| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
 Posted - 10/11/2009 : 05:09:32
|
Hi all,
I haven't posted in a while. I am at an all time low. My lower back on the left side hurts so much that I am having great difficulty getting thru the day. This has been going on for a few months now. Along with the back pain I have now also got a big bunion on the left toe and knee pain on the same side. I can't walk well,I can't sit long, I just limp around. My whole gait is lopsided. The pain extends into my upper back & shoulders.
I went to see a doctor and hsd a knee Xray. It shows a little degeneration on the inner side of the knee. Also said the right leg is shorter so I've been putting more pressure on the left.
Nothing has changed in my life to warrant these symptom & I am unable to put my finger on what is bothering me. I am so sick of trying to dig up stuff & the whole process is actually making me very depressed. I am trying to live my life as normally as possible but it is impossible.
This year I have been away from HK 5 times but the last trip was very difficult. My husband is going away to Malaysia to play golf next week and wants me to come but i have declined.
This is exactly what happened to my mom. I am so scared.
I think I have osteoarthritis like she did.
I have also read that a lot of women have more joint pain & inflammation at menopause.
I would be grateful for any ideas/views.
If this is how I have to live the rest of my life I will go crazy.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
Edited by - mala on 10/12/2009 18:34:25 |
|
|
HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 10/11/2009 : 05:46:47
|
Hi mala,
So sorry to read about your pain.
quote:
I am so sick of trying to dig up stuff & the whole process is actually making me very depressed.
There's only so far you can get on your own. It's much better if you can work through this with a psychotherapist. You may have to try a few of them to find one you can relate to (ideally one who is willing to read Dr Sarno's book and take on the mindbody concepts) but it'll be worth the effort.
Also, I know this is going to be in the middle of the night for you, but if you can attend this it might encourage you:
http://tmswiki.wetpaint.com/page/TMS+Success+Stories+-+Live+Panel
Hilary N |
 |
|
|
mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 10/11/2009 : 17:29:42
|
Hi Hilary,
I did go to a psychotherapist many years ago but she felt that there were not many issues and so we stopped after a few sessions. Maybe I'll try again.
I did try to stay up but it was midnight to 2am here and I got very tired so I went to bed. I hope it went well I know many people including yourself put in a lot of work
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
|
|
|
HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 10/12/2009 : 04:03:21
|
Hi mala,
I know you said that, but I think you need to find someone who will dig deeper. You may need to see a few people to find one who you think will be able to help you, that you can open up to fully. Ideally one who is willing to read Sarno's book or recognises that repressed emotions can cause pain.
Hilary N |
|
|
|
marytabby
USA
545 Posts |
Posted - 10/12/2009 : 08:25:53
|
Mala,
You were of great help to me some time ago with your postings.
I think it's time to help you a bit.
I hear in your posts mostly a physical preoccupation.
I know you're frustrated and need a good therapist but on the other end of things, I think you're falling back into the structural thinking with the knee findings, etc.
Please, if you want to get over this tough period, don't focus on the "structural".
It's all I see in your posting.
Mary |
|
|
|
Peg
USA
284 Posts |
Posted - 10/12/2009 : 17:25:24
|
Hi mala,
I'm sorry that you are having a difficult time right now. I remember reading older posts of yours and found them very insightful. You seemed to have very good success at one time using the TMS approach. I believe you can have that success again. If this is TMS.
Obviously I'm not a doctor, but a couple of things stand out to me from your post. You say your lower back is painful. Has that been checked by your doctor? Is that where you used to have your tms? Could the bunion be causing you to walk differently and possibly causing the knee pain? If the pain has been continuing for some time then the worry and fear about it could be why it's worsening and spreading.
I don't think a little degeneration in a joint is unusual for anyone past their 20s. I also don't think different leg lengths necessarily causes pain.
Five trips away from HK. Is that very stressful to travel that much? Do you think the trip with your husband might help you to relax and take some time off?
>"This is exactly what happened to my mom. I am so scared."
Could this be why your symptoms are persisting? Fear will worsen tms and cause it to persist. What we resist, persists.
I think there are studies that show osteoarthritis in people with no pain. Also, it is well known that the skeleton begins developing it at a fairly young age. It's part of the natural aging process and not necessarily the cause of chronic pain.
>"I have also read that a lot of women have more joint pain & inflammation at menopause."
I wouldn't worry about this.It hasn't been my experience, nor any of my menopausal friends. Besides, we've also read that herniated discs, bulging discs, arthritis and spinal stenosis can cause 30 years of back pain. That is until they read Dr. Sarno's book!
>"If this is how I have to live the rest of my life I will go crazy."
