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lidge
USA
184 Posts |
 Posted - 10/10/2007 : 18:28:33
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Okay- i'm sure this is not a new topic. But I'm in too much pain to search the archive.
How bad did your pain get? Did meds or shot do ANYTHING for you?
I am now satisfied from back MRIs that the only physical abnormality of any import is L4-L5 herniated disk. The rest are bulging lumbar discs. The pain is more in the sacral area.
Pain management stumped why epidural, tramadol, darvocet even a few percocet not helping much if at all.
He sent me to physiatrist and got trigger point injection this morning.
Pain worse than before!
I think I know what you will say but I need to hear it.
How bad did your back pain get? Bad enough that you couldn't think of sitting with shrink for hours?
Physiatrist thought it might be referred pain from pelvis - you know if you are female - cyst, fibroid etc.
Went to gyno tonight and he could not see anything to explain back pain. Whatver things I have are minor in that regard.
I almost don't want to post details like this because I know there is a major creep lurking and posting here, but I know 99% are good
caring people.
The pain in my back does not change - it has been in the same place for 5 months and getting worse. Could bad posture, knot or something
"lock in" a pain so that it changes your body in some way?
Could sitting at the computer lock in pain?
Yes, I fit that criteria - spend lots of time researching.
The one thing I have not tried is deep massage. Concentrating so much on this herniated lumbar disc that I assumed based on pain doctor's opinion that this was it but even he is doubting it.
Sent for Schechter's material- I am in such pain and of course you know its is impossible no matter how much I try to think there is
not a physical cause. I do believe that tension may have "locked in"
my back to create a chronic unendurable pain but is that the same as TMS? I'm not even sure I know what I'm looking for. I wonder whether the failure of the doctors to give me ANY relief has made the
emotional part worse therefore the tension in back worse.
My sense is that at your worst, most folks here could function at some level physically, but I know not all.
Feeback appreciated.
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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
Posted - 10/10/2007 : 19:01:12
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Hi Lidge,
I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I suspect that I'm going to say what you suspect ...
yes, the pain can be so bad that you can't bear the thought of anything, or going anywhere. It can keep you from work, play, and therapy. My pain was so bad I thought I was going to passout during a session with my doctor. My pain has been so bad I've gone to the ER.
The good news is it sounds like you've ruled out other non-TMS reasons for your pain. The best advice I got here (and hopefully the best advice I can offer you right now) is to ignore the pain and do what you want to do. If you want to go for a walk ... go for a walk. If you are in pain and you feel you need to do the dishes, do the dishes WITH the pain. Try not to let the pain rule your decisions. This will teach your brain that your conscious is in control.
Yes, I fit that criteria - spend lots of time researching.
Many of us here recognize that our obsession with research and Internet reading is actually a distraction tactic, much like TMS is a tactic to distract us from emotions. Stop researching! Buy into TMS theory. Give it a try and commit to it. You've got nothing to lose but the pain. Your posture has NOTHING to do with it. Instead of obsessing over physical causes, begin asking yourself about places in your life that are compromising your happiness. (e.g. marriage, friendships, family, work etc. What do you do everyday that you absolutely resent? If you can't answer that, ask yourself if you HAD to find something you resented about your life, what would it be? Then consider your answer and see if you need to make changes to preserve your self value.)
As for the female problems, I had a friend who suffers TMS so badly (and won't believe it) she's had back surgery, then had a hysterectomy b/c she was convinced it was her uterus, and for a while was convinced she's all better and now the back pain has returned.
Sometimes it takes time to retrain your brain to not give you physical pain, but other times it can go very quickly. Just do not give in to it.
Cry, scream, get mad and try to release some emotion. That may shift the pain and decrease it.
Hang in there and fight like hell!
>|< Penny
"Feeling will get you closer to the truth of who you are than thinking."
~ Eckhart Tolle
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Edited by - Penny on 10/10/2007 19:08:39 |
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lidge
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - 10/10/2007 : 19:25:27
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Penny- just about to give it a rest and read your reply.
Thank you for the kindness and advice.
What is so disheartening is that I cannot do anything- even things that would give me a lift. Hubby took me to dog shelter (silly)
but he knows that dogs distract me and that I love to see them etc.
Well, I tried to go through and the pain sent me back in the car crying in pain.
Then despite not shopping for months, told myself I'm going and that
I won't let pain stop me. When I left it was bearable ( with Tens unit strapped to my butt!) but by the time half finished I was
throwing stuff in the cart to get the hell out.
I find the constant negative experiences when I try to ignore the pain just sends me lower emotionally. I don't know at what point your
brain "retrains" but I have not had success.
The only thing I can pinpoint is that with every failure with doctors,
I do get enraged that I am not getting better. So I sense that until
I drop out of the doctor game,or till one actually finds something to give me relief that aspect of anger will not get better.
Does Sarno believe massage is counterproductive? I need something to
calm down that pain and fear I will not make progress till I get
it where my teeth aren't clenched from it.
