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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
 Posted - 02/18/2013 : 10:18:13
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Thanks Eric!
When you say one can catch these negative thoughts like a fish and re-frame the thoughts, I am assuming here that you are referring to positive affirmations. We cannot counter negative thoughts unless we at first become aware of those thoughts in the first place, which necessitates that we pay close attention to what we are thinking until this noticing becomes habitual.
So, a negative thought appears in our mind
-- like "I am not going to recover and I will be like this forever" -- and we would then counter that thought with a positive affirmation, which is repeated all day every day, until it drowns out those negative thoughts. The positive affirmation could be, "every day and in every way I am getting better and better."
I remember back a couple of years ago or so a man on this message board concluded that the main source of his TMS was poor body image. He did not like the way his body looked. He was able to overcome that by simply accepting the way his body was at that time, without judging it or trying to change it in any way. He recovered completely from his TMS over time. A positive affirmation for someone like him could be, "I accept myself for who and what I am right now." |
Edited by - shawnsmith on 02/18/2013 10:29:28 |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2013 : 10:36:52
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Eric, what a gem you are. Yours is a very helpful comment. I caught a fish called irritation earlier and held it while it struggled a while. The reframing was pretty easy, I cuddled the slippery little beggar into something much sweeter.
You are so right, awareness is the key to this key.
So not at this stage trying to change things so much as clocking what's happening. Noticing. Tuning into yourself with a kindly, watchful eye. |
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eric watson
USA
601 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2013 : 10:54:50
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shawn and plum
you too have totally got it
and on top of that
the way you explain the metaphor
is next to none
thanks guys |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2013 : 11:57:37
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Kudos to you Eric.
You have a way of explaining it all that gets to me and is so happy I could sing. You're *there* and your words vibrate with it. That's what it's all about.
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2013 : 12:23:24
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Eric, are our symptoms just one more greaseball, fly-by-night, tricky fish?
Are they fake sharks, all dead eyes and theatrical music?
Henceforth my pain is a fish called Nigel.
(and Shawn if this is too off-topic, you can be strict with me later. Woof Woof. Wanna play?) |
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chickenbone
Panama
398 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2013 : 13:50:53
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This "awareness" thing of my mental states is a constant challenge for me. I caught myself today not being aware that I had been unconsciously rushing and straining. Just coming to the present moment and noticing it really helps me to stop doing it. Then I begin chanting my positive affirmations. It is just so difficult to always, always be the observer of my underlying mental states of fear, anxiety and anger. I find that the more constantly I am aware of them, the more they seem to present into my conscious mind. But, it takes so much time and effort. However, I have gained so much freedom from pain from the work I have done so far that I KNOW that this Key really works!!
It is just so easy to fall back into old habits, especially when I have practiced those old habits most of my life. |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2013 : 14:51:52
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quote:
Originally posted by chickenbone
This "awareness" thing of my mental states is a constant challenge for me. I caught myself today not being aware that I had been unconsciously rushing and straining. Just coming to the present moment and noticing it really helps me to stop doing it. Then I begin chanting my positive affirmations. It is just so difficult to always, always be the observer of my underlying mental states of fear, anxiety and anger. I find that the more constantly I am aware of them, the more they seem to present into my conscious mind. But, it takes so much time and effort. However, I have gained so much freedom from pain from the work I have done so far that I KNOW that this Key really works!!
It is just so easy to fall back into old habits, especially when I have practiced those old habits most of my life.
Chickenbone
Forget about talk of the "unconscious" and just become aware of your thoughts as they appear to you. Almost every involuntary thought will be negative. You counter those thoughts with a positive affirmation. If you notice closely, there are a few thoughts which keep entering your mind over and over, but because they are so habitual you cannot see them, but they are there and your symptoms are manifesting to remind you that they are there.
* How do you feel about or see yourself?
* What things or kinds of people annoy you?
* Do you have bitterness or un-forgiveness in your heart towards anyone that you are not willing to let go of? Let go of it chickenbone or continue to suffer agony for the rest of your life, 1 million% guaranteed. You MUST let go for your own sake. This is a biggy!!!!!!!! I don't care how big an asshole that person was to you, you have to learn to forgive.
