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stevep
106 Posts |
 Posted - 02/15/2012 : 20:10:55
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I've been pain free for about two months now. It's been remarkable. I've been running, lifting, everything. A couple days ago, a few things have been stressing me out. I noticed my lower back starting to feel achey like it used to. I tried to ignore it like I always do when I feel a twinge of pain (it always works and goes away). Then the next day, for some reason I decided to try this new kettle bell workout. Lots of squatting and bending motions. This probably wasn't the smartest move. Now my back is still achey kind of like it used to be. My legs are sore as hell too, but in the good way where you worked them out. But my back being achey is not a good thing. I've been trying to continuously remind myself that it's just TMS. I've been yelling at my brain, letting it know that I am not gonna let it trick me again. Picked up on the journaling a bit more to get my emotions out. I really hope it helps, because feeling pain free these past couple months has been incredible beyond words and the thought of more extended periods of time with back pain is depressing me like you can't believe (actually I'm sure you can).
Anyway, I just needed to vent to someone. Thanks for listening. |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 02/15/2012 : 20:49:49
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Steve,
Read the following line out of your post and see if you can detect anything.
1- "a few things have been stressing me out"
2- "Lots of squatting and bending motions. This probably wasn't the smartest move. Now my back is still achey"
3- "the thought of more extended periods of time with back pain is depressing me like you can't believe"
My comments
1- You have to look at why you're getting stressed out and work on that
2- Sounds to me that deep down you still believe there is a correlation between your pain and the physical
3- The pain still has a grip over you. You're resisting the fact that your body is communicating to you, make peace with the pain and focus on your emotional life or you will suffer for many more years like I did.
Writing about emotions doesn't really help in my experience, emotions are energy thus need to move and be experienced, then allowed to pass. So write and get into the experience of it a little and see what happens when you start to FEEL.
I'm not surprised your pain came back.....knowledge alone works for only so long. You actually have to change the way you work with your emotional side in order to become pain free for good.
Good luck
D |
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stevep
106 Posts |
Posted - 02/15/2012 : 20:57:52
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quote:
Originally posted by Darko
Steve,
Read the following line out of your post and see if you can detect anything.
1- "a few things have been stressing me out"
2- "Lots of squatting and bending motions. This probably wasn't the smartest move. Now my back is still achey"
3- "the thought of more extended periods of time with back pain is depressing me like you can't believe"
My comments
1- You have to look at why you're getting stressed out and work on that
2- Sounds to me that deep down you still believe there is a correlation between your pain and the physical
3- The pain still has a grip over you. You're resisting the fact that your body is communicating to you, make peace with the pain and focus on your emotional life or you will suffer for many more years like I did.
Writing about emotions doesn't really help in my experience, emotions are energy thus need to move and be experienced, then allowed to pass. So write and get into the experience of it a little and see what happens when you start to FEEL.
I'm not surprised your pain came back.....knowledge alone works for only so long. You actually have to change the way you work with your emotional side in order to become pain free for good.
Good luck
D
I've been trying to work on it, definitely. I am trying hard to acknowledge what is currently stressing me out. Writing seems to help me, so I'll keep doing it I guess. I refuse to let my mind take control of my body. I will not allow this to take hold again.
What do you mean by "get into the experience of it a little?" |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 02/15/2012 : 22:25:48
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It's one thing to write about your feelings, its another to actually FEEL them. Allow the feeling and then let it go.
Try that and see if it shifts anything for you.
D |
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stevep
106 Posts |
Posted - 02/15/2012 : 22:45:22
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| I'll try man, thanks. Easier said than done. |
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JohnnyC9
USA
5 Posts |
Posted - 02/16/2012 : 10:00:15
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| Darko--I've been journaling consistently for a few months now and have had little progress. How do you "feel" the emotions? I've been seeing a psychologist for nearly a year and I'm still working on this. How do you feel your emotions? I know my brain doesn't want me to do that (I had a tough, abusive childhood, and I know I've repressed/swallowed a bunch of hurt that I'm just now tapping into) but I need to feel my emotions if I'm going to decrease this incredible physical pain that's been with me for nearly 15 years. Can you advise me in any way? --John |
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lynnl
USA
109 Posts |
Posted - 02/16/2012 : 12:27:31
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quote:
Originally posted by JohnnyC9
How do you "feel" the emotions? I've been seeing a psychologist for nearly a year and I'm still working on this. How do you feel your emotions? ...
