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racingspoon
United Kingdom
35 Posts |
 Posted - 04/26/2012 : 05:36:42
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I recall a quote from some self help book or the other from a few years back, the gist of it was;
"...for most people the main aim upon waking in the morning is to return to the safety of the same bed 14 hours later after suffering the least fear, change and challenge as is possible..."
This quote came to mind the other day when I read some replies to my post about my sciatica issue and in particular how the fear of a symptom only feeds it. Having considered this I'm only now only really becoming aware that in many ways it is actually a fear of everything that is the problem. I think that from an early age I was pretty much conditioned by my mother to see the world as fundamentally a fearful place and I'm sure that pretty much all of my actions on a day to day basis are based on the fundamental aim of protecting myself and my image and not challenging myself so as to avoid failure or even worse possible success.
In SteveO's book I read an example of a tennis player who sabotaged herself so as to avoid the victory speech. This resonated with me as I have always thought how even if I was as gifted as Roger Federer I could never win Wimbledon as I would not be able to dance in public as is the tradition between the mens and womens winners.
I'm just thinking on this concept of fear and the idea of constantly living in a groundhog day of comfort zones and how the fear of our physical symptoms can ensure we stay enslaved in this mindset. Just interested to hear others thoughs on this. |
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 04/26/2012 : 07:39:17
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Rational fears are good. They keep us from doing foolish things like petting a king cobra, swimming with tiger shark, or walking at night in a drug infested neighborhood. Rational fears usually automaticly die down once we remove ourself from that particular situation.
Irrational fears is what we have to work on elliminating. It grow and magnified event when we're already out of the danger zone. The fear loops is keeping us forever in.
Make up your mind is the most powerful method I have seen dealing with fear loops. The power of a MADE UP MIND. |
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Hillbilly
USA
385 Posts |
Posted - 04/26/2012 : 08:47:36
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racing,
I just finished dashing off a note to someone on this very subject. It is probably the most important part of the whole process of waking up to the reality of how you have boxed yourself in in life and why.
In one of the chapters of Abraham Low's seminal book, "Mental Health Through Will Training," a young lady won't sit in a car even if it is parked. She says she doesn't know why, she just won't. The doctor prods a bit to get her to admit that the car, nor the act of sitting in it is dangerous. So why won't she sit in it? She says she gets panicky. He goes on to explain to her that if she attaches rational danger to anything, she will get symptoms, and if she attaches danger to those initial symptoms, she will get more, until they reach a crescendo, and unfailingly she escapes the situation back to where she feels safe. This is happening in every person who visits here that is in the midst of suffering from nerves.
So this lady, who it is discovered later in the chapter has been in an accident years earlier, had associated danger with her symptoms. It isn't the act of sitting or riding in a car that she perceives as dangerous or seeks to avoid, but the "feeling" of fear. He goes on to say that this is why people avoid all sorts of human interaction from asking someone on a date or the boss for a raise. It isn't the asking they dread, or even the act of rejection on the other end, but the feelings.
This is why you believe you couldn't dance in public. Nothing could be more benign or normal than a little dancing. Yet, you fear the prying eyes and mind-reading judgment of others (no doubt a learned behavior from childhood that you loathed being criticized harshly) and, key point here, THE WAY YOU FEEL in the situation. This can be extrapolated to heights, public performance, anything at all. It is the single most limiting force I know of on earth, and it is completely, utterly senseless on a rational plane if you give it some thought.
Now, there are examples of people who have decided that their symptoms and fears were so limiting that they've gone to extremes in order to conquer them. Michael Jordan hated the feeling of rejection so much that he became the hardest working, most competitive and, arguably, the most successful basketball player in history. Alain Robert was frightened to death of heights, so he now scales skyscrapers without a harness to prove those feelings incongruous with reality and, in fact, meaningless. G. Gordon Liddy used to sit in a tree during a lightning storm to conquer his fear of them.
