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Neil Sherwood
United Kingdom
14 Posts |
 Posted - 08/13/2008 : 03:25:37
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I wanted to share an incident that happened with my Mother which seems important.
For the record, all my life I have regarded anger as "bad" and repressed it as much as I could for the fear of feeling I was a "bad" person for being angry. That is probably why I find it hard to consciously feel angry a lot of the time, even though I have many things in my life to be angry about.
I was talking to my Mother when I asked her "Did she have the keys for the garage door" to which she replied is a horribly scornful manor "PLEASE?". (It is worth noting that I am a 32 year old man).
Now being such a placid person, I was shocked by the intensity of my reaction to this. I felt an INTENSE feeling of rage and anger, like a demon had possessed my body. It was like I had gone from feeling ok, to "intense rage" instantly. I was so angry I was shaking and could barely stutter the following words out "You can't speak to me like a child anymore". To which she replied "You should know how to speak to adults" To which I stormed out. I am feeling angry just writing this.
Now it took me a good few hours to calm down over this, but the amazing thing was that my pain disappeared the whole time I felt this intense anger (Only to return again the next morning).
A lot of the time I have a hard time believing I am actually in a blind rage inside (because I don't feel anything but my pain) but this has shown me the reality of my unconscious state.
Thanks for listening :)
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 08/13/2008 : 05:25:32
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That is very relevant.
you have hit the nail directly on the head.
Every time I resubmit myself to this process , I find that many new angers have turned 'invisible'.
This last time through I felt a bit stuck so I did Sarno's stress list from 'the divided mind' and after I had listed all the obvious ones (Angers and stress I was aware of consciously) it seemed to clear my head out, like taking out the garbage. All of a sudden, a whole new rush of insights came about angers that I had previously been unaware of...mostly at my wife, but some at my kids and some at my Boss.
Most important seemed---My ex-wife. I wondered what necessitated my not telling her 'NO' when she continually asks for favors, even though we are no longer married? Something must have conditioned that ability away, or else it wouldn't have gone to the 'invisible' bin.
It occurred to me that whenever I don't jump when she says 'jump' , she goes off on a long winded story about how "I only do things when they are convenient for me", as if I were a negligent, selfish bum. I am Not. I am a highly responsible, conscientious TMSer. None the less This is shame and rage inducing, so rather than experience that pain, I would say yes to every request she makes, no matter how much the REAL me inside is angry about being put out by her continual stream of wants and needs....it was anger inducing when we were married...it is rage beyond description now that I feel discarded and abandoned
I aborted a resurgence of pain that way. I also have become very mindful whenever she is around, as it is one of the 'loaded' relationships Sarno talks about in HBP.
It's hard to explain to people that the anger that is causing their TMS is mostly repressed.It is unavailable to us consciously..maybe permanently.. That thought itself is unacceptable to most people because it's theoretical and can't be proved, except by our recoveries....
Interesting...the day after I became aware at how angry I was at her, I spent the next 24 hours in a seething, nonstop tirade during which a literally nonstop stream of obscenities raced through my mind when I thought of her, and I remembered from the material that Sarno mentions sometimes the rage is so scary that the pain might be a better choice...I never understood that until then....silently suffering seemed like not such a bad thing in comparison with the mental agony of feeling that intense hatred and shame.
I have kicked this things butt before several times. With 'team Sarno' behind me, I always win in the end. From someone who has had a lot of experiences recovering from Mindbody issues, I can tell you that you are spot on and that you have stumbled upon the well that is where all the recovery is hidden...though sometimes the water doesn't taste so good. It's funny how we have to relearn it every time... we can't ever really become conscious of our unconsciousness?!?!? If that isn't frustrating, I don't know what is.
Good work Neil.
Cheers
-BB65 |
Edited by - Baseball65 on 08/13/2008 05:27:55 |
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 08/13/2008 : 07:16:28
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Thanks for this thread, Neil. I can relate to similar!
Baseball, I think your previous thread "disappeared"? I just wanted to thank you for it, too. It helped me to read it; just wanted to let you know.
>Sarno mentions sometimes the rage is so scary that the pain might be a better choice...I never understood that until then....silently suffering seemed like not such a bad thing in comparison with the mental agony of feeling that intense hatred and shame.
I understand this too .. Last week something happened which I guess triggered some kind of "re-experiencing trauma" reaction. I was not only beside myself emotionally (ie extremely upset) but had the most wicked headache for THREE DAYS and that never happens (since Sarno) anymore! But I didn't really mind because I knew it was TMS and I realized my body was actually trying to protect me. Emotionally, I just couldn't handle any more, <sigh> so in a way I was actually relieved to have the headache! But I knew what was happening and have full confidence in "Team Sarno" and my head is better again at the moment. |
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n/a
48 Posts |
Posted - 08/13/2008 : 08:16:29
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This is very interesting. I am personally a lot more perfectionist than goodist, and I actually don't tend to shy away from conflicts (though they can take their toll on me anyway). But in my case, getting angry often makes my symptoms worse (onset of colon cramping & urinary urgency).
Does anyone have a theory on that in the Sarno context? I mean, it's obviously possible that even when I feel angry and think I am expressing it, some of it remains repressed. It's just one of the things that makes me feel like stress or fear are my main problem rather than repressed anger.
I would say I am no longer symptomatic every second of every day, so I've really been able to track that I get worse when the stress gets worse (whether it's from a conflict or from things like job-related stresses, etc). |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 08/13/2008 : 08:43:57
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Jamie -- one possibility is that when you are consciously angry, the unconscious anger is closer than ever to the surface (because the two are connected). Thus your symptoms get worse when you are consciously angry. Another possibility is conditioning. It's hard to say for sure, but the important connection to make is that it's perfectly consistent with the symptoms being emotional in origin.
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What were you expecting? |
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Scottydog
United Kingdom
330 Posts |
Posted - 08/15/2008 : 01:10:17
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BB's stress list is a great idea because if you start writing EVERYTHING down that annoys you, even 'trivial' things, you become aware of how often you tell yourself 'it's not even worth bothering about' or 'well, I can't change things so ignore it'. Each and every time you say these things to yourself you stuff the real emotions inside......>>>> TMS.
Write the list on one side of the page and how you are going to resolve it on the other (not always easy of course). But by writing down a solution you are soothing your rage and 'caring for' and supporting your self. This makes you feel happier and in control. |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 08/15/2008 : 11:27:19
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Actually, I'm not a big advocate of the idea of trying to write down solutions to the stresses on the list. This could so easily become trying to fix things that just can't be fixed (or don't merit that kind of attention). What is more important is to acknowledge that all the things on the list bother you, and not dismiss them as unimportant. If something bothers you it bothers you. Acknowledging that is the exact opposite of pushing it away as we have the habit of doing, which is the habit that creates TMS.
Often it isn't important to solve it but just to soothe yourself by admitting how you feel and telling yourself it's fine to feel that way. This way the emotional energy is active, acknowledged, and able to be felt and released rather than suppressed/repressed.
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What were you expecting? |
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Feeling rage at my Mother relieved my pain
