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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
 Posted - 07/06/2007 : 11:17:13
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I've talked a lot about this on the forum but this morning I had an experience that was quite revealing and encouraging and I thought here would be a good place to share it.
Yesterday I had a lot of excersize of running and dancing and was feeling pretty darn good. This morning was not so good and symptoms were worse. Now it wasn't hard to understand why my symptoms flared. Today is my mom's birthday and i'm feeling quite conflicted again about calling. The timeout with my folks hasn't changed since last march.
So I had some time along this morning and decided to try an visualization experiment. I put on the Bradshaw anger visualization and went through it first relaxing and breathing and then going to the inner child. What came up for me was a lot of sadness and I just let the tears roll off my face. (i've got a lot of grief over my folks right now). My IC was just playing in the sand pile not seeming too concerned with what I was saying but the feelings flowed out of me like a river. After the sadness I continued with the anger part of the visualization where the adult takes the child to mom and expresses anger to her. I was amazed that the fear response came in loud and clear and I then proceeded to express the rage in my usual way, screaming and beating the mattress. After that I had a lot more sadness.
It was nice to see the symptoms relax after getting out all of those trapped feelings.
What was significant about this was that I was able to get to those feelings of fear by imagination (so the rage was accessible). So maybe i've progressed enough with the connection with my IC so that I can heal myself without a real human witness right there with me. This had never really worked in the past but perhaps i'm better connected now after all the work i've done. I'm not about to end therapy just because of this one experience but it is encouraging to see that I can help myself more than I was in the past.
I hope this example gives some TMS'ers some hope of help from visualization or guided imagry. It is an amazing tool that gets better with practice. |
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Littlebird
USA
391 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2007 : 14:12:30
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Thanks for sharing your experience--it's good to hear about your progress and that you're developing the ability to help yourself.
I finally bought the book "The Drama of the Gifted Child," and I found it to be extremely helpful! I'm so grateful that you and Armchairlinguist and others here have recommended it often. After reading a couple of books that a friend had lent me about inner child work I found that I was feeling resentment about having an inner child that needed support, because I've had to spend most of my adult life taking care of others and putting others ahead of myself and that's what I think is the main source of my inner rage. As odd as it seems that I'd feel resentment towards my own inner needs, it was there and holding me back. But the Miller book really helped me get past that resentment, because it really helped me to stop looking at the inner needs from an adult's perspective and to feel them from the child's perspective.
It's amazing how we never really outgrow the need for a loving parent.
Corey |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2007 : 18:04:23
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| Littlebird- Yes I also had that kind of resentment of my IC and it was absolutely crucial that I took a different approach with the IC. You have really hit upon I think the most crucial concept of IC work- to really accept and love the IC with all his(her) needs. It is natural that we would disconnect with the IC because of what happened to us in childhood but the good thing is we can get it back. Amazing things will start happening when you bond to the IC. It is the key to feelings IMHO. If you get angry enough you will find a way to not caretake family members and set new boundaries. Ultimately we can't really care properly for others if we don't take care of ourselves first. Persue IC work and you won't be disappointed. |
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Penny
USA
364 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2007 : 21:01:52
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quote:
Originally posted by miehnesor
If you get angry enough you will find a way to not caretake family members and set new boundaries. Ultimately we can't really care properly for others if we don't take care of ourselves first.
Thanks so much for sharing Miehnesor and Corey! This ideas are very helpful to me. It helps me understand the anger I have felt towards my parents and also see how my anger is now empowering and transforming. I am beginning to forgive them but also expect myself to hold them to the standards of treatment I deserve NOW, not harbor resent for what they didn't give me before. Until I read this, I didn't quite understand why I was feeling better about my parents, but I think this is true. I am taking better care of my needs and emotions and therefore have higher expectations from them, and surprise surprise, they are treating me differently. Slowly but surely, recovery is blossoming.
>|< Penny
"Oz never did give nothing to the Tinman that he didn't already have."
song lyric, America |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2007 : 10:24:37
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miehnesor,
Thanks so much for posting this. It was really helpful to read. I am more willing to put the effort into some visualization now.
I also realized I have been misspelling your forum name for ages, so, apologies for that!
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 07/09/2007 : 08:16:49
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Littlebird- Upon re-reading your post and my response I have to apologize for some inappropriate comments to you about boundaries and your family. Actually what that was was a projection of my inappropriate boundaries with my family so I was really talking about myself there and not you. I'm getting better at recognizing appropriate boundaries this but it is difficult stuff to do and is a work in progress.
