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susan828
USA
291 Posts |
 Posted - 04/27/2012 : 21:14:59
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| avik, I am wondering if you are aware of any thoughts that are going through your head when you experience the night anxiety? Are you experiencing any physical symptoms like shaking? Are you thinking about a problem, something going on in your life? Maybe you can describe exactly what you are experiencing. I have so many books and find a really helpful one or just give some advice but if you can describe it as best as you can, it would help. |
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avik
128 Posts |
Posted - 04/27/2012 : 22:35:11
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quote:
Originally posted by susan828
avik, I am wondering if you are aware of any thoughts that are going through your head when you experience the night anxiety? Are you experiencing any physical symptoms like shaking? Are you thinking about a problem, something going on in your life? Maybe you can describe exactly what you are experiencing. I have so many books and find a really helpful one or just give some advice but if you can describe it as best as you can, it would help.
Susan-
I am actually just scared. Scared of what, I have no idea (although I have quite a few stresses in my life right now). The feeling is of an adrenaline rush right when I am about to fall asleep and for the first time ever, it has gotten physically worse over the past couple of days. More specifically, I get these terrible pins and needles in my legs (which I had before when I was fighting parasthesia from TMS). Also, I actually got nauseous the other night; it was the first time I had a "full-body-experience" from anxiety and it was not fun. I think I came close to a full blown panic attack, although I cant be sure because I have never actually had one.
Im terrified of not being "my best" the following day...not being able to work as hard, socialize or do the things I only do when i am well rested.
Its weird...I am building this whole thing up in my head part of me feels like I should keep talking about it to try and identify the culprit, while the other side thinks that the more I talk about it the worse it gets.
I know its going to step just as quickly as it came but until then, I am suffering.
I wonder if this is the last hiding place for my TMS? I have beaten virtually every other ailment that I used to have (and I have had them all, over a 15 yr period of time). Whats interesting though is that those ailments I could "fight". Insomnia on the other hand cannot be fought...you have to NOT fight it to get it to abate. I think... |
Edited by - avik on 04/27/2012 22:35:56 |
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Bugbear
United Kingdom
152 Posts |
Posted - 04/28/2012 : 01:48:21
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"I'm terrified of not being 'my best' the following day...not being able to work as hard, socialize or do the things I only do when I am well rested"
Avik, this is a great, big clue. It is this fear of not being your best, not being 'perfect' that is driving your insomnia. I could have written that sentence about myself but substituting 'migraine free' for 'well rested'. I never linked this fear with perfectionism before now. It is as clear as a bell.
I personally don't think 'fighting' any symptoms does any good because we are just maintaining our focus on the physical problem.
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avik
128 Posts |
Posted - 04/28/2012 : 09:27:11
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quote:
Originally posted by Bugbear
"I'm terrified of not being 'my best' the following day...not being able to work as hard, socialize or do the things I only do when I am well rested"
Avik, this is a great, big clue. It is this fear of not being your best, not being 'perfect' that is driving your insomnia. I could have written that sentence about myself but substituting 'migraine free' for 'well rested'. I never linked this fear with perfectionism before now. It is as clear as a bell.
I personally don't think 'fighting' any symptoms does any good because we are just maintaining our focus on the physical problem.
Agreed. However, what I meant by "fighting" was just focusing on ways to understand and combat the issue (ie, go the gym when you are in pain or, deliberately eat what you want when having IBS, etc). Thumbing my nose at TMS as always worked best for me, because it weakens it...and this takes some energy and focus to do. If you try to do this same thing with insomnia, I find it gets WORSE.
It actually became more clear to me as I wrote it, although I think I knew/have known this to be the problem for a while now.
Ever since I started with this on and off insomnia/sleep-issues, I noticed that I "didnt like who I was" or, "wasnt happy with my personality " (amongst other things" when I was exhausted during the day. I am not sure anyone really is, but I was and still AM NOT OK with not being "my best". I definitely fear that people will not like me (as much) or respect me (as much) as when I am "on my game" and well rested.
As a result, I fear not being able to sleep, which in turn means not being my best, the following day. For me (the typical perfectionist and one who is 100% happy and content with who he is), this is DEVASTATING. I know that sounds dramatic, but its just the way it is in my head.
I wonder if my sub-conscious escaltes this for me before sleep, so that I can have insomnia and then this indirectly forces me to "stay-in" the following day (not work as hard, not have as many meetings, not go out at night and be with friends or go on dates, etc)-so that I dont have to face any of my regular fears or insecurities. Its kind of a brilliant form of TMS and obviously for me, quite effective at diverting my attention.
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Edited by - avik on 04/28/2012 09:31:01 |
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Scottydog
United Kingdom
330 Posts |
Posted - 04/28/2012 : 14:44:45
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In truth people are so wrapped up in themselves that unless you sit yawning or with half-shut eyes or drool or something no one will know or even suspect that you hardly slept the previous night. So 'I definitely fear that people will not like me (as much) or respect me (as much) as when I am "on my game" and well rested.' is a false belief because they won't even notice!
I have insomnia and wake with the anxious feeling and knot in stomach but think it is due to repressed anger or hurt and I am trying to reduce that by dealing with anything which I am repressing(usually unknowingly at the time). My husband and I had a heart to heart this a.m. so that I could explain some of his (imo) irritating habits which I repress my feelings about. (turns out he is unaware of how grumpy he sounds and what I took as criticism in his voice was more tiredness due to his job). Anyway, that was just meant as an example of what can wind me up.
I am also NOT taking on any more of my family members' problems which they assume I will help them to sort out. Another example.
Anyway, things could be quite different for you but this is how I am tackling the problem. |
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Good book for dealing with anxiety?
