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Joy_I_Am
United Kingdom
138 Posts |
 Posted - 10/10/2011 : 13:14:29
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Hello, Fellow Girlies!
(Boys, scurry away now!)
I thought I'd start this thread because I'm in my mid-forties, and feel that this time of life can present particular challenges to us female TMSers. I know that fluctuating hormones can create anxiety and mood swings, just as they do in the teenage years. I try to be aware of this and take it in my TMS stride, but sometimes (particularly on my 'week off' the BCP), I feel completely batty! (Today I had to wait an hour for a nurse's appointment and spent most of that sobbing in the waiting room, convinced that this was just another example of how rotten and hopeless and unreliable life is, and feeling like an idiot for over-reacting)...
I get the feeling that the menopause and perimenopause get a bit over-medicalized - doctors don't try to drug teenagers into hormonal acquiescence (I hope) - but my doctor thinks I should stay on BCPs because I'll feel 'more cheerful', and expects me to slide straight into HRT when I hit the magic 50...
On the one hand, I feel I should embrace my naturally dwindling hormones as a normal, human process, and deal with the mood swings (and whatever other symptoms await me) without drugs; on the other, I don't want the anxiety I'm already feeling to escalate into depression, or become a health obsession, or TMS trigger.
Has anyone had experience of this stage of life? How did/do you handle it? Are there any resources you can recommend - books, websites, etc - not just for the physical side but - for me, more importantly - the emotional and psychological side? Were there any particular implications for TMS?
Thanks for reading, Wishing you well, Joy |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 10/10/2011 : 14:07:16
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Sorry to crash the party Joy :>), but I've never been able to resist a group of gabbing gals.
Seriously though, I think these issues are to some extent shared by both sexes. Of course, men have nothing so dramatic, and we don't have the running amok hormone thing, but we do have to face getting older and all that implies, including a gradual loss of sexual attractiveness. These can be (and have been for me) deeply painful things. For me, turning 60 has really ramped up the health anxiety. I mean, people my age (and younger) begin to get all sorts of terribly illnesses, especially cancer. At a certain point, one realizes it's only a matter of time. From a strictly TMS point of view, it's become harder than ever to sort out the various aches and pains and over-use conditions. I'm grateful that I've had enough experience now in the psychosomatic pain realm to deal with this stuff much more effectively that I would have otherwise.
Ok, I'll leave the conversation to you gals now. In fairness, you certainly raise legit issues which are gender specific . But I did want to make those few points... |
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Cath
116 Posts |
Posted - 10/11/2011 : 06:21:40
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Hi Joy
Speaking as someone who has been through perimenopause and almost (hopefully) through menopause (now 52) I'm afraid I don't have a lot of good news about either. I haven't succumbed to any of the drugs on offer, but during perimenopause had a lot of problems with TMS, put 2 stone (28 pounds) on in weight and my typically low self-esteem, plummeted to an all time low. We women have a lot to put up with. As a teenager we're embarrassed about our burgeoning womanhood, but eventually come through it and with any luck manage to turn a few heads and gain a few admiring glances from the opposite sex, or the same if that's your hope. Then when you've brought up your children and are just ready to have a bit of fun, everything that makes you a woman is seemingly taken away from you (or that's how it feels).
The good news is it doesn't last forever. Apart from still flushing like a beetroot and being bathed in sweat at inopportune moments during the day and night, I feel healthier now than I have done since I was in my 30s. Mainly due to a visit to a nutritionist, who put me on a low GL diet (lost my 2 stone without ever feeling hungry). She also advised that I take some supplements: the usual suspects of evening primrose oil a good multivit, B and C vitamins.
