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vrampen78
USA
30 Posts |
 Posted - 07/25/2007 : 00:05:43
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Hi everyone. I started 'posting' here almost a year ago, got better, and then just became a lurker, but I need some guidance now, please. As far as my background with TMS (just for informational purposes) I took to it IMMEDIATELY. Last summer, it started with back spasms and it progressed to sciatic nerve pain then I found Sarno on Amazon.com in late September and just reading the reviews made me feel better. Right after work I got myself to B&N and started reading HBP. The pain and limited movement wasn't even resolved, but the fear had lifted and had been replaced with hope that I would not have to be 28 years old with a long life ahead of dealing with pain. After reading Sarno I realized my entire life I've had TMS symptoms of some kind to distract my from the psychological. And since September I've had what seems like the musical chairs of TMS symptoms...never 100% cured, but who cares Sarno says we can be completely without pain, we are human plus the fear wasn't there.
...so now I have noticed that the fear is creeping in and I'm having thoughts of "OMG it was just a year ago that I was feeling really horrible...what if?" plus family visits and issues (huge, dramatic issues) and work (I'm early into my career and I feel pressure) and I hate to admit this, but I don't have a boyfriend, I'm not married and I don't have kids "what are people thinking of me" (I hate feeling this because I didn't think I was THAT girl who cared about THAT). So basically I'm feeding the fear by thinking about a year ago I was in pain and I'm holding back alot of emotional 'stuff' because I think I can handle it all (I'm smiling and saying 'everything is fine'). I try to 'talk' to the subconscious and I am in therapy and I talk to my best friend and mom about stuff, but I haven't read my Dr. Sarno or Dr. Brady books since November and I completely stopped journaling as soon as I thought I was well enough. Why I'm I forgetting everything I read in HPB if it worked so well and believe in it so much? Is my subconscious just trying to beat me and now I've got to get tougher and smarter about it? Deep down I guess I know, but a swift kick in the @ss by the TMS vets might set me straight once and for all.
...I'm really tempted to type in the different symtoms and levels that are moving around day-to-day, but it's really irrelevant and I don't want to upset people by mentioning them.
Thanks for the help!
-Veronica 
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Littlebird
USA
391 Posts |
Posted - 07/25/2007 : 02:07:58
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Hi Veronica, Here's a quote from another thread (http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=3702)
that I think might be useful to you. I loved it when I read it, because Dave really nailed my experience with TMS; it's a bad habit that is taking me some time to overcome.
Here's Dave's quote: "Many people tend to make things more complicated than they need to be. There are really only 3 steps to getting better. How much you can belive (or at least convince yourself that it is possible you have TMS and give it an honest effort) is important, in that you cannot simply read the book and pay lip service to the treatment.
However, equally important (or perhaps even more important) is a commitment to a life-long change in the way you think about and react to mindbody symptoms. If you make this change, you will slowly recondition yourself and the pain will fade, and the belief will come naturally.
IMO it's counterproductive to quantify TMS symptoms or level of belief in the diagnosis. Think of TMS as a bad habit you developed over the entire course of your life, and it's now time to unlearn that habit. It won't happen overnight and it takes work. Most importantly, like quitting any bad habit, it takes long-term commitment."
For me, one of the habits I need to break is suppressing (which no doubt means I'm also repressing) emotions that I should be addressing. Even though I'm aware of some of the emotions on an intellectual level, that doesn't seem to be the same as truly acknowledging my right to really feel these emotions, because the fact is that I'm not feeling a lot of them. I'm starting to feel some emotions, like some of the anger that was always forbidden by my conscious mind, but there's still a lot of stuff that is not being addressed yet.
Still, I am getting much better at not being afraid that I'll never really overcome the TMS because there is just so much psychological stuff to deal with, including ongoing situations with loved ones. I finally believe I'll be able to acknowledge emotions that I've squashed for decades and I'm learning to speak up instead of smiling and saying things are fine when they really aren't. I'm learning not to worry so much about what people think of me and I'm learning not to be so worried about hurting other people's feelings that I take on the pain for them by being silent about my own feelings. I'm learning that not meeting all of their expectations won't make them hate me or abandon me.
Since you have a lot of emotional stuff going on that you're holding back, it might be helpful to go back to journaling for a little while, especially if that was helpful to you before. Make sure your therapist is helping you address the emotional stuff that you're holding in. Skim through parts of the books again.
You'll get through this low spot and beat the fear and pain. Don't give up. Recovery isn't always a straight path, but you'll be on track again soon.
Corey
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 07/26/2007 : 01:06:15
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quote:
plus family visits and issues (huge, dramatic issues) and work (I'm early into my career and I feel pressure) and I hate to admit this, but I don't have a boyfriend, I'm not married and I don't have kids "what are people thinking of me" (I hate feeling this because I didn't think I was THAT girl who cared about THAT).
One of the things I do a lot on the board is grab these kinds of quotes out of people's post when I respond, because I think it helps to read your own words again and see what they are saying.
These are saying that you are still really, really overwhelmed with stuff that you're trying to deal with by pushing them back and saying things are fine.
Having just experienced a difficult interlude at work, I can say for sure that's a huge stressor by itself, and family is the ultimate.
I'd say do some re-reading and get back to journaling to help get you a release valve and help you see some of the feelings and just have a space where you can really acknowledge them to yourself. Don't panic, it's seriously just TMS popping up again. This process worked for you before, and if it worked, then it was TMS then and it's TMS now.
As for the very last fear, don't feel bad about it. If finding a life partnership or having kids is something you want, then that's a completely legitimate thing to want, and it's right that it should concern you. It's something that I want to do (partnership at least, I'm not committed on the kid thing), so it does concern me sometimes, whether I'm on the right path for that. (I'm a bit younger and do have a boyfriend, but there are still plenty of worries I have on the subject.) And the same it's okay to be concerned what other people think. Acknowledge your feelings. Acknowledge there could be rage behind the idea that other people even care! (Why should they really?!) We're social animals and what other people think matters. But for sure decide what you want in that matter and then I suspect you won't mind as much what people may think.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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How is it that we forget?
