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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
 Posted - 06/23/2005 : 09:47:44
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We have to face the fact that some people simply will not, and can not "get" the TMS concept.
For whatever reason, some people are just not equipped to accept that their pain is psychogenic. For reasons even they are not aware of (or will not face), they need the pain. Or, they misunderstand the concept, thinking that TMS means the pain is imagined, or that they are doing it to themselves.
I have a friend who is a classic case of TMS. I gave him the book, and he actually made progress with his migraines. He had a few episodes where he was able to talk himself out of getting a headache. I was so pleased to have helped him. But it was not meant to be.
Soon the cycle of his headaches returned, and he blamed the usual culprits. It's the weather. It's that time of the year where he needs his usual course of steroids to ward off the headaches. The sources of rage in his life are so obvious, to everyone but him.
The headaches are a part of him. They are woven into his personality. He needs them. It provides something to focus on other than his stressful life. It provides sympathy from others when he cannot face his problems. They are a crutch that he has lived with for years and he simply cannot live without them.
If you ask him, would you rather have emotional pain now and then and get rid of your headaches forever, he will of course answer "yes," as would anyone who is suffering terrible pain. Yet, for whatever reason, he cannot take that path.
It is not possible to get through to people like this. As difficult as it is to accept, it is a lost cause. All you can do is give them the book. Some people read Dr. Sarno and immediately accept that it applies to them, and take responsibility for doing the work that will eventually relieve their symptoms. Others don't accept it, but they are so desperate that they give it a try anyway, and it works. Others (the majority) think Sarno is a quack and will never, ever be able to accept that TMS applies to them.
As painful as it may be, as much as we want to help them, we have to accept that we can't. |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 06/23/2005 : 10:41:28
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| Dave- You are unfortunately so correct. We have a friend who was displaying all the characteristics of TMS and I gave her the book(MBP) and she is sure that she does not have it because she said she has not had chronic pain in the past as I have. I believe the chances are very good that she does have it but just doesn't want to dig deep to find out. The tough part for most folks is that the emotion causing their pain is in the unconscious and that is a leap most people find hard to believe. If the book does not work to convince them you have to let them be. |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 06/23/2005 : 11:07:08
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Dave,
I would like to say thank you to you for the extraordinary amount of patience you display on this forum. You go out of your way to explain the theories and concepts over and over, something I do not think I personally could do. You try your very best to show people that they can be helped and you should be commended for your work. Hats off to you.
I too have a non-believing friend who I have talked about on this forum previously. She has incredible back and shoulder pain and has seen every specialist under the sun. It is no coincident that she carries around loads of emotional pain. She is adopted and has issues with that. Her brother was also adopted. He abused her sexually when she was a young adolescent girl. Her brother committed suicide about six years ago, just after her father died. That is when her pain started, yet she sees no correlation between the two. I have tried to explain Sarno till I'm blue in the face but to no avail. I have shown her the books, talked about Dr. Schechter with her, you name it. I have even shown her by my own example of healing (my dizziness is practically nill) and yet she still refuses to see Dr. Sarno's work as having any validity in her life. She just continues to run to more specialists and complain about her pain. I have finally given up. Some people are simply not willing to take responsibility for their own healing. Fortunately, for myself, I take full responsibility and I do the work on a daily basis. That is why I'm seeing results. I've said it before and I'll say it again; You can lead a horse to water but you can't make em drink!
Thanks again, Dave, for moderating this forum and for being a continual source of strength and support to all of us.
Laura
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n/a
374 Posts |
Posted - 06/23/2005 : 11:11:16
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I have wondered how I would have taken it if someone had suggested to me that my problems were TMS before I was ready to hear it. Four or five years ago I would most likely have been unresponsive, annoyed even, that they were suggesting that my pain and other miscellaneous symptoms originated in my brain.
What made me ready to accept and do the work, with great, and I have to say success beyond anything I could have wished for? I really haven't been able to work that out. There was no blinding flash of enlightenment, no-one had planted the idea in my brain; all I remember is that while I was at my very lowest ebb - having had an emotional and physical breakdown - there is no other way to describe the episode I had nearly three years ago now - I began to suspect that my problems were in fact only one problem - not an anxiety disorder, back pain caused by disc herniation, IBS etc, etc., I just knew my brain was all over the place - causing all sorts of ghastly ailments.
I was actively looking for confirmation of this - hence my searches which brought me, via internet research, to Dr Sarno's books.
What makes a person responsive to the ideas that have helped us so much? I find that an intriguing question. I can understand why most people don't - almost the whole medical establishment that we are brought up to trust with our health care don't accept it. As Dave says some people have tried everything else and got nowhere, so they give it a go and find out that way that it works. I'm not really talking about that - I mean people like me who just knew that they'd found what they'd been looking for.
Thanks, Dave for keeping this forum going so well - it has been a big part of my recovery. I'm not sure I'd have been so successful had I not had people who were going throught the same thing and working towards the same goal to 'talk' to. |
Edited by - n/a on 06/23/2005 11:14:58 |
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robby
16 Posts |
Posted - 06/23/2005 : 14:13:27
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| Dave, I must admit that I have questioned the sincerity behind some of the recent topics. However, the patience, respect, and care that you and other forum members have shown is inspiring , and has taught me an invaluable lesson. |
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Hilary
United Kingdom
191 Posts |
Posted - 06/24/2005 : 14:54:43
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| I've been down this road, and I've decided that the irony is that this desire of mine to spread the gospel is directly related to my TMS personality - trying to please, perfectionist, determined to be successful. And the double-irony is that I set myself up for more TMS, because a full 100% of the people I've told about this syndrome have rejected the idea - and I end up feeling (guess what?) deeply angry. I can't keep doing this to myself, so I'm going to take Dave's approach from now on - give 'em the book (or mention they may want to take a look at it) and leave it at that. |
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Helping Others