Though this isn't the hallmark of Dr. Sarno's treatment plan due to his understanding that there is some unconscious emotion that is distracting you with these symptoms, the fact that you are told to return to normal activity is in a sense the same thing. It is called interoceptive exposure therapy, and it is about beating down the irrational with the rational through exposure to what you fear. Dance your ass off at a wedding if you want. You won't die, but you might blush. So what?
TMS pain creates the apprehension that you won't be able to walk, run, sit, drive, throw a baseball or do a pushup, and in some cases this is true until the nerves have been trained to calm down and perform this task because it is normal and not dangerous. It is past experiences that have colored things this way for you, and new ones can redraw the landscape with practice.
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Aided and abetted by corrupt analysts, patients who have nothing better to do with their lives often use the psychoanalytic situation to transform insignificant childhood hurts into private shrines at which they worship unceasingly the enormity of the offenses committed against them. This solution is immensely flattering to the patients—as are all forms of unmerited self-aggrandizement; it is immensely profitable for the analysts—as are all forms pandering to people's vanity; and it is often immensely unpleasant for nearly everyone else in the patient's life.
Dr. Thomas Szasz |
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racingspoon
United Kingdom
35 Posts |
Posted - 04/26/2012 : 09:47:05
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Oh dear Hillbilly you have now got me thinking about feelings and the negation and denial of them.
Funny thing is I think I'm quite empathatic in relation to other people but when I think of my own feelings I've actually started to wonder if I do actually allow myself to experience and "feel" them fully as opposed to just processing them on a rational/pragmatic/intellectual level. What I mean by this is that I know if I'm sad, angry or happy etc but I'm not really sure I let go and allow myself to actually wallow and in the experience of the feeling.
****, I'm opening a can of worms here...lol. |
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Hillbilly
USA
385 Posts |
Posted - 04/26/2012 : 10:02:30
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Racing,
Yes, life in its fullness = emotions. Some good, most probably not. Accept them all as they are. All are harmless chemical reactions within you.
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Failures do what is tension relieving, while winners do what is goal achieving."
Dennis Waitley
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racingspoon
United Kingdom
35 Posts |
Posted - 04/26/2012 : 10:33:23
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| Yeah...the more I think about it (no pun intended) the more I realise I just analyse rather then feel and experience. I'm probably actually pretty emotionally crippled by constant over analyse of each and every interaction I have. I'm sure there is a place for logic, ration and analyse but I have a sneeky feeling its not best served when dealing with this condition. |
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Hillbilly
USA
385 Posts |
Posted - 04/26/2012 : 11:31:32
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There is a place for rationality in every situation you encounter in life. There is no place for anticipation and avoidance of perceived disasters that are not only unlikely, but in many cases impossible.
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Failures do what is tension relieving, while winners do what is goal achieving."
Dennis Waitley
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 04/26/2012 : 17:55:26
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Dear Sophisticated Hillbilly, Thanks for your excellent exposition of why it's important to challenge one's fears cognitively. I totally agree.
On the subject of fear, anger, sadness, etc. I've spent my professional career and personal life finding ways to challenge fear stories (and anger and sadness stories), mentally, while simultaneously allowing the emotions to move through the body and be unresisted. Obviously it's not either/or but both/and, and both/and is challenging to our digital minds.
Yet until thoughts and feelings are dealt with separately - almost in separate rooms (change the thoughts in your mind, and feel the feelings in your body) they just continue to dance together and create an endless creativity of boring experiences. It's like trying to pry apart an enmeshed couple (which I also have done many times). The feelings want to influence and strengthen the fear thoughts which want to spark off another wave of feelings, in a ghastly spiral.
lalalalala
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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Goodney
USA
76 Posts |
Posted - 04/27/2012 : 05:45:05
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| Hillbilly, you hit the nail on the head. I have spent so much of my life preparing to survive disasters that not only didn't happen, but couldn't possibly have EVER happened. Except in my mind. |
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Hillbilly
USA
385 Posts |
Posted - 04/27/2012 : 07:52:47
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Wavy,
Can you help me understand how you help people stop dancing? I hear you about the spirals, been there, done that, had my picture taken by the homeless guy at the wharf. What is the methodology of the wavy cure?
