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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
 Posted - 06/21/2005 : 20:51:37
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It could be this ... it could be that ... it could be a hundred things. You are intellectualizing way too much. You are trying to impose rationality on a fundamentally irrational process.
You have unrealistic expectations. Do not expect a "big click." Just make a leap of faith and do the work.
You said: "im getting the feeling people would like to see me out of here..." This is yet another example of being so hard on yourself. This thread is on fire because everybody here is trying to help. I can only speak for myself, but I certainly do not want to "see you out of here." I will admit, however, that it is extremely frustrating to read your messages. I feel like shaking you hard, giving you a slap in the face, and telling you to stop being so damn hard on yourself.
You are exhibiting all of the common personality traits of TMS sufferers, to a great extreme. You need to get a more positive attitude and stop putting yourself down. Do it for your daughter. Stop wallowing in your misery and get out there and enjoy life. |
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aorta
76 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2005 : 21:11:42
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Dave,
please dont slap me in the face, it will send ripples of neuropathy through my shoulders and arms.
do the work. Again im just trying to figure out what that is. i know, read the books, journal, return to my regular schedule(thats a topic for a larger thread)think psychological instead of physical.
o.k. im leaping, but i dont know where.
Its rather hard to enjoy life like this, thats what makes me so damn sad. a year ago, i am a happy family man, semi successful business owner for 15 years. Musician composer, published photographer, traveler and so on. I have a pool and in the summer it was my private oasis. Last year when all this happened i went into the pool, the water bothered me and i stood there with tears in my eyes.
I love so many things out there, but when you are in so much pain,
everything you love becomes even more painful.
gotta go journal
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2005 : 21:38:00
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I am sorry if my messages come across as harsh. That is just my style.
You say that a year ago, you were happy? That did not come across in your prior messages. If this is true, try to figure out what changed in your life just before the symptoms began -- a traumatic event, a death in the family ... something that you have not come to terms with, or something that affected you much deeper than you realize.
Perhaps you can think about it like this: you have nothing to lose. You've been to doctors and had every test in the book. You've ruled out serious illness. What do you have to lose by treating your condition as TMS? Perhaps you should stop trying to convince yourself ... stop trying to prove to yourself that it is TMS. You have nothing to lose. Accept that the symptoms are psychogenic (even if you have doubts). Ignore the pain and focus on your emotions. If you get relief then the belief will come. |
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Fredarm57
USA
72 Posts |
Posted - 06/22/2005 : 09:31:45
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| Aorta: I just read through this thread and found something encouraging in one of you recent posts. You went for a walk with your dog yesterday, you made a good amount of money, had a couple of good talks with your daughter and played a game with her. These are all good things! Try to focus on doing a few of these good things each day, despite whatever level of pain you are in. When you take your dog for a walk, find a nice place to sit down and talk to him or her. Dogs are great listeners! When I'm feeling down, I sometimes have a good long talk with my Wheaten Terrier, Riley, and its a great help. As far as suicidal thoughts go, yes, I've had those too from time to time. What brings me back is the realization that, however much of a mess I happen to be in, my kids need me, and it would totally mess them up if I checked out. Your daughter needs you too! Try to be there for her each day. Try to focus on the present. Don't worry about what level of pain you will be in tomorrow. Anxiety is future-oriented. Try to find a good psychotherapist--a psychologist or licensed social worker who will listen and not just throw medication at you. If your current therapist isn't working, try to find one who will. Most importantly, remember that nothing lasts forever, even pain and painful emotions. |
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aorta
76 Posts |
Posted - 06/22/2005 : 11:22:18
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fred thanks for the support.
i do try to do some positive things, but many times im just going through the motions. I would love to take the dog out and enjoy it more, i play with my daughter but unfortunately my mind is elsewhere.
But i do try.
The stinking dog pulls the daylights out of me though, tried every harness etc, but he is a good buddy, most of the time.
thanks
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 06/22/2005 : 13:27:58
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quote:
Originally posted by aorta
The stinking dog pulls the daylights out of me though, tried every harness etc, but he is a good buddy, most of the time.
Smart dog. He's saying "come on, just ignore the pain and keep up with me!" Listen to his advice  |
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aorta
76 Posts |
Posted - 06/22/2005 : 14:52:11
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yeah hes great. last year he pulled me off a rock and fractured my ankle. As i lay on the ground semi conscious he ran after squirrels.
youre right, ignore the pain, he barked.
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ssjs
USA
147 Posts |
Posted - 06/23/2005 : 10:25:48
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Aorta...
You are suffering from depression. Get real help. This message board is not equipped to handle the sadness in the depth of your soul.
This back and forth goes no where. no matter what people suggest, you go against it.
No one wants you to become more repressed...they just want you to seek the proper help. To let it out where it will make a difference.
You have already proven to us that you are miserable. Now do something about it. Before your suicidal thoughts become reality.
You CAN do it. But we are not doctors, and we shouldn't even be helping you, when it doesn't really help.
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Fredarm57
USA
72 Posts |
Posted - 06/23/2005 : 11:24:37
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Aorta: This is somewhat off-topic, but try the Gentle Leader on your dog. Wheatens (like my Riley) are notorious leash-pullers, and Riley lives up to the reputation. But with his Gentle Leader on he's like a different dog - no pulling and he walks right by my side. The Gentle Leader is very humane - no choker or prongs. Here's a link:
http://www.gentleleader.com/pages.cfm?id=17
Fred |
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Is TMS killing me?
