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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
 Posted - 08/05/2013 : 14:55:02
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Hey everyone,
Been doing my work and still much better than before thank goodness this makes me very happy.
So TMS is waxing and waining through out the day, not so much on a constant level and I do actually have days were I am pain free.
I am making progress and its great, I was hanging out with a friend yesterday, went to the beach had a great time.
All of my conditioning essentially went out the window yesterday and it isnt until writing this that I relized that. I've done the same exact thing with the same person in the beginning of the summer and it was a different story.
My dreams are becoming more vivid as well. I start my new job on Thursday and am looking forward to getting out of the house. I have a feeling one reason the tms is lingering is because I am BORED TO DEATH staying at home and having NOTHING to do.
Now when I get the twinges of TMS or it gets worst than a certain time I become very impatient. I see good result, get slammed then back to square one thinking about my body and the tms diagnosis.
Has anybody over came the impatient part? Especially after seeing such great results?
**Sure I can lay down on a bed of nails and not have pain but why am I having back pain when laying down on a soft mattress? |
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phillyjoe
USA
21 Posts |
Posted - 08/05/2013 : 20:07:14
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| Ice: My topic just below yours is similar. I have been trying for some time now to allow myself to feel "normal." I too get hung up with "twings" then anticipate a relapse. This time I am recovering faster because I am reinforcing my brain that I'm not slowing down. Sometimes I think too much. Enjoy the downtime, us TMS'ers don't appreciate the quiet, we are always moving. Boredom scares us because we start thinking about how we feel. So relax, your normal and that's good. Peace. |
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 08/05/2013 : 20:14:26
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How do you calm the chatter? Iam confident this is Tms based on the patterns if gives me but iam not able to make that jump or when I do I don't cut the cord and bungee back.
The diagnosis is clear but I get fearful when it comes back
**Sure I can lay down on a bed of nails and not have pain but why am I having back pain when laying down on a soft mattress? |
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phillyjoe
USA
21 Posts |
Posted - 08/06/2013 : 06:21:56
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| Calming the chatter is a nice metaphor. Self talk can be both healing and damaging. Depends on what you say to yourself. I am a big believer in prayer, that may not be your style or personal interest but it has been a major element in controlling my personal TMS journey. |
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 08/06/2013 : 10:08:04
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I understand prayer very well and I respect it. I have prayed everyday since I was 14.
I just need to associate all the points in my brain that tell me TMS and connect them finally.
Sort of put up a wall seperating the tms from the other thoughts.
**Sure I can lay down on a bed of nails and not have pain but why am I having back pain when laying down on a soft mattress? |
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phillyjoe
USA
21 Posts |
Posted - 08/06/2013 : 11:06:32
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| So as an addicition therapist I remind patients about the "keep it simple" mantra, then use it myself. I am re-reading some old Sarno stuff, did a root analysis of my past 2 weeks and all the feelings and life stressors I have experienced then kept it simple, reminding my brain through the self-talk process "TMS you ain't going to get me.! |
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 08/06/2013 : 11:28:08
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I try to rationalize to much with this stuff. Instead of saying I will beat it I just let it be. Try my best to have the same thoughts during then pain free times and apply them to the hard times.
Addiction therapist, interesting I had many addictions before Tms got me full force, I feel the addictions were such great distractions that my mind just said "no we will give you a real distraction".
But honestly I think a lot of my issues are from being bored at this point, because when I hang out with friends iam fine. I broke that conditioning part and can now go out and see people without issues. Problem is everyone is busy, but I go back to work Thursday so I can concentrate on perfection and multitasking because my job requires that.
**Sure I can lay down on a bed of nails and not have pain but why am I having back pain when laying down on a soft mattress? |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 08/06/2013 : 13:54:50
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I can relate icelikea, big time..When I have too much time on my hands my mind wanders and worries about every little tiny symptom in my body! I hate that! I have been so busy between my day job and filling in w/ several different bands that I haven't even had time to paint for months..Yet, TMS is kicking my butt lately anyway but for other reasons besides boredom..namely stress, loss, major changes etc.I think us TMSer's find any excuse (or our brains do) to get the whole syndrome going as a distraction from emotional pain..
Perhaps once you start your new job(congrats and good luck!) it will all subside! I believe in prayer too, big time (agree w/ you, Joe)..it keeps me sane and God always takes care of me..:)Affirmations have been working well too..
Hugs,
Karen |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 08/07/2013 : 03:22:54
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icelikeaninja, I'm a consummate idler so your words made me smile. In all seriousness though, it may serve you well at some point to examine the restlessness and boredom. Why do you need to be distracted or engaged? It could be an invaluable part of healing for you.
Here in the UK, Idling still has a stronghold of good people who uphold this most Sacred Art. Here's a link to HQ - http://idler.co.uk/
Best wishes to you babe. |
Edited by - plum on 08/07/2013 03:23:36 |
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 08/07/2013 : 10:38:24
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Plum,
I know its because I couldnt stand myself and felt I could have done alot more in my life given the time frame of everything.
