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Sara
66 Posts |
 Posted - 11/13/2006 : 13:45:10
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Hey all,
I used to post here about two years ago and am now back needing support.
Here is my story. In 1995, while training for a marathon I had severe back pain. They found nothing wrong with it and I continued to live in pain, and still do. Then in 2002, after the birth of my second child, I had severe pain in my pelvis, specifically my pubic bone. After many, many treatments, in February of 2005, my family and I flew out to California to see Dr. Schechter who officially diagnosed me with TMS. So, I started my TMS work and made some progress mentally. I started running again and trying to ignore the pain. That March I went on a ski trip with my closest friend, and was virtually pain free affirming my TMS diagnosis.
Then in August, 2005 I got pregnant with my third child. And after a grueling pregnancy was blessed with a beautiful baby boy. During my pregnancy, especially toward the end, my back pain and pubic bone pain increased further.
I am 6 months post partum and am really struggling with the pain. My back hurts more than ever, and my pelvis feels awful, especially in the front and the sits bones. I need to get back on track as I cannot take it anymore. The pain is affecting my life way too much, so I am asking for help and support.
At the risk of sounding dumb and stubborn, I am still having a hard time fully accepting TMS. Not so much for the back pain, but accepting TMS for the pelvic pain is a different story. Maybe because it is not as common, I don't know.
So those are the physical problems I have. Emotionally, I know I have issues, but they sometimes seem mundane compared to what others endure. I am not in therapy, but probably should be.
So here I am, sometimes feeling ready to fight, other times feeling completely defeated and hopeless.
Sara |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 11/13/2006 : 15:31:08
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Sara,
It sounds like your pain has been associated with pregnancy in two cases -- have you explored the emotional issues surrounding that?
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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Sara
66 Posts |
Posted - 11/13/2006 : 16:40:26
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I have a lot of emotional issues surrounding pregnancy. Between my first child and my second I had three miscarriages and didn't think I would ever have another baby. My second full term pregnancy I suffered from hyperemis, which is severe nausea. I lost more than 10% of my body weight by the time I was 9 weeks along. Thankfully I felt much better by the 16th week.
We waited three years, due to the physical pain, before we decided to have a third baby. I miscarried a fourth time, but got pregnant quickly after with my son. I again suffered hyperemis, but it was much, much worse. I was hooked up to an IV for 4 1/2 months and felt some form of naseau the entire pregnancy. It was very difficult for my entire family. For four months, my husband couldn't cook anything in the house because the smells would set me off, I couldn't watch tv for fear of a commercial about food, and my children had a very difficult time.
I ended up having a C-section and feel angry about it. I am also mourning the fact that I cannot go through a normal pregnancy ever again. I have always loved the idea of pregnancy and a large family. Crazy, I know. Three kids are plenty and I need to count my blessings. They are wonderful, healthy children.
So.. you are absolutely right, I do have issues with being pregnant.
Thanks for letting me get my story out.
Sara
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 11/13/2006 : 18:07:13
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I'm sorry for your losses. It sounds like you have had a very rough time, more than enough to bring on TMS repeatedly.
Do you have any of the TMS personality traits? Did you feel bad about being so incapacitated, and not being able to care for your family? The inner child can resent that kind of pressure, and want to be taken care of. Did you keep your pain to yourself when you really needed to share it and get sympathy, so that you wouldn't upset anyone?
Of course you must love your children very much, and I hope you won't take offense at any of the following thoughts. I am just trying to give some prompts for you to think about, and following Sarno's statements that many of our closest and most loving relationships can also be big sources of repressed anger. Is it possible that you resent your children for anything? For needing to be always taken care of, or for being alive when your others are not?
I wish you the best for your recovery.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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healingback
United Kingdom
134 Posts |
Posted - 11/03/2010 : 00:40:04
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| Hey Sara. I know it was a long Time ago you posted on this site. .. but did you ever fix you si joint. .. pelvic pain? |
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Sara
66 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2011 : 13:06:40
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Hi Healingback,
I haven't been on this forum for years so I apologize for not responding earlier. To answer your question, I have conquered a majority of my pain. It is not gone entirely, but I don't let it stop me from doing anything I want to do.
