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lastlostmonkey
35 Posts |
 Posted - 03/01/2006 : 09:36:20
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Hi all,
I feel in need of a bit of support. Over the last few weeks I've turned off my automatic mouse clicker, turned off my breaks software and attempted to go back to a normal (rather than vertical) mouse. First two went fine, no real increase in my usual RSI type pain (which is waxing and waning but usually not bad). Switching to a regular mouse, however, brought on more pain in that arm and hand and after giving it about a week I switched back yesterday. Absolute fear that it was going to get worse...
However, the pain also coincided with preparation for a stressful thing at work. I noticed that after I blew up at my husband the other evening, shouting and screaming that he had some big plan to undermine me (ridiculous), the pain was gone afterwards I think. I also realised that what I wanted was a bit of comfort before the work thing and I even said to him after all my screaming, 'I am very scared', like a little child. It was odd. I now have massive guilt about the row and presumably that ain't doing much for me either.
I still feel like I haven't completely accepted it as TMS and still struggle with the journalling. Anyone else been here and got through the computer-related pain conditioning? Any tips? I know this is the same old same old question. I'm not even sure what I'm asking, but have just made these connections consciously while typing, so it's been useful already!
LastLostMonkey |
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n/a
560 Posts |
Posted - 03/01/2006 : 09:50:01
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Usually I find that when I start "shouting and screaming" it is a way for me to avoid something and also avoid experiencing what I am really feeling. Eating, watching TV, etc can also serve the same purpose. Here is what Monte Hueftle says in chapter 6 of his book "Get Rid Of The Pain In Your Butt Now!......
Anger
Beneath every experience of anger is a large pile of
emotional experiences. Anger is absolute frustration
that you are not able to arrange your life experiences
or others, as you would like to. We get angry for
other reasons as well. Anything that makes us
anxious will tend to evolve into anger. Anger is
always generated when you are resisting what is
happening in your life. Most people who have angry
outburst think that they are expressing or
experiencing their anger. The outburst of slamming
doors, yelling and stomping is not experiencing the
emotion of anger. These activities are the defense
mechanism that is repressing the feeling. Instead of
really experiencing the feeling you divert your
energy to an angry outburst allowing the emotion
(energy) to be stuck, create a blockage or be stored in
the tissues of your muscles and nerves. This
repressed energy now goes to work dynamically
manifesting the biochemical process in your body
that results in physical pain.
Angry Outburst
The process would go something like this example.
You are at home working on an important project
that is due the following morning. Your children are
arguing and you ask them to please stop. The
arguing continues and you are beginning to become
frustrated. You start thinking about how you cannot
focus as intently as you would like and your mind
starts to visualize what will happen if you turn in a
less than perfect project. “I’ll look like a fool if this is
not completed”, “These kids are driving me nuts,
why don’t they realize how important this project is
to me?” “Ouch, here comes my sciatica pain again.”
STOP
Let’s take a look at where we are in this example.
The emotion that is being created is anger. The
accompanying thoughts are “I’ll look like a fool” and
“Don’t the kids understand how important this is to
me.” The physical sensation is sciatica pain.
This is the emotional awareness process. Now
we must experience the emotion of anger-really feel
it. So what happens next? You shove your project
aside and stand up feeling tense, the sciatica
running down your leg. You take a quick breath and
start yelling, “I told you kids to quit arguing, now
stop it or else”. You may stomp off now or slam a
door and yell again, right? Something like this? Your
definitely upset, tense, thinking angry thoughts, and
showing your anger by yelling, stomping and
slamming doors.
You just experienced your anger, right?
WRONG! You did not just feel the emotion of anger.
You just experienced an Angry Outburst. You acted
out your anger. Instead of experiencing or feeling
your emotion of anger you actually repressed the
feeling and went to your defense mechanism of
acting out the anger by yelling, stomping and
slamming doors.
This is the emotional dynamic that is causing
your pain. You repressed the emotion of anger and
acted out the experience instead of feeling the anger.
Anger Suppression
You may not even experience the angry outburst.
You may just internalize the emotion. Consider the
following example.
