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lobstershack
Australia
250 Posts |
 Posted - 01/16/2005 : 10:03:32
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Hello!
Here is my question: Is it normal to experience a loss of libido/sexual interest from TMS--read, chronic pain? Being 23 now and having suffered from TMS since 17, I can honestly say that for a majority of that time I have had a very low sex drive--which is quite discouraging given my young age. Anyhow, I am confident that as I continue to improve more and more, it will return; but would appreciate any input on the matter. Thanks guys and gals!
Seth |
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holly
USA
243 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2005 : 15:25:02
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| Yes! It is hard to think about sex when in the back of my mind I know my TMS pain is lurking. I am sure if I was pain free it would be a real boost. I am also tired all the time which doesn't help either. |
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lobstershack
Australia
250 Posts |
Posted - 01/18/2005 : 11:41:42
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Is the lack of responses to this topic due to the fact that not many people can relate to the content of my question? Or perhaps I am getting a little too personal? The only reason I am still harping on this issue, is because it is of big concern to me. Any additional help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Seth |
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Albert
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - 01/18/2005 : 12:51:08
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| I know that when I'm having a lot of pain, I sort of look down on sex because it has too much to do with the body. A lack of sex drive is probably a side effect, rather than a sympton. Plus, if the actual act might be viewed as painfull in someway, due to movement restrictions, it might be thought of in a negative way. |
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Albert
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - 01/18/2005 : 12:53:49
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| One other thing. Do you have any judgmental ideas about sex, due to religion etc.? You got TMS at a pretty young age. Is there something about your past that is connected to sex? |
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lobstershack
Australia
250 Posts |
Posted - 01/18/2005 : 13:20:55
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Due to religion? No. But there are issues. I recently--this summer--can out of the closet to my friends and family, which went very, very well (I consider myself lucky); although gathering the courage to admit it to myself and others, well that a different story. Suffice it to say, when my TMS symptoms began I was 17, still in the closet and without any sexual experience. Now, 23, even though I am honest with others, and myself I am still struggling with the fact that I still have yet to have any sexual experiences. It's just that all of this came at such a difficult time in my life, when my contemporaries were "experimenting" and the like; and I was running around chasing symptoms as well as doctors. In retrospect, I am glad all of this happened when it did; going through such suffering at such a young age has taught me much about life, and "aged" me so to speak. I feel as though once I get through this, I am prepared for anything. So, with that said, I am at the point in my life where I am ready for a relationship, and living 30 min from NYC, it's not like I am devoid of options. I'm just very naive as well as inexperienced.
Seth |
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lobstershack
Australia
250 Posts |
Posted - 01/18/2005 : 13:22:57
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Also, there is much fear connected to this--as you can imagine--and not having the most potent sex drive only adds to it. Just thought I might add that.
Seth |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 01/18/2005 : 14:21:19
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Hi Seth
correct me if I'm wrong,as you had a typo there,but you are Gay?
Of course you would have TMS or something like it...most of my Gay friends came out a little earlier than you did,but the ones who didn't had all sorts of problems,alcoholism,mental problems,etc.
If this is the case of course you would be harboring unfathomable amounts of rage towards everything.
I almost answered this post when you originally put it up,but I did not want to make you feel any worse...being homosexual makes it an entirely different problem.
Obviously I'm heterosexual,and when I was 23,was trying to **** anything that stayed still long enough.I thought I'd only be making you feel worse by being honest.
This is a different problem altogether.....no Health problem has ever got in the way of my libido,but when you're straight,society condones all that sort of activity ,if only symbolically(watch any beer commercial)....with the current attitudes of "red state" america,assuming you don't live in a coastal metropolitan center,would mean repressing all sorts of thoughts,actions and ideas simply to survive
Having to be in the closet,being homosexual,and all the stigma's attached is beyond my knowledge or comprehension,besides the anecdotal experience I have from friends....all who grew up in Los Angeles where there is a large gay community and support and so forth.
This is something regarding which, I would hope you have gotten some counseling or therapy,if only to talk about it and vent.....In our ever more complicated society,this is a major factor you would have to take into consideration when approaching your TMS,probably Column A row 1.
care to elaborate??
we're all friends
peace
Baseball65 |
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Albert
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - 01/18/2005 : 14:56:48
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Seth:
Just so you know, I happen to be a heterosexual person that has no problem with homosexuality. In fact, one of the things that pisses me off are people who are judgmental towards gay people.
The way I judge something as good or bad, is does that something hurt people, cause suffering, and/or have ill intent? Obviously homosexuality doesn't fall under these three categories. If man decides to be with another man, or a woman decides to be with another woman, it hurts "absolutely" nobody. Some close relatives might get hurt by it all. But that's because they "CHOOSE" to put their prejudices before the family member they "CHOOSE" to reject.
Some people argue that gay people can't help being gay. That may be so, but even if they can, so what if they choose to be gay. It doesn't hurt anybody. The evil is in people's minds, just as racism is, even if they aren't willing to admit it.
