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marytabby
USA
545 Posts |
 Posted - 07/19/2013 : 07:30:52
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Hi all,
I've been struggling with recurring yeast infections and UTIs since my college days. I'm now 47. It always comes on after being sexually active, never any other time. I am not convinced it's a "physical" problem. I am convinced it's emotional. This past week I've had the worst symptoms EVER. I have urinary urgency constantly like overactive bladder symptoms. I even went to a urologist to rule out anything serious. So far he's going down the road of Interstitial Cystitis which I know is TMS. I do have a pelvic ultrasound scheduled for Monday. This will be my last attempt to make sure it's not something serious. Ruling that out, assuming that comes back normal, which I am sure it will, can anyone offer me any tips on how I might start to get on top of ridding myself of this painful situation? I was successful in 1995 of ridding myself of back pain so I know how to work the concepts. What I struggle with is this: Sarno says just bull through the pain, so when it was my back in 1995 I did that, bulled through the pain when I was running. It worked. I recovered. So do I do that same thing with sexual activity? Have intercourse and bull through the pain and paranoid thoughts so I can overcome it? Would greatly appreciate any tips out there!!! Mary in Boston |
Edited by - marytabby on 07/19/2013 10:17:21 |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 07/19/2013 : 09:07:22
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| You dont have to answer me bc it is personal but ask yourself these questions. Were you abused as a child and now you have this association with sexual activity that you have to decondition yourself to? Do you feel insecure about your body or self when you are involved in this way? These scenerios take rethinking about the situation when you encounter them in the future |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 07/19/2013 : 09:19:33
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Hi Mary,
Good to see you. I would add to Ace's questions, since this is the worst ever in terms of symptoms, if your current relationship is problematic in some way. (Of course they *all* are to some degree). |
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marytabby
USA
545 Posts |
Posted - 07/19/2013 : 10:09:08
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| Thanks, guys. Yes, I'm not afraid to share that there is a history of childhood abuse. My current relationship is pretty great, it's a new relationship so it's of course, all very new and exciting. I have no idea what event or situation from childhood brings about the onset of symptoms EVERY time I'm sexually active. I don't conciously relate it to anything specific from those early years but on some level it's GOT to be related in a generalized way. So all I can do is just tell myself "this is crap, there's nothing wrong with my anatomy." I don't know what else to come up with. Any suggestions? Art, nice to see you, too! |
Edited by - marytabby on 07/19/2013 10:11:25 |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 07/19/2013 : 11:59:29
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Hi Mary,
Just an uneducated guess, but maybe the fact that you really like this person is scary to you. My further guess might be that unconsciously there are trust issues when you get sexually active, and maybe even some reawakened anger at what happened to you (which I'm sorry for. No one should have to go through that).
On whether to bull through or not, I do it too sometimes, but sexual intercourse seems a more complicated, delicate matter than going for a run. Does this stuff go away eventually when you settle into a relationship? |
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 07/19/2013 : 12:28:43
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This is a little difficult for me to say but my ex wife and my ex girlfriend had these similar symptoms you describe towards the end of our relationships.
Both relationships were really volatile and of course when I knew they weren't good for me I did not listen and waited for them to break up with me which was many times until I finally said no.
I suspect that both of them had issues with their fathers and I never quite knew what the issues were but they were bad.
I believe these women just wanted to be free spirits and before me never were able to commit fully to a relationship.
This might bring unconscious fear and pain when you dont trust yourself. Both said I was a really good guy so maybe your guy is really good and on the opposite coin you might not think you are worthy? |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 07/19/2013 : 13:42:47
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Hi Mary,
During my 20's, I suffered horrific yeast infections. I tried everything. I was desperate and verging on suicidal for the best part of seven years. One day my mum gave me an article on a woman who had overcome my problem. I was utterly cynical but what had I to lose? The article was about a probiotic called threelac. I ordered it and within three days of taking it, all my symptoms resolved.
Now, I do believe there were profound emotional factors, because there always is. No one goes through life unscathed, but I can put my hand on my heart and say I fully embraced all that and it made no difference at all. I think we can drive ourselves crazy thinking that everything is tms and in so doing, treat our bodies badly.