Just need to eliminate my chronic Myofascial pain, TMJ and fibromyalgia, which I am slowly beginning to recognise as TMS. |
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Bugbear
United Kingdom
152 Posts |
Posted - 10/11/2011 : 14:43:00
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| Evening ladies...and Art. I used to fear menopause and all it's symptoms. I used to suffer badly from pmt and went straight from this into perimenopause. So far so good but I haven't escaped all symptoms. I too managed to pile on 2 stone in weight and my energy levels have been pretty low. However I haven't had any major mood swings, hot flushes, night sweats etc. My mother and older sister both managed to avoid HRT and I will do my best to follow suit. I have read some useful articles on the positive aspects of the change and no longer live in fear. In fact i read the other day about a 57 year old woman who had taken up jogging for the first time in her life. So maybe the discussions about how fear can perpetuate TMS symptoms can be applied to menopause too. Although we have a physical cause, fluctuating hormones, we also have our minds working overtime stressing about it all, particularly those of us who are prone to TMS. |
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Cath
116 Posts |
Posted - 10/12/2011 : 03:58:45
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| Good point Bugbear, remember thinking a couple iof days ago that I was doing well and hadn't had a hot flush for quite a while, then low and behold I've been plagued by them in the last few days. Will have to stop this auto-suggestion. |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 10/12/2011 : 20:27:15
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I have to say that the ONLY thing medicine --natural and alternate-- has been good for is bioidentical hormones, and they are life-changing.Some time back I was ready to go on antidepressants and the right hormones fixed me in 2 days.
I know a lot about this and actually advocate for this with lots of women. So many times people are treated for something that is really hormonal e.g. migraines you only get at your period hunh? it's the hormones stupid, and --there are extensive, good books such as It's My Hormones Stupid, and other books by Elizabeth Vliet - very scholarly and scientific.
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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Joy_I_Am
United Kingdom
138 Posts |
Posted - 10/17/2011 : 03:35:41
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Interesting answers, thanks, everyone! Though Art, I understand where you're coming from, but I must say that ageing seems to present particular problems to women - not only hormonally, but because society is so hung up on women's looks rather than their experience. I actually prefer older men for their hard-won wisdom and find grey hair attractive; not many people feel the same way about women! There is a different standard. I don't think it's quite as bad in Europe as it seems to be in the US, but I'm hoping that, with an ageing population, that perception will change. It's not that I want to remain a sexpot into my sixties, I understand that dewy youth will always have more appeal; but I don't think women become irrelevant once those dewy years are over! We have other qualities, and it would be nice to have them appreciated as they are in men.
I know my mother managed without HRT, but she's so batty anyway, it's hard to tell what difference it would have made! I know that a low dose of hormones is keeping my mood stable (had a hellish week off them last week), and for me, that's an important part of combatting TMS. I think for now I'll stay with them, as they confer benefits for bone and other things, rather than taking anti-depressants. I doubt an NHS doctor would countenance bio-identical hormones! But I'll discuss it.
I do find myself looking at older women and thinking 'Well, they got through it'. I do think that staying fit and healthy is not a cure, but is a good insurance policy for old age anyway. And Cath, I know what you mean about, well, at least the teenage years give way to fertility and attractiveness; menopause just leads to older age. But this comes back to what I spoke of earlier - that we have other qualities, and I want to appreciate that in myself, as I do in other women.
Lots to think about! Thanks for your feedback, guys! Joy |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 10/17/2011 : 08:15:33
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quote:
Originally posted by Joy_I_Am
[br
...but because society is so hung up on women's looks rather than their experience. I actually prefer older men for their hard-won wisdom and find grey hair attractive; not many people feel the same way about women!
...We have other qualities, and it would be nice to have them appreciated as they are in men.
I'm in, 70 and slim is my demographic!
==================================================
DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0dKBFwGR0g
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
==================================================
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti
"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." Author Unknown
"Happy People Are Happy Putters." Frank Nobilo, Golf Analyst
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Edited by - tennis tom on 10/17/2011 08:16:39 |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 10/18/2011 : 08:44:12
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Joy wrote: "Interesting answers, thanks, everyone! Though Art, I understand where you're coming from, but I must say that ageing seems to present particular problems to women - not only hormonally, but because society is so hung up on women's looks rather than their experience. I actually prefer older men for their hard-won wisdom and find grey hair attractive; not many people feel the same way about women! There is a different standard. I don't think it's quite as bad in Europe as it seems to be in the US, but I'm hoping that, with an ageing population, that perception will change. It's not that I want to remain a sexpot into my sixties, I understand that dewy youth will always have more appeal; but I don't think women become irrelevant once those dewy years are over! We have other qualities, and it would be nice to have them appreciated as they are in men".
