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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
 Posted - 05/14/2005 : 15:51:29
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Hi, all,
Here's a question. How does one deal with anger (without hurting yourself that is). I've slammed my hands on walls, hit the bed, smacked pillows, etc., etc. I've been dealing with a problem for the past few months which came to a head this past week. My daughter was being bullied in school (this started a few months ago). The principal thought the bully should have a second chance (he knows her family personally). This bully is an 8th grader and my daughter is a 7th grader. Finally, even though our daughter protested, we went to the school with the information and the principal talked to the girl. He said "I'm going to tell her to call off the dogs," dogs meaning her "gang" of followers that were bullying my daughter and carrying out her "orders." The problem didn't go away. It has continued, for about two months. Finally, the straw that broke the preverbial camel's back was on Friday when she got two of her cohorts to steal my daughter's backback and remove items from it (including feminine hygiene products - obviously to embarrass her). I was livid. My daughter said she had had enough and asked me to finally make the call. The principal said he would like to talk to my daughter on Monday morning and wanted to know if there were witnesses (there are - several). Come Monday morning, he did meet with my daughter and the long story short of it is that he is doing nothing, again. I finally tried to go over his head and get the school district superintendant involved and he didn't even respond to my e-mails. I outlined the very rules they district has set forth in their rule book, clearly defining what harassment is. This girl violated several of their "rules" yet, once again, nothing was done.
I'm so angy I don't know what to do with myself. My dizziness is right back to where it was before (there was a point where I actually barely noticed it and thought it was going away). What do I do? I write about it, I talk about it, I even got so angry I took my hand and hit something really hard and hurt my hand. I'm still dizzy and I'm still angry. Any thoughts or suggestions? The bottom line at the school is that my daughter has three more weeks and hopefully she will get through them with no more incidents. My fear is that this kid has said "I said what I had to in front of the principal but if I see you out of school I'm going to kick your a--." Between the stress of this school problem and the fact that I'm knee deep in bat mitzvah plans (it is in four weeks from today) my head is literally "spinning."
If someone has some other ideas to vent the "rage" please tell me.
Laura
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2005 : 17:11:39
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| Call the police, get a lawyer, call the media. |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2005 : 17:57:46
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Hi Laura:
I sympathize deeply. That's just reprehensible. Where are this girl's parents? Have you tried to talk with them? I agree with Tom about raising holy hell with "officialdom" including the media and the cops...
As to your rage, I think slamming walls etc. is counterproductive..That stuff never makes me feel better...On the other hand I would be exercising to beat the band to try to work some of the stress off/ I don't know anything about your capacity for working out, but if you can I absolutely would..
I'd be interested to know what the raitionale is of the principle and superintendant. Do they have one? Are they saying there's some other side of the story?
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2005 : 19:12:47
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File a complaint with your local Police department.It will "wake up" the school and they HAVE to follow through on it.Petty theft on this other girls record will NOT look good.
Take it up with your local PD Leaving out any emotional stuff,and simply state the facts of the theft and harassment.They are both crimes...any physical threats are 'assault',a felony in most states.If you are willing to push the papre ,the police have to follow up.
P.S. Bullies are COWARDS ...that's why they are bullies...they aren't going to harass your daughter again...being cowards they'll go somewhere where they don't get as much resistance.
Baseball65 |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2005 : 19:12:54
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Thanks, guys! Art, yes I do work out. In fact, I haven't worked out much in the past week or two, not like I usually do. Usually, I walk/run my dog for five miles in the morning. If I don't do that, I go to the health club and run/walk on the treadmill plus weight training. I usually work out there for up to two hours. This is all in an effort to alleviate stress and to keep my weight where it should be. The past couple of weeks, I've been so busy getting ready for this party that I haven't had a lot of time for it. Today, I went to the gym and I have to say, I've been doing pretty good all day. I feel almost normal (i.e. as far as the dizziness goes).
As far as getting the police involved, that is what I will do if necessary. I tried this the first time she was bullying her but since she had not actually "touched" her, they said they could not bring in the cop who handles the school issues. It's all threats basically, plus calling my daughter a "whore," "bitch," "slut" and threatening bodily harm. This all started a few months ago when my daughter was best friend's with this girl's cousin. My daughter's friend and this girl went to the movie theater with two boys, where they performed oral sex on them. My daughter was home that night but heard about it the next day when her friend confessed it to her. Our daughter tells us everything so when she told us, she knew her days of hanging out with that kid were over. She accepted that. She went to school on Monday and told her "I cannot be your friend anymore. I told my parents what you did." The cousin got wind of it and came up to my daughter and basically said "I never liked you before but now that you ditched my cousin, I hate you." That's when the name calling began (apparently, calling someone "slut" nowadays is equivalent to calling them "brat" or something like that. This girl has a guilt conscience. She calls my daughter the name that best describes her very own behavior!) The name calling and harassment went on daily for weeks and weeks and finally we had no choice but to go the school. Our daughter asked us not to for fear the bully would get "madder" and lash out more (that's the tactics bullies use, we all know that.)
