| Author |
 Topic  |
|
art
1903 Posts |
 Posted - 07/16/2006 : 19:05:00
|
quote:
But you're not that much of a "purist" if you're taking anything at all for anxiety that's ingested. Doesn't matter if your "relief" of choice is natural or synthetic. The point is, you need to calm down and whatever that takes, I'd think you would want to be open to taking something that just may, just may... be more effective and not necessarily get addicted to it. You're your own best advocate. But try to be open to what others are suggesting as they are trying to help you.
THis is all very well said. Tactful as hell too.
NIcely done, Mary.
|
 |
|
|
FlyByNight
Canada
209 Posts |
Posted - 07/16/2006 : 19:18:53
|
Signer
My intent was very pacific, sama as ALL the previous posts I sent you ... I just tought that It could help you to send you a mirror of this potential reality. I am not criticizing the fact that you post often or not ... I was just telling you that there is a paradox between your amount of post and your apparent difficulty to journal. Period.
By the way I know what it does feel like not to be able to handwrite.. This is the reason why I do TYPE my journal Karen ...
My therapist told me once that often TMS can 'SERVE' you in some twisted ways ... Do not forget, it is distraction from real deep emotional pain... Maybe deep inside you are just affraid of journaling ... So I was a couple of months ago ... I do not thing that not being able to handwrite should prevent you to go on with your journal. I think its an indication to absolutely find a way around to do it and confront your TMS directly ..
Hope this help
P.
Ps: and by the way, If I read your posts , its because I like them.
|
Edited by - FlyByNight on 07/16/2006 19:26:19 |
|
|
|
Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/16/2006 : 19:34:49
|
Susie,
The insecure TMS part of me doesn't even feel worthy of your incredibly helpful words...I am so down on myself right now for many things...I am very grateful to you for this message...It has helped me alot...Thank You again and again...
Art,
You'll always be on my 'A' list, no worries there..If you didn't leave after that Evolution discussion, lol..you never will...
Ali Cat,
Thanks for your kind words...I still maintain that my singing/art is a pleasure for me...I have been a professional singer for over 25 years now...Playing with well known bands, etc. etc. It is my greatest joy..My art is my other greatest joy work wise...I am stressed about the People I will be greeting on Tues..Not because i am worried they won't like my work, but because of the condition i am in physically right now...I feel like a failure at having my own good health..I feel like an invalid, etc. etc. ad nauseum..THanks again and i am glad you got helped by what you wrote... |
|
|
|
Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/16/2006 : 19:40:22
|
Maryalma,
Thanx for sharing with me...I have been a pro singer for over 25 years as well, so we have that in common..I will give what everyone said more and more thought...And of course I KNOW they are trying to help...Thanks again...
FlybyNight aka P.,
Now i feel like a total heel..and embarassed about my anger...thanx for taking it so well...and thanx for your advice and compassion... |
|
|
|
Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/16/2006 : 19:42:05
|
PS...now typing is even becoming near to impossible...I really feel like I am losing it or going to die...It's crazy, i know...if anyone believes in prayer..please pray for me...not only that i heal but that i am even able to attend my own opening art reception on Tues..
thanks and God bless,
Karen |
|
|
|
Susie
USA
319 Posts |
Posted - 07/16/2006 : 20:08:49
|
| Karen, You sound as if you are on the verge or in the midst of an anxiety attack.They aren't that easy to recognize if you have never had one. I went to the emergency room twice with one and I wouldn't believe them. I thought I was dying. The only positive thing about them is that they are also harmless. The closer you get to your show the more your anxiety builds. I think our brains start the process as an advance excuse, should we fail at our task. Remember it's totally involuntary. Sit down and take a few breaths. You are just panicking causing your symptoms to be worse. Believe me, I know all about this panic stuff. Try to do something else. Call a friend and talk about nothing. You just have to break the fear connection and you will be fine, maybe you'll hold your head a little funny but you'll be fine. |
|
|
|
art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 07/16/2006 : 20:52:25
|
quote:
Originally posted by Singer_Artist
PS...now typing is even becoming near to impossible...I really feel like I am losing it or going to die...It's crazy, i know...if anyone believes in prayer..please pray for me...not only that i heal but that i am even able to attend my own opening art reception on Tues..
thanks and God bless,
Karen
Being honest, if things are so bad I simply can't understand why you won't try the medication. Also being honest, on the one hand it's a question of possibly dying, then on the other it's whether or not you'll be able to go to your show...Something seems amiss...
