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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
 Posted - 08/30/2007 : 11:35:32
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Hi everyone. I haven't been posting on the forum in nearly two years. You see, when I divorced my husband my dizziness all but went away. I blamed him for the trip to Cancun he dragged me on and the boat ride we took when the vertigo all began back about 6 years ago (I can't honestly remember - just a guess).
So, I've been living on my own in an apartment, draining my bank account from the divorce settlement. I had a boyfriend who cheated all over the place on me and after nine months I cut him loose. It was a very difficult time in my life, as for some reason I actually thought I loved him.
After the breakup, I met my current guy and we have been together for a year and two months. We have had plenty of ups and downs and have broken up many times. Well, just the other day he's talking to me about what he thinks I need to do (to get my website up and running and start my photography business). He is five years younger than me but loves to constantly tell me how to conduct myself and run my life. Obviously, being a single mother of two, I need to get a gig going. But you see, I've been paralyzed with fear for these two years I've been on my own. I just collect my alimony/child support check (which barely covers my bills) and continue to drain my bank account. My ex husband pays for nothing for the kids except the basics, and thus expects me to cover any extra expenditures (including new school clothes last week - which I paid for as well). I know what I need to do, and yet it's almost as if I'm paralyzed and stuck in quicksand, afraid to move forward and do it.
So, a couple of days ago (after an emotionally charged week of another near breakup and makeup) I'm talking to my guy. I'm laying on my bed, listening to him tell me what I need to be doing. Meanwhile, I'd just bathed my dog and was about to clean house (I hate cleaning house!) I talk to my guy for about fifteen minutes, hearing all the things he thinks I need to do, and about five to ten minutes after I stand up my back goes into spasm and it begins to hurt like hell.
That was on Tuesday. Typically, and I know I'm going to get yelled at for this so I'm bracing myself, I go to my chiro and he "adjusts" me and I'm good to go. I know, I know. Sarno would say "no f-ing way" to that but I do it anyway. Obviously, not the right way to handle this TMS demon. Well, I went to him and the next day it was worse. So, I went back and he used the "stem" treatment (like a TENS unit, which relaxes the muscles). He iced my back down and adjusted it again. Now, I'm doubled over in pain (still) and I'm wearing lidocaine patches from my boyfriend to help numb the pain. It hurts like HELL.
I don't know where my book is and don't have the strength to go rummaging through my garage to find it in the box of books. So, I thought I'd post back on the forum and talk about my problem and the possible stressors that caused it. I'm venting. My back still hurts. I'm sure I'll need to do a heck of a lot more than this.
Any thoughts?
P.S. It's good to be back.
Laura |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 08/30/2007 : 12:37:21
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Thanks Shawn for your response. It's so hard to explain TMS to people. I've been literally "thinking" myself to death the past few days. Meanwhile, my guy keeps saying "Why won't you just take my anti-inflammatories? You will start to feel better. They will reduce the inflammation." I give up. I'm taking one now, even though they always make my stomach hurt so badly that I regret it. I can barely function. Need to stand up straight and get in the shower to get to an appointment.
It's not only being controlled by another man that I despise. I'm also having trouble with a "friend" who basically told me that even though she has my guy's phone number and can text and call him any time she wants, I'm not allowed to call or text her guy. Kind of a double standard I think. This all came about when my guy, her boyfriend and her all hung out together one night last week while I sat home crying my eyes out because of the "breakup." My guy and I have gone through this before but this time I thought we were really going to do it. I'd text messaged and called her several times during the day but she had never called or written me back. Meanwhile, my guy invited hers over for a drink that night and she came and hung out with them, rather than being there for me. It was the ultimate betrayal for me. My boyfriend even told her when he got to the door that she should be consolling me. That's the kind of thing he and I do for her and her guy all the time when they fight. We try to bring them back together and we've done it many times.
It's all too high school for me and frankly I need to move on. Chalk it up to the loss of one more "friend" during the past couple years. They are dropping like flies, I swear.
