| Author |
 Topic  |
|
tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
 Posted - 09/03/2006 : 01:16:38
|
Miche, thanks for the insight.
Your thought is telling I think:
"I don't tell him how much I hurt as I don't want him to worry about me."
Don't you feel you are deserving of being worried about by him?
|
 |
|
|
iamwhoiam
12 Posts |
Posted - 09/03/2006 : 05:30:25
|
aww , you do sound like you having a hard time there, and im sure alot of people ask how they would also cope. It is part of life, and a hard part. You can take that either as a 'yeah, and lifes a bitch', or a 'yeah ive heard that before, its not helpful', or even, a challenge. It DOES depend on you mindset, thats the only thing that is stopping you. It is the difference between coping, and not coping. I think alot of TMS happens when you feel 'disempowered', and loose your true sense of self, your trust inyourself.
There could be many roads back on track, but i think just finding something where you can gather yourself, and get back in touch with your emotions without judgement, and take some of that inner pressure off. People do it through religion, faith. . .of any sort (spiritual), Meditation, or psychotherapy. Whatever helps you get 'you' back, and gives you a sense of control. Dont underestimate the value of friends too 
quote:
Originally posted by miche
Before you ask, my fiance is very supportive of me and understanding about fibro, I don't tell him how much I hurt as I don't want him to worry about me
|
|
|
|
miche
Canada
283 Posts |
Posted - 09/03/2006 : 10:38:58
|
I think alot of TMS happens when you feel 'disempowered', and loose your true sense of self, your trust inyourself.
Truer words were never spoken
As for friends, I have moved too many times and been too busy with family to make any, back in my home town, my kitchen was the rendez vous for family and friends, I do miss this aspect of my old life.
You are right, life can be difficult, it is how one reacts that makes the difference, I will find a way to cope, done it before, feeling sorry for myself is not the way to go that is for sure, I want to thank all of you for trying to help, I appreciate the support. |
|
|
|
miche
Canada
283 Posts |
Posted - 09/03/2006 : 11:03:15
|
Don't you feel you are deserving of being worried about by him?
Tom, I am not sure whether I feel deserving or not, hurting like this can make me feel inadequate and inferior at times, however I feel about myself is not the reason , I just don't want the people I love to worry about me for the very reasons that I love them and try to make their life as easy as I can, the same goes for my family, they have enough of their own problems to cope with. Having said this, I once had a cancer scare three years ago, a tumor was found on my ovary, I was quite worried after reading all I could on ovarian cancer, especially that I was put on the emergency surgery list, the doctor telling me that there was a fifty percent chance of it being cancerous, it took threee long months before the hospital called and the surgery took place, it was removed and non cancerous. At the time I did confide in my sister, this was before she was diagnosed, however I did not tell my sons.I strongly believe that to love someone is to want the best for them and I have tried to live accordingly, I may not have always succeeded but I try |
|
|
|
Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 09/03/2006 : 20:59:27
|
Hi Kether,
going back to your original post, I'd have to say I relate to you completely. Something that happened to me recently is one of those freak out moments. I was ready to jump off a building or in front of a bus, I wanted to cry and blow some stuff up. I sat and sulked on the lounge for a few hours and didn't go to sleep as I thought, "well I don't sleep that well anyway so f**k it........oh and while I'm at it, I don't give a sh*t anymore. I don't care about my job, my career, business, being successful, money, life or anything else for that matter. I just really don't give a ****. As for the pain I don't care about that also" Well, let me tell you something. The next few days were interesting. Not only was my life becoming somewhat more pleasant and relaxed, the pain was easing everyday. I must say it was short lived the pain is "throwin me around" at the moment, but I'll give myself the "I don't give a sh*t talk" again. You might be like me, I know what Dr Sarno is saying, but I need more tools to help me. Give that a try and see what it does for you. I also got the book from runningpain.com and have found it to be excellent. The best TMS book I've read so far. Chill that brain out, as let me know how you go.