When Sarno says oxygen deprived from tension, would anything that helps tension help one through or is that relying on physical and therefore counterproductive?
Catch 22. Maybe the Schechter material will help. So much appreciate the support Penny. Praying one day I will be able to do the same. |
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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
Posted - 10/10/2007 : 19:50:41
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quote:
Originally posted by lidge
The only thing I can pinpoint is that with every failure with doctors,
I do get enraged that I am not getting better.
Working with doctors can contribute to the TMS cycle. I had a doctor PROMISE me he would make me well and end my fibromyalgia. He held my hand an dlooked me in the eye. The next day, I was in agony and called his office begging for help and they said there was nothing they could do.
For me, the isolation pain brought me made me realize that no one else could make me well except me. Only I could heal me. I'm a work-in-progress. I'm to the defense point of TMS where, now, when I get pain, I'm able to figure out what is contributing to the pain. Like my boss, or my husband, or pressure from other mothers who make me feel inferior etc. It took me a while to get here, but day by day, I ask myself probing questions in response to any pain symptoms and I am doing much better. (I'm much more emotional now than ever, meaning I let myself feel negative emotinos like anger, sadness, guilt, or jealousy. I never used to let myself feel those.)
I think Shceter's workbook will help you. Have you read Sarno too?
When things that usually give you joy cause you problems, this means you are really backed up emotionally. Another TMS guy calls it AOS (automic overload syndrome). Like you've had so much crap thrown at you, your body just shuts down so you don't have to interact with anything.
I don't want to sound like I'm meddling, but it took me over a year to realize that my dear husband was contributing to my problems. He and I were not communicating. He was actually enabling my pain. He'd take care of the kids while I lay comatose in bed. I realized this year that he and I were not on the same page anymore and we have done a lot of work to fix this. (not pretty, but now we are doing so much better. I actually like him again!)
When your body is reacting so intensely to something (or series of things in your life) I think it's a defense mechanism so we look everywhere else except where the real problem lies. TMS work shifts that and helps to sort emotional stuff out and make better decisions that preserve your own rights and self worth.
Take it one day at a time. Are you journaling? Be sure to check out Kelvin's wonderful site for some great ideas on journaling and listen to some free interviews.
http://www.etex.net/kelving/
Have faith. There was a time when I didn't believe in TMS at all. Now I am convinced TMS knowledge PLUS my tenacity to plod thru migraines and all the other trickster pain manifestations are the reasons behind my recovery. (That and the help from the wonderful people here.) |
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lidge
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - 10/10/2007 : 20:28:56
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OK- I'm really get off computer now!
Penny- wise words. I do think computer is distraction.
Every AM I wake up with pain and go on computer to distract myself from going mad. I'm doing it now!
I do cry everyday! Try not to scream as it scares my son but could do it when he's not here.
Everything you say is on the money and strikes a chord.
Time to do the work- hoping to find someone to do the phone therapy
but if not, I'll still try my best. Have read Sarno's books but
perhaps not accepted it as anything but "last hope" rather than
true answer.
Many, many thanks to you.
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Stryder
686 Posts |
Posted - 10/10/2007 : 21:08:15
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Hi lidge,
TMS is using pain and fear as a distraction. A distration from the blinding rage of your inner child. TMS will consume your every waking moment with this distraction. You are fighting the pain. This will NOT work for you. How do I know this? Because I have been in your shoes, and walked in your footsteps.
Of course you are angry. If not on the outside most certainly on the inside.
Its not your fault your brain got wired this way. You must forgive yourself and stop blaming yourself for being "broken". You are not broken. Your body is certainly not broken either. Yes, the pain is real, and TMS is causing the pain as a distraction. You can start off by not blaming yourself for this affliction. The good news is that thousands before you have been where you are now and have beat TMS. You can re-wire your brain.
Yes, it will take time. Days, weeks or months. It doesnt matter how long it takes, it takes what it takes.
So give in and just let it hurt. DO NOT FIGHT THE PAIN. Yes, fight TMS, but stop fighting and being angry about the pain. Accept that it hurst like &*^&*%^$%(*, and just let it hurt.
Rest assured, its just pain, and in the long run will not harm your body. The pain is real, but benign. Your brain ThInKs the pain is danger, but it is not. Its a false, fake danger. That's why it serves as sucha good distraction, its saying DANGER DANGER, and gets you conscious self into a *PANIC*. See how well the distraction works?
So let it hurt. Go to the doc and get some pain meds. That will take the edge off while you get your head around this TMS stuff. Read Sarno EVERY DAY. Over and over. I like HBP myself.
If you do this, every day you will get a little it better. Get outside and walk every day even if it hurts. Every day it will get a little bit better. At first you will be in a hurry and say: "Gosh when will I ever be better?". Dont set any time table, this will work against you.
Oh yea, \almost\ forgot. The setback. Actually, there will be more than one. There will be a bunch of these. You will get better, then get worse some. This will put *DOUBT* in your mind. "Is Sarno's approach a false hope? Gosh, maybe he got it all wrong. Maybe I need antother MRI." When this happens, and it will, JUST MARCH ON SARNO SOLDIER! Trust us, this is "normal".