Meanwhile, although I know not talking to her any more will free up time for me to do more productive things, it was a friendship that I looked to for strength and validation and in some ways I'll miss it. After finding out how she'd been at my guys and not there for me, I asked my boyfriend for her guy's number. I said "It's only fair if the three of you are all chit chatting that I should have John's number.' That's when all hell broke loose. She has a double standard and it's only okay for her to use my guy as a sounding board. I'd sent her a guy a very benign text that said "We saw your ex-wife last night. She's something else." This was when I received a message from my friend that read "Don't ever text or call my guy again." Unbelievable!
So, I'm angry about that. I've been angry with my guy about several things. One of them being that he is now "helping" my sister and her husband by giving them legal advice (he's not a lawyer but rather runs his own company which handles insurance claims.) My sister had asked for his phone number so that she and her husband could talk to him. For some reason, they were of the impression he was a lawyer. She was very hush hush with me, sharing no details and telling me she didn't know how much she was allowed to divulge. I told her when my guy did talk to them I wanted to be present, since she is my sister and therefore it's my business. Well, their phone call came last week during the throes of our near breakup and he went ahead and spoke to them without my presence. He had called me first and told me they had just called and that he told them he'd speak to me and then call them back. I'd said I needed 20 minutes and then would be ready to listen in on the call (all of us on speakerphone) and instead, my guy called them back and when they said they "didn't really need Laura as she would bring nothing to the table since she doesn't know legal matters" they proceeded without me. I felt very left out and hurt by this. It struck a huge nerve in me. My sister and brother-in-law are on the verge of divorce, basically, and he is losing his company. The questions were supposed to be geared toward "how do I protect her and the kids since I'm losing my company." What my boyfriend doesn't understand is that she is my flesh and blood, my kid sister, and that I feel I should have not been excluded. My sister is an attractive woman, 9 years younger than me. My guy has already commented on how pretty she is several times. Now, she too has his phone number and he told her she can call him any time. Meanwhile, I don't know diddly squat about the issues at hand. I have been left out of the loop you might say, once again.
Do you think I'm harboring some intense anger over all these issues? You betcha I am. Add that to my pain in the butt ex who won't pay for jack s---t and we have the perfect recipe for some TMS to brew. The thing is, I'm thinking about this and talking about this, ad nauseum, but my back pain in getting worse. It's really doing a number, trying to make me believe there's something seriously wrong in my back. It's working. I actually told my boyfriend today "Maybe I should go see an orthopedic doctor." I don't really believe that, do I? No. I don't. It seems the more I think about stuff, the worse it gets.
I gotta find my book. I have to read it again and re-read it a few more times.
I'm angry. I have resentment. I'm irritated. I'm beyond pissed off!
Thanks for allowing me to vent.
Laura
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 08/30/2007 : 12:43:25
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One more thing I forgot to mention. My sister is my mother's "favorite" and has been for years. My mother actually told me, 17 years ago when my daughter was a baby, that my sister is her favorite between the two of us. My parents go to Texas to visit my sister for the winter, usually about 5 to 6 months. Then, instead of continuing on to California to see me, many times they head back home (midwest). Its sad. I have two daughters and for the life of me cannot understand how a mother can play favorites. So, I guess I still harbor some deep seated resentment at my sister for that. Now, she's talking to my guy and I'm left out of the loop.
I'm going to keep venting as things come into my head. It's like I just tapped a well of resentment.
Laura |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 08/30/2007 : 13:37:33
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Wow Laura...sounds like a BIG pile of things.
You are venting and doing all the right things, reminding yourself when doubts come up of what you believe about TMS.
I wonder if maybe you need to go beyond that take action and try to change some of this stuff -- like you did before.
Some of it you can't change (your mom, for example) but frankly if I had a boyfriend always telling me what to do, I'd tell him to shut it and let me manage my own life (probably in nicer words though).