Seeing the childs needs from the child's perspective as you say is doing the IC work and will continue to help you going foward.
I'm glad you've read the Drama book and found it helpful. It's one of the best books out there.
Penny- Things are making more sense to you and as you take care of yourself and your needs you have shifted the boundaries with your folks. I think i've been doing that as well but it's scarry because it runs counter to the way i've learned to behave with them. The IC needs reassurance and protection. I'ts nice to see that your parents are changing in ways that are more acceptable to you. I'm not sure that is happening with my folks and that makes future interaction with them strained to say the least.
Arm- Let us know how the visualization stuff goes. You can ask your therapist to do some of that with you and just see how it goes. |
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Littlebird
USA
391 Posts |
Posted - 07/09/2007 : 14:14:49
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Micah, please don't feel your comments were inappropriate, but thank you so much for being concerned. Actually what you said was encouraging because that's what I've been trying to do--set better boundaries, a little at a time. I'm trying to learn how to let my family know that while there are times when I'm happy to provide some special treatment for them (like stopping what I'm doing to make sandwiches for other adults who aren't doing anything important themselves; they just like having food prepared for them) it's not fair of them to expect me to do that every time. While my parents are no longer living, their final years really pushed me to the brink in the area of caregiving, and the rest of my family seems to have the impression that I was born to be everyone's caregiver and that it should be totally fulfilling and satisfying to me when I really need to be able to do other things with my time and energy too.
But reading the Drama of the Gifted Child really opened my eyes to how my SO's childhood traumas shaped his attitudes and how our relationship has been affected by our backgrounds. I think that this new perspective will be helpful in working out a stronger and happier relationship together. It's also helped me understand how to give better support to a long-time friend who had a horrid childhood and who is really struggling emotionally right now.
I was particularly amazed by how well Miller brought out the way we protect our parents by denying our pain and why we feel such a strong need to do that. That has been one of my roadblocks, even though I could look at the hurtful events from an intellectual viewpoint, I could never allow myself to fully acknowledge the old pain. But it's there, whether we are willing to acknowledge it or not. I'm looking forward to making more progress now, and I so appreciate all the insight that I find on this forum. It's made a real difference in my life.
Corey
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 07/09/2007 : 22:11:39
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Corey- I stepped back about a half year ago and re-read robbocop's thread where we talked about therapy and a place where you could have all the feelings that were not permitted in your family. You also said that therapy might not be a doable option for you right now.
I don't know what has happened over the last almost 6 months but was wondering whether you have found a venue for getting some of those feelings out of your body.
If you feel like talking about it I would be interested but if not that is ok as well. |
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Littlebird
USA
391 Posts |
Posted - 07/11/2007 : 00:01:29
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I'm still not in a position to have therapy, but I feel like I'm getting more comfortable with expressing feelings that I'd been holding back when journaling, sort of one layer at a time. There are still things that pop up in my mind that I find myself resisting to put into words, even when no one else will see them, but I'm getting there.
I've also been talking to a close friend who is interested in the TMS information. I lent her the Freedom From Fibro book and she was intrigued by it, though she still has some doubts that her intense chemical sensitivities aren't due to an "over-burdened" liver, as she has long believed. She started having Fibro sx not too long before I first did. We met when we were 12, so we've known each other's families of origin, ex-spouses, children, and other relatives, which is kind of good when it comes to talking about our feelings. For example, when she tells me her ex was a jerk who abandoned her the same way her parents had, I know what she was going through, because I was there to see the behavior of her ex and her parents.
It seems unlikely that I'll have insurance or be able to afford professional counseling for some time, so for now I'll just keep working at peeling away the layers of fear and anger through journaling and reading and talking with others who understand. Even when I feel stuck, I look at it as temporary and continue to believe that I'll make progress, even if it's slow. Thanks for being interested. |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 07/11/2007 : 21:16:23
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LB- Sounds like you are getting good support from your friend and making good progress.
I would recommend Bradshaw's cassettes on inner child healing. I've mentioned this before and it is especially useful if you don't have access to therapy. Each cassette set is 3 to 5 tapes and they cover his different workshops that he has given for years. They cost about 50$ and they have the lectures and the visualizations of the workshop. In a way it is even better than going to the workshop because you can play the tapes over many times. Repetition is the name of the game with this stuff. You might even do it with your friend and then you can have each other to process the experience. You can get them at www.creativegrowth.com I believe. |
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Littlebird
USA
391 Posts |
Posted - 07/12/2007 : 13:52:09
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| Thanks for both the suggestion and the support. It's appreciated! |
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Inner Child Visualization
