| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
Nor
152 Posts |
 Posted - 07/27/2006 : 11:43:31
|
Just a general note, here. I am not an everyday poster but I come on periodically to check in when I need a boost, a reality check or a laugh. I believe my relative distance gives me a perspective that others who are posting daily cannot have. Something is very clear to me after reading the GW post to completion in one sitting. Karen, I think your need to argue w/total strangers in cyberspace is SO contributing to your pain. So what if someone was sarcastic w/you? Let it go. It is naiive to think you can bring up such contentious and politically loaded subjects without dealing w/strong opinions. Surely by now in life you know that stong opinions can bring out the "nasty" in us. Just take a step back and let it go. Release the need to be right publicly. What YOU think of your opinions is what matters.
If I seem holier than thou - I'm not trying to be. I recognize your behavior b/c it is very familiar. I say that last affirmation to myself daily:)
Nor |
|
|
Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/27/2006 : 13:36:36
|
Thanx Nor,
I hear what you are saying...The arguing about GW as a topic was not what really upset me (or what I allowed to upset me, I should say) it was the sarcastic and condesending comments that got to me...I am hyper sensitive when someone comes across that way to me especially when he said I was JUST an artist...And several other comments that were indirectly designed to be hurtful...There have been others who have felt the same way when dealing with TT..but that should be no excuse for my getting so upset, you are right...It was my choice...I am a big girl (or supposed to be anyway)...It is crazy for me to allow a perfect stranger to upset me so...I am extra sensitive when in the middle of an acute TMS attack, I must admit...If I were feeling well, I probably wouldn't have reacted so strongly...Anyway, your point is well taken..Thank you...
~Karen |
 |
|
|
tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 07/27/2006 : 14:44:02
|
Good Post Nor ! You're right on the money.
Regards,
tt  |
|
|
|
Michele
249 Posts |
Posted - 07/27/2006 : 15:08:17
|
I agree.
Karen . . . give it a rest. No wonder you're still battling pain. You come here and respond to almost every post, probably read every post, and start lots of topics. Take a break from this place and do the work. It is all laid out in Dr. Sarno's books. You'll feel much better. Good luck.
|
|
|
|
Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/27/2006 : 15:20:05
|
| I haven't started as many topics, I have slowed down on that considerably, Michele..And I don't read every post, not even close..I have been stuck inside from what is going on with the TMS...I have not been able to paint either...So I have relied on the computer more then I should or normally would. My reasons for battling pain still go far deeper then anything that has happened on here...And I am doing the work as well. I have been crying to my best friend on the phone and just stopped in here while I am on hold. I hope this doesn't start a whole string of people telling me to take a break from here...That doesn't feel good, I must admit. |
|
|
|
Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/27/2006 : 15:29:44
|
PS..
As embarassing as it is to admit...I feel lonely here in Vegas...extremely so...WHatever family I still have on the planet is in New Jersey...(the closest ones have died)...The great majority of my friends are out of state as well...We speak on the phone alot but that hasn't been cutting it lately...I do have my roommate, who is like a brother to me..thank God..But I am the type of person who needs MORE people around me...All I want in life these days is a FAMILY...But it is hard to find the right person when the TMS turns your life so upside down...It has caused financial hardship as well and so now I cannot afford to move back to NJ, for example...So I spend all day alone and then my roommate goes to bed very early...I spend far too much time alone for my personality...So...I have come to feel like I am connecting to somebody by interacting on this forum...I have even made a few good friends here for which I am grateful...But I am sure that I have an equal amount of people on here who don't like me...I can feel that too...Who feel I am a pain in the bum or just annoying...I don't know what else to say...I have posted less..and my goal is to post less and less...But when people make that suggestions, sometimes that feels like a sort of rejection...My issue, I know...I suppose I am leaving myself wide open by sharing like this...but my therapist suggested I just tell the truth of how lonely I really feel. |
|
|
|
Michele
249 Posts |
Posted - 07/27/2006 : 15:56:12
|
I'm sure most of us just want you to get better Karen. Since I've been in alot of therapy myself, may as well share my 2 cents worth.
My therapist would probably say you are expecting others to fix that feeling of loneliness. First you'd have to figure out WHY you feel lonely. Lots of people have family scattered around the country - like me. I have only a couple good friends, but no one I speak to on a daily basis, and my best friend is clear across the country. Do I feel lonely? No . . . but everyone is different. What's the underlying emotion. You feel lonely, or is it insecure? I think you were coming close to the feeling when you said you feel "rejected" when people disagree or suggest you post less. What does rejection mean to you? Dig and dig and dig. The pain is there so you don't find out, so dig deeper. You can do it.