You talked a little about feeling really paralyzed since your divorce. I wonder if that deserves more exploring to see what feelings are under the paralysis. Paralysis sounds like anxiety and anxiety is a TMS-equivalent distraction from other emotions.
Hope this is helpful.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 08/30/2007 : 16:49:10
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Thanks for your input. Yes, I do feel paralized with fear. When you are out of the work force for almost 18 years it's hard to get back in. I'm like a kid just getting out of high school, not knowing what I want to do with my life. Any job I would get pays nothing, and the cost of living in California is insane. Frankly, I'm scared. My boyfriend makes good money and we have talked about marriage in the future, but I don't want to rely on a man to take care of me. I need to take care of myself.
Well, still thinking about things. I saw a therapist today and it helped to talk. Just journaling and am going to find my Healing Back Pain book and start reading it again.
Anyway, all input is helpful. Thanks! |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2007 : 11:54:26
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quote:
Originally posted by Laura
One more thing I forgot to mention. My sister is my mother's "favorite" and has been for years. My mother actually told me, 17 years ago when my daughter was a baby, that my sister is her favorite between the two of us. My parents go to Texas to visit my sister for the winter, usually about 5 to 6 months. Then, instead of continuing on to California to see me, many times they head back home (midwest). Its sad. I have two daughters and for the life of me cannot understand how a mother can play favorites. So, I guess I still harbor some deep seated resentment at my sister for that. Now, she's talking to my guy and I'm left out of the loop.
Laura
Laura- First of all glad to see that you survived the breakup with your ex and got yourself out of an abusive situation.
The above quote hit me that underneath all of this has got to be huge rage wrt mom for behaving in this way. If this is not rage inducing I don't know what is.
It could be that all the symptoms are a result of all the present insults but remember that the original pain with parents still needs to be addressed at some point. Otherwise the inner child will keep reproducing familiar relationships in the hope that this time around those needs are met. To help you feel that pain it helps to see how the present situation is triggering earlier situations. As you think about this it will help to get to those forgotten feelings.
I couldn't help thinking also that it might be best to be single and not dating so that you have time and energy to do your inner work as well as job stuff. This will also help with the feelings of overwhelm and paralysis that you are dealing with now.
It's good to see that you are working with someone on this stuff.
As usual I agree with ArmChair's comments. Keep venting and using the forum to get at those feelings. You will overcome this situation which is not as bad as where you previously were. |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2007 : 12:43:33
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  Yay!! Laura's back!!
I couldn't admire more your refusal to let yourself get taken care of...Lots of wisdom there, much courage.
Now read that book!! |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2007 : 17:57:15
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Thank you everyone. And, Art, thanks for the happy faces. That made me laugh.
Yes, things are still about the same. Last night, I took a 500 mg. Naproxen, after drinking two glasses of wine. After about an hour, I said "What back? I don't even feel my back." But, this morning in the early hours the pain was back with its usual force. I got a massage today and got adjusted again (I know, I know - please don't yell at me. I can't believe it's TMS and then go do that. I know that but I did it anyway).
So, now I have my book out and I'm thinking and I'm writing and I'm reading. It still hurts like hell.
I agree with the comments made above. I do harbor a great deal of resentment at my mother specifically. Now, my sister is M.I.A. but that's fine. My "friend" and I ended our two year long friendship after several nasty emails back and forth yesterday. Good riddance. I don't need friends like that anyway.
I don't know if I trust my boyfriend. She says he told her all sorts of nasty things I said about her but then failed to really give me any concrete examples, saying "It doesn't help to do that." she did tell me two things he told her and I know he had to have told her because only he and I knew. Every time he and I argue or are going through our breakup b.s. he runs to her, her boyfriend, my family, or my various other friends to talk about me. This INFURIATES me to no end. I, on the other hand, talk to only my two close girlfriends. I don't even tell me parents as they really like him and I know most likely we will work it out so I don't want them thinking poorly of him. Meanwhile, he works with his dad and claims "My dad sees me crying at my desk so I have to tell him what's going on." I beg to differ. I told him "Then you politely say to your dad 'Laura and I are having some disagreements but we always manage to work through it dad.'" Makes more sense to me.
