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Alpha
Germany
43 Posts |
 Posted - 03/16/2014 : 10:02:16
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Dear TMS community,
I have a love-hate relationship with Dr. Sarnos Theory. I do believe in the theory, because it makes alot of sense, despite of all my weird problems, Doctors never found anything organically wrong with me.
That being said, I am not getting better. My problems are just not waxing and vaining like they are "supposed" to do.
In my case its more like I get used to a psychosomatic problem and when I have accepted it and move on with my life the next scary thing hits me and keeps me in the grip of terror for the next few month.
I clearly see the anxiety involved and how it keeps me thinking physically, even so I have Health anxiety, Death anxiety, certain insecurities, unresolved resentments towards my father, etc. I am always worried about my body.
But its just not working in the way most people here and Sarno discribes it. I feel like I am just stacking symptoms:
With 14 I developed Visual Snow, a weird, mysterious visual disturance; with 17 onwards a progressively worsening Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome with worsening symptoms of uro-genital dysfunction, burning, pain, etc, I also developed other stuff over the years, like TMJ, chronic lower back tightness, etc.
But even so I am still deeply annoyed by for example the sexual and uro-genital problems I am not AFRAID of them anymore. Because I am convinced that they are caused by muscle tension.
Its just not waxing and vaining its getting worse if anything.
So why is my TMS not getting better? Why is it not waxing and vaining, why is it not better in the morning? And I start doubting the viability of the TMS theory again. But in the end I always come back to it, it kind of comforts me to think that my scary symptoms are just mind induced muscle tension.
BUT on some level the TMS theory in itself causes anxiety and paranoia in me, because it kinda makes a part of your mind look like your enemy, like a Manchurian candidate within, who is always sabotaging you, waiting for you to hit you with unspeakable terror whenever you feel at ease finally. Its kinda scary, it feels like some evil intelligence that is working against you, almost demonic. 
---- Anyway, enough philosopy, I came back here because I have new health problems that disturb and frighten me like nothing ever before, the first time in my life I feel stressed and anxious from morning to evening.
I am in China right now, a year of study abroad. (I am here for the 4. time and I really like it, so I doubt that being in China in itself is causing me hidden stress).
Over the last few month a varicose vein which I had on my right tight for years gradually worsend and now I have a big bulging vein on my calve and I can almost see it growing.
Having a VV in itself was very distressful for me to begin with, especially because this seems to be a "real damage", whereas most of my former symptoms are no real structual damage to the body. Now I am always thinking: What if for example my muscles in the pelvic finally got so tight, that they are pressing on the Veins going in the leg and actually causing me to develop a varicose vein?! Could the TMS induced muscle tension actually cause real damage to the body?
Because the: You must have a broken valve in your vene sounds like such a bull**** diagnosis which totally doesnt resonate with Dr. Sarno?! So my normally healthy body all of the sudden develops a "broken vein valve" or I have "weak connective tissue" now? Why? I am a young healthy man, that doesnt make sense.
But it got worse, in the last few weeks really disturbing symptoms added up:
1. My right leg feels weird and kinda hurts while working, it feels kinda stiff and like I cant controll it fully.
2. Now the veins on my feet and underarms and hands get enlarged very often, they just start to bulge. They stay soft and of normal colour but they swell and look really scary.
3. My arms feel kind of numb and I get those weird sensations like heat and prickling.
4. I get slight pains like needle pinches, especially in the fingers, feet, leg, but also in my head or chest. Really disturbing.
And no of my former strategies to manage psychosomatic symptoms are helping: running, stretching, meditation, buteyko breathing exercises, cold showers, just brief relieves, but the symptoms always come back and I feel like its getting worse.
Now I am so afraid of having a serious vascular desease or a rare condition that causes bad circulation or even MS, that I dont dare to go to the hospital because I dread the diagnosis. :( But my problems are so bad that I cant concentrate on anything, I feel the most introverted ever, it become difficult to have a normal conversation, because I feel so stressed out by this.
I dont know what to do... :( Journaling and all that stuff never worked for me either.
Should I first go to the hospital and get checked? But thats like always paying the "demons" game again, getting scared, running to the hospital, dreading the deathly desease and only if the doctor says: Everything fine. only if its "save" I fall back on the TMS diagnosis, but everybody other than Sarno and his followers would say that you have to go to the doctor with those kind of vein or neurological symptoms to rule out serious stuff...