Only quitters are failures, you've just found lots of ways that don't work for you, so keep at it. Look at it like this. There is PAIN or NO PAIN. You've got pain so you can't go backwards from here, only forwards. Keep trying to improve your life and make yourself more emotionally aware, just don't focus on the result.
Another thing, I have realised how big a role conditioning is playing. I've been conditioned for TMS, so I need to maintain the clear thinking for 2-3 weeks and it's all over........I hope :-)
To all that posted on this topic, well done! Very productive and some excellent points were raised. Lets keep it up. |
|
|
|
tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2006 : 00:25:05
|
| Miche, what are you doing for exercise? |
|
|
|
miche
Canada
283 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2006 : 11:46:52
|
| I GET UP IN THE MORNING! |
|
|
|
miche
Canada
283 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2006 : 11:53:59
|
SERIOUSLY, with both moves this year, the fact that both places were filthy and I had to do some serious cleaning, then I had to javex the basement to death and everything that was in it from not one but two sewer back up , plus the everyday cleaning, walking to the store, my body's idea of excersise is to sit in my rocking chair with a good book |
|
|
|
art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 09/04/2006 : 15:04:00
|
quote:
ps. Miche, I got up today too! YIPEE FOR ME! exercise..... yes. I need to work on that one, I hate it
If you're able to, I can't urge you to enough...I know you're desperate to get better and this is something you can do that will have tangible benefits...No guarantees, but there's a very decent chance you'll improve...It's something (in my opinion of course) that you simply can't afford not to do. Even it there were say, a ten percent chance of measurable improvement, I can't see how you could leave it on the table...But there's no question that exercise is effective againt both anxiety and depression...Since you're pretty sure anxiety is at the root of your illness, why not give it a go? Given what's at stake, does it really matter if you hate it? I hope that doesn't sound callous, because I don't mean it to be...Just take the question at face value...
Since I'm sure you already know all this, it might be helpful to think about why you're so resistant.....But think about it while you're exercising!!
You don't have to do much to start....JUst go for walks...Easy...One foot in front of the other...
Movement is life, I passionately believe that..I know it might sound like a rather dreary philosophy, but I can't help that...And you might just surprise yourself and start to enjoy it... |
Edited by - art on 09/04/2006 15:09:37 |
|
|
|
art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2006 : 04:15:06
|
quote:
I could do more, I admit
Then it seems to me you should...
Look at it this way...suppose you had cancer (which in a metaphorical way you kind of do, considering how your illness has eaten away at your life)..Now further suppose there was a 50 percent chance of a cure with a painful round of chemo. I don't think you'd hesitate. Think of sweating and getting hot and all that gross stuff as your version of chemo..(minus the vomiting, hair loss, fatigue etc etc)...
|
|
|
|
tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2006 : 11:38:21
|
In Dr. Sarno's newest book, TDM, a study he mentions, showed positive results for psychotherapy and exercise, for "curing" TMS.
If I had only one to choose from, it would definitely be exercise. I don't think psycho-therapy would have any benefit without the exercise part.
We haven't been out of the cave that long, relatively speaking, and our evolutionary ancestors certainly had to MOVE more than we do, to survive being eaten by lions or the neighboring tribe and for hunting and gathering. It's only been in the last hundred years, thanks to the industrial revolution, that we have not had to get off our butts to survive.
We are well on our way to becominig one huge head in an electric mobility device like a Segway or an elcectic wheelchair.
All the trapped energy created by our mindbodies has to come out someplace. It can be spent at a pace of our choosing through walking, running, swimming, etc., or involuntarily, through TMS symptoms like nervousness, anxiety, spasms, twitches, restless foot, kicking the dog or throwing dishes at your spouse.
You can play the ball or the TMS gremlin can control the ball and play you. Manual labor can help relieve the pent-up stress but recreational exercise is more therapeutic to the TMS mindbody. For 30 minutes or so a day, you get to take control of your life and move at a pace you choose.
