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SylviaB
5 Posts |
 Posted - 05/12/2011 : 17:48:02
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Hi,
I am new on this site,I did belong to another tms years ago.
About me: I live in the bay area, california (I am originally from Europe butI am here in California for the last 22 years) and I am 47. I have had bladder( urethral symptoms with no infection,pain but no urgency for the last 18-20 years on and off and the last 3 years were great... eventhough I had stress which is strange! By the way I had a relapse in 2003 ( no urethra but I had horrible back pain in 2003.stress I am sure) I read Sarno, and it took 1 year to get better eventhough I read alot of books on TMS.I totally agree the with TMS concept and I know I tend to "psycho-somatise alot" ,and I am a typical TMSers( people pleaser, low self esteem ,want approval, perfectionist and very responsible, and I WOULD ALSO ADD THAT i DO FEAR THE PAIN AND OBSESS!!!!
I relapseD in december of this year( 2010) in my urethra after being great for 3 years as I said above. My urethra ( same as bladder) hurts( it can sting to pressure to burning to unconfortable all day long and usually better morning and worse as the day goes on). I know it is TMS ,because they never foud an infection ( except 18-20 years ago) and urologists told me back then, I would maybe not get better and have "interstitial cystitis" etc... which was never concluded( they never found ulcer in my bladder under cytoscopy and then they did not knwo what I had really but told me they dont know the cause nor the cure!!! imagine! ... but the symptoms stayed.Homeopathy helped me alot during the years and now I am still under the care of homeopathy for mind body ( I like it) but I need extra support so I thought I could ask this board and the nice people who help others on this board.I also hope I can help you too by sharing my storied and supporting one another.
I read alot of books on tms ,even too many, I am convinced I have it ,it is obvious but I still Fear! Fear it will take longer this time ,or that the mind is so hard to work with and I fear,fear fear symptoms.Reading some of the posts( golden girl and Susan and others) I can see how fear is perpetuating the symptoms.
Now I worry and I cannot sleep well and wake up alot( I love to sleep and I worry now about that too) . I nver hd this before... so I worry more and I creat fear adrenaline fear ( I am also reading the books of Dr Weekes )and it all makes sense.
Anyway, sorry I go on and on but if anyone could help me with some advice on how to overcome again this fear! I did it in the past but this time it is hard...dont know why.... this part of the body is so intimate too ,and I fear it more. I had pain lately in my arms( tms of course) and last week I decided not to worry about it and ÄCCEPT it in a way ,as when "we accept" we dont fight and resist ( so it seems...) and IT WORKED.The pain disappears after 2 months of this pain in arms and forarms...amazing in 2 days it was gone when I decided not to worry about it ,there or not ,I let it be! I seem to do it well for the arms but not for the bladder/urethra.
Any help will be appreciated!!!
I can see it also in others, how Fear is what keep our symptoms going... I see it and yet, for me ,this part of the body I still fear pain.... and then worry and then more tension more pain...
Anyway ,thank you all for listening!!!
Reading Dr Weekes about 2nd fear and adrenaline ,helps me alot .I also get "shallow breathing" when symptoms increase so it is all connected I know it ...
TO FEAR OR NOT TO FEAR ...THAT IS MY PROBLEM IT SEEMS!
Thank you again,
Sylvia |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 05/12/2011 : 18:41:39
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Hi Sylvia,
Welcome! What is interesting about your post is that you are well aware of both the problem and the solution. Reading and talking about anything else is really pointless.....you already KNOW the answer to your problem. However the REAL problem is that you're NOT DOING it. Why is that?
It sounds to me that you're a victim of your mind.......you're allowing your mind to control the situation. You're completely identified and believe the stories of your mind which don't serve you.
The work you must do is mental.....you need to take your power away from the toxic, negative programs/stories that are running in your mind and consciously think thoughts that are supportive and serve you.
My biggest break-though was that I don't need to believe anything that is in my mind or that I say. They are just thoughts and if they don't serve me I get to change them.
If you can grasp this concept and implement it right away then the positive results will be almost instantaneous...........you have already proved this to yourself before and understand what I am saying......you just need to start doing it.
Become conscious in the morning (meditate to still the mind) and start to observe to thoughts during the day.
