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Darla
6 Posts |
 Posted - 04/09/2005 : 21:02:17
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Hello everyone.
I feel sort of like I know you all from reading all your posts. More than reading really, devouring would be a better word.
I am a 38 year old mother of two, married 20 years with TMS problems that run all over my body.
9 years ago I suffered fot 6 months with severe back pain and sciatica. While sitting in a book store in intense pain, I picked up Dr. Sarno's book. I read it all in one sitting, got up from the chair and have never had low back pain again. I did however (later that night) have an episode of tachycardia that lasted 6 hours.
On and off through the years, I have recognized the ugly head of TMS, read the book, battled through and helped myself. I suffered from anxiety, fibromyalgia, heart palpitations, migraines, tension headaches, and dizziness.
Right now I am coming out the other side of an intense episode of dizziness. I had a migraine that turned into vertigo that lasted over a week. The vertigo has retreated, leaving me with an extremely painful stiff neck. Got the pain of the stiff neck to subside and now am getting a migraine or headache on my right side.
I seem to be caught in a trap. Having a real hard time not thinking about the symptoms themselves. I think others have mentioned on here how hard it is to NOT think about being dizzy. It takes your mind over, leaving you nothing else. I live in fear of it happening again. For the past several years I have gotten dizzy spells, was told it was meniere's disease. They were nothing like this.
I hate the fear.
Laura, if you happen to read this, I find so much of myself in your posts. I too am afraid of taking any kind of medication at all. THe loss of control feeling terrifies me. I would say it borders on a phobia of medication. I dont even like taking tylenol. I have meclazine here for the dizziness, but am terrified of the side effects so dont take it. I too have put off the dentist out of sheer fear of loss of control.
How do you all deal with the anxiety? Right now I am just so tired. I need to go yell at my brain, but I feel weak and inefective.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Darla |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2005 : 21:20:54
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quote:
I picked up Dr. Sarno's book. I read it all in one sitting, got up from the chair and have never had low back pain again.
You're totally gnarly...I thought I 'got it' quick in three weeks.It took me three days to read HBP...I was so fascinated,I took out a hi-liter and read each and every sentence and colored the ones where I saw myself,or ideas that were particularly meaningful.
Funny...never had dizziness in my life until I started reading all of the dizziness strings...I laughed as I got the spins the other day.I almost fell off the ladder I was on!!!
For the anxiety,I've been messing around with that reverse psychology thing at :
http://www.miami-anxiety.com/treatment2.htm
If I feel anxiety or any symptom coming on(except pain...I ususally just laugh at that)..I egg it on like "That's right..come on..I want to totally freak out and have a panic attack,chest pain and shortness of breath...that way I can go wait in line at the emergency room,get checked over AGAIN and totally lose my mind...I wanna' totally blow it and go over the deep edge!"
Moose or stryder posted this and it works GREAT in spite of its seeming contradiction...you usually start laughing and it ends the early symptoms right away..it's almost like extreme TMS therapy.Ridiculing the symptoms until they are too ashamed to show up.
I only had the dizzy thing for two days..the first day I didn't catch it soon enough and it won(I went home sick for the first time in a year)...I knew it was a mind/body thing,because it went away as soon as I got away from my boss(who is an a$$es a$$)by the time I came home to take some anti-nausea meds..I didn't need them!
the next day I was ready,it came and I won...it helped that I was working alone...people might find it odd when you talk to yourself.
...anyways,welcome
peace
Baseball65 |
Edited by - Baseball65 on 04/09/2005 21:24:57 |
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Darla
6 Posts |
Posted - 04/10/2005 : 06:37:45
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Thanks so much for the reply. I laughed out loud when you said I was gnarly. Made me think of high school days : )
And you know, your right about laughing at anxiety. I used to get panic attacks so bad. Never knew when they were coming and always thought I was dying for sure. Then (probably after reading some great book I cant remember the name of) I realized, I wasnt going to die from these. After that when they came on, I recognized them for what they were, shrugged and waited em out. They eventually stopped coming.
