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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
 Posted - 03/13/2013 : 16:40:48
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| Lesley, think we were posting at roughly the same time. Just read yours and my heart aches for you. Much loss and no easy words of consolation but sending blessings your way. |
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gailnyc
USA
80 Posts |
Posted - 03/13/2013 : 17:34:23
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quote:
As for lying in bed each morning, this is a practice I culled from a naturopath in the early days of healing my boy. This healer suggested lying in bed peacefully every morning as a way of calming mind and nervous system; it was the first of a host of recommendations not dissimilar from your own. Aside from the boons it is a beautiful way to start the day.
Thanks for your continued support.
Plum, how do you do this without falling back asleep? I'm afraid that's what would happen to me. |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 03/13/2013 : 18:06:12
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Sometimes I do fall back to sleep, sometimes I tumble into the well of dreams and sometimes I rest on the edge. Shamefully I suspect it's a Mastery born of much practice. I like been in bed very much.
To answer your question though beyond chance factors (and it would be remiss not to flag these), a feather-soft intention plays a great part. You have to gently invite the waking while holding sleep close. There is a natural phase in the sleep-wake cycle that helps.
Have a peek at this link:
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypnopompic
So basically it's a case of engaging with this state of consciousness. Be playful. Enjoy it. And if you do slip back in sleeps welcome arms, enjoy that too. |
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lesley
New Zealand
18 Posts |
Posted - 03/14/2013 : 15:36:45
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| Plum, thankyou for empathy and blessings.....life has been so painful and difficult for so very very long and still is.....I continue to cry although not so instensely and long as I was. I am profoundly changed, forever. I understand the bible beatitude now which I never used to, for those who suffer are blessed. From your reference to your son I presume you know this too. |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 03/14/2013 : 16:08:17
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God bless you Lesley.
For clarity I should say that I affectionately refer to my hubby as my boy. He's one of life's innocents and that brings out my maternal side. I almost lost him to illness a few years ago (Parkinson's Disease, but he was given five to seven years), so I do empathise with your situation even though I do not know the loss. I do know how it changes you forever though and in this I would hold you close for all time. Feel free to mail me angel, there's strength in friendship. Much love x
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chickenbone
Panama
398 Posts |
Posted - 03/14/2013 : 17:22:48
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Lesley, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. 25 years ago, I lost my first husband to cancer. We were practically still newlyweds. I was a young widow. My heart goes out to you. I am glad that you started posting and am so happy that you are doing so well with Ace's Keys.
I had not specifically worked on the sitting exercises. I also live by the ocean with no other houses around in a very peaceful setting. Because I have been so driven all my life, I have never really enjoyed it the way I should. I had an AH! AH! moment when reading your posts about doing the sitting exercises. If you have been reading this site, you probably know that I constantly whine about having trouble sleeping. It could be the last nut to crack. I realized that what really bothers me about not sleeping at times is not that I think it is bad for my health, it is my impatience and my tendency toward boredom. What really pisses me off is that I can't do much of anything during these times because I don't want to awaken my husband. As this happens, I am becoming more and more used to the idea of just "sitting" with it, which I probably would never do if not forced to by the condition of not being able to get to sleep. Last night, I just capitulated and spent about 4 hours just sitting in the living room listening to the silence, the ocean and the wind (and petting the dogs). I never noticed before what silence sounded like. How refreshing! I am realizing that if I feel bad the next day, that is caused by cursing and complaining about not being able to sleep, not because of being awake a good portion of the night. It is the resistance to a condition that I cannot consciously control that causes me problems. I feel that once I can just "sit" with sleeplessness and not fight it, I will be cured of the problem. Thanks so much for your thoughtful posts. |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 03/14/2013 : 17:38:17
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Your starting to understand chickenbone. It is the strain of feeling that you should feel bad the next day after not sleeping accounts for about 95% of the feeling bad the next day. This strain becomes a habit. Does this pattern sound familiar?
