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lara
USA
101 Posts |
 Posted - 03/05/2012 : 09:38:43
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I was feeling a lot better,sitting more,even walking my dogs for 1 1/2 every day,i am on day 11th of the wikipedia program,and saturday for the first time in one month i did have sex with hubby,was great just a little burning on left side of buttocks,bt i was scared about the "after feeling".
Yesterday was in pain level 4/5 ,and at night 6/7,but today it's worst 8/9 ,and doubts comes to my head,if i was feeling better,why an act so beautiful has caused me this big flare up? i have to confess that i am no longer the athletic ,woman that was proud to show her body,i have gained 15 lbs ,was the activity(sex) what have cuased this pain again? or the stress it caused to me ,to show my body and being "good" ,being or pretending being normal to my husband? i also feel like if i don't have intimacy with i may lose him,and i hate losing love ones,i always lost someone somehow in my life,i don't want to lose my husband because i can't have sex with him,please help ,i won't stop the program but today this pain is distracting me a lot and making me doubt .
Lara |
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Bugbear
United Kingdom
152 Posts |
Posted - 03/05/2012 : 11:38:49
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Lara, dear, your post was full of clues as to why you are in pain. First of all, it sounds like you had a major breakthrough if your pain was reduced after following the structured educational program. If your symptoms had a physical cause, this would not happen.
After having sex you say you were scared of pain. This fear is what brings it all back again and is another clue that your pain has a psychological cause. You are conditioned to believe this activity will hurt and sure enough it does.
You are also conscious of your weight gain and changed body shape. This can also lead to anxiety about resuming sexual activity. The feeling about having to be good for your husband stems from the classic TMS personality types, the goodist (wanting to please your husband) and the perfectionist (having the perfect body in complete working order). Yes, this can all lead to stress. The stress will cause you to tense up and feel pain. The pain will cause you to doubt. You can press on and overcome this doubt.
And then there is the fear of loss. That is a minefield on its own, especially if you have a history of losing people you cared about.
I think your short description is chock full of issues for you to explore further. I have only touched upon some of them.
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bryan3000
USA
513 Posts |
Posted - 03/05/2012 : 12:52:15
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Bugbear nailed it. Excellent response, imo.
Lara, can you afford to speak with someone on a weekly basis via insurance or other means?
Sounds to me like that might be helpful. There were indeed a ton of clues in your post that a qualified therapist would help you recognize and ease.
You sound like a beautiful woman who is working hard to get things right in her life. As a guy with an unappreciative wife in the process of divorce... let me just say that your husband is a very lucky man. Hopefully, that's a fact that you can ingest and believe at some point in the future, as well.
Keep at it, keep us updated. Best wishes. |
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shari
USA
85 Posts |
Posted - 03/05/2012 : 12:56:57
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Lara, I remember distinctly that the days when I felt great physically were the days when I felt the most anxious. It was the fear that pain might come back. And sure enough, it came back the following like clockwork. My best days were always followed by my worst days. Once I realized that, I could prepare myself mentally for it.
As Bugbear mentioned, you might have some issues you may want to explore further. Like you, I was someone always eager to please others, only to lose them eventually. It took me a long time to realize that my attitude toward people came from something I carried from childhood. That something was shame. Shame is something we are very reluctant to deal with because it's a very painful emotion. In my case, shame came from my mother. She was a very controlling person. I learned very early in life that in order to avoid losing her love I had to cater to her needs and forget mine. I grew up thinking that my own needs were not important. I had to disown this part of me in order to survive as a child. Pleasing people was, I thought, the only way I could be loved. Conflicts always arose when I started expressing my own needs. From my attitude, people had taken it for granted that their own needs were important and mine not.
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lara
USA
101 Posts |
Posted - 03/05/2012 : 13:32:39
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[quote]Originally posted by bryan3000
Bugbear nailed it. Excellent response, imo.
Lara, can you afford to speak with someone on a weekly basis via insurance or other means?
Sounds to me like that might be helpful. There were indeed a ton of clues in your post that a qualified therapist would help you recognize and ease.
You sound like a beautiful woman who is working hard to get things right in her life. As a guy with an unappreciative wife in the process of divorce... let me just say that your husband is a very lucky man. Hopefully, that's a fact that you can ingest and believe at some point in the future, as well.
Keep at it, keep us updated. Best wishes.
Yes i have insurance,but don't know what kind of therapist go to.
I was working so hard on my body ,i had a almost perfect one,with resting herat rat of a professional athlete when this pain started after the surgery.Now i feel ugly,and yeah i know i have a lot of issues due to a very tough childhood,mother and father left to USA when i was 15,i only missed mom,because my father was an alcoholic and abuser.but still felt that i lost my mom then,then she returned 6 yrs later and took my little sis (she was 2 when mom left)and by then she was 8 ,and also my adorable brother,he was 12 when she left and byt then when he left our country he was 18,so i stayed there in our country with my older sister,we couldn't come to USA because we were adults now( i was 20 and my older sister 21) so she couldn't take us,by now,it would take longer for the US residence.and it did! i resumed"my life over there ,got married had a beautiful daughter,and was having a wonderful life,when suddenly american embassy sent this package to me,notifing me i was able to come to the USA ,I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT IT AND LEFT WITH MY DAUGHTER,HUSBAND WAS GOING TO JOIN US LATER,ja! we left everything behind,our house,jobs ,friends etc.But nothing was the same once here,my mom was not the adorable person she was when i was 15,father was still the same ,my brother was working like crazy and studying at college,and my little siter was in high school.I was like a stranger in my moms house,never felt welcomed,my husband(ex now) didn't know what to do,no jobs,nothing ,so i got pregnant again and that made my mom so angry that she treated me like ****...