As for, what the pace should be, a tip I got from a book titled BODY MIND AND SPORT, by John Douillard, a comfortable pace for the indiviual performing aerobic exercise is, when you can exercise, without having to breathe through the mouth, and only through the nose.
When you breathe through the nose, and not the mouth, there is a pathway to the brain that regulates your pace like an inner metronome. This creates a comfortable aerobic pace, keeping one from getting breathless.
|
Edited by - tennis tom on 09/05/2006 22:27:03 |
|
|
|
art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2006 : 13:04:45
|
quote:
In Dr. Sarno's newest book, TDM, is mentioned the "cure" for serious TMS, which fibro would certainly be considered to be, was psycho-therapy and exercise
I don't really understand the reluctance to do the one thing that pretty much evryone is agreed has benefits...I'm not picking on you Kether, just speaking in general..I know it's hard for some people to work out, especially when in pain..Since I've always enjoyed running etc, it's easy for me to talk a big game....
But considering the stakes, I would really encourage you to try, try, try...You might even end up liking it.. |
Edited by - art on 09/05/2006 13:05:56 |
|
|
|
h2oskier25
USA
395 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2006 : 15:14:20
|
Miche,
You said
quote:
I had one day earlier this week where I thought all these symptoms were tms, the day I went for my first massage therapy session, I could not stop crying after
That sound like TMS totally. I'd go back for another massage. I think you got a well that needs poured out.
quote:
now I pride myself on never crying
That sounds like it would CAUSE TMS. You don't let the little girl in you cry sometimes? I couldn't live that way.
quote:
all it takes is for someone to be nice to me and the tears come
Wow, that totally sounds like me growing up. I was so mortified in Grade School because as soon as somebody looked at me with true concern and asked if I was alright, I'd have to force back the tears and choke on my words. It was as if somebody was caring about me for the FIRST time. As I remember, my folks were sort of the opposite. They were the "Oh, quit your martyr routine" type. I never DARED show negative emotions around them.
I totally relate to you and feel much empathy for you right now.
Regards,
Beth |
|
|
|
sonora sky
USA
181 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2006 : 15:37:45
|
quote:
Originally posted by tennis tom
We haven't been out of the cave that long, relatively speaking, and our evolutionary ancestors certainly had to MOVE more to just survive being eaten by lions or the neighboring tribe and basic hunting and gathering. It's only been in the last hundred years, thanks to the industrial revolution that we have not had to get off our butts to survive.
We are well on our way to becominig one huge head in an electric mobility device like a Segue or an elcectic wheelchair.
All the trapped energy we create has to come out someplace.
Great point, TT.
quote:
Originally posted by art
I don't really understand the reluctance to do the one thing that pretty much evryone is agreed has benefits...
I don't understand it either, but I can definitely relate to the feeling. I think it has something to do with procrastination (which goes hand-in-hand with perfectionism). I am often reluctant/resistant to do things that I benefit from the most and things that-- once I push, drag, pull, and all but con myself into doing it--I really do enjoy! And then I wonder why it was so hard to get there. But if I don't get into a routine of doing that activity, I face the same resistance again and again. What is with that?? Self-depreciation?  I'm sure that a good part of it, if not the whole 'shabang,' has to do with FEAR.
ss |
|
|
|
Michele
249 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2006 : 16:05:56
|
Excellent advice from everyone. I just feel so sad when you post that you cry when someone is nice to you. Like Beth, I was exactly the same way. In therapy, I dug up old feelings of unworthiness that I'd buried. "I don't need anyone to take care of me, I'll do it myself!" and "I'm not good enough." I've learned it's OK to be cared for, you're worth it. But some days I still feel uncared for, and those are the days I then care for myself.
As for exercise, I can't agree with art (and others) more. Just going for a 20-30 minute walk every day will do wonders. But I will testify to the fact that nothing makes me feel better than a nice, long run, where I get really sweaty and gross! It not only helps you physically, it helps you mentally. It has taken me a couple of years to get pain free, some days good, some days horrible! You can do it too.
