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kether
62 Posts |
 Posted - 08/29/2006 : 11:38:41
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hi guys,
I am having a really rough time right now. I neep some help... I am really starting to wonder what the hell it is going to take to get better. I feel really discouraged, angry, frustrated & tired.... I'm one of those fun Fibro/ Myofascial Pain/ Somatization disorder people. God, how I wish it was just my elbow.... I just read that article someone posted about "us". I know what it feels like to go to the doctor & feel like a total pain in the ass hypochondriac. to be in agony & then hear, "there is nothing wrong". since reading Sarno's stuff, I finally know what is going on with me.... this freedom from fear has been such a gift. the fear is gone now, but the problem is, the pain remains....
Unlike others who struggle with the TMS DX, I have no doubt. I'm as sure of it as, I am my own name. but it won't go away.... I have been a terrible wreck lately. every freaking symptom I've ever had over the past 5 years is showing up. Insomnia, anxiety, chest pain, the works. I think psychological ALL THE TIME. I know this is a somatization disorder. I KNOW there is nothing physically wrong with me. I had felt before that I was about 50% there, until the last few weeks.
I just don't understand why this won't go away. Is my body so used to pain (substance P?) that it just can't kick those old signals out? why does it have to be THIS BAD? wouldn't a sore knee or chronic headaches have been distraction enough? seriously.... I am so mad! besides that, I am NOT even being distracted. all the stuff that bothers me is forefront in my mind anyway. I feel like I'm marinating in all my BS for God's sake!
I believe in Sarno 100%. I am in therapy, I'm reading books that pertain to my "psychological" wounds, I listen to Healing Back Pain on CD, I read his books, I come here, I journal..... it's become another full time job.
I feel so defeated. what am I missing?
I feel like such a f***ing failure...
any advice please,
thanks.
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2006 : 11:49:44
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quote:
Originally posted by kether
...I feel really discouraged, angry, frustrated & tired....
The distraction is working.
Try your best to ignore the symptoms and take a long-term view. You cannot control TMS, but it can control you, if you let it. |
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sonora sky
USA
181 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2006 : 12:01:39
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kether, I can identify with your frustration. You feel like you're doing everything "right" but aren't seeing the results you expect. Once I figure out the answer to what's ailing me, I do everything I'm supposed to do, "full speed ahead!" I immerse myself in the issue to the point of obsession: I research it, think about it, worry about it, feel guilty about worrying about it (since that probably just makes it worse), all while trying to direct my attention to the emotional root of the pain. I came to the realization that all this attention I was giving to my TMS was actually exacerbating the problem, rather than helping it. While "thinking emotionally" is beneficial, the fact that these thoughts are on your mind constantly could be causing a mental overload. I know in Dr. Schechter's workbook, he makes it a point that patients should not spend more than an hour or so TOTAL on TMS work per day--this includes reading Sarno's books, journaling, etc.
You could try actively directing your thoughts to other, non-TMS-related things, just to give your mind a break and some time to process the good work you ARE doing. Have you tried yoga or meditation to help center/quiet your thoughts? I recommend Jon Kabat-Zinn's "Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfullness Meditation in Everyday Life."
ss |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2006 : 12:08:44
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I believe the article said what worked was 1)CBT therapy, 2)maybe anti-depressants, and 2)exercise.
I would forget the anti-depressants, accept for a short course, to get over the hump and do the exercise. Regular exercise like jogging half an hour a day or walking 45 mins or swimming has always gotten
me out of depressive states and fixed everthing else as well. That's the daily dose that works for me.
With "fibro/TMS", you have probably been totaly sedentary, in the "cabin fever" mode. Do whatever or as little as you can do but, "JUST DO IT ! ".
Baby steps: "The world's longest journey starts with the first step".
Sorry to sound so trite, but that's what works! Nothing much new under the sun.
After a couple of weeks of regular exercise, I feel confident and strong enough to return to productivity. The exercise kicks in the bodies internaly produced "feel-good morphine": endorphins, You can then come off the anti-depressants.
"Return to normal activity!"
tt |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2006 : 12:56:25
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quote:
Originally posted by tennis tom
I believe the article said what worked was 1)CBT therapy, 2)maybe anti-depressants, and 2)exercise.
I would forget the anti-depressants, accept for a short course, to get over the hump and do the exercise. Regular exercise like jogging half an hour a day or walking 45 mins or swimming has always gotten
me out of depressive states and fixed everthing else as well. That's the daily dose that works for me.
With "fibro/TMS", you have probably been totaly sedentary, in the "cabin fever" mode. Do whatever or as little as you can do but, "JUST DO IT ! ".