Long story short,i divorce my daughters husband 3 yrs later and meet my actual husband,found a great job,and started loving running,lifting weight etc,everything seemed so perfect until i had to have that surgery last year and boom ,this pain showed his ugly face,i have had done so many tests ,xrays,ct scans,mri s mrn etc and nothing seems wrong with me.i CAN'T BE THE MOM I USED TO BE ANYMORE,we used to play a lot ,we uesd to have fun all the time possible,i was trying to never give my kids the home i had as a child,i worked hard ,and also always wanted to look beautiful,because when i was a child everybody made fun of me,and i was a fat girl.When i got the body i got i was so proud of myself,that made me happy.ahh i think i wrotte here a lot,and only this has made me feel better 
I have never seen a therapist,before.i would love to see a TMS one,but i doubt theres one covered by my insurance. |
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lara
USA
101 Posts |
Posted - 03/05/2012 : 13:40:00
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Oh and the cherry on the top was last year when i saw my older sister,
didn't see her for 7 years,with an horrible,abusive husband,so horrible that only his voice makes me want to cry.she brought her other two kids and they suffer from severe very severe autism,couldn't believe hat i was seeing,those kids were like out of this world,she never told us about them..and i had to rescue one of her daughter from her and her father,my niece ,i called authorities and they took the kids away from her,we went to court and stuff,my sister and the monster never appeared in court,so the county gave the kids to foster parents,includind the "sane"one my niece which is 13 yrs old,all of this happened one month before my surgery. |
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TaylorJoh
USA
113 Posts |
Posted - 03/05/2012 : 14:23:56
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Hi Lara,
I used to worry about my body a lot. I've had two abdominal surgeries and my stomach looks like a butt because of the scar . I carried around a huge tumor the size of a full term baby. That means stretch marks and saggy skin. I hated it and it caused me a great deal of stress.
And of course, the stress manifests as pain. I had to just tell myself, OK, there is nothing I can do about it right now. I'll just get a tummy tuck when I can. So, I put it in the back of my mind and continued with my TMS work. I'm almost pain free and everyday I'm so thankful. I may not look like my old self, but I feel like my old self and that is what is important.
Put getting yourself better before worrying about your physical appearance. You will get back to your old self, maybe even better than before. It will take time and complete confidence that your symptoms are TMS. And you're in control of healing from chronic pain. |
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bryan3000
USA
513 Posts |
Posted - 03/05/2012 : 16:29:03
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Lara,
Wow... that's a lot, and I'm sorry for what you've been through. I've had my storybook situation came apart at the seams due to stress and health problems myself over the past couple of years. Luckily, I have beautiful, loving kids myself and a great, supportive set of parents and friends. Still, I'm a work in progress.
As for a therapist, I wouldn't hold out for just a TMS therapist. You've got plenty to work on and really all you need is a place to sort it out with someone who cares and understands how to guide your thought process. Yes, it would be beneficial if the therapist believed in TMS, and frankly... most good ones do to SOME degree. (Not psychiatrists, but therapists.)
So, I would just try to search for someone you feel good with... and start from there. You can always do your own TMS work on your own while you use therapy as a means to vent and help get your thoughts in order. You truly deserve a way to talk this out and be heard.
You sound like a good person. You'll get on top of this stuff. You just need some help stepping back to see the whole picture.
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Edited by - bryan3000 on 03/05/2012 16:33:55 |
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Bugbear
United Kingdom
152 Posts |
Posted - 03/06/2012 : 10:38:29
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Lara, I see your original post was just the tip of the iceberg. You have a whole walk-in closet full of skeletons. You must have been a walking time bomb before your operation. But here you are now on the road to recovery. Some of us need a little extra help. If you think a therapist could give you this extra help, I agree with Bryan. Find someone you like and can afford rather than worry about whether they are in the know about TMS. You can always lend them a Sarno book or point them in the direction of the TMS wiki.
Bryan, sounds like you are living through your own major life change. Embrace your loved ones. They are all that matters.
Sending both of you hugs. |
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lara
USA
101 Posts |
Posted - 03/06/2012 : 17:03:19
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quote:
Originally posted by Bugbear
Lara, I see your original post was just the tip of the iceberg. You have a whole walk-in closet full of skeletons. You must have been a walking time bomb before your operation. But here you are now on the road to recovery. Some of us need a little extra help. If you think a therapist could give you this extra help, I agree with Bryan. Find someone you like and can afford rather than worry about whether they are in the know about TMS. You can always lend them a Sarno book or point them in the direction of the TMS wiki.
Bryan, sounds like you are living through your own major life change. Embrace your loved ones. They are all that matters.
Sending both of you hugs.
Today's pain level is terrible bad,thank you for the hug,same for you.
right now i just want to cry and sleep for 10 years !! |
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bryan3000
USA
513 Posts |
Posted - 03/06/2012 : 18:52:34
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Hugs and prayers back to both of you. Stay the course... these are temporary states. We will resolve these things.
B |
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I was having some/lot of progress