The principal originally said "I know Madison and I know her family. I'll talk to her and let's see if we can get her to call off the dogs." (Her gang was making threats as well). For a week or two it stopped and then started up again. Our daughter said "Don't go back to the principal. You already made it worse the first time." I wanted to but my husband said to leave it alone and if it gets bad enough then we would go in again and talk to him. Well, it continued for some time and then the backpack incident happened and my daughter said "enough." The principal is protecting her, for whatever reason. I still am unclear why the district has ignored my e-mails and phone calls. Finally, after waiting for a week for a response, the principal e-mailed a very brief e-mail to us yesterday claiming that our "perception" of things and his "recollection" of things are two different things. I have no clue what "perceptions" he's referring to. All the facts are what they are, I have no reason to change them or distort them. He knows what the facts are. He also claims that he "handled things" the way he thought they should be. His idea of "handling" things is to bring the bully in and leave my child alone with her in a room to "work out" their differences. What a horses a--!
Thanks for your thoughts. I will continue to work out, every day if I have to, just to help vent the anger and rage. I am so full of both anger and rage that it's hard to see straight. Thank you, guys, for replying. I'll keep you posted. I did send one final e-mail, with a cc to the superintendant, telling them I have everything documented so that if and when the bully retaliates again (and it's only a matter of time) then I at least have it on file that they did nothing. They let the perpetrator off scott free! It really is unbelievable!
Laura
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JohnD
USA
371 Posts |
Posted - 05/14/2005 : 19:32:04
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| I agree with Tom, sometimes you just gotta stop messing around take big actions....go right to the top |
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Stryder
686 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2005 : 00:11:50
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Hi Laura,
In New Hampshire, bullying is a crime and the school is required by law to report and remediate all incidents. Maybe you need this kind of legislation in your state. Have your state representative sponser a bill to make bullying a crime.
Take care, -Stryder
An example of the policy in one school...
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BULLYING – Bullying may be physical, verbal, emotional or sexual in nature. It is defined as conduct which subjects a pupil to insults, taunts, or challenges, whether verbal or physical in nature, which is likely to intimidate or provoke a violent or disorderly response from the student being treated in this manner. Bullying may rise to the level of harassment if severe or pervasive.
Reporting Procedures: All students are required to report all incidents of bullying to an administrator who will conduct an investigation. All incidents of bullying established as valid by an administrative investigation, along with preliminary subsequent disciplinary actions that were taken, will be reported to the superintendent or his designee for his awareness, approval, and/or further action. In accordance with RSA 193-F the superintendent or his designee will report incidents of bullying to the appropriate law enforcement agency.
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Edited by - Stryder on 05/15/2005 00:20:56 |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 05/15/2005 : 12:17:48
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Thanks, Baseball, Stryder, and John. The problem with this bully is that lies through her teeth and the principal simply says "I don't know who to believe. It's her word against yours." I don't get it, since my daughter has so many witnesses who have heard the daily harassment. The principal said he wanted to talk to them and then never even bothered. The mere fact that he "knows" her family and seems to respect the father (the parents are divorced and the mother sounds like she's a fruit loop who is out of the picture) is what has me bothered. He wants to keep giving this kid breaks. When my older daughter when to junior high (a different one - this one was being built) they had a different philosophy. They said that if a student violated rules and caused problems they would at the very least lose the 8th grade promotion ceremony and/or the school trip to Disneyland. This kid is losing nothing. She's just running around at lunch time laughing at what an ass the principal is and how she fooled him. I actually asked in one of my e-mails to him if it is necessary for a child to wear a wire recording device like on the cop shows in order to prove that are being harassed. He didn't even respond to that question.
Again, thanks for your responses. It helps keep me on track knowing I'm not crazy here for trying to seek justice.
Laura
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Allan
USA
226 Posts |
Posted - 05/17/2005 : 18:56:12
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Write a letter to the elected official in charge of education in your state.
Allan. |
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How do you deal with anger?