Can you advise me in any way? --John
John, I realize you addressed this to Darko, but if you will permit I will provide my response, and Darko can respond later.
I think that the fact you asked that question, "How do I (you) feel emotions?", in itself reveals something very critical about your nature, and the source of your pain. In light of your background (tough,abusive childhood) it's not at all surprising, in fact it could only be expected.
As to "how"? In a post I made a day or so ago, I tried to emphasize the distinction between thinking "about" some emotional event in one's past, and actualy thinking or reliving the event, i.e. trying to re-experience the event, just as it happened originally, complete with all of the feelings (fear, anger, anxiety, etc) that attended it at the time it actualy took place.
The way I do it, is first start thinking "about" the event or situation, and keep dwelling on it and imagining all of the surrounding circumstances, i.e. the complete scenario. It takes time, but if you will concentrate on that long enough, and rid your mind of all other extraneous thoughts, gradually you'll be pulled back in time so that you do re-experience it to some degree. It's only natural that your mind doesn't want to do that, and I think that's exactly what TMS is all about. It's not easy. Particularly at the outset, but from my own experience I find it does get easier the more you do it.
You've not indicated whether you have or have read Dr Sarno's books. But if you have access to his "Mindbody Prescription", on page 12 he relates the experience of one of his patients (Helen - real patient, fictitious name). After finding relief in Dr Sarno's teachings, she later has a severe back pain relapse, due to a history of incest abuse as a young girl. Reading that will give you a far better idea of "feeling the emotions" than I could ever do.
(NOTE: I thought that (Helen's account) was also included in his "Healing Back Pain" book, but I couldn't find it when I looked just now. Maybe someone else can advise.)
When I first accepted the validity of Sarno's TMS model, I sat down in my "reading room", aka toilet, and started trying to recall some traumatic times from my past. Maybe some abuse heaped on by my parents. They used to give me a "whuppin'" when I misbehaved, but heck all kids got whuppin's back in those days ('40s and '50s)  , so that was no big thing. Then finally I recalled an incident when I was in early first grade, walking home from school along with other kids ranging from my age to high schoolers. I was wearing a hat or cap of some sort, and one the high school boys (a distant cousin) grabbed it and they started playing "keep away" and wouldn't let me have it back. I gradually started recalling how terrified and infuriated I was at the time. After a few minutes of reflection I began to empathize with that small boy that I was; how helpless I was and how brutal the older boy was being to me.
Finally his older sister threatened to beat the crap out of him, so he gave me back the cap. But I hated him at the time, and truth be told, don't like him to this day, though I've only seen him once in the last 40 or 50 years.
Now I don't think for one minute that the repression of that incident for all those years caused my pain, but as I sat reliving that, my pain disappeared, and then I knew, Dr Sarno is exactly right!
I don't think recalling/reliving the exact emotion matters one iota, at least for most of us. It's just important that you try to bring up/relive emotions of some sort. Any emotions. I don't think they have to be necessarily traumatic events. In fact I found that loving, tender, poignant type emotions were actualy the most effective. Do not give up! Keep working on it.
If you (Stevep or John) or anyone else wishes to communicate directly with me, send me an email. I also have lots of cell phone minutes that go unused. I'd be more than happy to talk with anyone and offer whatever help or guidance I can, or just listen. I'm a 67 year old male, retired AF officer (meteorologist). Do woodworking, metal working/machining, enjoy gardening and fishing with my grandson.