I am having a hard time with this anxiety though, as its not really a panic attack...well like I know them to be anyway. But I suppose its the same sort of thing. My thoughts start generating a million different catastrophic predictions, my heart beats faster, my blood pressure goes up, and I feel miserable. I checked out the link that you sent me. I would love to be able to visit the Miami Anxiety office. I live not too far from there, but far enough that regular visits would not work well : )
Thanks again for your post.
Darla |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 04/10/2005 : 08:35:48
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quote:
My thoughts start generating a million different catastrophic predictions, my heart beats faster, my blood pressure goes up, and I feel miserable.
Hi Darla.
I know that feeling waaaaay to well.
Ya' know,I've suffered from OCD my whole life,although I didn't know what it was when I was 6 or 7(I just thought I was crazy).
We just had a string on TMS and hypersensitivity,and I figured I felt this obsession on external/internal stuff as a residual...whenever something feels outside my scope of 'control' I begin to obsess on it to the detriment of my entire quality of life.I just assumed it was the OCD as that is a major symptom.
It would seem that I was incorrect on that matter,for most of the other people on the string didn't have OCD but had a similar irritation with external stimuli.
Likewise,I have had this feeling of 'worst case scenarios' and always ascribed it to OCD,but I guess I'm not alone there,although that is a component of the problem.
If someone looks at me wrong..THAT'S it!....I'm going to eventually have to shoot them and go to prison.
If someone bothers me with noise or a barking dog..THAT'S it!...I'm going to the police and when they come to retaliate against me I'm going to stick a pistol in their face,...and go to prison.
If I have a lump in my throat...THAT's it !....I have cancer and am only going to live another month or so.
In spite of all of these films that run in my head,I have never killed anybody,had cancer,and I don't even own a pistol....but the movies run on and on in spite of my reasoning....the movies are the problem,not the external situation!!
....I have found ways to turn the temperature down,but never eradicate their being.
peace |
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Susie
USA
319 Posts |
Posted - 04/10/2005 : 09:36:06
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| Hi Darla, I have had all the same tms symptoms you have and then some. Anxiety and fear are your biggest enemys. They get your mind racing and really make the symptoms so much worse. I think the earlier you recognize your symptoms as tms, the weaker they will become. With each new or reocurring symptom there is still a few seconds when my mind thinks " Oh great, now I have a brain tumor or colon cancer", but my brain pretty quickly says " idiot, it's just tms" and I laugh and go on about my day. The symptoms slowly diminish or else immediately vanish. I guess what I am saying is that early diagnosis with tms is just as important as with any other disease. Recognize the gremlin taking your brain into the fear zone and just stop it and redirect it to the logic of tms. |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 04/11/2005 : 13:58:15
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Hi Darla,
I just read your post and I want to respond but have to be somewhere. I will post here later today.
Laura
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 04/11/2005 : 20:16:22
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Darla,
You came to the right place to vent. You know, for awhile we had quite the little dizzy discussion group going and I don't know if everyone is just feeling better or they've given up. I know that Dizzy Dave, who was dizzy for most of his life, has not been dizzy since posting here and doing the TMS work. That says a lot! We know where the problem comes from, but fixing it is the tough part.
I had an interesting thing happen to me the other day. I was having a session on a biofeedback machine that I use from time to time called QXCI (quantum biofeedback). My naturopathic doc uses it on me once in awhile. That thing is amazing. It can tell you what you ate for lunch! Anyway, balance came up along with a few other physical symptoms I've been suffering. I was telling Jim (my naturopathic friend) that when I was on the eliptical trainer last week I got really dizzy and felt all floaty and spacey. I explained that three years ago, just before I went on the famous trip to Cancun where my dizzy problem started, I had just started working out at the gym and had been on the eliptical trainer right before we left. I haven't been on it since as just watching those people bounce up and down makes my head spin. This man has so much wisdom, I love him! He explained to me, and I don't even think I can explain it right, that when a physical symptom happens a neurological pathway begins. He said that after awhile, a thought can trigger the feeling and that connection is made stronger. He said "You have to break that connection, or short circuit that connection, by taking deep breaths when the feeling (dizziness) starts to come on. After awhile, a new pathway will form to take it's place." I found that really interesting. I can have thoughts trigger my vertigo, it happens to me all the time. So now, when the dizziness starts, I take a few deep breaths and try to break the cycle. You might try that too.