This sounds like catastrophic thinking and feeds right into tms. Have you tried to accept what's going on? Is your body sending you a message of some sort? Have you been pushing yourself too hard?
A therapist might be of help during this relapse. Of course you need to check with your doctor to rule out anything serious, but I suspect you are having a relapse and you can recover from this just like you were successful in the past. You have inner wisdom that you can tap into. I read that wisdom in many of your previous posts.
Take care of yourself. Wishing you well.
Peg
In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. Galileo Galilei |
|
|
|
mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 10/12/2009 : 18:15:29
|
Peg, Mary & Hilary,
Thank you all for your posts. I did feel at one stage that I had gotten a handle over what was happening then the knee and bunion things happened. I know that I am focussing on the physical a lot. I try not to by doing as many normal things as possible but the pain gets worse. I try to take the dog for a walk and feel awful afterwards.
I do believe that I am walking badly because of the bunion/knee/back problem. I don't know which is affecting which. My gait has changed noticebly. The doctor I went to see says it's a kind of chain reaction caused by the bad back.
The trips I take are not work related. & not stressful. My husband & I don't work any more so these trips are to second homes in Thailand/Malaysia where we spend a lot of time away from HK. I used to enjoy it but not in my present condition.
Perhaps I am catastrophising (if there is such a word) I feel awful that my family have to see me this way. They are all very sympathetic but it difficult for them especially for my husband to see me in such pain. He feels pretty helpless as I do.
Do I sound like I'm wallowing in self pity & focussing on the physical?  Sorry guys but I'm just being honest about the way I feel right now & I thank you all for letting me whinge about the way I am feeling and for listening & responding. 
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
Edited by - mala on 10/12/2009 18:36:40 |
|
|
|
Peg
USA
284 Posts |
Posted - 10/13/2009 : 09:01:25
|
>"I try not to by doing as many normal things as possible but the pain gets worse. I try to take the dog for a walk and feel awful afterwards."
How does your pain feel when you are doing something you really enjoy?
>"The doctor I went to see says it's a kind of chain reaction caused by the bad back."
Do you believe that you have a bad back? I thought you believed your back pain was from tms. Besides "bad back" is not a diagnosis. Have you thought about getting a second or even a third opinion?
>" I feel awful that my family have to see me this way. They are all very sympathetic but it difficult for them especially for my husband to see me in such pain. He feels pretty helpless as I do."
Please re-read this to yourself and think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed. You are blaming yourself for this and apologizing for being in pain. It is not your fault and you deserve empathy from others and most importantly, from yourself. Would you be angry at another family member is they were struggling with some sort of physical or emotional pain? I suspect that you would be supportive and loving. Why don't you deserve the same?
I'm glad that your traveling has been for fun. I'm sorry that you have not been able to enjoy it due to your recent pain.
Have you tried re-reading Sarno, or any other books (listed on the wiki)? Have you tried writing?
Take care.
Peg
In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. Galileo Galilei |
|
|
|
Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 10/13/2009 : 09:15:23
|
quote:
Originally posted by mala
Nothing has changed in my life to warrant these symptom & I am unable to put my finger on what is bothering me...
This year I have been away from HK 5 times but the last trip was very difficult. My husband is going away to Malaysia to play golf next week and wants me to come but i have declined.
You have been successful in the past treating your symptoms as TMS. Your unconscious mind has given you another challenge. Try to take a step back and look at your life from a different perspective. The fact that you say "nothing has changed in my life" likely means the opposite is true. You are "unable to put [your] finger on" it because it is repressed.
Then you go on to gloss over your husband's trip to Malaysia and your trips away from HK. Maybe these things are affecting you on levels you do not accept or realize.
You fell back into thinking that it is a physical problem, and you allowed the fear to overcome you. If this is TMS then your mind is succeeding and it will continue until you short circuit the process.
Rather than go crazy trying to find the specific psychological reason for the pain (which you cannot) just accept that the process of ignoring the symptoms and re-focusing your thoughts is enough. It may take some time but this 'attack' will pass if you continue to do the work. Don't let TMS win this battle. |
|
|
|
Judith Friedman
USA
18 Posts |
Posted - 10/13/2009 : 18:06:50
|
| Hey, Mala, let me chime in to agree with pretty much everyone else. Osteoarthritis=normal changes in joints with age. Leg length discrepancy? Who is completely symmetrical? Not me! When I came to an impasse in journaling I just tried a different Sarno-based program. First I did Scott Brady's book, then Fred Amir's, which is less focused on uncovering the repressed emotions and is working for me right now. All this stuff is just a click away on Amazon, or even a trip to the library. Anyway, keep us posted on your progress. As my friend used to say, Life is Chronic, there's always something going on underneath. |
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
in terrible pain