I ve dne alot so far but I feel like its meaningless. I did everything the opposite, started a business, got married, lost the business, got divorced, started school, worked a real job.
I always feel like I have to be productive or get everything out of the way quickly so I can enjoy
the rest of the day but then when I have nothing to do I go crazy.
Always calling friends to hang out, can never just sit at home for awhile read a book or medidate I get really really bored.
The only real thing I do for myself is crossfit workout which I enjoy but it is so rigorous, demanding, and bootcamp like that I know somewhere my body is angry at me for using that as an only recreational vent.
Here is a link to what crossfit is
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzD9BkXGJ1M
I have a hard time being alone and it stems from many things.
**Sure I can lay down on a bed of nails and not have pain but why am I having back pain when laying down on a soft mattress? |
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forestfortrees
393 Posts |
Posted - 08/07/2013 : 10:50:10
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Heya, Ice, it's great to hear that you are doing better.
I think that you are doing the good hard emotional work with your therapist. I wonder if the kindest thing that you could do for yourself is to give yourself a few distractions. I'm serious.
Your post reminds of a famous old Cherokee legend:
quote:
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
I think that this story is the Cherokee way of understanding something that modern neuroscience is just beginning to understand: that our brains are "plastic," and get better and better at whatever we practice, to the point where volumes of different brain areas will grow or shrink depending on our activities.
In other words, the more we feed the wolf of negative emotions, the stronger that wolf gets. Likewise, the more we feed the wolf of positive emotions, the stronger it gets. If you think about it, the same thing is happening in eastern Lovingkindness meditation, where you teach your brain to feel love and kindness by feeding that good wolf. From a neuroscience perspective, the more you stimulate a nerve pathway, the stronger it gets, whether it is a positive nerve pathway (of love or kindness) or a negative one (of worry and anxiety).
Stock Trader, from the TMS Wiki's TMS Forum, has been quoting some advice that Steve Ozanich gave him recently that I absolutely love. It is very simple: "Happiness first and health will follow."
What does it mean? It means that what you did with your friend the other day was exactly right. To me it means get out there and do something fun. Connect with people you love or even the ones that you simply enjoy. That is what life is about! This will distract you from feeding the wolves of impatience and thinking about your body. Your plastic brain will learn to enjoy itself and relax a bit more and, very slowly, will forget the habits it learned of focusing on your health.
It is so easy to get caught up in calendar watching and outcome dependence. By "changing the channel" and doing something we love, we can re-engage with our lives and soothe our beleaguered unconscious minds. It certainly has helped me an awful lot.
Congrats on the new job!
Forest
My Video Success Story
www.thankyoudrsarno.org
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Edited by - forestfortrees on 08/10/2013 07:12:36 |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 08/07/2013 : 11:42:35
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Icelikeaninja, the keyword here is balance and every last one of us faces that. You're a young man and it's right that you yearn for the cut and thrust of life. Our brief time on earth is to be savoured and it sounds like you've lived fully. Osho once said it benefits us to know whether we are a hare or a tortoise, and to honour that. While I am a tortoise at baseline I absolutely adore working out hard and do so six days a week and afterwards, while my exhausted body rests, I love to meditate. I don't always get chance because life as a carer has its own demands but ideally that's how I like it.
This simple quote may embrace it well "Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen." - Jerome K. Jerome.
You can't force relaxation (or pleasure) so simply enjoy yourself. Forest's response sums all that up pretty well. Life has a way of teasing out all our knots if we let it. Most important thing is you're healing and you start work tomorrow.
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 08/07/2013 : 13:07:49
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Thanks for the insight,
The stuff by Alan Gordon in the tms wiki is also good stuff.
He goes into conditioning responses and it really makes sense, where and when we feel pain and how somethings that give you pain don't.
So I just tell myself when I feel something this is just a conditioned response
**Sure I can lay down on a bed of nails and not have pain but why am I having back pain when laying down on a soft mattress? |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 08/08/2013 : 05:55:32
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| Alan Gordon's contribution to the wiki is superb. It jibes well with Ace1's Keys and any of the mindfulness approaches. |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 08/08/2013 : 07:25:40
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Forest, that is great advice you are giving ice and everyone! I would add that something else that helps me a lot is going to youtube and looking up every law of attraction video I can find. Candace Pert is excellent too..She talks all about how our thoughts really do create reality..fascinating stuff as well as Abraham Hicks! Ice, check these things out when you get a chance and keep having fun! I am doing my best to do the same!
~Hugs,
K |
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forestfortrees
393 Posts |
Posted - 08/10/2013 : 07:12:00
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Hi SingerArtist, I'm glad to hear you like the advice. I like ice's metaphor of "calming the chatter" and your words help calm some of my internal chatter. (Oh, yes, I have it, too!) The Alan Gordon stuff really helped me a lot, too... that's why I worked so hard at posting it!  He would, I think, refer to the internal chatter as a form of internal bully or internal terrorist, and then suggest using mindfulness (section 3.4 of the program), identification of any childhood roots (section 3.3), empowerment (section 3.8) and self-comfort (section 3.9) to overcome it.