Here I am wracked with excruciating pain, and now I walk in to find my dog has vomited all over both my expensive couches. I want to scream!!!!
Thank you everyone for your input. It's helping.
Laura |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2007 : 18:17:00
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Laura, that would drive me crazy if my boyfriend said negative things about me to my friends. People definitely have different comfort levels saying troublesome things about their relationships, but I think it's different to talk honestly with some people about problems and to go around saying negative things to so many people.
Are you sure you really want to be with this guy? I might be getting the wrong impression of him since you are here to vent. I have had that problem, where I only ever vent to people so they don't hear the nice things and then they ask me why I want to be in the relationship, so I hope you can just think of it as an innocent question asking you if you really do feel sure.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2007 : 18:37:11
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Well, he has a lot of great qualities. He is successful, is kind and generous to my kids, is in his 40's like me, is fun to hang out with, is good in bed, is extremely good looking, and is willing to go to a therapist to try and make our relationship the best it can be. But does he have flaws? You bet. He can be very needy number one. If I ever decide to not see him for an evening all hell breaks loose as he thinks "Are you mad at me?" Somtimes, he has done some things or said some stupid comments to piss me off and when I ask for the down time (like by saying "I have my kids and tonight the three of us are going to stay in and watch a movie and have a girl night") it's not to punish him. It's to legitimately have one on one time with my girls (17 and 15) and to take a breather, if you will, from him. That's a healthy thing, I believe. He is a yacker though and loves to talk. Any time we are going through one of our near breakups (or we've said we are breaking up) he goes to the restaurant/bar where I used to hang with my friends before meeting him and yacks with anyone who will listen about me. Last week, he went there and was text messaging me from there saying "Andrea says hi" (Andrea is the attractive blonde bartender. He did this to make me jealous.) I think for 43 he can be EXTREMELY immature at times. He has three daughters, whom I adore. I think he is a wishy washy dad sometimes and lets them walk all over him but he does love his girls and would do anything (and I mean anything, as he tries to make up for their mother who does nothing) for them.
We have broken up probably about 8 or 9 times in the year and two months we've been dating, and this usually occurs after he's done or said some stupid thing that has made me mad. I retreat because I get mad and he (in his D.A. fashion) wants to chase me down and hash it out. We don't know how to fight fairly at all. I know it takes two, but sometimes I think "Marriage was a freaking walk in the park next to this!" With a passionate relationship come passionate, heated arguments I guess.
Anyway, I just don't know. I asked him the other day about something I saw online to earn money from home. I forwarded it and asked if he thought it was legitimate. His response was something like "Let's get your website up and get you going on your photography and then you can do that in your spare time." It made me think, "What the hell? Does he truly think he is the boss of me?" In some of our fights, we email each other and some of the things said get pretty ugly. He actually called me a loser because I don't have a job and said that I "make mundane things like running kids around, cleaning house and doing errands into monster tasks. You act like you're the President of the United States." This hurt me to the very core of my being. What the heck? He claims "Well, last month when you were mad you called me a loser in an email. I went through every old email and found nothing like that. Also, to say "loser" in a moment of anger is one thing but "loser - you have no job and no life" is another.
There are numerous other things too, far too many to mention here and some that I can't mention.
Does that answer your question? (I'm bracing myself here...)
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2007 : 18:43:16
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| I've gotta say. This is so obviously TMS it's not even funny. As I sit here, reading this stuff I wrote and thinking about all the b.s. that's been going on (relationship-wise, friendship-wise, and family-wise) it's a freaking wonder I can stand up straight. My pain really flares up as I sit here thinking about and reading all this. The gremlin is trying it's darndest to grab my attention. It's really trying to get me to think there's something seriously wrong here with my spine/back. I gotta laugh now. It's almost funny! |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2007 : 20:51:28
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Sometimes laughing at the gremlin is the best strategy!
