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cheeryquery
Canada
56 Posts |
 Posted - 11/10/2006 : 04:49:22
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I had laser eye surgery in September and am still not quite healed 45 days later. This is compared to normal healing within 3 or 4 days. Can this be TMS? I think it is.
I have been severely myopic (nearsighted) since age six. I reached the conclusion LONG ago that I chose myopia to cope with childhood fears. Obviously, simply not seeing has its drawbacks, so I gradually also became counterphobic which means I experience very little conscious fear.
This works great when I'm awake, but the problem is I have to sleep and I can't always control fear when I'm asleep. The result is severe anxiety about nothing in particular. I have obsessive, repetitive dreams about the goofiest things and wake up scared to death. The real fear remains buried.
Anyway, I am convinced that my slow healing (literally 1 person in 10,000 heals this slowly!) is TMS. I think I was annoyed with myself for having the laser surgery and undoing years of carefully built up defenses.
My conclusion from this ordeal is that I am gradually upping the ante in this game I'm playing with my unconscious. It started with back pain but I found Dr. Sarno's first book in 1992. Over the years I've had dozens of complaints and almost every single one turned out to be controllable with Sarno's techniques.
In my family, nearly everybody is full of rage and nearly everybody dies of stomach cancer. They express lots of rage but, believe me, not anywhere near what's actually there.
Anyway, I am still working on this theory but here it is:
I suspect that anger and fear is not the "real" source of TMS. I think those feelings arise in response to a deep fear of death (or mini-deaths like pain, loss, etc.) which is, in fact, a fear of losing control which is, in fact, tatamount to saying "I not God".
I think those of us who do the work but still struggle with TMS probably have naturally strong egos -- I am using ego here to mean the "lower self" or the source of our "narcissistic rage".
This is one of those gift/curse things. It is the reason that, often working alone, we have the strength to listen to Sarno, consider his ideas, work his program and keep working it.
Most people, in my experience, would rather live in agony than explore a possibility that threatens their self-concept (as mild-manner, well-meaning, "normal" folks) the way this one does.
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severe complications after surgery
