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chicago
85 Posts |
 Posted - 02/27/2006 : 21:23:36
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| I have not posted in a long time. However I have been reading posts and find them very helpful. After reading Sarno's book on healing back pain and other resources over and over I have slowly come to a point where I have internalized the message. So whenever I am having a bad episode my thoughts automatically go to the psychological. This has been a process for me. You really can't put a timetable on it. I have had four to five very good months. Here comes the however-- My dad who is lucky to be alive (pancreatic cancer 7yrs and living, thank God) has become a diabetic and as a result developed neuropathy. He has a difficult time walking without alot of pain. I have had similar pain for the past 8 years however 90 to 95% better since discovering Sarno. I know intellectually/medically I don't have what my dad has, however when I talk to him I actually feel his pain. I want to help him however if we talk about his medications, research, doctors etc. I am left in pain. I though if I expressed my self on this forum it might help. I know what I have is TMS and I feel very badly for what my dad is experiencing. However the whole experience is scaring me. |
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n/a
374 Posts |
Posted - 02/28/2006 : 02:06:41
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You have a good understanding of what is going on, as far as the pain is concerned, Chicago. It's not surprising you are scared though. It is obvious that you care deeply for your father and it is very, very difficult seeing someone you love suffer like this, so what is happening to you sounds like the tactics of your TMS gremlin, trying to distract you from the emotionally painful situation with you father.
I think caring for someone close to you when they have serious health difficulties is one of the most stressful situations we face. The thing is, you do understand what is causing you the physical pain, that's the important thing which will stop it becoming a long term and insurmountable problem for you.
It's telling that you say that you 'want' to help him - that suggests you think that maybe you are not doing enough. I rermember that feeling so well. When my late father was very ill, deep down I agonised all the time that what I was doing for him was not enough and the result was chronic TMS back pain.
Three years and a lot of self-analysis, reading and therapy later, I'm in the position of having to care for my very elderly aunt who is failing and sometimes in a lot of pain. I can cope better this time. My back does try to distract me, but I'm very good at just ignoring it and getting on with what I have to do.
Very best wishes
Anne |
Edited by - n/a on 02/28/2006 02:08:14 |
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chicago
85 Posts |
Posted - 02/28/2006 : 19:17:10
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| Thank you! I am scared and seem to be stuck. I get very anxious and the pain starts. Sometimes I'm taken right back to when the pain began. I know its tied up with my feelings for my dad, but its so hard getting back on track. Any thoughts or words of encouragement would be appreciated. What I'm going through I'm sure is very common to TMS'ers. |
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Special One
USA
61 Posts |
Posted - 02/28/2006 : 20:39:41
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| I relate to feeling the pain of loved ones (sympathetic pain). I have been that way with my mom. One day she hurt her lower back picking up laundry. The next day I hurt mine in the same spot doing a minimal task also. I had never hurt that spot before. I get pain in my right shoulder and so does she. Now she has cancer and I wonder, will I take this on in some way, too? I try to tell myself that she can handle her own pain and doesn't need me to feel it, too. I also think that it helps to express you love to these people in words. Last night I had a headache and was very emotional. I got sad about the thought of her being gone from this earth and thought about all the things that I love and appreciate about her. I called her up and told her what I had been thinking. I told her that I appreciate all of the little things she does, like sending my sister in Virginia pink camo Long John's and pink shoelaces, giving such good advice, listening to our problems, etc., and that I love her and I was feeling sad. She was heppy to hear it. After that my headache was 98% better and I had a nice evening. She is not in a state of pain and suffering but since the cancer diagnosis I have had lots of different pains, probably from the stress of what could happen with her. At first I was trying to do a lot for her and my dad. I wsa cooking and cleaning at their house almost daily. Now it is apparent that she is not going downhill like we feared. I don't do as much for them, although I visit often. The feeling of trying to do everything to make her life good and easy was probably one of my tms triggers. I think I qualify as a perfectionost and want to make everyone's life perfect all the time. That's why it also seems like the end of the world when I get pain. I feel that I can't handle not being in control of how I feel. I expect the tms approach to help me be in control enough to make the pain go away, but it is scary, as you say, when it seems like I can't get control. I believe that giving ourselves time and fearlessly fighting tms is the key. I'm not going to give up, so you shouldn't either, especially if you know your symptoms are tms. Try expressing yourlove to your dad and give details. You might be pleasantly surprised. And, I'll bet that he is better at handling his own pain than you think. Do you think he is? Sorry about any misspellings, I have to type fast because my little girl is ravaging my parent's house at the moment! I hope this encourages your spirit. Special One |
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Nor
152 Posts |
Posted - 03/01/2006 : 07:02:50
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Chicago,
Don't underestimate the tremendous strain on facing your parent's illness. It is very scary for so many reasons. Besides the obvious pain you feel watching them suffer, we can't deny that when they go, we are the next generation. I don't know how old you are but I watched both my parents die when I was in my 20's and I continue to have a terrible reaction to illness in those close to me (41 now). As a matter of fact, my TMS began about 2 years ago right after my husband went through a terrible medical ordeal. Just keep being there for your Dad and journal what you feel. It may actually help you, ironically.
Nora |
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n/a
560 Posts |
Posted - 03/01/2006 : 09:43:32
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I think when I see others suffer, I am reminded of my own mortality which can generate a lot of internal anxiety and even anger. "If others are suffering, especially my parents and loved ones, then what makes me so special that I should be immune from suffering also?" I ask myself.
Sarno discusses the topic of mortality in his books, and I wonder if this is an issue here? |
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chicago
85 Posts |
Posted - 03/01/2006 : 14:11:37
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| Thank you everyone for your replys. In fact I felt like I needed to take a day off of work to just get my head together. Thanks for the suggestions. I decided to write my dad a letter expressing that I love him and that I feel bad for what he is going through. I also looked up some medical info he wanted. However that's difficult for me to do because I want to stay far away from doing just that because that is a trigger for me. It was mentioned that he may be better at handling the pain than I think. That thought helps because I never really thought about it in those terms. As far as mortality goes I get very scared that someone close to me might die and how I might respond. Will I be strong or go into a downward spiral? I worry about those things before they happen. Both my wife's parents had heart attacks recently and I worry about how it would be for her and our relationship if something should happen. In years past I was very carefree. I never had such thoughts. I also worry about my kids. My son was in the hospital and every time I stepped foot into the hospital I started to have pain. I know that I have a TMS personality but I'm trying to tone it down. When I have a bad period it only lasts for 2 to 3 days and I'm ussally able to get back on track. Thanks for your help! Hopefully some of these thoughts help others. By the way I work in a helping profession so I'm constantly helping others with their situations. I think that also takes a toll on me |
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n/a
560 Posts |
Posted - 03/01/2006 : 19:21:56
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| I highly recommend you purchase the cd version of the book "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie... |
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chicago
85 Posts |
Posted - 03/01/2006 : 19:29:29
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| Peter- Loving What It Is Can you briefly describe the contents of the book? Tahnks for the suggestion. |
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n/a
560 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2006 : 06:32:14
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You may visit the website of Byron Katie at:
http://www.thework.com
Her work will make you examine and question your thoughts like never before. Notice the four questions on the website. She goes into great detail in her book... |
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Identifying with others Pain
