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joan
34 Posts |
 Posted - 07/22/2013 : 16:00:00
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| When is time to leave the forum..still in pain..would appreciate any thoughts |
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 07/22/2013 : 16:14:17
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I did for a week when I was obsessing bad. Will be doing it again shortly.
Sometimes we are addicted to pain and don't realize it.
If you can go on a vacation or trip. I went away for awhile and felt much better head wise. |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 07/22/2013 : 18:12:17
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Hi Joan,
It's great to hang around the forum.(it better be, I've been doing it off and on for 7 years now :-)
But of course it's not a deal breaker. The issue is whether you've been able to resolve your doubts sufficiently to be able to make any conclusions one way or another, about the nature of your pain. The pain won't go away as long as you continue to worry and fret.
Make connections. When did the pain start? Were you under any unusual stress at the time? Are there times when the pain goes away substantially? If so, what can you say about your stress levels during those periods of lessened pain?.
Very few people get here by accident Joan. I'd be very surprised if your pain isn't psychosomatic based on all the things you've said here. But you have to find a way to suspend your fear and doubt for a little while. A few days even would likely be enough to see significant improvement. Even just one day.
Do you think you can find a way to do that?
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Edited by - art on 07/22/2013 18:14:04 |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 07/23/2013 : 07:55:07
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Joan, my love, invest plenty of time calming, soothing and resting. The fear in your voice is palpable and you need to bring down these tension levels before you move further into breaking the pain cycle.
Print out Ace1's Keys and follow them. Apply them.
Muse on Art's thoughts. He's helping me with this.
(If RSR reads this maybe she can add some EBT wisdom. I've yet to finish the book 'Wired for Joy' but it dramatically helped my understanding of what was going on. RSR, poor Joan sounds like she's stuck at 5 with this and I'm not sufficiently versed in the method to recommend tools.) |
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 07/23/2013 : 10:27:22
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aaaaahhh Plum. 
Happy to add as much "EBT [Emotional Brain Training] wisdom as I am able. EBT has been one of the big blessings in my life (and which I learned about from this forum!).
When Plum said "stuck at 5" she was referring to the EBT "5-point scale" where "1" is a state of well-being and being at "5" is basically a (full-blown) stress response. The distinction of these "brain states" (which change from moment to moment) and acknowledging they require different responses is one of EBT's great strengths (and uniqueness). EBT suggests different "tools" for each of the states, (if one chooses to use it ... there is always the choice between simply acknowledging and accepting one's current brain state or using a "tool"). The "5 tool" is called "the Damage Control Tool" and is a simple "chant" repeated:
Do not judge
Minimize the harm
Know it will pass.
I also like the 5 tool they suggest for the children's version and often use it instead:
Take a break
Do something kind for yourself
Know it will pass.
Another informal variation (amongst many) I sometimes use:
It's just a state.
It's not a problem.
It's just an inconvenience.
And it will pass.
The EBT tools have really been lifesavers for me.
Given my spectacular state of stress, the Damage Control tool became the one I am most versed in (and my fave.)  Doing anything else during a full-blown stress response is counter-productive for me. Trying to engage "positivity" in those stressed out moments just didn't work. One of my favourite quotes from Laurel Mellin (developer of EBT):
"It can feel really stressful to try to feel joy when you are in the middle of a cortisol rush. It's kinda like telling yourself when a lion is chasing you that you should stop and smell the roses.
It's a LION that is chasing, so it makes sense that you would feel tired of the hurt, pain and rejection.
Interestingly, when you figure out that this IS REALLY HARD, but it still is a wire, you can calm that wire. You can use Damage Control Tool.
When the cortisol rush stops, then your brain can relax a bit, and things look better. Odd, but during the worst of times, if you connect deeply with yourself (NOT HAPPY TALK!), sometimes a big ray of JOY does come."
Hope something in here is helpful. ~ RSR |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 07/23/2013 : 13:03:55
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RSR,
That's wonderful stuff. Thanks for giving it a mention plum. I was musing on that very thing today, the drastic, often instantaneous shifts in mental (hence physical) states that I typically go through in a day.
Just a personal preference, but going to the breath works best for me when at level 5. When I'm in what amounts to incipient panic mode, I'm especially adept at undermining my own affirmations. "It will pass," I might say. "Yeah, but what it doesn't?" follows like the night the day. In some sense, for me anyway, the very framing of a positive thought is to call into existence its negative counterpart.
Admittedly, I'm an extreme case. Sometimes I think my license to think ought to be revoked entirely. Thinking is the leak in the boat for me, and the only way around it is to simply cease doing it by going to my breath. It's amazing how quickly and effectively that can calm me down. Takes practice, but certainly doable. |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 07/23/2013 : 14:22:07
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RSR, thanks so much for that. I really was strengthened and reassured by Laurel's book, not the least because I was in a terrible stage 5 state at the time. The tools DO work. I've long used the phrase 'this time will pass' so it came naturally as a practice. The tools are great affirmations in their own right.
Do you remember reading where Laurel says people often 'lose' the book? Guess what, that's why I've not finished it. Classic.
Hugs to you my dear one.
Art, breathlessly, I acknowledge. We have these powerful minds and still we struggle. I love to strip it down. A combination of simple words, stillness and breathing deeply works for me.
Joan, find your faith and know that your friends will hold it safe for you in the meantime. |
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 07/24/2013 : 18:01:12
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YES, art ! Thanks for sharing your experience that going to the breath works better for you when "@ 5." Joan, the whole point is to do whatever works best for you as an individual to get you back into "homeostasis" (ie balance, regulation, relaxation, whatever you want to call it) as effectively and quickly as possible ... to be able to recognize where one is at (the 5 point system is just an arbitrary "model" of course, but it's a place to start) and then to handle that state effectively... to use whatever is left of the pre-frontal cortex ability to soothe the limbic system or the reptilian brain which is freaking out!
plum... aaaahhh Would be a fine thing to discuss over a cuppa.
Interesting that you lost the book! "Wired for Joy" is the book of Laurel's which I found the hardest to relate to, actually! Has the most recent "brain science"-related info, but her older books resonated more for me, for some reason. I had never used the phrase "this time will pass" and actually still have a VERY hard time believing it, but the chanting alone can be soothing and re-regulating.  Can still take quite a long while for me though. Seemed like I went through a period when I was either @ 5, recovering from one, or sliding into one!
What Laurel said: quote:
Odd, but during the worst of times, if you connect deeply with yourself (NOT HAPPY TALK!), sometimes a big ray of JOY does come."
That did happen to me, once. I had been shopping at the mall, and kind of overdid it, and felt QUITE dreadful, but in the car on the way home, I felt giddy with happiness and joy, just *knowing* how very bad I felt ! Kind of hard to explain ... but there can be a great joy in authenticity and self-intimacy at times.
~RSR
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