In my opinion, I believe this board is designed for information on TMS and how to stop it. If you are coming here for friendship because you are lonely, then I believe you are coming here for the wrong reasons. I don't believe a close, emotional bond can be made on a public forum, which is what friendship is all about.
|
|
|
|
Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/27/2006 : 16:07:09
|
I hear you, Michele...and thanx for taking the time to share with me...Sounds like our situations are somewhat similiar...I am also grieving the loss of many people (family/friends) who have passed away...I feel cheated because I lost both my parents too early in life...In the past 6 years, 5 close friends have died from various causes..So it isn't just about geography, etc..It's about missing alot of loved ones who I won't ever see again, not in this dimension anyway...It is my belief I will be joined with them in Heaven one day and that is a comfort...
The losses I am dealing with have also to do with my singing career (due to the TMS), finances...and the fact that I have never married and have never had a child...So I am not a wife, not a mother, not a daughter, etc. etc...I just feel lost...The extended family I have is not close...They do their own thing, kind of the Czech way...With my parents gone there is no one I can move in with, initially...while i get on my feet...I called a distant cousin (78yrs old and still working full time selling real estate)..and asked her if she wanted a roommate...(this happened just days b4 this bout of acute neck TMS began)..She said no because she has lived alone for 33 years and cannot live with another person...I understood but felt rejected...My aunts were always very jealous of my mom and somehow think I am my mom, on some level..So they are just email buddies as well and keep a certain distance...In other words, there is real rejection I am dealing with even in the limited family I have...
We as human beings are social animals by nature, I believe...All I want are the basics...family, health, prosperity, etc...I feel as if I have missed several boats..Have been engaged b4, twice, but it didn't work out for different reasons...mostly geographical issues...long story there...Anyway..my point is YES I feel rejected and yes I feel lonely..As for insecure...sure...especially while my life is so empty as it has been since the TMS kicked back in... |
|
|
|
art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 07/27/2006 : 17:22:03
|
I like those posts, Karen. Not because you're in pain of course, but because I felt you were being totally unguarded and honest..
It's not too late to get all those things, not by a long shot. You're an attractive woman with what I'm sure must be a warm and vibrant personality so finding the right guy shouldn't be all that hard. Maybe you could take a look at what's gone wrong in the past and try not to repeat those same mistakes..
|
|
|
|
Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/27/2006 : 17:39:26
|
Thanx Art,
I am trying hard to be more REAL...generally.
What went wrong with the engagements had alot to do with my choices...With one of them, we were both artists...bad choice unless one of us hits it big, economically speaking...With the other we were at an stalemate as to who is going to move where...Vegas and 120 in the summer or Ottawa and -45 in the winter...I have given alot of thought to previous relationships that didn't work out...I feel more ready now to find the right person...After I get over this TMS crap first, of course...Or at least get it to a managable level where i can function like a normal human being, driving, etc..ALways appreciate your thoughts and your kindness... |
|
|
|
Nor
152 Posts |
Posted - 07/27/2006 : 20:46:38
|
| Wow Karen. If its any consolation, it seems so clear to me that your pain has got to be TMS and not physical causes. You also seem to be pretty in touch w/what's going on emotionally for you. This is a BIG plus. I'd be willing to bet your subconscious is fighting like hell to keep those feelings hidden and that's why you have more pain. Like Michelle said, we all have scattered family and friends. Its not rejection, just life. Keep reading Sarno and get that Louise Hay book I mentioned on another post. You're getting closer. Nor |
|
|
|
Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/27/2006 : 21:28:24
|
Thanx Nor,
I forgot to mention in the other reply that I do already have Louise Haye's book...I met her, in fact..at a conference called "You can Do It" last summer along w/ Wayne Dyer..It was great...There is so much validity to what she says about the mindbody...There is another book I wanted to recommend to you on the same lines..It's called.."Permanent Healing" by Daniel R. Condron...I think he takes things even a step further then Louise...You should check it out..
I don't see the scattered friends/family as rejection...The rejection comes from other sources in my family that I mentioned...And I know many people are living away from alot of their loved ones..but I bet many of those same people have a husband or wife to share their lives with...maybe even a child or two...I am missing that in my life very much...But I know I will find a family when the time is right...All this stuff is just really coming to a head having been stuck in the house for 2 months...Normally I am on the go and painting into the wee hours...very busy...Perhaps this whole thing has happened for me to have the opportunity to heal these issues that have been firing the TMS for years, once and for all...Thanx again for your support and encouragement Nor! |
|
|
|
marytabby
USA
545 Posts |
Posted - 07/28/2006 : 03:44:36
|
SingerArtist,
I am 40, single, considered attractive, am a singer as well and have no children, never have been married and am VERY alone without a lover, not even a part-time lover! I DO have family (7 siblings) in the area ONE friend left and I'm still lonely. So as far as thinking having family and friends physically close by can help one feel more connected, I disagree with that.