Is anyone else picking up on this? There's just so much drama when all you really have to do is make a doctor's appointment. |
Edited by - art on 07/16/2006 20:54:22 |
|
|
|
wolf29
USA
108 Posts |
Posted - 07/16/2006 : 21:23:55
|
For the most part I have to agree with Art. I'm big into natural remedies and not putting any type of medication into my body, but sometimes a person may need to bend their philosophies based on the situation. When I went through a depression I took anti-depressants. Just long enough to so I could focus better on what I needed to do to feel better. Than I went off of it as soon as I could.
I hope you find some comfort Karen. If you've been told it's TMS and you believe it is (even if not 100%) you need to challenge the pain. If you were to take some medication as Art suggested, that may give you some comfort where you can challenge the pain with less reservation.
In the last few days since I've stopped the self pity party I've really challenged the pain. I've slowly been building up to doing things I was afraid of doing and although I hurt I pushed on as Sarno recommends. In the past attempts I would stop because I kept thinking it was physical. In the last couple of days I've been relatively pain free in my lower back. The pain is moving around which is great.
Anyhow, you have to do things at your own pace and you shouldn't let any of us push you to do things sooner than you want to, but I will say that if you don't come up with a solid plan and stick to it, you're doomed. Plain and simple. TMS will control your life unless you have a plan and stick with it. And no matter how many setbacks one must keep moving forward with the plan.
Recently you went for walks by yourself. You need to do things like that more consistently, if you're not already, and no matter what you feel you must believe you can do it.
Saying you know what you need to do and actually doing it (consistently) is a very big difference. I could be off base but I fear you're coming to a crossroad where you will have to truly decide if you will get better or if TMS will run your life.
I say the following because I care...
You say you want to get better but talk is cheap! |
|
|
|
FlyByNight
Canada
209 Posts |
Posted - 07/16/2006 : 21:54:01
|
Signer
Take a Xanax or an Ativan. It will relax your neck muscle for a day or two and it will give you a break. Sounds like you need one right now ...
I take Ativan once a week or 2 weeks when I feel very bad. ... More than controlling your anxiety its also a powerful muscle relaxant. Youll get back a lot of neck mobility and will be able to concentrate on the essential ,,,, Journalling ....
P. |
Edited by - FlyByNight on 07/16/2006 21:57:49 |
|
|
|
Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 08:09:39
|
quote:
..not only that i heal but that i am even able to attend my own opening art reception on Tues..
Not to beat a dead horse but I really think you should give more weight to your art as a potential trigger of your TMS.
It's often the things you don't think are bothering you that are contributors.
The fact that your body is ratcheting up the symptoms as the show gets closer and closer is a potential sign.
My most acute and painful TMS attack occurred during a time when I had just taken on significant new professional responsibilities. On the outside, I was excited about the prospects of expanding my business and working on interesting projects. On the inside, the child was in a bind rage that I had made my life more difficult and put tremendous pressure on myself to deliver the goods. My body responded with severe low back spasms, and when that acute attack was over, a severe heartbeat irregularity that lasted over 24 hours. With my new "medical problems" to focus on, my business took a back seat. Just what my brain was trying to do. |
|
|
|
h2oskier25
USA
395 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 08:57:06
|
I have to agree with Dave,
Don't worry, it doesn't mean you're unhappy with your profession on some deep level. It's not that at all.
The little girl in you just wants to play and be a little girl, free of responsibilities. We've all got that going on.
I also urge you to explore (and journal) the deeper issues you might have over your work.
Hugs,
Beth |
|
|
|
yowire
USA
70 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 09:31:00
|
Hi Singer-Artist
Dave is right.
Quote from Singer-Artist
quote:
I haven't thought of my work as a singer or artist as a source of rage because I don't think it is...I love my work, and it gives me enormous pleasure
The fact that you are denying this possibility because, consciously, this work gives you pleasure is further evidence that this issue is significant. Someone of your intelligence and who knows TMS theory as well as you seem to know it would not miss the obvious fact that in TMS theory it doesn't matter what you feel consciously. It is the emotions we do not feel that are most important. You should first acknowledge the rage your art business is causing you, then try to get in touch with these emotions.
Yowire |
|
|
|
Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 10:10:33
|
You all are so incredible...Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support and encouragement...There is alot of wisdom on the forum, I must admit..sometimes I feel intimidated by it, because it seems like things that should be clear to me I seem to miss...It's probably because when the pain is this bad it's really hard to think/feel anything else...But gratitude toward all of you, I definitely feel...I would address each of you separately but I cannot type that much right now...And we are getting ready to leave to bring my art to be set up at the library...i wasn't even sure I was going to be able to go...Thought my roomie/bro might of had to go without me...I have a therapy session this morning on the phone, good timing there too...I prayed very hard last night that I would be able to go to the opening and the set up...so far the prayers have been answered...I will re read all of your comments to me again later and write more back to each of you when I feel up to it..