Unfortunately, right now I am dealing with a foot injury/problem and came back to this forum to try and prevent it from turning into TMS (maybe it is TMS already, I am not sure). This is my first post as I have been browsing for the past week.
I hope you see this.
Sara |
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healingback
United Kingdom
134 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2011 : 23:36:30
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Hi sara, I'm sorry your suffering with you foot pain at the moment...
I'm still going with the tms and I have had some good days but there very up and down. Is it right that you were told you ligaments where to lax after the birth of your child? I would really appreciate any info you could give me, as at the moment I feel like my situation is different to everyone elses.... but when I read your story I was interested in finding out if this worked for you.... I'm so pleased you got through with going the tms route as its the only thing I'm holding onto working out for me.
Hb
This to shall pass.... |
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Sara
66 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2011 : 11:03:36
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Healingback,
I was diagnosed with hypermobility, SI joint dysfunction, even fibromyalgia. Pregnancy does relax your ligaments, but they do tighten again. Otherwise nobody would continue to have children. Because my pain lingered I had to attribute it to TMS.
Regarding your "hypermobile" diagnosis....if this were a true diagnosis, why would the pain start now. Wouldn't you have had pain all along? Think about the dancers and gymnasts who are so flexible, they don't have chronic pain. Or even the people who practice yoga. They feel healthy and strong.
I understand your frustration, I (and many others) have been there. For me, I decided I couldn't/wouldn't live my life in pain. I decided to live again. Prior to the pain I had always been athletic. I started out slowly with pilates and yoga to get my body going. Babysteps are worth something. Eventually I went back to work as a preschool teacher and spent my days on my feet. This was a great challenge for me because I wasn't sure I would be able to get through it. But I did. I continue to have some pain, but I no longer obsess over it like I used to. I still have work to do, but I try to look at it as a way to better myself. I have yet to go to therapy, but I think that time for me has come and frankly I am looking forward to getting some stuff out.
I hope this helps you. I am by no means an expert on TMS and have quite a bit to learn myself, but I do believe in the diagnosis. Chronic pain doesn't make sense. Our bodies are
designed to heal and function properly.
I wish you the best. I am sorry you are struggling. I know it can be very difficult. I am happy to try to help more if possible.
Sara |
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healingback
United Kingdom
134 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2011 : 11:30:08
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Hi sara, the hypermobility is what realled got to me, my previous job was a personal trainer, I was training 5 days a week, I was strong... and then all of a sudden bang a car crash (minor) and all these diagnoses... you si joint dysfunction... was it to loose or stuck? I've had some pretty good proof its tms, but I'm having the good days and thrn the pain comes back... did you find this was the same with you? I'm a lot better than I was but I know its going to take time, my thing is like you ignoring the pain and pushing through anyway, that's what seems to be working best for me.
This to shall pass.... |
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Sara
66 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2011 : 12:42:47
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HB,
They told me I was too loose. I think what you should focus on is the fact that you have good days. Why would that be if it were a true diagnosis. Wouldn't the pain be the same everyday if not worse and worse. Power through. You can do it!
Sara |
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healingback
United Kingdom
134 Posts |
Posted - 01/31/2011 : 00:40:02
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Thank you Sara. .. I really admire your story of going back to work despite the pain
... you have some strong will power. .. just a question how much better Would you day you are? Does it stop you walking for he's... walking and standing still ate my main issues. .. conditioning no doubt... hb
This to shall pass.... |
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Sara
66 Posts |
Posted - 01/31/2011 : 09:03:09
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HB,
I would say I am 85% better. Standing and walking were my main issues too. I would have to sit down a lot. But as I began to exercise, I felt my head clearing a bit..no more obsessing. Which was worth something as I have an obsessive personality.
Hope that helps.
Sara |
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healingback
United Kingdom
134 Posts |
Posted - 01/31/2011 : 09:52:27
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Yeh I also have an obsessive personality. ..completely all or nothing.... i re
This to shall pass.... |
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healingback
United Kingdom
134 Posts |
Posted - 01/31/2011 : 09:56:19
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Yeh I also have an obsessive personality. ..completely all or nothing.... i read your old posts. .. I also had prolotherapy. .. sounds like we have similar stories its so nice to hear from someone who's been there and done it... you really have done me a huge favour by telling me your story. .. thank you so much. ..
