consider that pelvic pain is part of the main curriculum of your life and not a distraction from it. Perhaps your curriculum has to do with learning to listen to your own body, to face and manage your anxiety or to express yourself instead of holding things in. Whatever the lessons that are there for you, their resolution, we believe, can positively influence your healing" - Wise& Anderson, A Headache in the pelvic
This quotestion always motivates me, because it gives our condition a sense. I mean, even if i heat this condition, there are so much things i have learned because of it. So much things i have learned about myself, so much bad habits i cut of, in fear that they have created it. It made me a better person in some way. I think, as soon as we are really ready for life, the problems will disappear.
but its REALLY IMPORTANT to just spend a part of your time with the problem, trying to do everyday something normal is really the best pain reliever for me. Today i was invited to a nice party with a whole cheerleader team there. I felt really bad and depressed, but i really pushed myself: COld shower, listing to good music, imaging myself in times i felt really good and confident, acting as being high energy and funny, and sooner or later i was in again, joking around with some ladys, making new friends and i forgot my problems once again, even if just for a couple of hours, but this things show you again, why it is worth fighting.
Hey, just think about it this way: When we have ridden ourself from this problem, NOTHING WILL EVER AGAIN HAVE THE POWER TO STOP US. We had it all, we know it is to feel REALLY ****ed up and once we have our life back, we will enjoy it use it like NO ONE ELSE! Nothing can teach you better to appricate life, health and being light-hearted, than what we are going through.
Really, this is a ****ing hard time brother, but we can and we will get our life back and i think Dr. Sarno and this forum can really help with this. I feel in good hands here. And hey, once it is done, we will feel like born again and will have the time of our life. Don't give up, keep up a vision for your life, don't give up your dreams and goals, so you have always a reason to endure this condition and keep going.
And hey, can you write something more detailed about your pelvic pain and dysfunction, cause this is annoying me the most and i am curious, if there are possible same reasons(emotional/psychical issues) for it.
Get your problems also worse after ejaculation? Even my burning eyes, breathing problems, knee pain(!) get worse after ejaculation. It really makes no sense to me in a TMS-kind of way, how can ejaculation trigger an increase in symptoms???
Do you suffer from breathing problems? Is there a feeling of, if something is blocking in your stomach, while you try breathing deeply?
Cold hands, ears, nose?
Have you tried triggerpoint massage and Paradoxical Relaxation like discribed in "A Headache in the pelvic" (CPPS Bible)? For me it helped very good, but when symptoms came back after just one week of not doing triggermassage i considered it as placebo, as discribed in Healing back pain. Massage, relaxation, exercise, breathing, it all helped my symptoms, but it is placeboo, because it just fights the symptoms of oxigyn deprivastion.
I will stick to Sarno and the mindbody approach for the next time, it really convinced me.
Which methods/schools have you tested? Just to kick it from my list ^^
And i can perfectly relate to you saying, that you have done HUGE AMOUNT of research about mindbody medicine. I am the same, i can't just read one book about a topic, i wanne understand and get it 100% perfect. I wanne know it all, its so true what shawn is saying about the perfectionist tendencies... I am ALWAYS trying to become as best as possible in everything i do/study. It really puts a lot of pressure on me. This is one of the first issues of me i have realized (through shawns hints).
So please write me again, we will make it! I am really glad, that i found people like you how feel as me and are also seeking a solution. Together you are always stronger. 1 brain + 1 brain is much more than 2 brain. Thinking together leads always to better solutions. I am happy you wrote. 
- Alpha |
Edited by - Alpha on 12/16/2006 17:28:42 |
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Alpha
Germany
43 Posts |
Posted - 12/17/2006 : 13:22:40
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Argh, damnit, i really think i am going crazy right now.
After feeling pretty well yesterday and being sure, that it really is tms, the follwing happened:
Most of my symptoms got worse, after ejaculation in the past. I don't know why, but many suffers from CPPS claim this to be true. So i was always thinking, that all my problems may being caused by it.
So yesterday i thought, i have to start doing normal things again and masturbated again after not doing it some weeks. Today again.
And i feel like i am dying. My whole pelvic is tensioned and burning, My face is dry like hell, burning, exspecially the eyes, my nose and ears are cold and numb. My arms and legs feel really wired. I even got acne again in my face! Thats not normal. My whole body is going crazy, i feel so bad.
I don't get one website out of my head, where a Dr. claims, that much of the symptoms i have could be caused by overmasturbation in youth, what i did and that i have damaged my nervous system with it and have to take some herbs r what ever.
Its: http://www.actionlove.com/
I mean i know i sounds crazy and the site looks very unserious, but he discribes EXACTLY my smyptoms even some i didn't found anywhere else. And i always feel worse after ejaculation and after not doing it for 4 weeks the last month, i felt almost healed, i mean almost all my symptoms was gone or far better.