* What currently stresses you out? Everyone has stress in their lives, but you know yourself better than I do.
Notice these negative thoughts and counter them with positive affirmations. Repeat these affirmations -- whether you believe them or not -- several times a day, hundreds of times if necessary until you sound like a broken record.
You will recover. You will post your success story on this message board. You are going to win! |
Edited by - shawnsmith on 02/18/2013 15:07:52 |
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alix
USA
434 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2013 : 16:41:41
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Shawn,
I disagree with minimizing or denying the existence of the unconscious mind in TMS. The act of addressing toxic emotions in the unconscious mind was critical to my recovery. It is when I addressed those issues that I started having the pain vanish or move around in strange ways.
Our experiences are very diverse and some of us had more traumatic events that needed to be addressed.
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2013 : 16:56:17
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| That's fine Alix. As I stated before, if the concept works for you then use it to your benefit, but for the purposes of Ace's keys to healing, reference to the unconscious is not essential. We are not here to have debates about whether there is such a thing as an unconscious or not, but to achieve healing in our lives, which is what I hope for you and everyone reading these words. |
Edited by - shawnsmith on 02/18/2013 16:56:56 |
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chickenbone
Panama
398 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2013 : 19:58:17
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Many thanks to Shawn and Alix. Shawn, your advice helped me a lot. In fact I just ordered the book "Forgive For Good" by Fred Luskin because I realized recently that I have a lot of unforgiveness that I have not completely let go of. It might be useful for all of us to realize that there is a difference between "the unconscious mind" as an "entity" and simply using the words "unconscious" or even "subconscious" to describe thoughts or emotions that may be operating in the background of our minds. I realize that a lot of people don't have the same idea of "unconscious" that I do and I don't have a problem with that and I am not out to push anyone's hot buttons. I think we can all help each other without tripping over "semantics".
I also agree with Shawn that belief in the unconscious is not necessary for Ace's Keys to heal the majority of us. Of course, Sylvia is correct also that there are people who may need psychotherapy or just more "digging deeper" to heal. Fortunately, I believe this to be a small minority. |
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alix
USA
434 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2013 : 22:23:04
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| I am just glad I did not see those posts questioning one of the tenets of Dr.Sarno's theory when I was doing the psychological work and recovering thus instilling doubts. I agree that for many people, strain reduction and control is the key to solving TMS, but I think it would be a shame to simply dismiss the repressed rage theory on the ground that it is simplistic and Freudian. RSR has posted a brilliant article today on the fight/flight/freeze reaction during childhood and how it relates unconsciously to our day to day often maladaptive response. |
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Bugbear
United Kingdom
152 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2013 : 00:32:03
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I am so glad you guys decided to go through these keys again, hopefully at a slower pace. I haven't been posting much and am trying to avoid certain threads that have been causing doubt, confusion and fear. My symptoms have ramped up recently. I haven't experienced one symptom at a time; I have been hit with mother load, even an old symptom from my childhood came back after decades to wave 'hello'.
I'm glad you have come through it all, Alix, and can see these discussions about the unconscious as something that would have caused you to doubt in the past. I think they are having this same reaction in me now. I thought maybe I would stop reading the posts on this forum all together as I was getting so confused and upset. However I really like the support at some of you give me, even when I remain a lurker and you don't realise I am here.
I like Ace's keys for their simplicity. I like simplicity. I like Dave's posts too because he is so clear, cuts out all the jargon and reinforces my knowledge. When things get too complex, I tense up.
Shawn, my name isn't chickenbone but I also need to forgive a lot of assholes and move on. That statement above was like an arrow shot into my heart.
I am aware of all the negative chatter but I also notice when I am happy or excited I am also revved up. Someone posted recently about how our stress isn't all negative. Whether positive or negative, it is still stress and I react accordingly.
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2013 : 01:07:59
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Hello Bugbear,
We'll be going through the keys at a slower, gentler pace. I totally understand how you feel having passed through a very confused phase myself. I've come very close to throwing in my forum towel on more than one occasion. However my little ducks are almost in a row (bit of straggling going on), and deep within my noodle a post explaining the harmony between the methods/approaches is taking shape.