I don't think you can ride stuff like this out. Sexual intimacy revolves around love and pleasure, and in such a state as you describe, that is the first thing out the window.
I also believe we can embrace tms and care for our bodies within an integrative approach. Women have to consider the cyclic nature of our very selves, and I have to say, the way women's health is approached allopathically makes back care seem enlightened.
Happy to go deeper if you want. You're welcome to mail me.
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Edited by - plum on 07/19/2013 13:44:24 |
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 07/19/2013 : 20:09:20
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Hi marytabby,
Not sure what to say, actually! (especially following another of plum's wise posts!)
At any rate, you probably saw some of my previous posts about my IC via a search (?) I reviewed what I said then, and not sure much has changed since. My IC symptoms are probably about the same. And I treat them about the same: I simply ignore them. They're more of an annoying symptom than anything else. Once anything serious was basically ruled out (and after all this time, clearly there's nothing very serious going on!) I stopped worrying about it. I don't fear it (obviously the pain/irritation/urgency is not TOO bad in my case), don't anticipate it, hardly ever even think about it, actually. Just deal w/ it in the moment when required (ie mainly during the night when it is most bothersome.) I never did pursue any dietary or supplmement-type approaches or even really TMS approaches related to my IC.
Interestingly enough, the more I THINK about it, the worse my symptoms ramp up... so today, after I saw your post ... my IC symptoms /pain is probably the worst it's been in months and months, maybe years! I kind of just laughed at it ... I mean, HONESTLY! Just THINKING about it in terms of replying to your post made things that much WORSE?! Ridiculous. I don't take it seriously AT ALL.
I think, in my case, my IC symptoms are just like any of my other mind-body symptoms... a perfectly predictable outcome to an overstressed (Ace1 would use the word "strained") life. I don't really relate any of my TMS symptoms to any particular psychological stressor... in my case I think it's just that my autonomic nervous system has been taxed SO hard, for SO long, that many things in my body are just not able to function optimally. I don't believe in my case, that I would be able to pinpoint one primary psychological thing... It's many many things over many many decades, all contributing. One big factor in my case: Ace1 I think said, "The urge to push is so strong and so hard to see that not working on this aspect is a common mistake." I've been *immersed* in a spectacularly stressed life, but that HAS been VERY hard for me to see, because it just seemed completely "normal" to me.
About "bulling through the pain": I'm no expert but my personal take on this runs more along (WavySoul's) "love is the answer" or SteveO's advice about the importance of being happy / happier. Also, I'm pretty big on "hypothesis-testing" things for myself ... you could TRY either "bulling through the pain" or "not-bulling" and then see which one suits you better. It's a relative question with a relative answer, depending on many different things, in the moment I believe. I'm also in the "no-one-size-fits-all" camp and found, unlike others, that just not-fearing is not enough *for me*. I haven't feared my IC pain (or burning tongue syndrome or headaches, etc) for years, but that hasn't been enough to make my symptoms go away, either. We're all unique and I believe there are always many paths up a mountain!
Hope something in here might be useful to you!
~RSR
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 07/20/2013 : 05:44:10
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Mary,
I can't add anything to RSR's wonderful comment. She perfectly describes both the mysteriously ridiculous nature of tms and the very real consequences and confusions of life lived under endlessly difficult circumstances. As she says, how on earth do you disassemble that? Should you even try? I made the attempt, mucky as it is, and think she is right. There is much merit in gentle living.
One thing that has helped me such a lot is to embrace sexuality and the sacred. That may attract or repel you but it is a point of reference with great yields.
In my early twenties I stopped taking the pill because it made me feel wretched. Thrush was but one problem it gave me. Electing natural methods of birth control led me to a well-spring of time-honoured practices of feminine health which pervade the emotional and psychological too.
In the past I was a rape and sexual assault counsellor. I've also endured abuse, something I disclosed here a while ago. For me, the sacred element profoundly heals many of these wounds. It's not all smoking censers and navel/eye-to-eye gazing, but a nourishing, primal, personal path.