Basically my main question would be: If the subconcious mind can manipulate the digestive, nervous, muscular and cardio-vascular systems in the body,
Could it not also be able to influence veins?
What if my enlarged vein in the leg is just something that looks like a damaged vein but actually is not? Maybe its just a restricted vein higher up in the pelvic, caused by chronically tight and inflammed muscles, that restrict the blood flow?
And would about the veins in my arms and feet suddenly also getting more prominent? The "varicose vein" scared me alot, is it possible that my subconcious mind picked up on this and now tries to "juice out" the veins in my body as much as possible as a new scare tactic?
How to think emotional of you are really scared and confused by your symptoms? Its impossible right now, I feel doomed.
My long term plan is anyway to finally start psychoanalysis back in Germany. I found a therapist who is specialized in anxiety disorders, health and death anxiety, so I think he is just perfect. Doing journaling and stuff on my own is not working for me, so I gonna try that, but its still 5 month until I am back in Germany.
So here in China I could a) ignore the symptoms b) go to a regular western hospital and go through all the tests c) go to a Chinese doctor and do acupuncture, massage and all that stuff...
I guess I am still not 100% convinced by TMS and I think I can never, I just cant, its like religion. I want to believe, but my sceptical side always says: But what if they are wrong? Something could seriously wrong this time. 
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"Fear Not. What is not real, never was and never will be. What is real, always was and cannot be destroyed." - - from the Bhagavad Gita |
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 03/16/2014 : 12:37:56
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Hello Alpha,
>but everybody other than Sarno and his followers would say that you have to go to the doctor with those kind of vein or neurological symptoms to rule out serious stuff...
I'm quite sure Dr Sarno would say rule out something serious first. That is what I believe you need to do. You've indicated you can't diagnose yourself and certainly no one on this forum can, either. Your anxiety is causing you a lot of mental /emotional pain if it is SO difficult for you to get these symptoms checked out ... I send support that you are able to take care of yourself in that way, regardless.
While Dr Sarno's theory that "knowledge" is enough for most people and those that don't need therapy, there are others who believe mind-body ailments need anxiety to actually be resolved *in the moment to moment living of daily life.* Do check out Ace1's "Keys to Healing" and Monte Hueftle's posts:
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=7765
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=8919
Hope something in here is helpful and let us know how you're doing.
~RSR
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 03/16/2014 : 14:24:34
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You are in a new environment, even if you like it/because you like it, it is upsetting to your HOMEOSTASIS. I would get checked out by a Western doctor and see how his dx jibes with your understanding of TMS. If you think he's feeding you BS and is knife happy, check out others for more opinions.
You can try Chinese doctors but acupuncture is BS, spend your money on massages instead for relaxation.
I'm no expert on V.V's, you should study up on them, you are ultimately responsible for your own health. I think they are generally cosmetic and many people have them removed or live with them--but WARNING--I'm no expert on VV's, do your own research. Many TMS therapists do Skype or phone consults, I would pick a TMS therapist.
==================================================
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
==================================================
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti
"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." Author Unknown
"Happy People Are Happy Putters." Frank Nobilo, Golf Analyst
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." Mark Twain and Balto
"The hot-dog is the noblest of dogs; it feeds the hand that bites it." Dr. Laurence Johnston Peter
"...the human emotional system was not designed to endure the mental rigors of a tennis match." Dr. Allen Fox
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"If it ends with "itis" or "algia" or "syndrome" and doctors can't figure out what causes it, then it might be TMS." Dave the Mod
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TMS PRACTITIONERS:
John Sarno, MD
400 E 34th St, New York, NY 10016
(212) 263-6035
Dr. Sarno is now retired, if you call this number you will be referred to his associate Dr. Rashbaum.
"...there are so many things little and big that are tms, I wouldn't have time to write about all of them": Told to icelikeaninja by Dr. Sarno
Here's the TMS practitioners list from the TMS Help Forum:
http://www.tmshelp.com/links.htm
Here's a list of TMS practitioners from the TMS Wiki:
http://tmswiki.org/ppd/Find_a_TMS_Doctor_or_Therapist
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 03/17/2014 : 10:15:45
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quote:
Should I first go to the hospital and get checked?
YES, you should see a doctor.