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chickenbone
Panama
398 Posts |
Posted - 03/14/2013 : 18:12:35
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| Yes, Ace, it does sound familiar. I guess I thought since I was doing so well during the day, the nights didn't count. I didn't realize that I was still in my old habits at night without realizing it. Old habits die hard. Chalk this one up to sensitized situations and conditioned responses. It was so close to home that I did not see it. Thanks for all you have done for everyone! |
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lesley
New Zealand
18 Posts |
Posted - 03/15/2013 : 16:38:22
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Hello Chickenbone,
It's so good to have your support, your kind words of understanding...you surely know grief well, as I now do. I presume you rebuilt a life after the death of your first man when you were much younger. Did you have a long time on your own? children? I become eligible for NZ's Age Benefit later this year, which is just wonderful, will relieve my financial angst a lot. My 3 children a long gone to their own lives, partners, and grandchildren for me. In no way am I looking for another partner, although I am lonely, alone feeling, often enough.
I have struggled too with sleeping problems for most of my life, even as a child. My mother tells me I didn't sleep well as a baby!! I think I've got used to it, don't stress about it, I just lie in bed, sometimes I make what I call 'golden dreams" in my imagination, with lots of totally imaginary scenarios, people, very detailed, usually works. I also, imagine houses I was familiar with as a child, or throughout my life. I do this with great detail, all the rooms, their sequence, the furnishings, the ornaments and so on, that also works very well. I have quite a repetoire of these to call up. Meditation type CD's work for me too, the boring, droning of all-night talkback radio in NZ is also OK. There's no-one but me to consider now, but headphones are good too, and won't disturb your man. I hate getting out of bed when having one of those wakeful times, so I don't. My sleeping is OK enough now....I'm still using a smidgeon of sedative regularly, quarter of a 1mg tablet, which is so low it's acting as a placebo, but that's just fine by me at present.
When I gave up being exasperated about being awake and took it as an opportunity to go in my imagination to somewhere alluring, it all changed. Wakefulness stopped bothering me. I regard it now as a rather delicious opportunity to my golden dreams etc. If I'm a bit spacey and foggy-headed the following day I'm now able to accept that and will lie down for a 'grandma nap', usually sometime in the arvo, that's very enjoyable too. Acceptance is ALL. Maybe a bit of this might help you Chickybone.
I alive an hour's drive from the ocean. I'm inland amongst the lower hills of a main range, truly deeply rural, very close to a small creek and a small river, like you, very quiet, great for sitting and meditation stuff. |
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gailnyc
USA
80 Posts |
Posted - 03/15/2013 : 17:05:37
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quote:
Originally posted by chickenbone
It is the resistance to a condition that I cannot consciously control that causes me problems.
Ain't it the truth! I think this is my biggest problem. I have very serious control issues. The more I learn to let go of control, the better I feel. But it is so, so hard. |
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chickenbone
Panama
398 Posts |
Posted - 03/15/2013 : 18:30:14
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Lesley, it sound like we have a lot in common. My first husband and I did not have any children. His doctors did not want us to get pregnant while he was on Chemo, which was a lot of the time. We had been married only 3 years when he died. I consider myself so fortunate to have known and been close to such a wonderful human being. I didn't date again for 2 years and was remarried after 6 years. By that time, I was pushing 40 and my new husband (8 years older) and I felt that starting a new family was not the thing we wanted to do. He had 2 children of his own from a previous marriage. So I only had stepchildren, no biological children.
Thank-you for your colorful and creative description of how you deal with sleep problems. I guess you know what it is like to have them all your life. I like the idea of creating stories. Sometimes I inject myself into my favorite western movies and TV shows. I have always loved horses and the country. Thanks to the wonderful people on this forum, I am becoming much more circumspect about this issue and better able to put things into perspective. After starting with Aces's Keys to work on my TMS problem, my pain left rather quickly, almost too quickly. It was really kind of creepy. I kept thinking this can't be so easy. So then the TMS strategy attacked my sleep, where I was most vulnerable to anxiety. I couldn't see this at first. I can't tell you how much better I am doing. I only take a small dose med about once every 3 or 4 night now. That is real progress. |
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Sitting exercise queries
