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healingback
United Kingdom
134 Posts |
 Posted - 05/02/2011 : 12:55:59
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so here it is, i have been doing this tms stuff since november 2010, ive made some progress but im still very much up and down, still suffer pain most days. but im determined not to let it beat me.
however yestarday i went for an interview for a part job, that finishes at 7pm... not late, but considering ive been someone who has been hit with fatique and been going to bed at 5pm thats pretty late. now the last two weeks the fatique has been under control, which is when i applied for the job, tonight i got offered it... suddenly im hot and cold, dodgy stomachs, feeling sick, shaking, the thoughts of "what if i cant manage it", "what if my back pain gets worse?"... in the end i came up with some excuse that id been offered another job... what is wrong with me?
8 months ago i could stand up in my own kitchen without severe pain, i was housebound to a degree, and now im in a situation where i feel i can go for interviews and then low and behold when i get offered the job ... i freak.... now i feel like ive let myself down, that ive failed, and that the tms has got me right where it wants me.
if i cant push through with situations like these how am i ever going to make it anywhere?
sorry for the rambling just had to voice.
This to shall pass.... |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 05/02/2011 : 14:00:45
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hb,
From all you've written on the forum these last months I'd say you're a good candidate for psychotherapy. Anxiety, fear of failure, feelings of inadequacy, lack of self-esteem are things virtually all of us can identify with. Some of us need help in these areas. I get the sense that you want to look at all your difficulties, both physical and emotional, mostly through the TMS lens...It's a powerful lens and a great tool, but it's not a cure-all.
In my entirely unprofessional opinion, it sounds like you've got an anxiety disorder TMS self-treament's can go a long way, but there are times when counseling can help, especially with someone knowledgable about psychosomatic pain.
Also if you're so fatigued you're going to bed at 5 in the afternoon on a regular basis, that's pretty unusual. Last time I mentioned it you got a tad defensive, which is fine. But if it were me, I'd get a complete physical work-up if you haven't already... After 5 years on the forum one gets a pretty good cross section of typical TMS symptoms, and that kind of fatigue is not common.
Of course many argue that CFS is TMS.
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Hillbilly
USA
385 Posts |
Posted - 05/02/2011 : 14:41:59
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Healingback,
I experienced a fatigue so profound that I thought I was catching the flu every day for months. It did pass when I pushed through it and just carried on with daily responsibilities. Fatigue is indeed one of the most common symptoms of severe anxiety states. If you've had a recent medical workup, fight the urge to see the doc again because you know you are healthy. Hypochondriasis is also quite common, and your mind can go from one disease to another at the speed of light.
I wouldn't beat myself up over the call to the employer, but I think it would be good practice to phone them back and see if they still need you. You obviously need the job, and it would be something that you can involve yourself in besides your bodily obsessions.
Dr. Abraham Low wrote a chapter in his book "Mental Health Through Will Training" that rebukes the commonly held belief at the time that neurasthenia was a separate and new disease. Neurasthenia has been renamed CFS, and it is indeed psychosomatic, or TMS equivalent, or a symptom of anxiety. The chapter is titled "The Myth of Nervous Fatigue." Dr. Low successfully treated patients who were suffering from nerves for decades. You can pick his books up at the library.
I don't know if you can do this on your own without the will to succeed. I see that as the No. 1 factor in recovery. You have to have something you want to recover for that drives you when your symptoms are making noise and you want to retreat to the safety of your couch. You started off well and got scared. That's all. If you had a disease, you wouldn't just get symptoms when you were going to do something that puts you outside your comfort zone. You are well. Take heart.