Before treating a symptom as TMS is you must first rule out any serious disease or illness. If you have persistent calf pain you must rule out a blood clot which can be very serious. Get it checked out ASAP; a Doppler Ultrasound will likely be performed.
In addition to ruling out a serious problem, getting a full medical work up can ease the fear and allow you to more successfully treat the symptoms as TMS.
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njoy
Canada
188 Posts |
Posted - 03/22/2014 : 08:27:13
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I can so relate to the o.p. I love China, too, but being an anxious person, it was just too much for me after teaching there for 9 months. One of my students, a doctor, gave me some valium and told me to go home so I did! It was amazing to get back to Canada and I've never regretted giving in to this "weakness" of mine.
I love travel and used to wander all over the world, often by myself, on buses and staying in hostels. Now, I really have very little interest in travel because It's just too anxiety-provoking Too much fun. Too exciting!
Even the thought of 12 hours on an airplane, in economy class, is enough to make me decide to stay home. I never used to understand how people who claim to want to travel often never get up the courage to do it. Now I get it.
For me, I have had to face the fact that I'm a tms-er. There will ALWAYS be new symptoms on the horizon. That's just who I am.
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Interested in self help for TMS though working with "parts" (sub-personalities)? More info here: http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/forums/parts-therapy-and-ifs-internal-family-systems.34/ There's a Mailing List you can join and also a Saturday Call In if you have questions (details on the Resources sticky).
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Alpha
Germany
43 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2014 : 05:44:15
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I went to a Chinese doctor, but he says its a normal Varicose Vein and recommended me to wear compression stockings and maybe get an operation back in Germany.
Anyway,this must be my worst TMS episode yet or I really have some more complicated disease Because recently my symptoms are just crazy, I just cant live anymore. Its getting more and more difficult to do anything. Even now sitting and writing I feel fuzzy in the head, unreal, my heart is beating, my whole thorax feels tight.
Basically my symptoms now are:
After walking for a some time the veins in my legs and underarms get enlarged, my hands and feet tingle, get hot and sometimes hurt alittle. I get lightheaded, feel like I cannot breath in the stomach, get faster heartbeat and feel tired and stressed really quick. My feet and hands are cold most of the time.
When I am lying on my stomach i feel the pulse in my stomach beating!
I never had any of those symptoms before and I am really worried that I have some problems with my arteries and blood circulation.
I thought it might be anxiety but I have this everyday now. And I never had those symptoms before and my veins get visibly enlarged and my stomach and pelvic floor feel super tight.
But I dont even know which doctor I should go to, the vein specialist didnt think anything about it.
Maybe my TMS had to step up the game? Because I was really convinced that I had only to much muscular tension and anxiety recently, I wasnt really frightend by my symptoms anymore.
But right now I am TERRIFIED, I am thinking about stuff like Abdominal Aortic Aneurysms, Peripheral vascular disease, maybe some exotic illness of the arteries and veins. I feel like my blood circulation is ****ed up suddenly. I feel really broken and even worse I feel like nobody can help me. Because my symptoms are always so weird that the doctors just dont understand me.
On the other hand the doctor didnt do any tests really, he just looked at my leg and that its a normal varicose vein. Should I get some tests to check if there is something wrong with my arteries and veins? What kinds of tests could I ask for? I feel like I first need confirmation that their is no damage or blockage to the arteries in my body for me to being able to concentrate on the TMS diagnosis again.
I have this theory so: I know that I have alot of muscle tension all over my abdomen and pelvic floor, maybe the muscle tension got even worse and is now somehow compressing the arteries passing through? Would something like that be possible, that chronic tense muscles compress arteries or in other ways obstruct normal blood circulation?
I am sorry I know this is a little difficult to read, but I cant get a clear mind right now.
-----
"Fear Not. What is not real, never was and never will be. What is real, always was and cannot be destroyed." - - from the Bhagavad Gita |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2014 : 13:13:57
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Go see a Western doctor for a physical work-up. You are worrying yourself into panic attacks. A REAL doctor will KNOW what tests to give you, it's pretty cut and dry: blood/urine labs, EKG for heart, imaging if anything abnormal is found.
Modern medicine is really good at finding real conditions. You're just working yourself up googling conditions--SEE A REAL DOC FOR A PHYSICAL!!! I'm pretty sure that's what I told you last time. |
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The Demon is back, this time: MY VEINS
