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Michele
249 Posts |
 Posted - 07/05/2006 : 11:52:02
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All this talk about rage, and I know I've had alot built up inside me, but I'm beginning to realize that alot of what I have stuffed down is extreme sadness.
Maybe I married the wrong person . . .
My kids don't need me so much, where did the time go . . .
I'm 47 and still hate my job . . .
Never went to college, don't have the money now . . .
Relationship with parents is stiff . . .
on and on and on . . .
I was reading Dr. Northrups book on menopause yesterday and she was talking about her youngest going off to college. My first is heading to college in a month and I immediately started bawling. He's a healthy, average kid, and has never given me a day of trouble. I am going to miss him so much, but fear the future and am sad that my days as "mommy" are over.
Is anyone else struggling with such sadness? Sometimes I just really need to CRY, and it usually happens at the most inappropriate times.
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2006 : 11:55:58
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I relate to you Michele regarding the sadness...That seems to be a primary emotion for me as well, but for different reasons then yourself...I have no parents, no children, no husband and no sane siblings..so i feel very very alone in the world, aside from friends...and you and I are the same age...I feel very sad and the acute neck TMS attack I am in is making me even more isolated by keeping me house bound, unable to drive and function...I have a hard time crying, unfortunately...Was raised like a tom boy, perhaps that is why...Afraid that if i really get in there and let the feelings flow I might drown in my own deep inner aloneness and sadness...
Hang in there and know that you are blessed to have a loving family right now..I don't mean to minimize what you are experiencing, just reminding you of the good stuff as well... |
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shari
USA
85 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2006 : 13:55:26
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Michele -- Here's a quote from Fred Amir's book that I think is a propos: Since back pain is caused by repressed negative emotions, what do you need to counter it? Lots and lots of positive emotions.
Your sadness is typical negative thinking triggered by pain. Try to challenge your negative thoughts and turn them into positive ones. Look for the good reasons you married your husband and what he has brought you. Think about your success as a mother so your kids are becoming independent. Think of what each year you've lived to bring them something has brought you something too. Your parents won't be around forever, so make sure you tell them all you need to tell them before they go.
As soon as you feel physical pain, identify your emotions and short-circuit your negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. |
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jrnythpst
USA
134 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2006 : 13:57:04
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What's the title of Fred Admir's book? Does it only apply to back pain in the book? I am not sure if that book would be applicable to me or not. Is it the book that listed the 12 steps? Sorry I think I am getting several posts confused.
Hugs,
Ali Cat |
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Michele
249 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2006 : 14:24:26
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quote:
Originally posted by shari
Michele -- Here's a quote from Fred Amir's book that I think is a propos: Since back pain is caused by repressed negative emotions, what do you need to counter it? Lots and lots of positive emotions.
Thanks Shari - I have Fred's book and will pull it out tonight for a look, then pull out my journal. I have heard of people taking time every single day to write in a "gratitude" journal. Yes, I tend to think negatively and KNOW I do it, but have trouble correcting it. I'll try harder. |
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Jim1999
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2006 : 22:59:40
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Michele,
I dealt with much more sadness than anger during my recovery from TMS. Even though Dr. Sarno talks about anger/rage the most, he does say that other negative emotions can be the most significant for some TMS patients.
I disagree with the quote from the Amir book. Instead of thinking positive, I think that Dr. Sarno's treatment involves thinking negative. Not that I dwell on the negative all the time, but I do need to get in touch with the negative that's already there under the surface. I suspect that trying to replace negative thoughts with positive ones can serve to reinforce the repression of the negative thoughts.
Jim |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2006 : 23:05:12
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After everything that went on here at the forum today and a few things in my personal life, I got in touch with some very deep sadness over abandonment issues..And in fact, during my session today w/ the tms therapist Don Dubin I was told that underneath anger lies sadness...Sadness is really the deepest emotion we can feel...and feeling it, I believe, is key to overcoming the TMS process...