Hugs and God bless,
Karen |
|
|
|
miche
Canada
283 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 10:19:30
|
| Karen, you are in my thoughts, hang in there, you can do it! |
|
|
|
Bonnie
Canada
33 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 10:20:29
|
Karen, I think Dave is right and it would be worth while considering what he's said. I've painted for years and I've been writing for the last eight, and I love it, I absolutely love the high I get when I've done something so right that makes me wonder how I did it or if I was channeling. The down side of it is the terror that I may never do it again that well, but that's just the artistic temperament.
What I've found is that no matter how much I love the book I've just finished or the painting I've done, I hate having to market myself. As Dave said, the inner child is in a blind rage about that. In my case she does not want to feel like this, that she has to put herself out there and basically 'beg' for acceptance, which is what it feels like when she has to write query letters to Agents or sit watching people who she is sure haven't a talented bone in their body critique her work. I know this and accept it and do it anyway because if I don't the gremlins and the pain win. And once you know what's causing it you can just tell it to go to hell and do what you have to do to be human instead of a poor pitiful basketcase, I'm speaking of myself here. And I've found that taking half a valium in a tight situation can get me through with far fewer problems than just trying to tough it out.
I sing too, I love it, it calms me and makes me feel in touch with the universe but singing in front of people makes me sick to my stomach and there too, if I have to do it I use a little help, whether it's a good stiff drink, a toke or a pill to take the edge off until I'm on and taking care of business.
Putting something as intimate as your deepest feelings and ideas and talents out there for everyone to see is stressful no matter how much you may think you like it. Sometimes it's a good stress but other days it's not and you do what you have to do to get through and there's no shame in having "a little help from your friends," as the man said, chemical or otherwise.
Bonnie |
|
|
|
redskater
USA
81 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 13:55:59
|
I too shyed away from drugs, didn't want to get hooked, but when I was at my most painful, i got so depressed and was in such a high state of angziety I couldn't stop crying, my dear husband literally draged me to the doctors cause he was afraid for my life. I think he thought I was going to have a breakdown. I was in the Middle East at the time and going to any dr. there was scary in itself. But I did and the dr. took one look at me and said "you need help!" He put me on Remeron, an anti-depressant and Xanax until the Remeron started working. I never would have taken it, but I am sure glad I did. The remeron helped the spasms to relax and helped me sleep. I felt like a different person almost right away. I only had to take the xanax for a few days and then again when I had to get on a plane for a 24 hr. flight. The remeron I stayed on for longer, but once I found Sarno I weaned myself off and have been fine ever since. I don't think it harmed me in any way and it probably kept me from having a complete breakdown. Sometimes you have to know when to ask for help, be it chemical or mental.
Gaye |
|
|
|
armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 14:43:02
|
Karen,
I just have to chime in here and echo what others have said: that it's often the activities and people we love best that are causing the biggest problems in the unconscious. I love my new job, and I wouldn't give it up. It's the exact thing I hoped for and dreamed of. But it still causes lots of unconscious rage. I don't like the extremely regular schedule. I get bored of some of the activities. I get frustrated when people criticize me. I get worried whenever anything I do is going to be seen by customers. All of these cause unconscious rage for me. The same is true for my relationships with family and close friends. I love those people very much, but I also get intensely (conscious and un) angry at them...if they criticize me, if they do things I don't like, if they flake on me when we've made plans. Lots of things.
Fortunately, as others have said, it doesn't mean we don't love these things. It just means that a part of us, our inner child, wants to have things always our own way, hates having pressure put on it to do anything besides just that, hates being criticized. It's normal and it's ok!
I hope you will feel better soon.
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
|
|
|
h2oskier25
USA
395 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 15:44:58
|
Karen,
I wouldn't obsess about the drugs, one way or another. If you have access to something you don't mind taking, great. If you feel that seeing a Dr. to get the drugs would rehash the whole physical thing, stay away.
When I was at my worst several months back, and prone to panicking about it, what I would do is take a deep breath. I mean a REALLY slow, deep breath. I would try to feel that breath go into every part of my body. It forces the body to relax, and the mind can't help but follow.
I know it sounds silly, but it helps a little, and anything to turn around your momentum to the positive is a good thing.
Wish I could attend your exhibit.
Beth |
|
|
|
PeterW
Canada
102 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 19:44:19
|
I really think there's something to this train of thought also, maybe for a lot of us.