I noticed in your post you talked about fibromyalgia. I know dizziness is a symptom of that, along with most of the other stuff you mentioned. I also know fibromyalgia is a TMS equivalent. A few years ago, before discovering TMS, I was convinced I had fibromyalgia too. It's also you talk about migraines. On the Ma de Debarquement forum (dizziness) they talk about how that condition is a "migraine variant." That was where I made the connection to my problem and TMS. I have a good friend who gets dizzy a lot and suffers migraines as well. I've often wondered how much of this is hormonal too. I don't know, I just know I'm ready to get off the ride now! It's been three years for me, on and off.
It is really hard, I agree, to not think about being dizzy. I've had this discussion with my husband so many times. I've noticed that if I'm really busy, like for example photographing my kids or planting in the garden, I can forget about being dizzy. That's the key. Sometimes, I'm busy and I turn the wrong way and I get dizzy. Then I think "What was I just thinking about?" Always, it is a negative, self-defeating thought that is a sure fire way to provoke the dizzy response.
Good luck to you. Maybe we can all help each other.
Laura
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Darla
6 Posts |
Posted - 04/12/2005 : 05:17:49
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Thank you all for the insight.
What a great place this is, to be able to talk with others who are going through, or have gone through the same things.
Right now every other symptom has pretty much left, but has been replaced with an intensely sore stiff neck. Oh and IBS symptoms acting up : ) If it wasnt such an inconvenience, this TMS, it would almost be funny. Ok. well no its not funny, but it sure is odd.
For me, this whole bout started, I believe, when I decided to go to school. I paid the registration fee, couple weeks went by, and then wham. For me, I know it has as much to do with what is going on in my life as it does with unconscious rage. I believe Dr. Sarno says because that adds to the pool of rage (it was either Dr. Sarno or Dr. Selfridge in Freedom from Fibromyalgia). When I was down 6 months with back pain, it was because, I beleive, I felt too much was expected of me. I had just started a job that I didnt want (even though I thought i did) and what I really wanted was to be home with my two kids.
Someone posted that dizziness was a refusal to look or something like that. I thought about stiff and painful neck. What came to mind was the bible where the israelites were called a "stiff necked people" because of their pride. That led me to... pride huh? What could that have to do with anything. Well maybe because I was going to school for all the wrong reasons. for prideful reasons instead of because its what I really wanted to do. It would feel really good to be able to say to a few people who are antagonists in my life.. "IM going to school". It would make me feel proud. Not that feeling proud of yourself is wrong, but feeling proud of yourself JUST to look good to others, is not healthy. Sort of like goodisim and perfectionist mixed : )
Laura, if your still reading after this long entry : ), why do you think loss of control is such a huge issue with us? I want to learn from that.
I had a VERY controlling father. I had an EXTREMELY controlling grandfather, who molested me and my cousins and even raped his own daughter.
I wonder if that has anything to do with the panic I feel whenever I feel that loss of control?
Also, is there anyone else that believes or has noticed that the symptoms that they get are related to what is going on. For instance, back pain.. too heavy of a load to carry, IBS unable to tolerate something in your life...ect. ?
