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walnut864
94 Posts |
 Posted - 10/03/2011 : 16:09:05
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If it is possible, what would happen if we changed our personality traits. When i say traits I mean the ones that are common in TMS. I dont know why but this idea crossed my mind earlier while driving down the road. This may have been discussed before.
Anyone remember the movie with Jim Carey called " yes man"? Where he had to say yes to everything?
What if TMS'ers started saying no to others. I have always found it hard to say no when someone asked me a favor. I may hate whatever it is im having to do for that person and hate that I was wasting my time.
What happens when we stop trying to please others? Is this therapeutic?
Just throwing it out there for discussion. |
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bryan3000
USA
513 Posts |
Posted - 10/03/2011 : 23:08:08
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Hey Walt!
Personally, I think it's imperative that we change our personalities.
I think learning to live with what's left in our wake is part of recovery. Obviously, it wouldn't mean being cruel to people... but learning to say no when no is the right thing to say.
I'll bet not many of us had TMS symptoms when we were teenagers. Why? Because teenagers are selfish, in general. My teenage boy is about as good as they come, but he's still selfish. He reminds me of me when I was that age. (The selfish part. :) Thing is, they serve their needs and look out for themselves.
Of course, as adults... we have to find a better balance with jobs, kids, etc. But, I do really think there's something to it. The whole people-pleasing aspect has been well-covered, and I believe it's got real ramifications.
Whether you believe this stuff is subconscious or not, and I believe a lot of it is... I think learning to find a balance with people in our lives is essential.
I'm just in the early stages of trying to do this.
_____________________________
-1/2010 - Developed chronic sinus problems. ENTs/Docs can't find anything
-5/29/2010 - Doc gives cocktail of allergy meds which induces first ever panic attack/anxiety.
-7/16/2010 - Anxiety stays/worsens - put on Xanax
2/1/2011 - Began Xanax taper - Withdrawal starts - full body chaos
-6/11/2011 - Last dose of Xanax. Physical/emotional chaos continues for several months.
-Now: Taking it day by day, looking for real answers and ways to heal myself without medical poison. |
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Back2-It
USA
438 Posts |
Posted - 10/04/2011 : 05:42:12
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I think for some changing their personality is an imperative necessary to take care of the build-up of a life time of stressors that got them to the point of symptoms.
Do what you don't want to do for years and years and, like squeezing a balloon, it has to pop someplace.
"Bridges Freeze Before Roads" |
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Javizy
United Kingdom
76 Posts |
Posted - 10/04/2011 : 07:34:55
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If it's a source of stress then it's a problem. When you give in to someone, you beat yourself up for not being more assertive and dread whatever it is you have to do as a result, and probably even ruminate about it afterwards. I don't know about the "repressed rage" thing, but all that keeps your stress response going full whack, which is what slowly destroys your body (literally) and further compromises your mentality to cope.
Perhaps something even more powerful than changing your personality is changing your outlook. If you learn not to stress, worry, ruminate, see the negative in everything etc and start appreciating the present moment, seeing challenges as opportunities etc, you'll be in a better position to cope with stress, and who knows, maybe you'll realise it isn't going to cause catastrophic problems if you turn someone down and give yourself a bit of attention once in a while! |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 10/04/2011 : 09:25:11
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Saying "YES" to everyone is a characteristic of the TMS GOODIST personality and therefore helps to fill our rage reservoir, ultimately creating TMS symptoms when the reservoir overflows.
You can change the pattern but it's like anything else regarding TMS, you have to be aware of the problem first to fix it. It's a learning process and takes some practice to get good at. A GOODIST can't say "NO" because they would then feel GUILTY and very stressed-out. It's more comfortable and maintians our homeostasis to go with our knee-jerk answer of "YES" and go along with someone else's program for us. People know you will be compliant from past experience with you, and con's are experts at it.
You must learn to have back-bone, and like David Spade in the commercial, learn to say "NO". If that's too difficult, start with "maybe" and "I'll get back to you later". It does come easier with a little practice.
======================================================================
DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0dKBFwGR0g
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
======================================================================
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti
"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." Author Unknown
"Happy People Are Happy Putters." Frank Nobilo, Golf Analyst
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Edited by - tennis tom on 10/04/2011 09:30:46 |
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golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
Posted - 10/04/2011 : 09:28:00
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I think saying 'yes' to everything (well, lots more things) would be the route out of my TMS! Instead of saying 'no, I couldn't' or 'no, I won't' or 'no, I can't even try' 
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
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bryan3000
USA
513 Posts |
Posted - 10/04/2011 : 11:14:18
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Wow, Walt. Talk about synchronicity. You post the question... and the next day in my email I get this article from AG...
http://www.anxietyguru.net/how-being-assertive-makes-you-less-anxious/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+AnxietyGuru+%28Anxiety+Guru%29
Have a look. It addresses the topic directly. Interesting coincidence.
_____________________________
-1/2010 - Developed chronic sinus problems. ENTs/Docs can't find anything
-5/29/2010 - Doc gives cocktail of allergy meds which induces first ever panic attack/anxiety.
-7/16/2010 - Anxiety stays/worsens - put on Xanax
2/1/2011 - Began Xanax taper - Withdrawal starts - full body chaos
-6/11/2011 - Last dose of Xanax. Physical/emotional chaos continues for several months.
-Now: Taking it day by day, looking for real answers and ways to heal myself without medical poison. |
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What happens if we change our personality traits?