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Failures do what is tension relieving, while winners do what is goal achieving."
Dennis Waitley
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 04/27/2012 : 10:25:37
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There is an attempt to describe it at my website infinite wave dot org.
That (my work) is a methodology that requires a container (seminar or practitioner) for a while to learn. However, I've found that even with the cognitive, simple realization of separating the "enmeshed couple," and a couple of simple instructions, people can save a lot of time . Let me see if I can summarize:
1) The following is done when you realize you're "off"
2) Feel down into your "body" (i.e. below the neck) with a specific inquiry as to what is the feeling: Mad, Sad or Afraid?. (other than joy etc. not needing any shifting).
(I've found that it's incredibly helpful to only allow 3 feelings: Anger, Sadness and Fear). These are the primary colors of emotion, which mix together and add beliefs to create all the other "colors" - things like disappointment (sadness and anger + a belief like "I never get what I want").
3) Connect one breath to the next so that it's CONTINUOUS - doesn't matter small or big, belly or chest, nose or mouth, fast or slow - let nature regulate herself. Just CONTINUOUS.
4) Breathe AS the feeling, not resisting it, like a pig rolling in sh*t
5) The BELIEF part: At some point you will notice thoughts attached to all this - in fact it may take effort to get out of the thinking head, below the neck, to the bod where feelings happen.
6) What to do with the beliefs? In my system, you "evolve" them. In other words, you shove them on the next step towards a higher thought. This sometimes means complete reversal, but sometimes and for some people, that just strengthens the struggle. There are so many methods to evolve beliefs - I've spent decades learning/teaching them, but it all boils down to finding a way to evolve beliefs - for example such as Hillbilly describes above - cognitive belief challenging or simple affirmations or spiritual challenging a la Byron Katie or noticing how it fits into the thought patterns you've already documented for your mind
So you evolve the thought WHILE breathing continuously trying to unresistantly feel the feeling or feelings . e.g. "Is it true that I NEVER get what I want?" (continuous river of breath ventilating the system as your mind ruthlessly refuses to buy any thought that doesn't serve you)
Where it spirals down is when you start thinking that feelings are beliefs, and vice versa. "I really feel that this is a serious disk problem with my back." NO! You feel afraid and probably angry and you have a belief that your body is incredibly breakable, which you must now challenge, Sarno-style or any other way.
Feel the feelings, change the thoughts
AT THE SAME TIME
Hope this is helpful
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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Hillbilly
USA
385 Posts |
Posted - 04/27/2012 : 12:40:49
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Wavy,
I am not a psychologist or licensed therapist. Just a guy with a story and a good one with a happy ending...so far. Just before her death, Claire Weekes admitted to an interviewer that she still had occasional panic attacks that would awaken her. She would immediately go back to sleep. He was shocked and said he was sorry to hear that. She said, "Save your sympathy for someone else. I don't need it or want it. What you call a panic attack is merely a few normal chemicals that are temporarily out of place in my brain. It is of no significance whatsoever to me!" She was a bit brutish, that old coot, not unlike yours truly.
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Failures do what is tension relieving, while winners do what is goal achieving."
Dennis Waitley
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MatthewNJ
USA
691 Posts |
Posted - 04/27/2012 : 15:44:49
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Mark Twain said "I am a very old man, and most of what I worried about never came true"
Stop worrying, start living. Fear in this world is served up in large doses. Stop reading the newspaper, stop listening to the news, skip the headlines in all the Yahoos, Comcasts etc of the world and ENJOY your life now.
NOT an easy thing to do, nor will you accomplish it over night, but every day it gets better if you make it a practice every day.
I know, I have succeeded!
Matthew
Ferretsx3@comcast.net
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Less activated, more regulated and more resilient. |
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The Fear Factor
