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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
 Posted - 11/12/2008 : 00:23:19
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Today I had an incredible session in which the whole somatic (body) memory of my sis and the abuse seemed to wash through - and out - of me.
I have been lying on the couch feeling like something has broken which has been a bit stuck for most of my life. I don't know why it sometimes seems to take so long for certain old emotional pieces to work their way through - Gawd knows I've been at it for 30 years!
But all of a sudden now is the time. Whatismore, I seem to be coming out of my post-traumatic-divorce single phase, and suddenly I seem to be babelicious and it's raining men.
But what does one Do with them? (I guess this is another thread, or perhaps another forum)
 
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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Redsandro
Netherlands
217 Posts |
Posted - 11/12/2008 : 23:08:59
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Great news!
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TMS is the hidden language of the soul. |
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mcone
114 Posts |
Posted - 11/13/2008 : 11:54:26
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quote:
Originally posted by Redsandro
Idiots are easy to ignore. But the fun starts when you have some mutual symbiosis (for lack of a better word) going on.
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People that are a little valuable but are also a little irritating enrage me more than total idiots. It still gets me sometimes.
* * *
Wavy Soul, you still have an abusive sister? I think I remember.. let's call it annoyance, from way back. Can't you cut her out of your life (and draw funny comics about her)?
I've been turning myself upside down and inside out over my relationship with my sister...So many (whole-body) strong emotions in opposing directions.
On the one hand...having an immediate family member seems to naturally invite a sense of security in the world - a sense that always been embedded deep into my emotional programming... (and she is intelligent, successful, resourceful, well-connected, etc.)
and yet, she is EVIL - not 100% EVIL, but about 90% EVIL. When I was in the worst throes of my RSI, both hands in terrible pain - not being able to drive anymore, terrific amount of emotional pain, back in August '07, she threw me out of her house calling me "useless". [In her defense, and not insignificantly, she was pregnant at the time - but why would this demand that she treat me abusively]
I had been at her house in Brooklyn - 1,200 miles away from my apartment (and home of 16 years) in Minnesota, and it tooks me about two or three months of convalescense - in a room-share that cost me a fortune to rent - just to get the strength back to return to Minnesota.
How can I EVER, EVER, EVER forgive her for treating me this way? For throwing her own flesh and blood out on the street under the worst possible circumstances? And yet, when things were "good" (earlier years) she always wanted me to come and visit and hang out and spend time with her kids etc. And I did TONS of errands for her, household stuff and car stuff and fixing stuff, and taking the kids out on trips, etc. (because she wasn't great at keeping men around) and we have much in common - sense of humor, interests - we are even in similar professions. And it's always been the "vision" in my mind that our families (if I ever have kids) would be close, and that we would be close, etc.
Even if I recover completely from "RSI"/TMS etc. it seems IMPOSSIBLE for us to ever have ANY relationship again. It definitely seems like an all or nothing proposition. Even if the relationship could be mutually beneficial in a million respects and even if there were no basis for continuing conflict - I still can NEVER forget what was revealed about her TRUE NATURE under challenging circumstances. THAT is really who she is - and THAT is at odds with my (and perhaps any objective) sense of ordinary humanity - especially when it comes to family.
So much of my struggle these days is "mourning" the loss of a relationship I thought I had with my sister...and I keep questioning the soundness of my thinking process (i.e., is she really *that* bad? isn't there some relationship we could have? etc.) I just know it is probably best for me to consider her a non-factor in my life - she can be counted on, relied upon, depended upon - for nothing - and becoming engaged in any kind of relationship with her is a trap. That *seems* like the right logical answer here, and yet when I look at what I feel deep inside about my sense of family and emotional connections - this all seems TOTALLY WRONG. It's a HUGE conflict.
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Edited by - mcone on 11/13/2008 11:57:35 |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 11/13/2008 : 16:13:11
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yes, I can completely relate to this conflict
it seems so hard to integrate that our sister is not our sister
one way I'm dealing with this is by having several close women friends who know the whole thing and say "we're your sisters darling"
in related news, just had ANOTHER session in which I remembered infant abuse by her - whole body memory. Just the POSSIBILITY of how my body can feel when I'm not suppressing my feelings / power so as not to piss her off even more is truly radical. I can see that ALL my so-called illnesses of 30 years are related to this early abuse which I didn't really know about.
(I say didn't "really" because I actually had recalled it under hypnosis once, but never really thought it was that important compared to my stuff with parents. But (as a therapist) I've come to know that sibling issues are sometimes - often - the hidden factor in what isn't working in someone's life...)