Drag yourself to the mirror and give yourself a good talking to.......simply don't take any crap from your mind from this point forward. Practice, practice, practice until it become the way you live.........you have to commit every particle in your being to this if you want fast results.
quote:
people pleaser, low self esteem ,want approval, perfectionist and very responsible, and I WOULD ALSO ADD THAT i DO FEAR THE PAIN AND OBSESS!!!!
These are programs and thoughts, that create negative emotions you suppress, which lead to TMS.
Deal with the negative thought patterns and then there is no need to TMS right? TMS seeks to protect you from the negative emotions you can't handle.....and negative emotions are caused by these negative thought patterns.
You can change this.....
D
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Edited by - Darko on 05/12/2011 19:05:59 |
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golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2011 : 09:16:26
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Hi Sylvia!
Wow, I have the exact same symptoms as you - except lucky me, I have frequency and urgency too! These two lovely additions only occur when I away from a bathroom (walking, shopping, travelling) so guess what? I've limited so many of these things in my life 
I have the urethral (and bladder area) burning and stinging and aching almost constantly, no matter where I am. It really is the worst place to get TMS (although I know everyone feels that way about their own specific TMS!)
So, the issue here is fear. I know this. I too can get rid of various bodily pains and aches like you have with your arms - but not the bladder! Because I still fear it. And because I know what I need to do - I need to face the fear, I need to not run to the bathroom when the psychological symptoms kick in, I need to laugh at them in the face, to ignore them - but I feel I don't have the willpower to do this. My biggest fear is losing control, and therefore "having an accident" - this I worry about at 29!
I'm afraid I'm not much help. What I would suggest, is that you have a look at the site of Abigail Steidley: http://www.thehealthylifecoach.com She is a fantastic woman who has overcome TMS in this area through mind body techniques.
I wish you all the very best, and I'm sorry I can't be of more help.
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
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SylviaB
5 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2011 : 22:13:27
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To Darko and Golden girl
Thank you for your posts ,so nice of you !!!!
Darko your post makes so much sense and I know that you are right about my negative thoughts about the future and the " what if" and this turns into negative feelings, fear and the TMS continue...
Yes I need to follow your advise and ignore it and not FEAR FEAR
At times I feel I can overcome it and not fear and at other times I feel powerless, and i know it starts and it is in the mind.
Seeing a psychologist in TMS HELPS me face these fears and reading posts are so helpful when I feel down....so Thank you Darko for your time
I appreciate your honesty and insight
Golden girl ,are you in San Francisco? if you I know a good tms psychologist who has a sliding scale too . I read about Abigail and she overcame her Ic and other painful TMS so we can learn from that and also from this board.
Contact me if you are in the Bay area
I would suggest you to train your mind about frequency urgency.I used to have that too but you can train your mind .it is hard but you can do it . at night I just wake up once but now I stay in bed and force myself to stay in bed .I ve had insomnia due to worry and i know it is all about the fight/flight/frozen response
Did you read Dr WEEKES book < hope and help for your nerves? it is cheap on amazon and it s a great book to read even if she does not mention TMS she gets it and she talks about 2nd fear which is what we have when we are in TMS MODE
Thanks again for your time Darko and anything your may think to help everyone out there is appreciated!!!
Sylviab |
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golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
Posted - 05/18/2011 : 21:05:28
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Hi Sylvia!
No, I'm not in San Francisco (I wish I was, it's the one of the two places I'd most like to live in the world (thanks to watching endless reruns of Ironside  - along with Sydney... chance I'll ever even get to visit either looks pretty slim thanks to anxiety  ). I live in England, in one of the most boring places on earth!
I don't have nocturia (needing the toilet at night) at all, which reinforces the fact that it's TMS. In fact, I've always known it was TMS/anxiety (I've had anxiety for 20 years, since the age of 9) which doesn't seem to help in the slightest.
Can I ask what exactly you fear? For those with pain in their backs, it seems a main fear is getting worse/becoming paralysed, for example, but what fear does urethral pain cause you? My bladder area problems mean I fear not getting to a toilet in time and basically DYING from shame (not an accidental word, in fact from the small amount of journalling I've done, my main fear appears to be 'social death' which means, to me, ultimately, actual death... what cheery thoughts I have!) but if I just had the discomfort, rather than the added frequency/urgency, I think I'd be so much better!