I know you will probably say, its TMS and my brain is just tricking me, but i don't understand. I am really thinking about ordering Dr. Lins Products, even if i normally never would take drugs, the site looks unserious and every real doctor says masturbation is healthy. But why does it always get so worse after doing it? I am just so frustrated... but it know, that alone thinking about ejaculation as the cause of my illness contradicts the TMS treatment.
Or is it possible, that my mind wants me to be afraid of masturbation/sex in any way. Because i associate feeling really bad for quiet a while with ejaculation today. I mean i couldn't stopped it for almost a month without being ****ing afraid of doing it. And after living "clean" for a month i was feeling awesome. I can't explain it other than being sexual exhausted permemently like explained on this site.
But there is one crazy thing happened to me which adds to the TMS diagnosis. Today i watched a movie (v- for vendetta) which was quiet good, but not really so sad and i ve never really cried in the past years, but today when i watched the movie, i suddenly started crying for almost 15 mins, i mean, i got really emotional, not really justified by what was happening in the movie. So maybe it was the beginning of setting free old, buried emotions.
So i will continue, but its really hart to not look for other solutions in the same time, because i just can't get lose of the feeling, that some sexual damage is the cause for all my problems.
The hard thing here is, that i have everything checked, but on the actionlove site its said, that: "sexual exhaustion symptoms can not be solved or detected by whatever doctors, psychologists or high-tech medical toys"... which he explains as that the condition is caused by a change in the brains biochemistry, which medicine can't detect! Its really something strange about this thing, but i FIT 20 OF possible 23 SYMPTOMS of an sexual exhausted man following this link: http://www.actionlove.com/cases/case9848.htm
I mean, its like an exact discribtion of me all together with the fact, that i have masturbated to much in my youth.
What do you think? Is it just another thing which is leading me on the wrong path, or should i give his supplements a try "just to be sure", even it all looks really suspicous, because there is no forum, no validation from a serious site or anything.
I just believe i can't 100% trust on TMs, before i haven't tested this, because it seems to fit my condition 99% and can explain, why my symptoms get worse with ejaculation.
What do you think?
- Alpha, who feels like a fool, because, he is again obsessed with his condition and seeking for fast solutions...
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 12/18/2006 : 07:24:20
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| Here's a suggestion- take a break from masturbation for awhile. It appears to me it is method your brain uses to repress emotions. |
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Alpha
Germany
43 Posts |
Posted - 12/18/2006 : 15:32:23
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Hey, i am better today. Yesterday i was totally panicing, because symptoms get so much worse. When i look on the links i posted yesterday they appear too strange to me and i recognize the pattern:
I do something i think of as a cause of my symptoms - Symptoms get worse - I get anxious - my whole attention shifts on finding a solution for my pain.
Its such a ****ing good trick brain! Hell yeah... I fall for it everytime. What i wrote yesterday is paranoid ****, normally i know that i can not damage myself by masturbation, but when i am in this nervous, anxious state, i get really crazy. I am sure now, in reality, my mind uses Masturbation as trigger for Pelvic pain, because i often read about how ejaculation makes things worse in CPPS Forums or the **** on this website above. Its like sitting for someone with Backpain TMS or walking for ankle TMS, et.
I know it is TMS. Today in the morning i was still feeling very bad, i even had some symptoms i didn't had for some time, like a totally contracted lower abdomen with a bloated feeling.
I said to myself what is really going on? Why are you so angry, etc?
At first i was like: This is bull****, its not the solution, think about something else. But i realized, that i really was avoiding thinking about my feelings and i was like: **** it, just do it, face the hate. And i started thinking about all the ****heads which had bullied me as a kid, about all the girls who rejected me, about people who made fun of me, about my father, about being angry that i had wasted so much time in my life and not standing up formyself and expressing my RAGE!
Now this was really hard for me. Admitting that i was furious about myself and just facing the truth. That my life/I was not what i pretend to be.
Then today i was reading something about expressing anger, there was a story about a woman, that expressed her anger hate, about her father in a theraphy and i was like crying again, like yesterday. LOL, its just crazy, i never cried, now i cry every ****ing day about some stupid ****. I think, i start really to get in touch with my anger.
I start to feel that something IS THERE inside me. I always felt like something had to be done, i don't know. I think i really have to solve some emotional issues inside me!
Always now, after i thought about what makes me angry, ashamed, furious in my life, i feel a little peace of mind, relaxed, at peace with myself. I think TMS is really like a war inside of you.
So now for real, No more excuses, no more tricks, no more ****, i stick with TMS. I ve finished Healing Back Pain yesterday, start with MBP today and order the other books. As soon as i have read about it i start journaling and i even consider Psychotherapy. Man, our mind is SOO ****ing powerful, its so amazing to see in the moment, how my thinking really influences my body and mental state.
I learned today, that you really have to think psychological, like Sarno says. If the Body hurts, stop asking: What can i do about it? Which Doctor may help me? What made my pain worse?
Really ask: What am i angry/sad about? What could i be angry/sad about?
Which things in my life made my really ashamed/angry?
etc.
It works.
- Alpha
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Visual Snow, pelvic Pain and other problems