Lynn |
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lynnl
USA
109 Posts |
Posted - 02/16/2012 : 12:28:50
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| <deleted> ...somehow I double posted. |
Edited by - lynnl on 02/16/2012 12:36:55 |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 02/17/2012 : 15:07:59
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Steve,
Take a look at Lynnl's advice, which is on the mark. I would like to just add a few things to it. Your emotions will naturally come out, that is the way the human body works....you just have to allow them. You will probably find that you're not comfortable feeling intense emotion. I hated intense anger because I was afraid of what I might do, and I hated the crying. Real men don't cry was my belief. These days I allow my anger I just don't have to express it uncontrollably, and I've gone even further to the point I don't really get angry much these days, it's really pointless.
My guess is you have heaps of hurt inside, and it's ok mate. Give yourself some love and allow yourself to experience what's pushed down. Sit quietly, and think about the hurtful events, and what you made them mean about yourself allow the tears to come.
I have a cry for time to time and it can get really intense, I remember rolling on the floor for 40min once! Get a sad movie and a have a good cry, once you start crying and you go with it you'll understand what I'm talking about. Terminator 2 made me cry, in the end when Arnie terminated himself.....just killed me man! 
Don't have an expectation either, the point is just to get you comfortable with your emotions....DO NOT focus on the pain. Focus on the emotions!
Start meditation morning and night......it's important and helps.
The problem with me was that I generated many negative emotions, and didn't know how/want to experience them. It's a two part process, change who you're being so you don't create the negative emotions and purge the trapped negative emotions from your body.
You can experience and feel an intense emotion and not allow it to take over, this is the key! I can still get activated by my girlfriend but I don't have to go off. I just tell her "ok I'm really activated right now" I allow the anger to flow through me and observe it. I ask why am I angry during or after the event, I usually find it's because of some childish/selfish reason.
Next time you get pissed, observe it and allow it, feel it pumping through your body and how strong it is. Acknowledge it but don't ACT angry.
Hope this helps
D |
Edited by - Darko on 02/17/2012 15:16:05 |
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stevep
106 Posts |
Posted - 02/17/2012 : 15:58:40
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Thanks guys, good responses. I'm going to have to try and re-live my issues a little harder. I find it very difficult. I think I get distracted more than anything, which makes meditation in general tough for me. One thing I'm comfortable saying is that I really do think I need a good cry. It's been a LONG time.
Oh and I've only read "Healing Back Pain". I read it twice. That seemed to do the trick. I have "Rapid Revovery From Back and Neck Pain" but never read it cause I started feeling so much better. I'm gonna read through it now though. |
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bryan3000
USA
513 Posts |
Posted - 02/18/2012 : 00:36:50
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Lynn,
That was a great response. Really enjoyed reading it. Bless you and your grandson. :)
_____________________________
-1/2010 - Developed chronic sinus problems. ENTs/Docs can't find anything
-5/29/2010 - Doc gives cocktail of allergy meds which induces first ever panic attack/anxiety.
-7/16/2010 - Anxiety stays/worsens - put on Xanax
2/1/2011 - Began Xanax taper - Withdrawal starts - full body chaos
-6/11/2011 - Last dose of Xanax. Physical/emotional chaos continues for several months.
-Now: Taking it day by day, looking for real answers and ways to heal myself without medical poison. |
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stevep
106 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2012 : 13:41:43
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It really did come back with a vengeance, friends. I can't believe this. I honestly thought I was done with this. I've been so happy these past couple months. But it seems to be even worse than its ever been. Very depressing. I think it's time for therapy  |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2012 : 15:57:51
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It's not uncommon for things to get worse before they get better. If you think about it, the more you get closer to your emotions the more your brain is going to try and protect you. The WORST thing you could do now is change your approach or give up!!!
Hang in there and focus on the emotions
D |
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stevep
106 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2012 : 16:02:56
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Is seeking therapy giving up? Serious question, I'm not trying to be a wise guy.
At the moment I'm reading "the mindbody prescription". I had only read "healing back pain" (twice), and got "better" from that so I went no further. Hopefully this helps a bit. |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2012 : 16:53:53
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I don't think it's giving up provided you use it in addition to your current work. The more you focus on your emotions the better, and any decent Therapist will encourage you to continue down that path I would think.
