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carbar
USA
227 Posts |
 Posted - 09/17/2007 : 23:06:14
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Wow. I don't think I ever FELT that before. But today with the fall weather so beautiful I've been filling up with this painful lonely feeling. I am really desiring deeper connections with people in my life. I was thinking about it, then feeling about it tonight and crying these tears that I would attribute to terror. Just deep deep fear that I will always be alone (I felt very alone as a child).
So scary. At the same time, I feel like some of the tears are for relief. Finally feeling these long repressed emotions shows that healing is happening.
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la_kevin
USA
351 Posts |
Posted - 09/17/2007 : 23:21:36
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| Keep going with it. If you're on a roll with being in touch with repressed emotions, it's good to get to that part. |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 09/18/2007 : 08:32:45
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For all his brilliance, I think T.S. Elliot got it wrong..
It's not April, it's September that's "the cruelest month, mixing memory and desire...."
September to me is just full of the most painful associations and nostalgia....From school days, to first kisses, to all those inevitably sad feelings that go along with the loss of yet another precious summer...
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Edited by - art on 09/18/2007 08:36:31 |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 09/18/2007 : 08:49:50
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I've been getting in touch with how alone I've felt for most of my life as well, how much I would like to have closer connections with friends, meet new friends, be able to talk to my parents. It has been really painful to realize and I think what art described is exacerbating it. Even though I'm enjoying the cooler weather, the shorter days and the fact that every day that passes is one fewer and that 'what have I done today anyway' feeling...yikes. Someone asked me 'how are you these days' and I didn't really know how to answer. It seems like nothing changes except therapy-related things, and I don't share those with most people. I don't know if maybe I would make some better connections if I shared more. (Unfortunately, this isn't the person to test it on because things between us have been painful in the past and I can't trust him at this point.)
But lately there have been a few days when I actually felt contented and happy for part of the day. It's been so long I hardly realized anymore that it was missing. It's a relief and I do feel better knowing that at least whatever else is happening I'm becoming a more whole person.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 09/18/2007 : 14:18:30
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To be human is to be lonely, especially for those with a certain sensibility...It's not a bad thing, though of course it is painful...
We're all seekers, even if we don't always understand after what...loneliness is part of that it seems to me... |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 09/18/2007 : 21:33:31
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Car-It's good to hear that you are connecting with your child's feelings as I really think that everybody that does this benefits greatly in the long run although it can be quite painful when you are in the midst of it.
Arm- Sorry to hear that you don't feel like you can share your work with your significant other. Have you talked to your therapist about that. It may be an area that you want to explore some more if you haven't already done so. One of the things that has really solidified my marriage is that we can and do talk about these kind of personal things and we both can help each other through the ramifications of our own issues. I hope you can ultimately find that in your life. |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 09/19/2007 : 10:02:25
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Carbar,
I sooo relate, especially living out here in the desert when 90 percent of my people are back East..I've also lost an unusual amount of loved ones to death as well..I get that sinking, lonely and scared feeling often..I stress and fear about the future as well as i have yet to marry my soul mate and have my own family..My music and art always came first..Life can be scary, indeed..My faith in G-d/Yeshua sees me through and my hope for better days as well..
hope you feel better soon..:)
Karen
ACL,
I second what mieh said about sharing w/ your partner..
hugs to all,
Karen |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 09/19/2007 : 10:31:15
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Oops, maybe I wasn't clear in my previous post. I was not talking about my boyfriend! I do talk with him about a lot of the emotional stuff. He is in therapy too (with a different therapist) so sometimes we find that we are encountering the same thing. It's great to be able to talk to him.
The guy who asked me the question is a friend and ex that I've drifted in and out of being in touch with. A whole different story.
BTW, Karen, how are you these days?
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 09/19/2007 : 22:15:12
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Hiya ACL,
Still healing..working hard in therapy, it's going well!
Still have some wrist limitations, but better all the time..
thanx for asking.
Hugs,
Karen |
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the feeling of terror