~Karen |
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shari
USA
85 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2006 : 00:32:10
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quote:
Instead of thinking positive, I think that Dr. Sarno's treatment involves thinking negative.
I think it's important to make a distinction between sadness in your conscious mind and sadness in your unconscious mind. By dwelling on the bad side of her life, Michele was clearly going through a bout a depression triggered by pain. Her sadness was in her conscious mind. The best way to deal with the onset of depression is to stop negative thinking. As for the sadness in one's unconscious mind, as Sarno recommends, we have to face it head on and experience it again by recalling specific situations or events. |
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Bonnie
Canada
33 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2006 : 10:53:24
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Hi Michele, if you've been going through any hormone upsets you need to get them settled as well as doing your journaling etc, I use bio-identical progesterone, which you've probably read about in Dr. Northrup's book. A lot of women find that when their hormones are out of balance they can't get a handle on their emotions and it's hard to tell what's causing the terrible sadness or get in touch with it, I've been there. Stress can also knock the hormones out of whack so keep an eye on that, I've found that stress is a bigger influence on hot flashes, etc. than diet sometimes. If you need to cry do it, it cleanses the soul and it releases so much. If you tear up in public, laugh about it, you're human, you're allowed.
Since I moved to a new area and am on my own, a lot of things have been coming up, I took care of so much of the anger and release work but I didn't own my sadness and how much I've been mourning all the things that could have been. It needs to be done. Don't push it away, as someone else said, denying it or covering it or candy coating it won't work, you need to feel it, all of it and then it will become managable.
Best wishes
Bonnie |
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Jim1999
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - 07/08/2006 : 23:04:27
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quote:
Originally posted by shari
I think it's important to make a distinction between sadness in your conscious mind and sadness in your unconscious mind. By dwelling on the bad side of her life, Michele was clearly going through a bout a depression triggered by pain. Her sadness was in her conscious mind. The best way to deal with the onset of depression is to stop negative thinking. As for the sadness in one's unconscious mind, as Sarno recommends, we have to face it head on and experience it again by recalling specific situations or events.
Shari,
When Michele said "alot of what I have stuffed down is extreme sadness," she was talking about unconscious sadness. She then listed a series of issues which have led to this unconscious sadness.
As far as conscious depression, Dr. Sarno lists this as a TMS equivalent on page 30 of the Mindbody Prescription. Since Sarno thinks depression serves as a distraction against repressed emotions, the treatment would be the same as for TMS: getting in touch with the repressed, negative emotions rather than trying to think positive.
Jim |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 07/09/2006 : 12:52:42
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quote:
Originally posted by Singer_Artist
After everything that went on here at the forum today and a few things in my personal life, I got in touch with some very deep sadness over abandonment issues..And in fact, during my session today w/ the tms therapist Don Dubin I was told that underneath anger lies sadness...Sadness is really the deepest emotion we can feel...and feeling it, I believe, is key to overcoming the TMS process...
~Karen
I agree with this. My experience is that when I really let go and express the unconscious rage it opens the door to profound pain and sadness. Feeling this is liberating and wonderful. It's like tears of joy because these feelings have been repressed for so long.
If I hold back with the expression of the rage I don't get to the deeper feelings of sadness underneath. |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/09/2006 : 13:31:03
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Thanx for the reply Miehnesor, I am honored that you quoted me...:)) I seem to have bipassed alot of the rage and just have been going straight in to the sadness...Not sure why, maybe I am still afraid of the rage or maybe I can just skip it and get to what's underneath..Either way, feeling long term repressed emotions has got to help us heal from this! In fact, I went today and got a really sad movie called Shadowlands and I am going to watch it alone and try my best to CRY MY EYES OUT! Whatever works, whatever it takes to rise above this PAIN and FEEL .....REALLY FEEL the deeper, difficult emotions that I know, we all know...are there!!!
Hugs,
~Karen |
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What about Sadness?