Keep posting kether, and thank you for being so honest. I think most of the posters will agree, we DO care about you! |
|
|
|
Michele
249 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2006 : 16:09:20
|
quote:
Originally posted by kether
wow.... I just said I don't like exercise kids. most people I know don't! I realize that a lot of TMS'ers are runners & athletes so maybe I am outnumbered here. this may not be a realistic test group.
feeling a little misunderstood & ganged up on here....
No! That's not what we wanted! Exercise means different things to different people. I may run, but that doesn't mean the next person likes to do it. My husband wouldn't run unless he was being chased by something, and doesn't understand my need to do it!
I think we meant it's just a way to show your body who's in charge? |
|
|
|
art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2006 : 16:56:13
|
quote:
imagine doing that when you have the worst flu & body aches you have EVER had, that might give you an idea. do you exercise when you feel that sick?
Yes. I've run through it all. I was quite sick for a long while.
I can only speak for myself, but you seemed to be saying that you could do more. That's why I encouraged you to do just that. I know of no better therapy for anxiety and depression.
Please don't feel ganged up on. People are only trying to help. Walking 3 times a day is great. Walking fast 3 times a day would be better. Working up a sweat is evidence that you're exercising at a level that's most probably going to be very helpful to you. |
Edited by - art on 09/05/2006 17:04:55 |
|
|
|
Stryder
686 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2006 : 17:48:08
|
quote:
Originally posted by tennis tom
We haven't been out of the cave that long, relatively speaking, and our evolutionary ancestors certainly had to MOVE more to just survive being eaten by lions or the neighboring tribe and basic hunting and gathering.
Intereting point. I have not been able to find the reference, but I recall reading that, on average, the hunter/gather traveled about 20 miles per day. Every day.
With all that activity their bodies were pumping big volumes of blood, so all areas of the body got plenty of oxygen.
Also, their mind set was much simpler: (1) Find food/water. (2) Don't fall off a cliff, (3) Don't get eaten by a sabertooth tiger, (4) Make offsrping. That's it, only 4 things to think about all day, for 30 years.
Oh yea, when they got mad they yelled at each other at the top of their lungs.
Take care, -Stryder |
|
|
|
art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2006 : 17:55:45
|
quote:
Originally posted by Stryder
quote:
Originally posted by tennis tom
We haven't been out of the cave that long, relatively speaking, and our evolutionary ancestors certainly had to MOVE more to just survive being eaten by lions or the neighboring tribe and basic hunting and gathering.
Intereting point. I have not been able to find the reference, but I recall reading that, on average, the hunter/gather traveled about 20 miles per day. Every day.
With all that activity their bodies were pumping big volumes of blood, so all areas of the body got plenty of oxygen.
Also, their mind set was much simpler: (1) Find food/water. (2) Don't fall off a cliff, (3) Don't get eaten by a sabertooth tiger, (4) Make offsrping. That's it, only 4 things to think about all day, for 30 years.
Oh yea, when they got mad they yelled at each other at the top of their lungs.
Take care, -Stryder
I recently read that the human body is built for long distance running...Compare the human butt with other primates..Ours is huge in comparison, and is designed (or evolved to be more accurate) to support running over very long distances...I read in the same article, that human beings can outrun evry other animal over distances...We're slow, but relatively speaking can cover enormous distances...Not just marathon distances, but ultra marathon distances..meaning 50 miles and more...As I understand it, no other animal comes close...
We're built to run and to be active...we ignore this aspect of ourselves at our peril... |
|
|
|
Stryder
686 Posts |
Posted - 09/05/2006 : 18:14:04
|
quote:
Originally posted by art
We're built to run and to be active...we ignore this aspect of ourselves at our peril...
This is why our society is fat. Homo sapiens are designed to STORE fat, or else they would run out of gas all the time.
Maybe we wouldn't be like that if we had a pouch to hold a cache of cinnamon POP-Tarts for the journey. -Stryder |
|
|
|
Topic |
|
|
|
What the hell is it going to take?