I'd agree, it's clear you have a lot on your plate, and the pain is coming from it.
My therapist said something interesting this week that you might find helpful as far as your relationship(s). I have talked with her about interactions I have with people who are upsetting me where I don't know how to express what I'm feeling at all, let alone in a way that is both honest and respectful, focused on reporting what I'm feeling and what I want. When I do manage to think of those things, I feel better because I'm being true to myself. Recently I was actually able to say one of them and I felt a lot better and actually the result was overall very positive. I think it helped my boyfriend (who I was talking with at the time) to have clear information to work with. But regardless of his reaction, I felt better for saying it. And she said that you can decide what kind of relationship you want, and work on your behaviors so that they promote the kind of relationship you want. Whether the other person is willing to work with you on that says a lot about whether a relationship will work and be one that you want in the long term. Objectively from the outside, you and your boyfriend are not engaging in behaviors that seem to produce a relationship that you want -- instead you are ending up with a relationship where he feels unsure about you/the relationship and tries to take the upper hand in strange ways, and you feel your trust is violated. This may be a big source of your troubles.
You might find that thinking of the situation in terms of things that you feel and want is helpful in dealing with your boyfriend. Maybe just to say to yourself to begin with even. "I felt angry when you sent me that text message about Andrea because I believed you were trying to make me jealous, and..." or "I am feeling frustrated because I was just hoping to have a nice night in with my girls, and I don't like having to reassure you every time this happens, because I care very much for you, but sometimes I just enjoy a night by myself." Or whatever else. If you feel comfortable you can start saying stuff like that to him, or whatever feels honest to you (I am just guessing based on what you said and my way of phrasing things, which is still pretty new for me).
It's scary because at first you don't know what the person is going to do, but in the end, you can find out a lot by what they do end up doing! It can be the beginning of "fighting fair", or having a strategy to work out problems. He sounds like he needs some new strategies because the ones he has are not working in the context of your relationship, and I don't know if yours are either, you haven't really said as much about that.
Therapy helps with these kinds of habit and behavior changes -- I would never have gotten as far as I have without some therapy, I suspect. Not TMS-wise, just life-wise. So if you can arrange for you both to go, you might really find it useful.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2007 : 20:55:52
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I agree. We see a therapist every week. She's awesome. We are working on using "I" statements. It seems that my guy is so hypersensitive that even when I phrase things the way you suggested he gets his "panties in a knot" so to speak. I can't say it the right way. What I've found too is, I'm in trouble for saying how I feel and if I don't way how I feel, I'm also in trouble. I've expressed this to both he and our therapist. It's a "no win" situation. Damned if you do and damned if you don't.
We will continue with the counseling. It does help. Thank you for your suggestions! |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2007 : 21:04:18
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I think his reaction to your statements is up to him, not you! It is not necessarily (and probably isn't) you 'not doing it right'. That is perfectionist thinking...very common of course around here.
It kind of alarm-belled for me when you mentioned that he doesn't understand that you need a night off occasionally. Practically everyone does, so that is a pretty basic problem he seems to have with insecurity. As a therapist would say, it's neither good nor bad but it clearly isn't working for you or, probably, for him...
Anyway, it's great that you two are already in therapy. I didn't realize that from your post before that you were already in it. Eventually things will click for him...or not, but sadly you have no control over when or if it'll happen!