The docs/medical/industrial complex will not help you.
YOU must *TAKE CHARGE* of your own recovery.
You will win since so many of us before you have won.
Sarno Rocks!!!
Take care, -Stryder
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Edited by - Stryder on 10/10/2007 21:17:19 |
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mizlorinj
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - 10/11/2007 : 07:50:25
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Hey Lidge. The pain got so bad Dr. Sarno told me even cancer would not be hurting me as bad as I laid on his office floor in agony.
I had massages before I knew I had TMS and they did help for a few hours.
Painkiller worked only the first time I took it. After that it didn't work anymore and I realized I better get the pen and paper out and get to work! I gave up on painkillers at that point.
Interesting that you've stumped the doctors!
I'd suggest writing about being angry they aren't able to help you. Write about anything that comes to mind really. Getting it out of you is the answer. I am proof. I was stuck in bed (couch, floor) for weeks in agony and hardly able to move. All better now. No surgery. 
Concentrate on the psychological. Not the physical. I know it's hard, but it is the only answer!!
-Lori |
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lidge
USA
184 Posts |
Posted - 10/11/2007 : 11:32:05
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thank you friends so much.
I had a trigger point injection yesterday and this morning thought I was a bit better then felt sick all over flushed, and well- some
other bad things. I resolved last night that I would do as you say.
The pain meds don't work for the pain and now I feel I have added more misery perhaps from the stress and even the shots.
I'm flushed and feverish.
I got the Sarno CD in the mail and will put it in.
Lori- I'm not sure if they are stumped in that they will say its herniated disk, say the pain can last years, but nothing Ive taken
really helps. I have not tried a neuropathic drug cause Im sick of
taking stuff and feeling worse.
I'm so greatful for your sharing because I feel really sick and its hard to believe when you feel awful. All I can try to do is minimize the panic and try to deal with the issues you mention.
Its gotten to the point where I don't even know when I'm really "sick"
because I feel in pain every day and always wonder when there is more
misery superimposed on it whether its real or not.
I have no doubt that this is is related to the automnic immune system
gone haywire, but I wonder whether some of us can crawl out of this
alone. I've always thought of myself as a strong person and this has
me defeated. So tired of begging doctors- perhaps that is a large part of it. Doctors becoming almost parental authority figures and when they fail to "take away the pain" it brings you back to childhood
issues.
Has anyone found that?
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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
Posted - 10/11/2007 : 18:35:00
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quote:
Originally posted by lidge
So tired of begging doctors- perhaps that is a large part of it. Doctors becoming almost parental authority figures and when they fail to "take away the pain" it brings you back to childhood
issues. Has anyone found that?
Absolutely!!! That's the way girl! Think about the psychology behind your anger/pain! Yes! !!!!!!!
For me I have a tendency to look to others for the things that I think are big deals. I realize that I am looking for assurance externally that things will be ok, or even for validation that things are as bad as I think they are. Perhaps b/c I never learned that within me resided the faculties and abilities to take care of myself OR, now I think about it, perhaps b/c I was never allowed to show negative emotions growing up. So now I'm a grown up, I had stowed those nasty scary feelings for such a long time that I have forgotten what they are and never learned to process them. hmmm, maybe I look to others to witness their reaction. A sort of emotional voyeurism!? Then when they don't over react like I do, or are not as concerned as I feel, I feel slighted. (Sorry, this is turning into a journal entry.)
You may feel like you are alone in this. You may feel like no one has ever felt the depth of pain and distress and panic and disturbance as you are experiencing right now BUT this is not true. Many of us here have suffered deeply too. In fact, I have a strong feeling that those of us who stick around to help others muddle thru and above TMS perhaps (beyond the fact that we are recovering people pleasing do-gooders ) ALSO suffered with such intensity that we can't bear to think of others suffering as much as we did. At least that's one of my reasons for being a frequent flyer here. (That plus the fact that I continue to be inspired and learn from everyone!)
Styder!!!! I LOVE your danger bit. Very clever. Yes, so true. Our brains think pain is danger, but it's just tricking us to distraction.
>|< Penny
"Feeling will get you closer to the truth of who you are than thinking."
~ Eckhart Tolle
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Edited by - Penny on 10/11/2007 18:39:28 |
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cfhunter
119 Posts |
Posted - 10/11/2007 : 19:13:40
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I can only speak for myself and the two things that help me most.
I tell the pain in the very second I feel it coming or getting worse "Don't even THINK you can F*%#" with my life and don't try to ruin my day."
Also I try to STOP the minute I think something negative about my situation or when I find myself dwelling on it I tell myself to STOP it.
This has lessened my pain considerably. Just pain talk...self talk...etc.
journaling too. I had it move from my back to my ankle and my butt all on one run last night. I told it "Wher to go" and by the time I got home I was feeling fine.
I too am a work in progress EVERY day.
best of luck. |
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How bad does it get?