I believe deep, sexual love is one of Gods greatest gifts. It would be lovely to cast you adrift in that sea. |
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 07/20/2013 : 10:33:20
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YIKES! Just a report to note that my "IC" was SOOOOOoooooooooo bad last night !!
OH MY! What IS IT trying to say ? !
I just have to LAUGH at this ! I REFUSE to take it seriously and rush off to the doctor's on Monday for a test! (even though I admit the discomfort made me think of it!)
~ RSR
(PS Thanks plum! wish we could have a cup of tea together today!)  |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 07/20/2013 : 12:58:37
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quote:
Originally posted by RageSootheRatio
YIKES! Just a report to note that my "IC" was SOOOOOoooooooooo bad last night !!
OH MY! What IS IT trying to say ? !
I just have to LAUGH at this ! I REFUSE to take it seriously and rush off to the doctor's on Monday for a test! (even though I admit the discomfort made me think of it!)
~ RSR
(PS Thanks plum! wish we could have a cup of tea together today!)
Misery loves company. If it's any consolation I'm having a bad pain day. As I wrote my original comment, the thought 'jinx' crossed my mind unbidden. Honestly, it's too stupid for words. Thank you Art for the timely reminder.
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=8677
RSR, a cup of tea and a chat with you would be a slice of heaven. One day my dear... |
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marytabby
USA
545 Posts |
Posted - 07/21/2013 : 09:32:41
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| Thank you everyone, for the thoughtful replies. I have no specific memories or flashbacks that "trigger" emotions for me sexually. I am happy with my new partner in every way. I am embracing the joy it brings and am allowing myself to be fully present to the physical part of the relationship. When I hear the Urologist say let's do the bladder ultrasound but if that yields nothing then we're going to look at IC, I immediately said to myself: "I need to get myself on the TMS forum because I am NOT going down this roller coaster ride." I know for a fact that IC is an idiopathic diagnosis, similar to Fibromyalgia, when they don't know what else to call chronic inflammation of the bladder/genital systems. I am NOT going to do this dance with IC. I know I was successful with the TMS stuff with my back and neck in 1995 and I am still well. With sexual dysfunctions it's a bit murky and "messy" I would say because obviously there's SOMETHING deeply ingrained in my psyche. Barring an abnormal bladder ultrasound tomorrow, I am NOT going to pursue this from a physical perspective. If my ultrasound is normal, I am stopping all BS protocals and going to try my best to just ignore the labels and stigmas and try to enjoy this relationship that is really good. He is completely understanding of my situation and gets the TMS stuff, even though he hasn't finished reading the Sarno book. He supports my wanting to treat this as mind body. I just wanna feel good and not have urinal urgency. RSR: that's interesting that your symptoms flared right back up upon reading my post. That in itself is revealing to me. It's like "Ha! See! It's all BS!" What a crock! Thank you everyone, I just needed to get some perspective before I start going down this IC path with these doctors. Appreciate it a lot. XO |
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marytabby
USA
545 Posts |
Posted - 07/21/2013 : 09:35:01
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quote:
Originally posted by art
Hi Mary,
Does this stuff go away eventually when you settle into a relationship?
Art, hard to say if it goes away in time, because it's been a long time since I had a solid, long term relationship with anyone. Most of my attempts at relationships for the past 15 years end up failing at some point. This one is only 2 months new but he seems like a keeper so I will know in time! |
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marytabby
USA
545 Posts |
Posted - 07/21/2013 : 09:38:57
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quote:
Originally posted by icelikeaninja
This might bring unconscious fear and pain when you dont trust yourself. Both said I was a really good guy so maybe your guy is really good and on the opposite coin you might not think you are worthy?