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 09/01/2007 : 12:28:59
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We just had a huge blowout fight which culminated in my screaming at him to leave and get out of my house. I think I might be done this time. Yesterday, I went to the chiropractor and I had an hour long massage before my adjustment. The massage therapist is this girl I knew from a spa. She was telling me she is doing her internship to be a massage therapist. She LOVES it and was telling me how massage therapists here in California can work four days a week, five to six hours a day, and the average person earns $60,000. I could earn even more, especially if I had my own table and did home massage therapy sessions. I told Steve (the idiotic boyfriend) about it last night. He didn't seem to interested or impressed and didn't say much. He's always pushing me to get a website up, get some advertisements out and have a real photography business. I have always hesitated because I don't know any of the technical aspects (wouldn't know an F stop from a G stop), don't have any lighting or other equipment (and do not know the first thing about any of it). I simply take good pictures and can hand tint photos. It would be very arrogant of me to think I could be in the leagues of the other photographers who know all that stuff. So, to dabble in it for fun (thus, I'm a freelance photographer) until I really know what I'm doing is more my speed. I want a career. I'd love to go to to school (the massage school is a half hour away and you attend four hours a day, five days a week, for ten months) and learn a skill and then go out and have a job. I want to be able to tell people when they ask me "What do you do?" that I am "a massage therapist" or whatever.
So, we're out at dinner at our fav restaurant and who is sitting there but the ex-friend that I just had the blowout with. It was very uncomfortable. The guy gets up to walk to the bathroom and he doesn't speak to me but says hi to my guy on the way back. That really pissed me off good. I was thinking, "here we go. The three of them are still in the loop and I'm the bad guy." My back started to throb big time.
We eventually went home and since my dog had destroyed my furniture yesterday and pooped all over my couches, we had been running his washer and mine to get everything clean. He left to go home to put the things in the dryer and I laid on my ice pack. I was really in pain. He didn't come back and I was getting sleepy so I pulled it out and laid it on top of the bed and dozed off. Then, this morning his phone rings at 7:00 a.m. It's one of his daughters. She wants him to get out of bed and run to Target and get her a bathing suit because his ex-wife piece of crap won't do it (the ex-wife is the most horrible person I've come in contact with). He jumps up and goes off to take her. I was not too happy, as last weekend we both had kids and the before when it was not his weekend to have his kids we had to be up at the crack of dawn for his daughter's soccer tournament in Santa Barbara (an hour and a half away). So, here we are and it's OUR freaking weekend and up he jumps, because the ex wife will never do anything for the kids. I've had it with all of it. It's just all way too much for me.
He finally came back and next thing I knew he's out in my living room cleaning (he's a Virgo - very anal and organized, and it drives me crazy). I walked out and we ended up getting in a massive argument. Basically, he made fun of me about the massage therapy school, saying "You need guidance. You are fumbling aimlessly with no direction. Two weeks ago you were talking about maybe being an esthetician. You don't know what you want." Well, he may be right, but I do know WHAT I DON'T WANT, and that's an arrogant jackass telling me how to run my life. I was told what a bad person I am because yesterday my chiro told me to "go home and float around in the pool for the day. It will relax your back muscles." Well, I did just that but since he didn't get to be there and had to be at work, he accused me of "rubbing salt in the wound" by telling him I was there. See, if I don't tell him I'm there I'm in trouble. If I do, I'm rubbing salt in the would. No win situation, EVERY SINGLE FREAKING TIME.
I think I'm done. I honestly think I'm really done with all this nonsense. I want to place my dog in a home (we argued about that too) and focus on me and my kids. That's it. Really simple. Focus on my girls and focus on me getting a career going and making some money. This is all way too draining and I know it's the reason for my TMS induced back pain. Btw...he's also told me I need to forgive the friend who just trampled all over me and told me that I'm "too quick" to give up on "people and dogs." Funny, I don't see him offering to take the damn dog. Mind you, I've invested thousands of dollars and this dog is clueless. I do not feel attached to this dog in any way. Not like my yellow lab who is at my ex-husband's house. That dog is like my kid. This dog does nothing but destroy and bark. I'm done. The dog and the guy can go.
Okay, I'm done venting for awhile. Off to the beach with friends. |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 09/01/2007 : 16:11:18
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I wouldn't hesitate to find a home for the dog if it's not working out. If he's pooping all over the place and destroying furniture and barking incessantly it's because he's not happy....So he's not happy and you're not happy, it sounds like time for a doggie divorce....