Hope you're ok Sylvia, hope to hear from you soon!
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
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Javizy
United Kingdom
76 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2011 : 12:12:32
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Have you heard of the red light reflex/startle response/fight-or-flight response? It's what happens when you experience stress, either from some sort of direct threat or in response to anxious thoughts. It tenses your entire body, but perhaps most interestingly to you - the abdominal muscle. A habituated reflex (20 years of anxiety sounds like a good example!) can lead to chronic contraction of the muscle, which squeezes the bladder and raises its internal pressure. In other words, you end up feeling like you need to pee a lot! It can also affect digestion and lead to constipation.
My bladder is somewhat weaker than average, and so is my girlfriend's (she's also the anxious type), and with such a long history of anxiety, it's no wonder your problem has progressed to such an extent. If this idea isn't convincing enough, keep in mind that the digestive system and the automatic contraction of the urethra when pressure rises in the bladder are controlled by the autonomic nervous system (ANS). The ANS operates almost completely unconsciously, and can be severely sensitised and deregulated by stress and anxiety.
So the first step is to stop worrying! The problem is caused by stress and is completely reversible, but it's not going to improve if you don't deal with your anxiety. Although, it may or may not be difficult to unlearn the bogus sensory-motor information your brain has stored on the muscle without becoming conscious of it.
Thomas Hanna's book Somatics has a great explanation of how stress affects the body, and provides simple exercises that enable you to retrain your brain to allow the muscle to restore to normal function. It's pretty amazing. He was able to correct the posture of an 81-year-old with a dowager hump with a curvature of 50-degrees (caused by the abdominal muscle no less)! |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
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golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2011 : 17:33:37
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Thank you Javizy, I will look into the book you mentioned.
I have long likened my issue to the same as "food addiction" - when people appear to be addicted to food, it is harder for them to go back to normal food eating, because they, as everyone, needs to eat food. I, as everyone, needs to use the toilet, so accepting that sometimes it's the wrong signal, is hard. Almost impossible. And when (if! ) I return to "normality", I will have to still go the toilet. This is badly explained! To cut to the point, heroin addicts go cold turkey, go one way or the other, as do alcoholics, other drug addicts, gamblers etc. They *can* live without it. I, like food addicts (should you accept that they exist) need food regardless, I need the toilet regardless like everyone else in the world - so it is exceptionally difficult to go back to getting back to the right balance.
That possibly doesn't make sense, but I totally accept that my issues are caused by stress - by my thoughts and my actions. I understand the physiological occurrences brought on by my thoughts. I know it is anxiety. I just can't seem to stop the anxiety.
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
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SylviaB
5 Posts |
Posted - 05/24/2011 : 21:56:39
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Hello Golden Girl and Tomtennis
First of all ,thanks alot for your nice texts and I will make sure first to answer to Tomtennis for the psychologist who is both in Sfo and Marin where I see him on friday( marin ,kentfield)
His name is Dr Grove and I found him on a site of tms. I am trying to find his tel but cant find his business card but you can find him under dr Grove, he is at 1030 sir francis drake in Kentfield, and SFO near filmore ( forgot where because i see him in Kentfield) .he is great and does Sarno s approach and has sliding scale from 90 to 140 max. I am a teacher and pay 100 cause my kaiser insurance does not cover it ... so I cant pay more ,it is already alot for me.But worth it ,I like his approach and how we go deep in emotions etc...
feel free to contact me if you want more info ,I will look for his tel tomorrow if you want( sorry I did not read this tms forum for a week, being busy at school but I want to help you if I can so feel free to contact me personally if you wish: buongiorno09@gmail.com
Golden girl< Thank you for your nice email and sorry it took me a few days to answer.