I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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healingback
United Kingdom
134 Posts |
Posted - 05/03/2011 : 00:58:33
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hi art and hillbilly, thanks for your responses. art with regards to the fatique, its so on and off that i believe it has to be tms... ive been pretty good for the past 2 weeks, and then i can have random days where im flat on my back. i am having psychotherapy but i can only afford it every two weeks at this time, but she is good at pointing out what it is i need to be focusing on.
hillbilly its good to her im not the only one who has sufferd from the fatique, and its good news that your way was just to push through it as that whats i have done.
with the job i turned down, im pissed at myself, but i just think at this time its a step to far with working in the evenings, i meant i dont even go out in the evenings ... yet!
ive bought claire weekes book on anxiety so hopefully that will help.
hb
This to shall pass.... |
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Hillbilly
USA
385 Posts |
Posted - 05/03/2011 : 06:28:38
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Let me give you a jumpstart on Weekes before the book arrives. Go do everything you did before you had symptoms and if you start shaking, feeling fatigue, mind wandering, accept those for what they are: nothing more than upset nerves, a brain and body overloaded with stress chemicals. There is no disease, no chronic condition to worry about. The outcome of this all depends on your ability to make yourself do things again that you'd rather not for fear of ramping up symptoms. You need to invite the symptoms and work through them to prove that they are benign and regain your health. That's going to be her advice, and it is sound. That's the gist, although she goes into the affect of stress on the nervous systems, what to do with obsessions, how to handle depression, etc., etc. The rule is the same: carry on without shrinking away. You can do this.
I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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healingback
United Kingdom
134 Posts |
Posted - 05/03/2011 : 08:55:19
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hi hillbilly, thanks for a heads up on the book. so what your saying is the waiting around for the pain, fatique, anxiety to disappear is a waste of time, waiting around for this to go is only keeping me in the strategy? i have to push on even with the symptoms, ingnoring them, or just getting to a place where i dont panic about them right ? i seem to go from having a fairly head and thinking im getting somehwere only to be a mess a few days later.
since the anxiety episode last ngiht my back pains been worse, pains have resurfaced which i havent had since before i started having injections in my back. and the tiredness is fairly strong today. i feel like im trying to save myself from stressful situations to keep my symptoms less... but i know i cant keep doing this. hillbilly i know youve been on here a long time, so as your a tms veteran .. are still suffering, or have you over your tms problems to the point where they dont bother you anymore? did you do the journalling side of things also ? hb
This to shall pass.... |
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Hillbilly
USA
385 Posts |
Posted - 05/03/2011 : 10:55:44
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Healing,
Without reading you my resume, I can tell you that I was a short-term sufferer. Less than a year. I have zero symptoms, nada, zilch, and haven't for years now. There is nothing to manage. Anxiety conditions can be cured with knowledge alone. I don't use the term TMS because it has such a broad-brush meaning on this board. I use the term anxiety because that's what we're talking about here, clearly, in your case.
My sufferings were severe and debilitating, but after I realized that the only thing I was afraid of was my symptoms, and that they weren't capable of doing anything new to me, I stopped letting them get in the way. Once I got to that point, it was a matter of time for the body to restore itself and return to homeostasis. Have you noticed how obvious it is that your symptoms worsen as your mood does, then calm down when you do? Can you name a disease that acts that way?
I now volunteer time through a local organization to help others who are going through it. If you can get to the point where you realize that all you fear is benign symptoms that are incapable of doing anything more than scaring you and making you feel bad, you will win. Dr. Weekes was the beginning of my healing, but I was pretty skeptical without the reinforcement of someone who'd done it. That made the biggest difference for me. Your results may vary.
Best of luck!
I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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Susie
USA
319 Posts |
Posted - 05/03/2011 : 13:40:46
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Hi Healing, I had a huge dose of severe fatigue about 15 years ago while contemplating divorce. At the time, I had never heard of tms.
This was my introduction to it. I felt like Hillbilly, like I was trying to get over the flu. I wore out 2 doctors who could find nothing wrong with me. There were many days I couldn't get out of bed. I have never suffered depression. I just felt really ill. Huge circles under my eyes,etc. I finally got into a specialist in a Dallas hospital and had every kind of test you can imagine. I was A. OK. I really hoped they would find SOMETHING so I could take SOMETHING and feel well. After the last doctor, I began to believe I was ok so I began to feel ok.
