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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
 Posted - 01/25/2013 : 05:07:47
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Does anyone have any good TMS jokes? I was lying in bed this morning thinking one up. Ok, maybe it's a bit lame:
A guy, who had TMS, walks into a bar and orders a drink. He then says to the bartender, "My mother visited me last night and today I feel like crap."
The bartender responded, "I thought your mother passed away five years ago."
The man replied, "Tell that to my aching back."
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Edited by - shawnsmith on 02/20/2013 11:53:21 |
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Birdie78
Germany
145 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 05:18:45
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Ha ha, great idea to create some good TMS-jokes!
Here's another one (sorry for my English, hope it's comprehensible)
A couple is lying in the bed. In the morning, when they wake up, he says to his wife: "that's strange, nothing hurts, there's no pain at all!" His wife: "Oh well, that's the greatest thing I ever heard from someone who always worries about his pain! Be happy!". He:"Oh my God, I think some nerves must have been damaged!"
Kind regards from Germany sends Birdie |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 05:24:31
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Yes. A great idea.
Here's one.
"Doctor, my wife has severe pain in her appendix!"
"Nonsense!" says the doctor, "I removed her appendix three years ago. Not a single person in the world has a second appendix."
"That may well be true, but some people have second wives." |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 05:48:04
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A man walks into Dr Sarno's office and says, "Oh Dr Sarno, I am in so much pain, please help!"
Dr Sarno asks him a few questions and checks him all over and concludes he has TMS.
"You need to think psychologically my dear man and you will get well," stated the good doctor.
The man replied, "Oh Dr Sarno, I THINK, I am in so much pain."
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 06:11:14
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My wife said she's leaving me because she can't handle my OCD.
"Close the door five times on your way out," I said. |
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pspa123
672 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 07:00:35
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| How many people with TMS does it take to change a light bulb? None, because there's nothing wrong with the light bulb. |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 07:17:56
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| Hypochondria is the only ailment I haven't got. |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 09:03:33
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A man, in desperation over his many pains, goes to a local place of worship and prays, "Oh God, please help me get out of this mess I'm in as I'm at my wit's end."
A voice from seemingly nowhere replies, "Go see Dr Sarno."
He books an appointment with Dr Sarno and tells the doctor that God sent him.
"In that case," replied the doctor, "I will have to charge you double my regular fee."
"Why so?" asked the distraught man.
Dr Sarno replied, "Well, being a man of science, I don't believe in God so I have to treat you for your TMS as well as your delusions." |
Edited by - shawnsmith on 01/25/2013 09:04:13 |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 09:08:14
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Best one so far!
Love it. |
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Racer
USA
129 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 09:23:31
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Patient: Doctor, My ears are ringing.
Doctor: That's Ok, Just don't answer it. |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 09:28:04
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| I have been so depressed lately that my wife threatened to leave me. Even that didn't cheer me up. |
Edited by - plum on 01/25/2013 09:28:48 |
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eric watson
USA
601 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 09:37:53
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quote:
Originally posted by plum
My wife said she's leaving me because she can't handle my OCD.
"Close the door five times on your way out," I said.
this is a good one plum |
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Bugbear
United Kingdom
152 Posts |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 01/25/2013 : 13:32:59
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I didn't write this one, but it's funny:
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.
When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his
poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his
migraines and STILL no improvement.
"Listen," says the Doctor, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm
going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school,
but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have
a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a
while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can
stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I
get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is
killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the
headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and
see me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took
your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for
17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"
"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."
"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "you have a REALLY nice house." |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 01/31/2013 : 18:07:27
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Patient to Dr Sarno: Doctor, I don't think I have TMS.
Dr. Sarno: What makes you think so?
Patient: Well you said that if it is TMS the pain is not due to a structural abnormality.
Dr. Sarno: Yes, that's right.
Patient: Well my wife causes me a lot of pain and if you saw her you would agree that she is definitely a structural abnormality. |
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jegol71
USA
78 Posts |
Posted - 02/09/2013 : 13:07:42
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Headline from the Miami Herald:
"Dogs in Pain Being Diagnosed with Fidomyalgia at Record Rate "
Newspaper's going downhill, I tell ya.
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Edited by - jegol71 on 02/09/2013 13:09:45 |
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Birdie78
Germany
145 Posts |
Posted - 02/09/2013 : 13:54:17
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Dogs in Pain Being Diagnosed with Fidomyalgia at Record Rate
Ha ha, I really hope this is a joke!?! If not it would be really pervert....maybe pharma industry will show off with a brandnew anti-pain drug for dogs suffering from fibromyalgia and CFS!
Kind regards from Germany sends Birdie |
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jegol71
USA
78 Posts |
Posted - 02/09/2013 : 14:00:23
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| The pill is called Wellwoofin, produced by Glaxo-Smith-Iams. |
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susan828
USA
291 Posts |
Posted - 02/09/2013 : 14:43:47
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By his request, on the hypochondriac's tombstone:
I TOLD YOU SO
Next joke (not exactly a TMS joke):
A man goes to a psychiatrist and says "Doctor, I'm confused. Sometimes I think I'm a wigwam and sometimes I think I'm a teepee".
The doctor replies, "You know what your trouble is? You're too tense". |
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Topic |
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TMS Jokes