Ice, just out of curiosity, what have you found most helpful in managing the impatience you mentioned in your OP?
BTW, how is the new job?!
My Video Success Story
www.thankyoudrsarno.org
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 08/10/2013 : 11:44:57
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Hey everyone,
Been working. I am quite familiar with law of attraction and the like.
Alan Gordon is awesome! As far as the impatience I have been listening to Alan Gordon's YouTube video every night. The one where he is talking about the evidence sheet and the 70 year old woman.
It keeps reiterating that my pain doesn't make sense and that I need to challenge all my cause and effect ideals in my head. That this is a distraction.
I do my best not to monitor myself but my anxiety is through the roof these days and my dreams are very very vivid.
Work is good everyone I work with is really really nice and it is a very easy job as long as you are thinking ahead and paying attention to detail, which is a perfectionists dream.
I am better then before when it comes to checking myself etc. I use to check myself easily a dozen or so times a day, now it's only once or twice and I get mad when I do check myself.
But I am breaking a few month old habit one day at a time. As long as I focus on not trusting my logic in this case and try to live my life I will be fine.
I am came to terms that I am really scared of growing up and being an adult. Gotta work in therapy through this one.
**Sure I can lay down on a bed of nails and not have pain but why am I having back pain when laying down on a soft mattress? |
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forestfortrees
393 Posts |
Posted - 08/10/2013 : 19:11:34
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Well, congratulations on your courage and hard work. Have you tried Claire Weekes? I'm happy to hear that the Alan Gordon video helps you. If you like listening to things, Claire Weekes also has CDs that you can listen to, and she has a very powerful voice. CMA reported to me that she found them very helpful. The Healing Back Pain CDs can provide a lot of hope as well, because they are narrated by Dr. Sarno, and his confidence can be contagious. But I think that the anxiety comes first. Once the anxiety is gone, it will be so much easier to shrug off your symptoms.
I keep on getting the feeling that what you would really benefit from would be to lose yourself in some activity that you love. Just to stop thinking about your body, your anxiety, and your woes completely for a while. Even if it is something silly like a computer game.
Thanks for the update. I may not be able to check in as much in the coming weeks as I will be traveling to South Korea and China on Monday. I'm incredibly excited as I don't get the chance to travel much (too expensive!). I'll be going with my girlfriend, who was adopted from Korea, and it feels like the trip of a lifetime! |
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 08/10/2013 : 20:52:26
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Nice! How long are you going for?
The anxiety has been worst with Claire weekes, I had to stop . It helped perfectly at first after a week I had a huge surge of anxiety that didn't leave.
After a few pay checks iam going to take flight lessons again hopefully. In the mean time I have an Xbox 360 game I have not opened or played so that would be a good idea to get immersed in it.
I go to sleep every night with that Gordon video. I read Steveos book and he made me realize I might do better with audio like he did.
Very insightful guy
**Sure I can lay down on a bed of nails and not have pain but why am I having back pain when laying down on a soft mattress? |
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mala
Hong Kong
774 Posts |
Posted - 08/11/2013 : 02:47:19
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Forest, will u be coming to Hong Kong. I'd love to show you around. Let me know. You can message me on my facebook acct. Mala Singh Barber or email me at malabarber@gmail.com.
Hope u can make it.
Mala
"It is more important to know what sort of person has a disease than to know
what sort of disease a person has." ~ Hippocrates (460-377 B.C.)
Mala Singh Barber on Facebook |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 08/11/2013 : 04:43:05
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Ice, I enjoy reading your posts. Like your name, your words are refreshing and your focus on emotions is a heads-up not to yield to a description of various pain and maladies.
Pleased to hear the new job goes well. Shame Claire Weekes hasn't hit the spot but it doesn't matter as there are other resources. Discovering that audio works well for you is great. I'm inclined this way myself. Apparently the audio version of The Great Pain Deception is in the pipeline, meantime here's a radio interview with SteveO.
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=7648&SearchTerms=steveo,interview
Have you tried listening to music to help lower your anxiety? Maybe classical or instrumental? I defer to my headphones when my brain starts to fry. I find certain instrumental pieces act as circuit-breakers and I can actually feel my whole system calm down. Songs don't seem to give the same benefits because there is a narrative that your mind tends to follow. Pure music lets you fly.
I was thinking about impatience, which is something I'm no stranger to, and one thing I've found that works really well is giving way. I find it opens you up when the tendency to close down strikes.
Here's the link explaining this:
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=8055&SearchTerms=giving,way,
Forest, green with envy. Traveling is such fun. May you both have a fabulous time. Stay safe my dear, and come back to us full of tales. |
Edited by - plum on 08/11/2013 04:47:59 |
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Not being patient with TMS