I have regrets that I never compromised on my values and just sucked up all the BS that men have offered me in the past, and I just may be married by now. On the other hand I'd probably be a divorcee now as well. ;-)
So the moral of this Friday story is:
Do not wish for things you never had or can't have, because you just may be wishing misery on yourself without even knowing you did it.
How's that for a fine, muggy, hot, sticky Friday Boston morning, with my wrists KILLING ME all the time?
Chill! |
Edited by - marytabby on 07/28/2006 03:58:14 |
|
|
|
art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 07/28/2006 : 05:57:29
|
quote:
Do not wish for things you never had or can't have, because you just may be wishing misery on yourself without even knowing you did it.
Boy is this ever true. |
|
|
|
Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/28/2006 : 09:45:43
|
Thanx Maryalma,
Yes we do have alot in common...I will say though that everyone is unique, of course you realize that...I can only go by how I feel when I am back in NJ w/ the little family I do have...I feel BETTER then I do here, considerably so...In fact, the measure of this was when I was in NJ for 9 weeks in a row doing singing/acting gigs, almost 3 years ago...I never had ANY pain ANYWHERE...Never used an ice pack, never took an advil...I mentioned this here b4, I know...but I felt it was relevant to mention again...I have had one real knee injury since that time and the whole incident w/ the bad chiro adjustment, however...it is still significant that I didn't have any pain in any of the main TMS areas for me...I was even going through a break up at the time, it was the holidays and I was missing my parents,etc..but yet...no pain...Not in my neck, back or knee...I was power walking jumping over ice patches, it was Heaven...And yes, I did actually still feel some loneliness even being surrounded by my neices,nephews and alot of dear friends from previous bands, college, etc...So I realize that a geographical solution is not the be it and end all...The work has to be done within...
In comparison to my NJ example above, I just returned from my 2 mile walk...I am sitting here with an ice pack on my knee (this was a real injury last year) and my right foot! Now that is a new one...I don't usually get foot pain...Yesterday it was back and hip and always neck of course..That is the gremlin's favorite spot...I was practically limping during my walk due to the pain in the bottom of my right foot..but i did the walk anyway...I kept talking to myself..Telling the GREMLIN inside to STOP IT and i was onto it..I kept hearing Dr. Sarno say in his video that the brain knows which spots to pick..areas where there is something 'going on.' And there is in that foot because it is turned outward a bit since the knee injury...sort of compensation of some kind..BUT..normally i have no pain in it..And it surely can't be the 5 pounds I gained..Although my brain tried to tell me that...It's just TMS on the run...making it's last ditch efforts to screw with me...
Speaking of sibllings, I have only one sibling and she is probably one of my biggest sources of unconscious rage...You are right,,,I shouldn't wish for more siblings, for example..because that is something that I cannot have..But wishing/hoping to create a family of my own through marriage is surely something that I can have and will...It's just a matter of finally finding the right person, being ready inside myself for that level of commitment (I admit, I have some commitment issues, it wasn't just because I was singing on the road all my life that i haven't married yet..), and being much better from this TMS misery...
I don't think having the kind of pain and limitations I am still dealing with is a good space to start a new relationship...The average person is clueless about TMS and just wouldn't get it...I have alot of work to do on myself b4 finding Mr. Right for me...And I agree with you about what you said regarding being a divorcee...Had I married any of my ex boyfriends, I would be one too! So in this sense maybe we are ahead of the game in some way..
It's hot as haydes over here too..but i heard we are going to get a bit of a break, thank goodness...Vegas and Phoenix are the hotest cities in the nation..And it cracks me up when people say.."Yeah but it's dry heat!" Well..so is sticking your head inside an oven hot heat! It goes up to 120 degrees here in the summer..You cannot even touch your steering wheel or leave anything in your car...It will be disintegrated by the time you return...Not suitable for human life,lol...Anyway..I know about humidity too from living in NJ most of my life...that is no picnic either...
I hope your wrists feel better very soon!! Are you talking to your brain and journaling, reading, etc...What are the techniques that work best for you in overcoming this TMS pain fellow musician?
THanx again for your input!
|
|
|
|
marytabby
USA
545 Posts |
Posted - 07/28/2006 : 17:49:44
|
| The techniques that usually work is re-reading all the books, doing some minor checklist type journaling to brainstorm what may be causing the rage, self-talk, ignoring the pain, continuing on despite the pain, and posting here for help. Other than that nothing else has worked and this time around none of it's getting rid of the wrist pain so I am STUCK. It sucks outloud. |
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
|
|
This IS about TMS and GW