In my opinion it's biology. Men are visual creatures, having evolved to be powerfully attracted to healthy young women of child bearing age. We can't help it, and I think this can be a source of shame in older guys. We old geezers understand well enough how foolish it is to be salivating at the sight of some scantily dressed 19 year old.
Women on the other hand are not nearly so visual. Their evolutionary imperatives have to do with finding men who can protect and provide, so qualities like intelligence, wisdom, and experience are even more important than simple appearance..
Tolstoy famously wrote that the biggest surprise in a man's life is old age. This made no sense to me when I read it decades ago. But I get it now. It's just not something you can prepare for in an emotional sense. You just have to go through it.
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Edited by - art on 10/18/2011 08:46:55 |
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Joy_I_Am
United Kingdom
138 Posts |
Posted - 06/11/2012 : 06:48:47
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Picking up on this, it's been on my mind lately. Art, yes, I think you sum it up perfectly! I can totally understand the 'biological imperative', I'm not going to get all aerated about older guys looking at younger lasses... Though old jokes come to mind about dogs chasing cars, but not being able to drive them when they catch them...
I can remember the mortification of being a teenager, and suddenly being looked at in a different way... thinking 'I didn't grow this bust on purpose to get your attention, it just happened!' - the procreative urge is a strong and scary thing at that age. Now it's going the other way - I am still in good shape for my age, can put myself together well enough, but I know I am not in that particular competition any more, that it's time for the 'young entry' to have their turn. From being looked at, I am starting to encounter that 'invisibility' that women talk of, a reversal of those teenage years.
The question is, who am I turning into now? As with adolescence, I think it's a chance to re-conceive and rediscover yourself. There's a lot of info out there for teens about how to dress, who to be, how to adapt to your changing body, how to try on different personas and find which ones suit you. But there's very little about middle age, unless it's medical (and problematic), or stern admonishments not to 'let yourself go'. They assume that older women have the money and desire to 'invest' in wildly-expensive face creams and clothes, which is not always the case!
I would be more interested in the sort of articles that Bugbear describes, that talk about the positive aspects of ageing and changing, the compensations for the loss of youth. I would like middle age to be the same sort of adventure that puberty was! Am I asking too much?!
I dunno. Lots to think about for me. But I am glad to be aware of it, because I know that Dr Sarno has spoken of ageing as a source of subconscious rage. And it happens to all of us (god willing)! |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 06/11/2012 : 22:09:24
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Looking after yourself as you grow older is definitely important. Living longer means more possibilities of illnesses so having a strong immune system will help both men & women as will a positive attitude, Women no doubt have more issues with their hormones as well as their bone density which of course is linked to hormones & it is not always easy deciding what to do. Like Cath I do honestly think that good nutrition & supplements are important.
The standards by which one defines 'old' have changed dramatically. Being in yr 50s or even early 60s is not really 'old' by today's standards. I see many very attractive & fit men & women out there. Many are enjoying life. they are financially independent, they travel & are at an age /stage in their life where they are secure in themselves & have nothing to prove.
Who you are turning into now? Why? aren't you who you are and have always been? Its not about turning into someone younger or someone different but rather about evolving. That is your adventure. Whether you have plastic surgery or not, botox or not, whether you use expensive or inexpensive creams (inexpensive work just as well btw) you can still be attractive at any age. A nice handbag, or scarf, well groomed hair & nails, a pretty pair of shoes can all make a difference. We will never be 20 again or look like that but we can be attractive, & confident at any age. Its about attitude. Look at people like Helen Mirren, Judi Dench, Susan Sarandon, Ang San Sui Kyi. They are elegant & beautiful even at their age.
Here's a link to a very Good TED talk by Jane Fonda called 'Life's third Act' and is about the Longevity Revolution.
http://blog.ted.com/2012/01/04/lifes-third-act-jane-fonda-on-ted-com/
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
Edited by - mala on 06/11/2012 22:10:45 |
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Ladies: peri/meno?