I said what I said in my last post because you sounded a little discouraged.
D |
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stevep
106 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2012 : 17:04:37
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| I'm extremely discouraged. More than I've been in a long time. You've got that right. I think where I may have gone wrong is that I essentially stopped journaling and acknowledging my emotions while I was better. I told myself that I'm "ok now". |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2012 : 17:23:31
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You were ok then and you are ok now, however there is a practice you must do in order to maintain the life you want. Brushing your teeth is important if you want to keep your teeth, it doesn't mean anything, it's just is what it is.
You must keep a healthy relationship with your emotional side or you will get pain.....is just is what it is.
The mind will always focus on the negative and start playing those negative recordings so you start to feel bad when you have a set back like now. You gotta learn to over power that crap and take control of the mind, it's YOUR mind and it serves YOU.....not the other way around....OWN IT!
A set back is a set back in the world of performance and nothing else. It doesn't mean anything about you or TMS, it's just that you didn't do the correct performance.
Go to a mirror and have a good talk to yourself, get that negative crap out of your head and start doing the work again.
Being discouraged and depressed simply does not serve you, and you have little to zero chance of recovery as these very emotions contribute to TMS so it becomes a loop. You have to break the circuit and do something different.
D
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stevep
106 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2012 : 17:26:46
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Great post man. Beautifully stated. I really appreciate that, and it's actually very helpful. I see now that I essentially got cocky, if you will. I think laziness plays a part as well.
Thanks again. |
Edited by - stevep on 02/19/2012 17:29:07 |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 02/19/2012 : 17:37:51
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John,
I just saw that i addressed my post to Steve when it was for you.
John,
Take a look at Lynnl's advice, which is on the mark. I would like to just add a few things to it. Your emotions will naturally come out, that is the way the human body works....you just have to allow them. You will probably find that you're not comfortable feeling intense emotion. I hated intense anger because I was afraid of what I might do, and I hated the crying. Real men don't cry was my belief. These days I allow my anger I just don't have to express it uncontrollably, and I've gone even further to the point I don't really get angry much these days, it's really pointless.
My guess is you have heaps of hurt inside, and it's ok mate. Give yourself some love and allow yourself to experience what's pushed down. Sit quietly, and think about the hurtful events, and what you made them mean about yourself allow the tears to come.
I have a cry for time to time and it can get really intense, I remember rolling on the floor for 40min once! Get a sad movie and a have a good cry, once you start crying and you go with it you'll understand what I'm talking about. Terminator 2 made me cry, in the end when Arnie terminated himself.....just killed me man!
Don't have an expectation either, the point is just to get you comfortable with your emotions....DO NOT focus on the pain. Focus on the emotions!
Start meditation morning and night......it's important and helps.
The problem with me was that I generated many negative emotions, and didn't know how/want to experience them. It's a two part process, change who you're being so you don't create the negative emotions and purge the trapped negative emotions from your body.
You can experience and feel an intense emotion and not allow it to take over, this is the key! I can still get activated by my girlfriend but I don't have to go off. I just tell her "ok I'm really activated right now" I allow the anger to flow through me and observe it. I ask why am I angry during or after the event, I usually find it's because of some childish/selfish reason.
Next time you get pissed, observe it and allow it, feel it pumping through your body and how strong it is. Acknowledge it but don't ACT angry.
Hope this helps
D
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Stryder
686 Posts |
Posted - 02/20/2012 : 16:01:43
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Is seeking therapy giving up ?
No way ! It means you have accepted that your pain is TMS, and you are doing the emotional work to heal yourself. A therapist, like meds, can help you, but neither are the cure. They are a bridge to yourself and in yourself is the cure. If you need the bridge (as some do), its okay to take that path.
Take care, -Stryder |
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stevep
106 Posts |
Posted - 02/20/2012 : 16:18:38
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| I think something that could really help me is if I were able to cry. I've tried a couple times these past few days, but can't really get anywhere. I squeezed out maybe a little moisture at best. |
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Think I caught a relapse
