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Uma
USA
31 Posts |
 Posted - 01/10/2012 : 17:28:40
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Hi everyone,
I haven't been on much recently...been doing OK. Making slow TMS progress.
But the past few days have been brutal. I get fibromyalgia-like pain (everywhere, achy, stabbing, joint, muscle, major fatigue, whatever) and I think the trigger this time was actually some positive things happening in my life -- new social connections, some progress with studies and career, etc.
There is a bit of feeling of excitement but a LOT of fear and anxiety and sadness that I am tapping into *very occasionally* but most of the time it is this searing pain. I feel it is from the clenching -- i feel so tight. Maybe like my body is trying to keep too much change from happening too fast. I also know I have deep fears of rejection and failure and that being in pain and sick and tired keeps me from exposing myself to situations where I could experience that.
I keep wanting to lie down and address it physically and I just thought that writing this might help somehow.
Thanks everyone for being there. |
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Joy_I_Am
United Kingdom
138 Posts |
Posted - 01/11/2012 : 05:51:57
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Hi Uma!
I totally relate! I'm glad to hear you are making progress, but yes, I also get unwanted physical reactions even to good things! It's just all so over-stimulating, and probably tied up with feelings of expectation and having to 'rise to the occasion', and fears of not being able to cope.
I've been feeling the same way lately, though my symptoms have been a sensitive bladder and tooth pain; I think it's 'new year syndrome', when the pressure is on to make positive changes! I'm going to journal it, by hand, in pencil, for at least three pages - that seems to be the best method for me.
Isn't it great, though, that we can recognise this and start to address it instead of being flattened by it?
Be well and happy, Joy |
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Uma
USA
31 Posts |
Posted - 01/20/2012 : 20:35:57
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Hi Joy,
Yeah, stress is stress whichever way it rolls.
I go through periods of journalling a lot but most of the time I have a lot of resistance to doing it. Not sure why because it does seem to help. Thanks for the support and for relating!
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Uma
USA
31 Posts |
Posted - 01/20/2012 : 20:39:01
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OK I'll just say out loud that I appear to be descending into the pits of body focusing... this and that hurts because I did too many things that made me tight (like computer) and not enough yoga or exercise.
I know there are real reasons why less computer and more exercise would be good for me, but since that is the way I often think about pain, I think this is the anti-TMS mind-mess.
Anyway thought maybe "coming out" about my sliding can help.
At the same time, I'm aware that there are things in my life that I feel extremely frustrated by, but I can't seem to get myself to translate that into thinking psychological enough to stop the pain. 
Thanks all. |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 01/20/2012 : 23:26:48
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Uma, I don't think you have to "think psychological" ENOUGH to stop the pain. It's not a big ordeal. It's just a momentary flicker of awareness, and then for myself, I have to put the thing down.
It's very tempting to pick it back up, because it leaves a space, a hole, when you put it (worrying and obsessing about symptoms) down. Into that space can flood peace but sometimes what comes first is what we were distracting ourselves from - in my case it feels like a kind of crawling anxiety. Sometimes I can breathe through it. Other times I can find a better distraction than the illness schtick. Even a good book or a phone call or coming here.
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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It's got me again! GRRRRR