So if there are people out there who make you feel rage about this whole issue, you are right to feel rage. Who are they to judge who you feel love for? They are simple minded. |
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lobstershack
Australia
250 Posts |
Posted - 01/18/2005 : 14:57:57
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I consider myself luck in that I have wonderful parents and friends who are very supportive. To boot, I live in Westchester County (about 30 min outside NYC) and attend a VERY liberal school (Sarah Lawrence College). I do agree in that I must be harboring tremendous amounts of rage due to my circumstances. Initially, I thought just "coming out" would be enough to make the symptoms disappear (this was before I even heard of TMS, so my intuitions was telling me something, although I failed to connect it at the time). I am in therapy, and have been for about a year now with a wonderful therapist who is extremely open to the mind-body connection, and makes sure to integrate it into his practice. As you can imagine taking the step to come out this past summer was huge, and I'm glad I finally built up the courage to do it. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this. It's just that I get very discouraged sometimes when I want more than anything to have a relationship, but do not even have spontaneous "arousals" so to speak--although I have no problem at all achieving this voluntarily. (Am I being too graphic?) But don’t' get me wrong, I understand how over 5 years of chronic pain can do this to someone, and even though I am having a bad day today I do feel I have made some real progress (mostly by erasing my fears, learning the concepts, doing the work, etc. Although the headache has gotten a bit better and come to think of it my jaw doesn't click at all anymore.) Some in any event, I'm glad I shared this with the board; I don't feel like I'm hiding anything anymore. Perhaps, I'll pose another question at this point: I recently started alternating my journal entries, one-day free-association and the other an entry in the mindbody workbook. When I "free-associate" often I find myself trying to hard to structure my writing, which results in hindering the creative process altogether. Any hints? Thanks.
Seth |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 01/18/2005 : 17:04:37
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Hi Seth.
I have never seen the MB workbook..what's in it?
what questions do you answer?
Is it different every day?
I have used the formula I stole from another group I was in to excorcise my demons ANGER being number one,FEAR being number 2 and SEX being number 3.
I posted it in detail on a string to our dear departed comrade,TMSpain when he asked for CleAr instructions on how one recovers.If you go back in the string ,you'll see it.
I think it is important to address everyone in your immediate Family,every close friend you've had growing up,any rivals or enemy/bully type people,and every important sexually oriented relationship WHETHER or not you had sex with the person.
It's also important to address principles or Ideas that make you angry....things that might not appear to be directly related to you,like the war,or the government,or social double standards.
Free association is like mining...that's where you find your raw materials,but you still need some sort of structure to refine your thoughts and Ideas about your anger or it will eat you.
It's interesting that virtually ALL mindbody proponents see cancer as being ANGER in it's very last stages.In our stress inducing culture ,it's no wonder cancer is through the roof!!
-out
Baseball65 |
Edited by - Baseball65 on 01/18/2005 17:05:26 |
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fred
Ireland
8 Posts |
Posted - 02/07/2011 : 08:34:59
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I am struggling with a bad dose of RSI (and have had virtually all tms equivalents in recent years) and blame past experiences related to repressed homosexuality for it. Talk about repressed emotions? I must have had plenty of reasons to be angry as a teenager with all those horrible kids calling me names (although I never did!). Why didn't I smack them in the face?
I think most kids from my generations that looked "different" experienced some kind of bullying, isolation, lonliness and shame while growing up. Their brain had to learn to repress these scary emotions successfully. I always think gay people are the perfect TMS candidates as they (we) have learnt to lie to themselves and control everything that is going on around them from a very early stage.
I just hope it won't take me another 30 years to reverse the process now! |
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suegr98
USA
39 Posts |
Posted - 02/09/2011 : 18:36:14
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First of all, please do not despair when it takes awhile to get replies. When I first arrived on this forum 6 weeks ago I checked for replies several times a day. Now I get on a couple of times a week.
And yes, any kind of psychophysical distress will cause a decrease in libido. It's perfectly normal. Mine still only visits me when I sleep. I am hoping it will make an appearance in waking life sooner or later!
Btw I am bi and I know that internalized homophobia can affect libido but at your age, I am thinking it is more about stress. At 51, my lack of libido is more to be expected!
take good care,
Sue
http://www.facebook.com/suegr98
http://healingwithfeelings.wordpress.com
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suegr98
USA
39 Posts |
Posted - 02/09/2011 : 18:40:15
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Oh and Seth I just saw your query about journaling. It sounds like you are trying too hard to control the type of writing you do. Let it flow and do what feels right. I blog and I started out using Dr Schlechter's MindBody workbook but after a few days, spun into my own style of using whatever I was reading or thinking as a launching pad. What has mattered to me more than how I write has been how authentic I was being in my recovery process, whether or not I was actually writing.
take good care,
Sue
http://www.facebook.com/suegr98
http://healingwithfeelings.wordpress.com
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intimacy