Your preparing to run a very important race-you
are shooting for a PR-you have some worries about
your training and are becoming anxious, as you hope
everything will turn out as you want, however, you
are also resentful of the challenges that you are
contending with in your life situations. You are
working overtime at your job because your wife is
having an abnormal pregnancy and is not able to
work. This means less time to train. You are also
losing sleep helping to take care of your other child
and you are rearranging your schedule to meet
everyone’s needs. What is happening here internally
with your emotions? You can’t get angry with your
child for being sick. You cannot resent your spouse
for her medical condition. You love them both. You
are being a good father, husband, and employee. And
you are determined to run a perfect race. This
example demonstrates that we have feelings of
anxiety, frustration, and resentment, leading to
anger and then guilt if we were to get angry. There
is no question though that we are really frustrated
that our life is not going the way we want. And since
you are not able to control many of the events—you
internalize the feelings. You have learned to repress
your emotions entirely and you may be unaware that
you are even doing it in many situations. This
internalization of feelings both consciously and
subconsciously stimulates the “tension”, initiating
the biochemical processes that create the physical
pain sensations we are experiencing.
Take a few moments to reflect on your personal
situations and make note of what frustrates you. Do
you resent your job? Are you angry at your bank
account? Do you try to control people in your life and
then become frustrated when you can’t? Have you
experienced anger at a situation and then felt guilty
about being angry? Do you internalize your feelings
as a way of repression? Do you realize that having
an angry outburst is not experiencing but actually is
the way that you avoid, deny and resist your
feelings? When you think about these situations
make a note of painful sensations you feel and where
they are located in your body. Also, make it a habit
to start asking yourself how you feel or what am I
feeling? Then be aware of the feedback you receive
from asking these questions.
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lastlostmonkey
35 Posts |
Posted - 03/01/2006 : 10:00:51
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Thanks Peter, that's very useful. Either you are a warp speed typist or you have a vast electronic collection of TMS related literature...
It's spot on really. I wasn't angry, I was scared. I made up a lot of rational sounding things to shift the focus from my own childlike emotions of feeling scared of the work thing and resenting having to do it to blaming my husband so that there was a move away from having to confront my own emotions. I realised it all just after I had done the shouting and stomping.
LastLostMonkey |
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h2oskier25
USA
395 Posts |
Posted - 03/01/2006 : 15:38:25
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As somebody who struggled with "RSI" for 7 years, I have to tell you that the fact that you're using a vertical mouse tells me you still have some work to do regarding acceptance of the diagnosis.
It certainly is a leap of faith, but I kept having to tell myself nobody ever lost the permanent use of their hands through excessive computer use.
Best wishes,
Beth |
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Special One
USA
61 Posts |
Posted - 03/01/2006 : 20:36:24
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| I need some clarification on the excerpt from PeterMcKay. It talks about feeling the anger but doesn't give an example of what that might be like. Is it just a thought like "I'm angry and it feels like a violent wind in my soul." Then is it felt, or is there more to it? Do you share the feeling in some wa; by journaling? Do you express the emotion to a person? What is your course of action with your children when you are trying to do a project and they interrupt? I would like to get some ideas of specific ways to feel the emotion of anger rather than having an angry outburst. I admit that I was trying to let myself feel angry after reading Sarno's book and I tried raising my voice when I was frustrated with my daughter. That is out of character for me and it really felt awful. I'm sure it freightened her, too. I have also been slamming doors when I am mad at my husband, which I never used to do. I feel immature when I do this but I am trying to let myself be angry. Obviously I am off track because I am having outbursts rather than feeling it, so does anyone have specifics for feeling the anger? |
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n/a
560 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2006 : 06:29:52
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| I recommend you purchase Monte Hueftle's book as he goes into a lot of details regarding strategies, some of which, I admit, are a bit wacky. Meditating and journaling are two things you might want to try. You might want to take a deep breath and breathe out before making an angry outburst, close you eyes and become aware of what you are feeling in that particular moment. Allow yourself to feel any emotion you have during this time, no matter how trivial. Also, ask yourself why do you feel that way?...Everyone will have their own strategies. |
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lastlostmonkey
35 Posts |
Posted - 03/02/2006 : 07:32:51
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Thanks, Beth, it's very encouraging to hear others' stories of similar pain. I know the vertical mouse is an irrational crutch that I have to get away from. It's overcoming that fear though. Did you do journalling work / work to accept the TMS before you abandoned any such crutches, or was it after or around the same time? Perhaps I need to work harder on identifying the anger...
lostmonkey |
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mousey mousey