If you can find a home for him, you're really doing the most humane thing in my opinion...
For what it's worth, I can't see why anyone would object to your picking a career like massage therapy and making a go of it...Sounds realistic and affordable..I think you're right about the photography as well...I'm sure you've got lots of talent, but you won't feel comfortable passing yourself off as a professional unless and until you've had the required training...
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Edited by - art on 09/01/2007 16:18:44 |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 09/01/2007 : 21:30:45
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Thanks Art. Big guilt trip all day about the dog, from both him and our friends I went to the beach with. I hate it. I am not getting a whole lot of pleasure out of this dog. I had to have my ex put him in the yard all day and he was not happy to have to do that. I didn't want to leave "Arfie" pooping itself and barking in its crate. What a fun time.
So, my guy comes in as I'm leaving and lets himself into my house. We have yet another argument. Then, my friends say "Why don't you just come with us and you guys can work this out at the beach." He came, and we argued some more. Never did work it out and didn't really talk all day. Now he's trying to get me to go to dinner so we can "talk" some more. I'm starting to feel really done with all this crap. Back still hurting, but not as intense. I think I'm getting all the anger issues out. Funny, Steve said "You are such an angry person Laura." You think?
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mamaboulet
181 Posts |
Posted - 09/02/2007 : 06:04:18
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um...your guy sounds controlling, VERY passive aggressive, and just plain high maintenance. PIIA (pain in the ass). YOUR life, YOUR choices. Massage therapist is a good career. I have a friend who went back to school to be a zen shiatsu massage therapist.
I'd be tempted to push your guy down a couple of flights of stairs, but that's just me.
Sounds like he needs to fix himself instead of giving you a bunch of useless "advice." (CRITICISM) |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 09/02/2007 : 16:28:16
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quote:
Massage therapist is a good career.
I agree..I don't think some people realize just how much training's involved in becoming a massage therapist. It's respectable and for the right person, rewarding profession. I know one therapist in particular who's quite good at what she does and makes very decent money. She really seems to love it... |
Edited by - art on 09/02/2007 16:29:24 |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 09/03/2007 : 00:12:30
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I'd have to second art's point about massage therapists. I met some wonderful ones while I was having TMS pain. Really terrific, nurturing people. Whatever they may believe about the causes of pain, they devote their lives to helping people reduce it -- always a plus.
I agree with mamab that your guy needs to stop trying to fix you and start fixing himself if he needs someone to fix so badly!
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2007 : 01:10:24
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Thank you everyone for your thoughts. I agree, a career in massage therapy is a very respectable occupation. Whatever. Steve and I have been arguing the entire weekend. My back is doing much better. I've gotten a lot off my chest and I'm feeling better. Saturday, things got a little physical. He "pushed" me with his chest (he's 6'4" and very strong). He rammed his chest into my face, and it hurt. One other time, he held me down on the bed and the next day my wrists hurt. Think I'm DONE. We were supposed to go to therapy tomorrow. I will either cancel, or go by myself and give the therapist a freaking earful.
The latest... Well, it turns out he chatted it up with this 21 year old loser (my buddy's ex-girlfriend, who is a total loser) when he was mad at me. They even exchanged phone numbers. She and I had some words last night, as I sent her a text and told her what I thought of the crap she told him. She sent me about 18 text messages, telling me personal things that she only knew because he told her. He now denies sharing those details but I have no idea how else she would know. Then, when I confront him this morning, he runs out of my room shouting "I'm sick of this f---ing b---s---." I said "Really?" You started this and now you're sick of it?" Funny.
I need to get into that school and start working on me. Maybe some day I'll actually meet a normal person, as thus far all I've met are idiots. Like I said, marriage was a walk in the park compared to the divorced life.
Good night everyone!
Laura |
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I'm back - and so is my back pain