Oddly,I'd never considered this angle much until this thread. But Bonnie, you really hit on something that struck with me. I've had spells of being a part time musician/percussionist, and absolutely loved it. There's nothing more fulfilling than being in that moment when it all comes together, with the energy and creative juices all flowing, everything sounding great, and everybody dancing and having a great time. Basically those moments are my drug of choice. It's something about tapping into that intuitive part of the brain, the 'channelling' or whatever you want to call it, that's part of the creative process.
But there's another side to it. The ego or concious mind loves being the center of attention and getting all that praise and affection. After all the fun is over, you pack up, sometimes very late, and go home. The next day I could find myself craving the next fix, almost as if I didn't feel whole without it, with the self esteem needing the constant approval that comes from that moment of performance. Also so much work goes into the nuts and bolts of putting gigs and projects together, keeping all the egos happy, dealing with the cash, making sure everyone shows up on time for gigs and rehearsals (a real dilemma with free spirited musicians sometimes), and the endless and thankless job of doing publicity (marketing yourself and begging for acceptance).
So the logical, orderly part of the mind has to work really hard for every moment that the intuitive, creative side has to play. Long before I heard of TMS, I was well aware of the conflict inside myself between my creative intuitive side and my rational responsible side.
Probably anyone who has done musical, theatre or dance gigs, or book launches, or art showings, can relate to just how much hard work is behind those two hours in the spotlight when you're the center of the universe. In a way we're putting our souls right out there for everyone to see, and we can put a tremendous amount of pressure on ourselves and have similar high expectations of others to get it just right. There's always some fear attatched to the process, some voice saying 'what if everyone hates it??' . Which is really saying 'what if people dont like me?'.
My worst physical setbacks have usually occurred at times when I'm playing the most, when musical plans and projects are full steam ahead, and when I'm seemingly having the most fun ever. But maybe at a subconcious level putting ever more pressure on myself.
And SA, after all that, more best wishes for your exhibit!
|
|
|
|
Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 19:46:59
|
Singer,
I'm going to make one more attempt to help you. Be warned I'm going to call it how I see it. I'm not having a go at you or am I pissed at you in any way. I'm going to say what I think so don't get offended, as I am really trying to help you.
1. Of late you have become extremely sensitive, I would have loads of support in saying that we're not angry at you. Personally I don't give a toss if you post until you PC blows up. Stop apologising for your existence. If you feel like posting then POST, if you have something helpful to add then do it. Stop saying sorry and talking about how much you post all the time. What you're actually doing is making people sick of hearing about it.
2. You're NOT LISTENING!!!! Myself and several other people are trying to help you. We understand the crap your going through so we want to help, but you're not listening, you just make excuses WHY????!!!! I'm not attacking you, but I'd like to see you put in some effort to get better. Stop moaning, making excuses and defending yourself, just do something......anything! There have been a dozen posts full of suggestions to help you. Please list which of these suggestions you have completed so we know what has or has not worked for you, that way we can try other things. Maybe you have been trying things, I personally believe this is why people are getting frustrated.
3. CHILLOUT!!!!!!!!! Change your scene, go for a drive, get into the hills. Get a bottle of wine and drink it! Stop wallowing in your emotions you're just making it worse. Get drunk/stoned and paint, try something different to break your current state. Your thoughts perpetuate your pain, you fear doing anything because of the pain. You're complaining about it, you're frustrated, you're being a victim. Lots of bad things have happened to you, that's sad but you need to move on. Do you like the way you feel right now?? no...so what are you going to do about it.
4. If some turkey needs to send you offensive emails away from the eyes of the board then he obviously has issues........probably has a really small penis and as a result an angry man......or worse, maybe his arms are really short and as a result can't touch his penis..... I'm assuming it was a man. Why would you get offended by it?
Now the last thing I want to see is your post about getting upset or thanking me or making some excuse. Pick a suggestion and DO IT, then tell us about it. Stop moaning about your pain. Now I have spent quite a bit of time on this post, in the effort to help push you along, please don't let it be a waste of my time.
Quote:
"Has anyone ever had the Gremlin kick it up several notches just b4 attained some real relief??"
Your thoughts are the Gremlin!!
Stop stressing!!!
Has any of this sunk in???
Ah ah....I know you want to post a reply, but don't, use that energy to change your state. Write about it, chillout and stop stressing about what we think, we don't even know you so who cares right????
YOU CAN BEAT THIS, JUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!!
|
Edited by - Darko on 07/17/2006 19:50:35 |
|
|
|
Topic |
|
|
|
Getting worse b4 getting better...