I think I have to work on trusting myself more so than trusting any man. So I think you're on to something there. My guy is really good, and maybe I do on some level feel unworthy. I have considered this and am just trying to be gentle and loving with myself. "I trust my choices, I trust myself, I trust him." I'll add "I'm worthy" into my affirmations. Thank you. |
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marytabby
USA
545 Posts |
Posted - 08/12/2013 : 13:11:23
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| Interesting.... I started to figure out that some things WERE troubling me about this new relationship. I thought everything was perfect but started getting in touch with feelings of subtle neglect, not being appreciated. I brought these up to the boyfriend. Guess what? My bladder's calmed down a lot. I'm still on the meds but I plan on weaning myself off gently. I need to have the confidence to go off cold turkey. All I can say is the symptoms were still creeping on me when I was on the meds and they're not anymore. So I've been in talks with the boyfriend about whether this relationship is going to continue or do we cut our losses because we're finding out we may not be as compatible as we thought we were. Our levels of commitment seem off. We're on different pages in many ways. Interesting stuff. |
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 08/12/2013 : 17:08:12
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Yea I think your body was telling you things long ago. I hate break ups and get sad when people do break up but when you are constantly being tested and tested and not appreciated you have to stand up for yourself.
Funny you post this because I have been getting so many flash backs of my relationship w my ex who I think just used me for sex and to see if she was gay or not.
Guess where Tms hit me, in the place she used me.
Iam doing better but your post is shining new lights.
**Sure I can lay down on a bed of nails and not have pain but why am I having back pain when laying down on a soft mattress? |
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Back2-It
USA
438 Posts |
Posted - 08/12/2013 : 18:53:06
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Relationships, work problems -- probably an understatement to conclude they are big generators of anxiety, building insidiously sometimes over days, weeks, months and years, until that and other stresses break (or seem to) the camel's back or a person's back.
I had had stress care taking and worry about a medical problem, then emergency surgery. I had upper back muscle stiffness and pain, which I did not recognize as anxiety and before I ever heard of a Dr. Sarno. I was told to do some physical therapy (useless, except for the fact that I believed it would help) and took care of my self, slowed down, ate well and relaxed. All the pain vanished in a 1.5 months.
Then... I tried to rekindle a relationship that had failed five years prior. Nothing had changed, not her thinking, and, to be honest, not in mine. After ruminating and worrying about how "I" was going to make this work, my pain returned. I tried to keep it alive because the short time we would spend together was a distraction, I thought, from the ever increasing pain. It was not a distraction, I finally realized. It was my straw.
"Bridges Freeze Before Roads" |
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 08/12/2013 : 20:39:05
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quote:
Originally posted by Back2-It
Relationships, work problems -- probably an understatement to conclude they are big generators of anxiety, building insidiously sometimes over days, weeks, months and years, until that and other stresses break (or seem to) the camel's back or a person's back.
I had had stress care taking and worry about a medical problem, then emergency surgery. I had upper back muscle stiffness and pain, which I did not recognize as anxiety and before I ever heard of a Dr. Sarno. I was told to do some physical therapy (useless, except for the fact that I believed it would help) and took care of my self, slowed down, ate well and relaxed. All the pain vanished in a 1.5 months.
Then... I tried to rekindle a relationship that had failed five years prior. Nothing had changed, not her thinking, and, to be honest, not in mine. After ruminating and worrying about how "I" was going to make this work, my pain returned. I tried to keep it alive because the short time we would spend together was a distraction, I thought, from the ever increasing pain. It was not a distraction, I finally realized. It was my straw.
"Bridges Freeze Before Roads"
Can you elaborate on the last sentence? I certainly do believe I was the mature one in the relationship I had with her but it caused me so much anguish, I would not speak for fear she would think I was weak or break up, then calling me "so gay" for acting in a way to show my emotions.
**Sure I can lay down on a bed of nails and not have pain but why am I having back pain when laying down on a soft mattress? |
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Back2-It
USA
438 Posts |
Posted - 08/13/2013 : 10:15:13
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quote:
Originally posted by icelikeaninja
quote:
Originally posted by Back2-It
Relationships, work problems -- probably an understatement to conclude they are big generators of anxiety, building insidiously sometimes over days, weeks, months and years, until that and other stresses break (or seem to) the camel's back or a person's back.