Baby steps: "The world's longest journey starts with the first step".
Sorry to sound so trite, but that's what works! Nothing much new under the sun.
After a couple of weeks of regular exercise, I feel confident and strong enough to return to productivity. The exercise kicks in the bodies internaly produced "feel-good morphine": endorphins, You can then come off the anti-depressants.
"Return to normal activity!"
tt
I agree with TT on the value of exercise. It's saved my life. Literally. It's actually a good place to take a stand against all this TMS crap as well. In the normal course of your day the best approach is to simply ignore your symptoms to the extent you can. But the exercise arena gives you a chance to really put yourself, and your symptoms to the test...It's one thing to ignore pain, it's quite another to challenge it...For my money that's the quickest route to healing..
You've got the "faith" (belief in the TMS DX)which is more than half the battle..Now do the "good works" without which that faith might not do you all that much good...
Not to be ignored are all the very important ancillary benefits that TT talks about...Running especially, but any moderate to intense workout, pays huge dividends (I wish I could quit with the business metaphors but they just keep coming for some reason  )
I'm just assuming that you're not exercising currently by the way...If you are, good for you..JUst keep it up!! |
Edited by - art on 08/29/2006 13:21:19 |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2006 : 13:39:47
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Hi kether,
I sympathise with you. Athough my pain probably wasn't as bad as yours I can remember feeling that frustration because there didn't seem to be any improvement and also feeling overwhelmed because lots of other familiar symptoms seemed to be coming all at once (or immediately after each other).
Hang in there, and take Dave / sonora sky / TT / art's advice, too.
Hilary N |
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Suz
559 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2006 : 14:01:24
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You are doing exactly what I was doing - I was getting really angry at the pain - so the distraction is working in other words.
It is much more effective if you start to develope a sense of humor - you have got to Mock and LAUGH at the brain and it's ridiculous strategy. Do everything and anything regardless. You have got to make the brain realize that you simply don't care - aren't in the slightest bit threatened and the whole thing is just a waste of time. You can't get angry if you don't have any fear left. I challenge you on that - I think you do have fear because you are still getting angry.
I used to hit my sciatic nerve on my leg adn laugh at it - woudl put onthe highest shoes and challenge it.
Believe me - the brain will absolutely give up. At the same time, just get on with your day. I know this sounds like a lot, considering the pain is really intense and you probably have fatigue. But remember - none of this is really real - it is just a clever ploy.
How long have you been doing Sarno's work for? |
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Stryder
686 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2006 : 14:47:53
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kether: I feel like such a f***ing failure...
Hi kether,
You are definately NOT a failure. Otherwise you would have given up. And you being here is proof you have not given up.
First of all, its not your fault your brain got wired this way. Stop blaming yourself. Its NOT your fault. The good news is that going down the TMS path will let you rewire your brain.
Second, your body is NOT broken in any way. The pain is real, as it has been for all of us. Banish the fear that you have a structural problem.
Third, Have no fear. You will get better as so many before you have recovered.
If you cannot ignore the pain, then accept the pain.
Let it hurt. As others have said, stop fighting the pain. Fighting just leads to more anger.
Take care, -Stryder
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Carolyn
184 Posts |
Posted - 08/29/2006 : 15:08:13
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You don't say how long you have been at it but it sometimes takes a while. It can be several months before you start to feel better at all and the fact that all of your symptoms from past years are back sucks but it is a very good sign. This has happened to most of us on the road to recovery.
I agree with Stryder- ACCEPT that you are in pain for now- try not to let it evoke an emotion of any kind, anger or fear. I hear (and understand!) desperation in your post. This is a sign that the pain is still in control. Try evoking curiosity. Talk to yourself- Wow, I never had any idea the mind and body were so interconneted like this. I wonder what the heck is going on in my mind that warrants this kind of a reaction to get my attention. This is something that science really doesn't understand but as you recover you will absolutely know that the mindbody is one thing. Notice the pattern in other people too, study it in yourself. Occupy yourself with that instead of wallowing in pain and self-pity or anger and resentment.
Recovery is not easy but stick with it- journal every night, read a little of the book every day and above all start becomeing aware of your emotions however unpleasant immediately as they occur. You will get better. There are so many of us that have!