The bickering helps no one and is incredibly despiriting. I read selectively here now, favouring the warmth and advice of people who have healed and the gentle souls who are genuinely focused on healing. All the argy-bargy is wearing and a waste of energy.
With love x |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2013 : 04:17:07
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Shawn look at your post with the bold letters. What you say is 100% true. I must however, for your own awareness point out that there is a lot of strain in that message. You want people to understand, so much, more than what is natural and this creates a strain. Strain remember is the basic cause. Strain believe it or not is also contagious.
While the bickering etc on the forum is non productive and would be best not done on here and while i also think the person perpetuating is probably hurting themselves, I don't want you guys to sensitize yourselves and run away from these when they happen. You want to train yourselves to let go better and just be an observer that can just watch and not react. When they happen, see if you can use it as a healing situation for yourselves. This is not easy. This eventually would be a helpful goal, but if your just starting out you can avoid it for now, but know you will have to desensitize yourself at one point as this kind of thing is a regular part of our society. Also try not to get yourselves involved in it directly when it happens. |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2013 : 05:21:21
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quote:
Originally posted by Ace1
......I don't want you guys to sensitize yourselves and run away from these when they happen. You want to train yourselves to let go better and just be an observer that can just watch and not react.......
I think what Ace1 says here is also important. In real life it will be impossible to always avoid situations which make is uncomfortable, thus we have to learn how to conduct ourselves in these situations so as to reduce strain and eventually, as we become de-conditioned, the onset of symptoms. The later keys deal with this a bit more concretely. |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2013 : 05:31:00
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quote:
Originally posted by Bugbear
Shawn, my name isn't chickenbone but I also need to forgive a lot of assholes and move on. That statement above was like an arrow shot into my heart.
Sometimes we tell ourselves that we have totally let go of these feelings and then, out of the blue, we run into someone we have not seen in a long time or see their photo on the internet and all of a sudden these old emotions of bitterness, or even hatred, come to the surface and we feel a constriction. It is often the case that we cannot even know why we feel that way towards the person. It is most likely tied to some interaction we had with them or our past perception of them. When this happens, you may want to ask yourself why you feel this way towards this person. You may not always find the answer as you may have simply forgotten. But you do have the power to develop a positive affirmation towards the person as a way of forgiveness and personal healing.
Affirmation: I forgive and let go easily. |
Edited by - shawnsmith on 02/19/2013 05:32:18 |
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chickenbone
Panama
398 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2013 : 08:13:41
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| What Ace said about confusing or negative posts is so right. If we run from what bothers us on this forum, we can be sure we are avoiding issues in life that we really need to address. Like he says, we must try to de-condition ourselves to this, learn to remain in the situation in the moment, sit with our upset, make space for it and then LET IT GO. Ignoring posts that we don't like or agree with IS a viable option. Getting angry about them or running away is not healthy. |
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chickenbone
Panama
398 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2013 : 08:19:05
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| Oh and Alix and RSR - The posts on the fight/flight/freeze/fawn subject were fabulous. I got a lot out of these as far as understanding myself and took a lot of notes. Thanks. |
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Bugbear
United Kingdom
152 Posts |
Posted - 02/20/2013 : 00:39:28
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quote:
Originally posted by chickenbone
Ignoring posts that we don't like or agree with IS a viable option. Getting angry about them or running away is not healthy.
I don't actually mind the bickering. It is part of life and refreshing in a way to see people so passionate even if expressed negatively. I think the confusion I speak about arises from information overload, some of it conflicting but some of it incredibly compelling. I am in a rush, I guess, to take it all in. This causes me to strain.
As for anger, I have this from my past, estranged family and in my life on a daily basis with my immediate family and at work. My job involves conflict resolution. There is also plenty of conflict amongst staff and managers within the organisation. As for the a-holes I need to forgive, none of them are on this forum.
That being said one of my internal reactions is often the urge to run away. This brings us back to fight/flight/freeze. I haven't yet read the article about the fawning but it is saved to my iPad reading list for later. I will try not to strain to read it. |
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Ace of the Day - Day 1...