I had had stress care taking and worry about a medical problem, then emergency surgery. I had upper back muscle stiffness and pain, which I did not recognize as anxiety and before I ever heard of a Dr. Sarno. I was told to do some physical therapy (useless, except for the fact that I believed it would help) and took care of my self, slowed down, ate well and relaxed. All the pain vanished in a 1.5 months.
Then... I tried to rekindle a relationship that had failed five years prior. Nothing had changed, not her thinking, and, to be honest, not in mine. After ruminating and worrying about how "I" was going to make this work, my pain returned. I tried to keep it alive because the short time we would spend together was a distraction, I thought, from the ever increasing pain. It was not a distraction, I finally realized. It was my straw.
"Bridges Freeze Before Roads"
Can you elaborate on the last sentence? I certainly do believe I was the mature one in the relationship I had with her but it caused me so much anguish, I would not speak for fear she would think I was weak or break up, then calling me "so gay" for acting in a way to show my emotions.
**Sure I can lay down on a bed of nails and not have pain but why am I having back pain when laying down on a soft mattress?
When my pain returned with the return of the relationship, I was determined to fight the symptoms to get "back" to normal and resume what was -- but I didn't realize-- a flawed relationship. Not to mention my anger grew at her for not even being there once for me, to calm me or anything. This was a person I had a long, long relationship with. Our thing devolved into once a week dating. I kept it alive that way because I needed some distraction from the pain by doing other things. Finally, I realized that this was the final straw that set my back over the edge. I was the only one worried about how to make this work when it was rekindled, and then woke up one morning with symptoms.
Regarding emotions, I work in an industry where about half the men are gay, so I would always get that question, because of the industry and because I was not a "tough" guy type of guy. . After awhile it became funny to me; and I would say that I will flip if it means more money and a better position.
"Bridges Freeze Before Roads" |
Edited by - Back2-It on 08/13/2013 10:18:33 |
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icelikeaninja
USA
316 Posts |
Posted - 08/13/2013 : 17:00:38
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Interesting... Mine would always say how such a bad girlfriend she was and how her and her ex GIRLFRIEND would always try to make each other miserable.
I swear I was just being used for sex...
Slowly understanding I don't need her but still miss her. I have codependent issues.
**Sure I can lay down on a bed of nails and not have pain but why am I having back pain when laying down on a soft mattress? |
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Back2-It
USA
438 Posts |
Posted - 08/13/2013 : 19:01:09
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quote:
Originally posted by icelikeaninja
Interesting... Mine would always say how such a bad girlfriend she was and how her and her ex GIRLFRIEND would always try to make each other miserable.
I swear I was just being used for sex...
Slowly understanding I don't need her but still miss her. I have codependent issues.
**Sure I can lay down on a bed of nails and not have pain but why am I having back pain when laying down on a soft mattress?
I think we all miss what we like things to have been, or could have been. Why not think of yourself this way: you are average. Most of the whole damned world is average. We can engage in the idea that we are somehow superior or inferior and engage in thoughts that are not objective. Think of your averageness as a good thing, and then take a short mental accounting of friendships and relationships that you have had. Some were good and some were not so good. Think that is any different from the person standing next to you? Nope. That person has had the same experiences; the main difference may be that this person, who is symptom and anxiety free, understands this, and is easy on him or herself: "Hey, you win some you lose some." The anxious person will always examine and ruminate and often feel guilt, shame, fear and regret over the situation. This is done daily, on small and large things, and guess what, your nervous system reacts just a little bit each time to this kind of negative thinking. And it reacts and it reacts and it reacts until you get the muscle pain, or the pain in the groin or headache and then you start to worry about that, because your thoughts have been trained to go negative. Your thoughts and words are not you; they only describe your current situation, until you work to change it.
Your feelings of needing another -- or co-dependency-- can be examined more clearly with the idea of what has generated the situation and how to work on its solution and how to not react negatively to it
"Adventure Next" disclaimer. I'm talking about someone who COULD have written what you have written. 
"Bridges Freeze Before Roads" |
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Bladder Pain - RageSootheRatio, can you read?