For me I have mostly urethral pain, which makes total sense that it is fight/flight/frozen response.The fact that I dont have either nocturia, I know it is tms and always better in mornings and as my anxiety( yes I agree about anxiety) and thoughts start going on and on.,,, the pain goes up and down( or disconfort and pain depending on how much I freak out) I know it s about worrying ,obsessing and trying too hard to get rid of it ,rather than accepting it ( by the way ,I am reading a great book by dr Weekes ,hope and help for your nerves) I totally agree with what I am reading ,the fear of symptoms put us in a fear-adrenaline-fear and We need to break this cycle.At times I FEEL I CAN DO IT AND OTHER TIMES I AM ANXIOUS AND DOUBT I CAN DO IT! ( SO typical of tmsers!) She sounds alot like Sarno eventhough she wrote the books years ago( you should get it ,paperback 7.99 even cheaper used, and very small and easy to read!)
Anyway, to answer your question, I dont have urgency or frequency but do get it a bit if I worry more about pain and the what if .... of the future( I try to watch my thoughts as Darko said.... so true ,these are only thoughts not reality! ) but mainly I feel tightness in urethra and at times stinging etc...
MY FEAR IS DEATH( Gosh we seem to be so much alike!) fear that I will be always this way and will be alone and die alone alone alone) I talk about about it with my psy and my childhood as it was traumatic and I felt alone in a way with alot of fears so it makes sense. So it is about death too and I know that my fears are not rational, like yours, you fear that you will die of embarassement but it is not real in a way, it is your THOUGHTS AND YOU DONT HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT! It is easy to say I know but try to talk to yourself, or the little girl inside of you who is scared and reassure her everytime you fear, fear symptoms ,fear this or that.. .reassure her ,she is the one who is scared and you can talk to her inside your head. My psy helps me do this ,it is not always easy for me to talk to the little girl inside of me but it helps to soothe me when anxiety starts about symptoms( but symptoms are due to anxiety we know that)
Like you I know it is tms and the fear of the symptoms make them continue so I work on not fearing ,it takes times as Dr Weekes says in her book but it is cureable. I felt great for 3 years so I know it can be done( I ve had tms for years but the fact that I was great for 3 years proves again it is tms i know it ,my problem is FEAR ,AGAIN DARKO IS RIGHT! )
Anyway, sorry I DONT WANT TO write on and on and bore you but try to talk to yourself ,same as the frequency, try to say relaxing ( try to relax yourself as much as you can ) and wait another 10 15 minutes before you go and then work it up to another 5-10 minutes as days go. Try ok.It is not easy but you can do it
I know how you feel trust me and it is all about anxiety that is for sure. If I can help you ,you can always email me privately ok
I had back pain 7 years ago (tms ) and horrible but I dont fear this anymore so it s not back! but the urethra is a challenge.This weekend I felt good and was so happy but again today and yesterday so so , so I freak out which again puts me in anxiety state but the good thing is ,I can talk to myself and try to ignore the pain! It is not always easy but I do it .Just went for a walk with my roomate and it helped my mind( I sleep better as I did not sleep well for 4 months and panicked.So this helps).Try to take each day at a time and relax and say " it will pass" when you fear and try to tell yourself you will NEVER DIE FROM being ashamed if you pee on yourself! so what if you do! I work as a kindergarten teacher, at times kids pee on themselves and so what???? no big deal ,life goes on.... try to see it from the eyes of a 5 year old, no big deal ok!
Sorry I WRITE ALOT but I WANTED TO TELL YOU YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND I AM HAPPY TO MEET GREAT PEOPLE ON THIS FORUM!
I will read on and respond to another post shortly
San Francisco is nice it is true! But I am sure England is not that bad.....come visit anytime, maybe that would help you face your fears! ( I know it is far and expensive but we never know)
THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR NICE POSTS
Sylvia |
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SylviaB
5 Posts |
Posted - 05/24/2011 : 22:06:21
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to Javizi
Thank you for your comment and what you told Golden girl. I totally agree with you and will look into the book you said " somatics"
Also, Did you ever read about Dr Weekes?( hope and help for your nerves, paperback 7 usd at amazon) Great book on nervous illness which is tms to me . You will love her writings and approach.It is all about anxiety and adrenaline fear adrenaline and perpetuation of symptoms.
Let me know your thoughts if you know about it and again thank you to everyone out there for nice posts and info
Best of health to all
Sylvia |
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Hello I am new Here and need some suggestions