Carolyn |
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larkascending
Canada
26 Posts |
Posted - 08/30/2006 : 08:03:11
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Suz,
I loved your post. I have a document on my computer I call "TMS gems". I copy and paste things people have posted on this site that I find beneficial and then I read them when I feel discouraged. Your post just went in there. Thanks! |
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Suz
559 Posts |
Posted - 08/30/2006 : 08:25:50
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thank you, larkascending. What a compliment! I am so happy it was useful. It really is the strategy I take and my brain HATES it. Silly brain. I sort of treat it like a naughty child. I had a bit of a flare up this morning after a very stressful day at work yesterday and a late night. I just started laughing. I feel a bit sorry for my unconscious - it is trying so hard to distract me and getting nowhere! The pain has already gone. (had it for an hour)
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Michele
249 Posts |
Posted - 08/30/2006 : 12:01:49
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All very, very good advice. For some, it takes a long time but never give up (I'm in my 2nd year). I'm a runner and I have pain in my hip that comes and goes, never quite disappears, and the TMS works very hard to get me to stop. When it is flaring up, I recite a mantra for each step I take such as: T - M - S - will - not - beat - me - now! I - am - strong! Sometimes I run an extra mile just to piss it off and show it who's the boss.  I'm training for a half marathon so I have no time for the pain.
Yes, the pain is real, but as others have said, the pain is a DISTRACTION and a big one.
Hang in there kether!! |
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Kajsa
Denmark
144 Posts |
Posted - 09/02/2006 : 09:48:30
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Ok
Do not want to let you down but for me it took about
two years do beat the pain (severe fibromyalgia) - but
know I have been painfree for two years!
But it was a loooooong road.
Kajsa |
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miche
Canada
283 Posts |
Posted - 09/02/2006 : 14:07:03
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Kajsa,
What in the world convinced you that you were on the right track with Sarno when it took two years, I have severe fibro , this past week I have been convincing myself that I must have cancer that has not been discovered.The more posts I read on this forum the more I realise that very few have my symptoms, most complain about moving pain, pain in one location, I have pain from head to toe, on top of that my stomach is always sore, I get constant sinus problems ,my throat and ears hurt, yet my throat is not red and I never have a fever, however the gland in my neck swell, I feel weak and shaky, it feels like have constant bladder infections with no bacteria to account for it, I lose my balance, my throat feels like it will close at any moment, I break into a sweat for no reason, I AM EXPERIENCING ALL OF THESE SYMPTOMS lately,and more, it feels like there is not one single part of my body that is fonctionning as it should, most members except for a few ,experience one or two symptoms at a time, cannot figure out what is wrong with me and I am at the point where I feel Sarno is a waste of time for me, have you ever been there in the two years it took for you to recover, have you ever felt that your case was different?
To the other members on this board who have heard me voice my doubts before please bear with me that I am so unconvinced, I suppose I want to believe as there is nothing else for me to do , and there are times when I am convinced that my problems are tms but I am never constant with this train of thought for very long.
I had one day earlier this week where I thought all these symptoms were tms, the day I went for my first massage therapy session, I could not stop crying after, now I pride myself on never crying, so I figured the massage must have release a lot of tension, today I wonder if the tears were not caused by the fact that I feel so rotten, as I still feel like crying, all it takes is for someone to be nice to me and the tears come ( like this makes any sense)I never consumed liquor ( that may be the problem lol) I never did drugs, I eat well and I don't look sick so why am I such a mess.
My mom died two weeks after she was diagnosed with cancer, she dragged herself from one doctor to another for a few years prior to her death, they thought she was a neurotic old woman, my sister was diagnosed with multiple myeloma last year ,for months prior to her diagnosis the doctor could not figure out why she was so sore and referred her to physiotherapy. One other sister ( a nurse ) was diagnosed with breat cancer two years ago again after annual mammograms that showed no cancer.
My question is how can one be so convinced that tms is the problem, I can understand when one has regular tms , but fibro allover type of pain is somewhat harder to master for the above reasons.
The only reason that I am considering the tms diagnosis is because I have had it for so long I figure I would have died by now, still..... |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 09/02/2006 : 18:02:21
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Miche,
With your sad family history of un-diagnosed serious illnes, it's no wonder you have great fear of the same happenig to you; I couldn't blame you.
I can't recall if you have seen a TMS doctor or psycho-therapist?
Have you ever had an all-body scan? These are relatively new and maybe they don't have them yet where you live. If you came up clean on one of those maybe it would help alay your fears of the structural? Just a thought. |
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iamwhoiam
12 Posts |
Posted - 09/02/2006 : 18:29:01
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quote:
Originally posted by miche
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The only reason that I am considering the tms diagnosis is because I have had it for so long I figure I would have died by now, still.....
Well i think it is just like that. . . .
If docters have ruled out any major problems then you have to draw the line. These days we are very fortunate to have the facilities to diagnose and treat cancers early on. If multiple docters say you are all clear, bloods, skin etc etc then you really should accept there diagnosis. I can so sympathise with your situation, and i am so so sorry you have lost some close family to cancer, it makes things very hard, even for the non-tmser to not be concerned.
