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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
 Posted - 08/29/2006 : 22:38:22
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Well it's not too surprising that the TMS is acting up again...I won't get into the physical manifestations because I want to stay focused on the Psychological...
Although positive things are going on and huge changes, financial pressures are at an all time high..I haven't sold a painting in awhile...Just haven't been networking as I normally do..and some of my art is tied up exhibiting at the library til Sept. 25th...I am teaching voice part time but that is for pocket change...The TMS has stopped me on and off for the past 3 years from performing live..Finally I am back on the stage as of Sept 12th..But there is little pay involved initially and many gigs will come only after many weeks of intense rehearsals back home in NY...
Neither Joey or Myself are rolling in the doe...We are musicians/artists and struggling in the typical way...I am trying my best to even keep my car/health insurances active and the expense of moving all my things across country next year is astronomical..I have some very large paintings to move as well...
Even good things like my new relationship are not without stress...I am happy about alot of it but he and I are both VERY intense and deep individuals..Also emotional..him more then me...how I wish i could feel my feelings as easily as he does..My neck would surely thank me if I could..I have to pay a therapist money to get some decent tears out typically...
Just the complex situation w/ my dogs is enough stress but then add everything else and it's over the top...I have so much to do b4 leaving for 3 months that i feel frozen and almost unable to do much of it...I am even procrastinating on learning the vocal and keyboard parts for the concert...I just feel plain overwhelmed...and scared...I have lots of friends back there but hardly any family support in case of emergencies...
I have my art and the art work of my ex fiance to sell..He has done Ann Rice book covers and is an amazing Argentine artist..I have some sci fi and horror art as well as jazz art of his that are priceless and I am looking to sell them for way less then their worth..If anyone on here knows of any art collectors, etc...Let me know...or drop me a line...I will give you or them my web pages and Fernando's as well...Can't hurt to ask, right?
Hope you are all doing well...
Hugs and God bless,
Karen |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 08/30/2006 : 06:13:05
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Hi Karen,
Good for you for not listing your symptoms...Boy have you come a long way in just a very short time, even if it doesn't always feel that way.
I know you've got a lot on your plate but I don't doubt for one second you'll be able to handle it...
My girlfriend's quite a talented artist and I write a little, and if we had to live primarily on those revenues I'm afraid we'd be out collecting bottles and cans to eat. The artist is not valued enough in our society and as far as I know that's always been the case. I don't think there's a better example than Van Gogh who couldn't give his stuff away during his lifetime...Come to think of it though, at least in the old days one had a chance of finding a patron. |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 08/30/2006 : 12:42:07
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| Thanx Art, You're a pal...:)) The stress is increasing daily and I am feeling more symptoms as well...I was on the computer for hours last night networking to sell a painting...So my TMS brain wants to say the increase in pain is from that (conditioning) but I am trying to convince myself that that activity is just a trigger because of everything emotional i have going on... |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 08/30/2006 : 15:54:27
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Hi Karen,
Absolutely you are doing better, telling us your emotional issues not symptoms!
You have enough going on in your life right now that it is totally understandable that you would have more symptoms. There's a lot there. Even I look at my (currently pretty calm) life and I see a long list of pressures from (in Sarno's three categories) my past, my self, and my life. So yours must be miles long...
One thing that I have sometimes been able to use to good effect is to forgive the TMS for existing. I try to go into my head, and picture a physical representatave of my inner child (a mental picture of myself at 4 is what I use, but whatever works) and I tell her it is okay that she feels crazy pressured. It's real, it's valid, it's okay. And it's okay that she doesn't know what to do with that feeling, so that she makes the physical pain happen instead. I forgive her for that, because who wouldn't forgive a 4-year-old for not being able to cope with adult life? I try to feel empathy for her (for that part of myself) and how crazed she feels, and by that also validate the feelings of pain and pressure. This is a way of attending to and validating the feelings that the TMS is a distraction from, but I find it easier than attending to them directly sometimes. Even if the actual symptoms don't respond directly to that, it always improves my mental attitude about them, because I can see them clearly as just a strange surface manifestation of this deep, very vulnerable desperation of my inner child, and thus treat them gently, with curiousity and amazement rather than worry or anger.
When you're overwhelmed enough that the symptoms don't want to go away, that's a way that you can maintain your equilibrium and not get sucked in by them, which is maybe a more realistic short-term goal than making them all go away.  And once you can maintain that equilibrium, you win, because you have power to be in charge of your attitude. As Dave says, you can't control TMS. The goal is to not let it control you.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 08/31/2006 : 14:21:59
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Thanx soo much ACL, that is great advice and I will try it! I have also been working out and noticing that it is helping the pain! Yippie! It's as if the extra blood flow makes up for the TMS Gremlin's attempt to decrease blood flow, I don't know..But the good news, working out isn't a trigger! I feel understood by you and always do..Thank you for that!
Hugs,
Karen |
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Financial pressures and TMS