I feel an actual recognition in my body of traces of what life without this unconscious pattern of energy suppression might be like - wow - could anyone really stand me to be that alive, beautiful, powerful, etc.? (Yes I know the "right" answer, but starting to get it somatically is rad!)
xxx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
Edited by - Wavy Soul on 11/13/2008 18:43:32 |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 11/15/2008 : 10:53:31
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Hi Alexis,
Do you feel concerned when you read of Wavy's experience because you'd like reassurance that it won't lead to further conflict between her and her sister?
Wavy, I feel happy when I read of your experience. I'm not sure I've fully understood it, but I have some thoughts about it which I'd like to confirm when you've had more time to process it.
Hilary N |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 11/17/2008 : 07:59:40
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quote:
Memory is not there to be discovered. It's fluid, creative and easily manipulated. If you want help dieting, fine, see a reputable hypnotist. Otherwise stay the hell away from anyone involved in this as "therapy".
This is hysterical, because I will have to stay away from myself! Ha ha!
Although I don't talk about it here (not wanting to share as some kind of "expert," but as a vulnerable layperson), I am a therapist, and I have worked with and taught hypnotherapy for 27 years, although it's not my focus now.
I was amazed when I discovered, back before early childhood sexual abuse was even talked about, that when people were very relaxed, they would remember such things. And as a result of this unfoldment of something deeply suppressed, they would get better.
The projection of the use of hypnosis as something evil whereby evil therapists implant something in unsuspecting patients' minds is just not my experience after decades in the field of alternative therapies. There may have been some Dr. Evil somewhere in the Cold War USSR doing such a thing, but none of my colleagues are anywhere near such a place. Hypnotherapy is just a form of deep relaxation so that a person can move below their usual armor which holds certain things in place. The concept of so-called False Memory Syndrome was created to argue court cases in which prominent men, including priests, were getting busted.
I'm not saying all memories someone might have in a therapy session are "true." In fact, they are none of anyone's business (unless you are taking someone to court, and I'm certainly not, and nor have any of my clients, ever -- in fact I have never encouraged anyone to even mention their memory to the person involved.)
However, the idea that there are no memories before age 3 is simply untrue. People in my presence, and with no suggestion from me, have recalled their births, and their prenatal experience. There is a vast amount of work in the field of Pre and Perinatal Psychology with hundreds of proven and confirmed cases of recall, with no other explanation for details remembered.
It's not about swinging a pendulum and having power over people (that's just a movie fantasy) but about creating a safe place without the usual superego/ disapproving social censors, so that a person's BODY can start to unwind what it is holding. It's not really about stories at all. Although I had a clear recall of my experience with my sister, the main experience was a releasing of some terror and armoring I have been holding my whole life, and that has absolutely contributed to my TMS.
My therapists (two different colleagues) simply held space for me (one through bodywork).
If I can offer anything from my weird and wonderful experience of decades of sitting in these deep, dark and sacred places with clients, it is that if you are looking for help, and haven't found it from mainstream talk therapy, be open. Don't believe everything that so-called authorities tell you. Remember how people may have warned you about believing in the mind-body connection instead of going through the usual white coat structure.
I'm feeling SO much better, although I'm not all the way through it.
Love is the answer, whatever the question
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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alexis
USA
596 Posts |
Posted - 11/19/2008 : 13:56:27
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Wavy,
We're going to have to disagree on this one. You may compare not believing in most recovered memories to not believing in TMS, but I compare believing in them to believing in RSI. I don't, btw, disagree with the use of hypnosis for other therapeutic purposes, just the use in recovering memories.
I recommend that anyone thinking of taking this route do a lot of reading on all sides first -- I recommend Elizabeth Loftus, recipient of the APA William James Fellow Award (http://faculty.washington.edu/eloftus/Articles/lof93.htm). And note also that not only do many hypnotized subjects "remember" their infancy, but often also their time in the womb and previous lives. I don't think this is any sort of intentional fraud on the part of the hypnotherapist -- they believe in what they are doing every bit as much as most chiropractors. And it doesn't require prompting or manipulation...just a very small amount of imagination from the hypnotized, an attribute found much higher in those who have high hypnotic ability.
I know its nice to believe that we are all here in this together, but if this really is a practice you engage in, I have to admit I have serious doubts about what you are practicing, and I think it hurts people when left unquestioned. Would I question it publicly? No, Loftus and others have received threats and present under tight security for having done so. I'm only happy that recovered memories (whether 'recovered' through hypnosis or in other therapy sessions) are no longer generally accepted in court, and that therapists are increasingly turning from the practice.
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A roommate for an obstacle