I myself KNOW i have TMS, i fit it to a T. Many days i am full of doubt about my symptoms, and, as they are largely psychological (anxiety, and obsessive worry) they annoy me greatly, but its that annoyance factor im going to have to let go. I can feel when i dont pay it attention, it goes, and thats the same for my TOS symptoms in my arms. My mind is fixated on the pain in my arms, and there it is, worse, with my funny bone nerve REALLY sensitive, but its only when im focused on it. Its the strangest thing. . . . and its the same for my anxiety. hehe. well, ill conquer it, i know i will, and im sure you will too :o)
And remember, the time you have had it really doesnt matter. Many people on this forum have had it, in different forms, for many many years. Ive heard, 20 years of backpain cured etc. I know you are relating to the 'time cured since knowing about sarno', but, at the end of the day, we cant all apply the techniques as quickly as some, it depends on the person and how receptive they are to it. . . . .
Get a check out, and all clear :o), and just crack on with sarno :o)
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miche
Canada
283 Posts |
Posted - 09/02/2006 : 20:16:22
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Thank's Tom for your reply, there are no tms doctor here in Ontario that I know of, as for getting a scan, almost impossible, I have moved 13 times in the last ten years so I have not been under the regular care of any doctor since, usually go to walk in clinics where one is lucky to get five minutes of care after waiting two hours. A few doctors at such clinics have sent me to a rheumatologist wheere I was told that I have fibro and prescribed antidepressant that I won't take, I did once go on zoloft, it did not help the pain and it took me a year to lose the weight that the med caused.
Now that my daughter in law has been diagnosed with a brain tumor I would probably be even more afraid to go for a scan for fear of what they would find, silly and immature I know!
The good thing about this board is that I can tell someone how vulnerable I feel , I would be ashamed to complain to any of my relatives , they depend on me to be there for them, so I put on a strong front, my sister after a stem cell transplant is still facing two knee replacement and losing her sight , she is in her fifties, she would laugh at my fibro and with good reasons, by the time she is done with all this she will probably have a recurrence as the longest any multiple myeloma patient live is five years ,I LOVE HER TO PIECES, watching her suffer so nearly destroyed me, my dad is dying, it seems like all the people I love are . I know this is all part of life, but I am having a hard time coping with it, now I feel my son's pain as he worries about his wife, these two have been married for eight years and still very much in love, I wish I could fix things for him as I used to when he was small, yet I can't.
I am not looking for answers , I just needed to vent I suppose, having a weak moment lately , I WILL GET MY ACT TOGETHER AGAIN.
also I am having trouble with my computor lately, it crashed a few times already so if I don't answer any messages it will be for that reason |
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miche
Canada
283 Posts |
Posted - 09/02/2006 : 20:23:00
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| IamwhoIam.......great name, love it! |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 09/02/2006 : 21:02:13
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Miche,
Well that helps alot. 13 moves in 10 years. That could upset your homeostasis. You have been dx'ed with "fibro" which according to Sarno is extreme TMS. You don't want to get a complete body scan because it may find out what may be "really" wrong with you. You are what we call between a rock and a hard place.
If you were seeing Sarno he would send you to a TMS psychotherapist.
I assume you are not seeing one, but that's what you probably need.
Although you have been posting here for a while now, I don't feel I know much about you until your above post. Why do you move so often? How do you support yourself having fibro?
It sounds like you are giving support to everyone around you and no one is giving you support.
I would suggest you post more here about what's going on and board people could better advise you on how to proceed. |
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miche
Canada
283 Posts |
Posted - 09/02/2006 : 21:38:16
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My first move came when my husband of thirty years and I divorced, I left town so my son could go to college and live at home, I later met a high school teacher who kept looking for the perfect job, so we moved a lot until I realise that the perfect job for him meant sitting in front of the tv, then I moved so my son could attend university and live at home, once he left to go to film school I moved again for financial reasons, this time I shared cost with a relative, etc I then met my fiance and left town again to be with him, first we rented a place and then six months later we bought a house which meant two moves within a year, then we had all these problems with sewer back ups and are thinking of moving again, lolWhen I was married to my first husband I live twenty years in the same house, never expected to become such a gypsy, every time I moved I promised myself this was the last, I could probably earn a good living showing people to best way to pack 
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miche
Canada
283 Posts |
Posted - 09/02/2006 : 21:44:53
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| Before you ask, my fiance is very supportive of me and understanding about fibro, I don't tell him how much I hurt as I don't want him to worry about me |
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What the hell is it going to take?