This to shall pass.... |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
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healingback
United Kingdom
134 Posts |
Posted - 01/31/2011 : 10:16:31
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Hi tennis tom, prolotherapy is injecting sugar water into the ligaments, its used to shrink the ligaments, when you have the diagnosis of hypermobility, I.e lax ligaments, for me it worked to start with but after either sessions I want having the same effect so I had to stop, finacially... this is when I found out about tms... thank god....
This to shall pass.... |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
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healingback
United Kingdom
134 Posts |
Posted - 04/20/2011 : 02:02:05
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Hi Sara, not sure your still checking out this forum, but as you know are stories are very similar. I just wanted to ask you when you excepted the tms theory did you journal and release the pain/ symptoms that way or did you just decide to get on with your life despite the pain and bit by bit as you challenged it it disappeared? Was the way to your recovery to just ingnore it the best you could intill you mind switched off the symptoms?
Saw your success update on your foot pain. . Congratulations
This to shall pass.... |
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Sara
66 Posts |
Posted - 04/28/2011 : 10:27:35
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Hi HB,
Sorry for the slow response. I never did journal...I am trying to now as I am stuck. Personally I don't enjoy journaling. It is work for me to find quiet time.
With my back, I just went on with my life. I went back to work and that helped. In the beginning, my back hurt a lot as I am on my feet most of the day, but as I ignored it, it slowly got better. I am not 100% and I do still focus on my back, but I am not obsessed with it anymore.
My feet are still a problem. Or I guess I should really say I don't have a great grasp of my emotions yet. I have made progress, but am still struggling. Babysteps. Three months ago, I could not even walk. Now I am back at work. I have constant pain, but at least I feel productive. I have hit a plateau and am trying to dig deeper. I am great at ignoring my feelings. I grew up in a home with two alcoholic parents and barely acknowledged it until my thirties. I am a perfectionist and a goodist to a fault and I am really hard on myself. So ...I am trying to look at TMS as a positive. I need to work through some stuff: past and present. I always felt I needed to get into therapy, but never made the time. Then when my feet hit, there was no denying I needed to work harder at TMS.
I hope this helps some. I am sorry I got sidetracked. Really dealing with the emotional stuff is new to me. I think for me this time around a combination of getting on with my life, but also facing my feelings and emotions will be the trick. At least I hope so. The doubt creeps in periodically and I have trouble repudiating my structural diagnosis. I have to remind myself over and over that I am okay. There is nothing physically wrong with me. (I am obsessed with people's feet. I constantly look at their toes to see if they have Morton's toe). But boy that can be exhausting and frustrating.
Feel free to ask more. If I remember you were told you had lax ligaments. I once believed this too, but now I find it silly. Our bodies are meant to move and stretch. I see people at yoga who are incredible flexible (as flexibility is the goal) who are not writhing in pain. Knowing that helped me too.
I wish you the best.
Sara |
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healingback
United Kingdom
134 Posts |
Posted - 04/28/2011 : 11:23:40
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Hi Sara, im also struggling to keep on with journalling, its tiring to keep focusing on the negative. But intill the strategy gets bored I've decided that every evening im going to explore one subject and not stray from it intill I've filled at least one page written. .. maybe this could work for you to?
I was going to ask you did you find your lower back clicked a lot? I got out my car the other day and felt and heard a huge click in my si joint, this sparked fear, pain, doubt and more pain. it took a week or so to calm my mind down again. I'm really holding onto your story of hope, we both went the prolotherapy route and sometimes I think maybe I should try the prolo again, but then I think back to your story and I get back on the tms bandwagon.
This to shall pass.... |
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Sara
66 Posts |
Posted - 04/28/2011 : 18:09:05
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HB,
My back did not click, but my pelvis hurt so much that I could not properly sneeze. It was grueling. I did three intense rounds of prolotherapy and it did nothing. In one case I felt worse.
Would you mind giving me a little more background on your diagnosis when you get a chance. (I am sorry, I am too lazy to find old posts) Loose ligaments seems like a stretch (no pun intended).
I too am going to keep journalling as much as I can. I think with some practice it may become easier.
Keep me posted.
Sara |
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