Now I view this as classic tms. The "worring if I can make it thru" is just caused by fear. Fear is always the biggest culprit. Fear is what will paralize you, not your symptoms.You always worry if you can accomplish the task with your current impediment. I guess I just want to tell you that I, too, had that fatigue and have never had it again. I wasn't depressed. It was just classic tms anxiety and it manifested itself with fatigue. Since then, I've had many different symptoms and also much success in treating them. I totally agree with Hillbilly. Just move forward and take some of Darkos positive attitude. Tell yourself you will be fine and fabulous. What's the worst that can happen. You have to sit down or stay home for a day? Big deal. You know you're ok. You just have to start acting like it. It really does get easier. Susie |
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wrldtrv
666 Posts |
Posted - 05/03/2011 : 15:20:41
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Healing Back, how long have you been in your current situation, eg, not working, feeling exhausted, shaky, and in pain? Think back to the time when you were working and had a normal life. What changed in your life?
I agree about getting the physical checkup if you haven't already. But the therapy sessions are even more important. There seems to be something you are afraid of and are avoiding by hibernating in your home and therapy might get to that. That aside, for now, there are small things you can accomplish daily to make yourself feel worthy and strong. Try to get a little exercise every day. Set a goal and increase gradually. Try to get together with people daily too. Get out and get some sun and fresh air. Help someone else. There are infinite small steps you can begin right now to get yourself going in the right direction. |
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healingback
United Kingdom
134 Posts |
Posted - 05/04/2011 : 01:30:45
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hi guys thanks for your replies.
What said this off, its a good question... intially before getting into journalling i would of said a car crash set it off, but looking back i had back pain about a month before the crash, on three seperate occassions that i can remember. The first time i went to a gig in london, this wasnt just any gig. This was a band which my brother (who died when i was 14) loved, it was also the music he was listening to on his headphones the night he died, i remember experiencing the pain as i was walking to the stadium that night, and when the band was on, and i was sobbing my heart out as it bought up alot of memories obviously, and i remember saying to my boyfriend i cant stand any longer i need to sit down. the next day the pain was gone. The next time i can remember it being there was when i was on my last two shifts at work, i even remember asking my boss if i could sit down on shift (which wasnt allowed as i was a personal trainer, and had to look busy, not sitting on my ass) i remeber him even making some comment about me trying to get out of working because it was my last two shifts. The reason it was my last two shifts was because new management had taken over and i didnt get along at all with the new boss, there had been alot of arguements prior to me leaving and i felt very much pushed out my job. I should mention this was the only job id really loved and i felt that as soon as managemnet changed so did my pleasure with the job i was in. Its turned into a very bitchy atmosphere and so i quit. A week later i had the car crash, and four days after that thats when the lower back pain started. - thats what i can recall as being the issues around that times. I also was having disagreements with friends.. who i no longer see to this day.
I should mention i am working, although very few hrs a week, im lucky that i earn good money for i do, and i live at home with my mum, so rent free!! i do get out, i make sure i walk my dog for at least an hr every day, im back at the gym at least once a week, and i am generally pushing through. Its just harder on the days when the pain gets bad or worse, or the fatigue comes back (btw ive had all the tests and nothings come back)... i know its tms because its so off and on.
sometimes i think im so blinded and caught up in this tms, its all i think about that im wondering if thats whats keeping me in the circle.
hb
This to shall pass.... |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 05/05/2011 : 05:46:32
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Hi HB,
quote:
its all i think about that im wondering if thats whats keeping me in the circle.
No need to wonder.....it exactly what's keeping you in the circle.
Remember the goal of TMS is to have you focus on the symptoms and not on your "issues"
Whilst I haven't read through the complete post I do know you have some anxiety and fear to deal with......start looking at that.
D |
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failure through anxiety