Thanks again everyone
Darla
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 04/12/2005 : 11:20:36
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Darla,
First of all, with regards to the loss of control thing. I've been dealing with the loss of control problem for over 20 years now. I've come to the conclusion that since I had NO control as a child, I want to control EVERYTHING and EVERYONE as an adult. My mother was a controlling, domineering, aggressive, nasty woman who told me repeatedly "Children should be seen and not heard." She made ridiculed me every chance she had, told me she didn't want to be "bothered" having to talk to me, and NEVER told me she loved me until I was an adult (after a huge fight where I told her it would be nice to be told I Love You once in a while by your own mother). My father told me repeatedly "You are useless" or called me "dummy." Both sets of my grandparents were cold as could be, and mother's own mother molested me during "playing doctor." It was definitely a f---ed up childhood, to say the least.
You were also molested and it doesn't sound like your had the best childhood either. I think we need to feel some sort of control in our lives and we panic when we realize we really have none.
As far as your question about the back problems and "a heavy load to carry" or the IBS problems with being "unable to tolerate something in your life." YES!!! I believe that is true. Read Louise Hay's book Heal Your Life. I was the one that wrote on one of the posts that Louise Hay says dizziness is from "a refusal to look." I believe she is accurate. When my stomach was flaring up, my naturopathic doctor asked me "Who is it in your life that you cannot stomach?" At the time, I was going through he-- with my best friend and was making myself sick inside. If we believe in Dr. Sarno's beliefs, then we also must believe in Louise Hay's philosophy. The body and mind are one. If you are thinking "I'm not being supported" I think there's a good chance your back is going to flare up.
You mentioned in one of your posts about Meniere's disease. Don't label yourself with that one. My Dad was told he had that and he doesn't. Doctors love to take a group of symptoms, lump them together and then give you a name for it (many times with no KNOWN cure). Just because there is no known cure doesn't mean one doesn't exist. I think we all have the ability to look within ourselves and find the cure. Look at Dizzy Dave. He was dizzy for all that time and he looked inside of himself, and he journaled and posted on here and he's doing great. Look at Carol (who we have not heard from in awhile - hope she is okay). She had dizziness and cured herself by thinking her way out of it. You and I can do the same thing. It just might take us longer to get there.
I agree that if this TMS were not such an annoying pain in the butt it would almost funny. It's like a nasty little gremlin, running around your body saying "I'm hiding, you can't get me!!!"
You and I seem to have a great deal in common. I am also a mother of two, married for two years, molested as a child, and my symptoms are very similar to yours. Let's hope we can put an end to these physical symptoms soon. I just want to live my life, symptom free. That is my goal as I'm sure it is yours. Good luck to you!
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Darla
6 Posts |
Posted - 04/16/2005 : 06:23:53
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Thanks for the response Laura, it does feel good to talk with someone I KNOW is feeling what I am feeling or have felt.
Sorry it has taken me so long to respond to this, but I have been without internet for a week! Talk about enraging : )
When I started to journal this time, and really think deeply about what is so enraging in my life, I came to a couple conclusions.
1. The symptoms of TMS are ENRAGING in themselves! The loss of control, which seems to be my biggest issue, must dump buckets of rage into my already full pool.
2. The episode of severe neck pain and stiffness that I am feeling now, probably has something to do with the migraine and vertigo attack that I just came out of. The migraine that I had was at the beginning of my period, TMS or not? not sure. It came with vertigo. Went to the doctor as the symptoms were so strange, and she told me it was a vertiginous migraine. well it was terrifying to feel that extreme level of vertigo for 3 days. Terrifying and complete loss of control. I couldnt even stand up. Couldnt read, couldnt close my eyes, couldnt walk... It was also a huge red waving flag saying.. "YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF NOTHING!!" So when that went away, the neck pain started in.
Do any of you think there is any truth behind what I am saying? Do you think that the episodes of pain, dizziness ect. can further the rage inside of you?
When I journal to my rage.. my unconscious mind, I let it know that its just causing itself more problems. I am only going to dig deeper if I feel pain.
Darla |
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just a new girl here
