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pspa123
672 Posts |
 Posted - 06/30/2013 : 08:17:48
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I did not mean to imply that changing one's thinking is easy; to the contrary, it can be extremely hard, especially if one has deep psychological issues and/or major present stressors contributing to the logjam and if, as you say, one is very used to a completely different way of problem solving.
I didn't express my original thought very constructively and for that I am truly sorry. I have found, though, in my own experience, that it can be helpful to remember to be grateful and not to always see the half empty glass. If that sounds preachy well perhaps it is. |
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pan
United Kingdom
173 Posts |
Posted - 06/30/2013 : 08:31:54
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Originally posted by Back2-It
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...regardless of causality it would be highly beneficial to me to accept how I am at this moment in time and move on...for some people it doesn't work like that though. It rings slightly of telling somebody with depression to pull themselves together.
I've been where you have been. Maybe worse, in that I was unable to stand, sit or walk and jog without extreme pain; yet, I had to function and smile and pretend I was okay. Nobody -- and I mean nobody, as I have no spouse and my GF could not handle any negative issues about anything and never, ever stayed with me when my panic and anxiety was at its worse-- cared if I got better or not, asked me how I was doing or otherwise. This angered me too. I have been where people HAVE told me that I need to pull it together, that there are others much worse off, etc.. Angered the hell out of me, so I do not mean to sound trite. What eventually helped me was somebody with some actual physical knowledge telling me that my problems were nothing special (a medical massage therapist) and the willingness to accept that the muscles would be stiff and sore and hurt because I was in a state of continued and heightened anxiety. I had to f-ing slog through it every day, with nobody giving two sh**ts. What choice did I have? Actually, I did have a choice, as I do own a gun, and there were times.... And, no pain pills worked. Nothing. I was not going to start down the opiate trail. Taking Ativan did relax me mind and somewhat body and give the rationale to start functioning as a human again, though, and taking rational decisions about my condition, but you cannot take that for any long term basis. So, again, I am NOT telling you to pull yourself out of it, far from it.
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Back to your question, I do sometimes find myself challenges my symptoms through my running etc but also on an almost unconscious level I think that when I run etc I am in fear as I think the symptoms will develop to the point I can no longer do what I love..This also threatens my identity I feel..all powerful fear factors.
Fear of the condition. I remember actually crying one afternoon when I heard my neighbor cutting his lawn. I was so twisted in pain and so convinced that my symptoms would worsen with any action (because that is what doctor after doctor told me) that the thought of never again doing something some mundane as cutting grass, sent me into despair.
I jogged/ran and it was it fits and starts and when the pain would envelope the side of my body I had to keep telling myself that my arms were still pumping and legs still moving and --and-- I was armed with the knowledge that it was caused by certain neck and back muscles with no idiopathic cause which sent distress to distant points of my body. I faced each time I ran the idea that it was going to hurt, but I knew why. This kept me going, which leads me to the following:
I think stress and anxiety programs, run by those with the best of intentions, have to present to the patient the underlying physiological causes of their continued pain; otherwise, they are treating only part of the problem, and not very successfully, I might add. I went to TMS doc. He treated the mental aspects very well, but after declaring me "healthy" could not tell me why I hurt where I hurt. In fact, he said: "I don't know why you hurt there". I do not blame him, but even a basic knowledge of muscular anatomy can provide the answer as to why. I am not sure if he wanted to shy away from the use of "referred" pain from twisted and tense muscles in my back, because that would focus me on the physical, or he was afraid to give a dx because he was a family practitioner and maybe not familiar enough with various causes and effects, such as a Dr. Sarno --or even a medical massage therapist-- was and can be.
I above all am not telling you to pull yourself together and get on with it, believe me. Apologies if you thought so.
"Bridges Freeze Before Roads"
My comment about pulling yourself together was in reply to something else that was posted in the thread. I did take some umbridge with the way I interpreted that persons comments but the issue resides within myself not really the comment made.
Your situation sounds like it was a bloody nightmare and mine does indeed pale into comparison when I compare pain levels etc. At times I do actually ask myself if it is fair to say that I am in pain as my problem seems to be more of constant deep aches and tightness and stiffness...of course, this then leads me to question if I'm actually getting enough pain for it be TMS...madness I know.
Yep, I understand what you say about the fear of the condition as I feel this is exactly my problem. If somebody was to say to me that my symptoms would stay as they currently are I would be pissd but ultimately I would take that as I then feel the fear of me making things worse and deterioting would subside. I've had this issue for well over 2 years and the does appear to be a steady progression which to my intellectual and logical mind indicates a structural issue getting worse. During this period I have known everything there is to know about TMS and remained active etc but things have not improved. Having said that, have I lost the fear? Have I stopped the fixation on the symptom? Have I thought psychological at all times? Have I stopped the self absorption? Have I stopped the constant living in the mind and constant future projection? The answer to all those is no so should I really be that surprised that things are not getting any better? |
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Back2-It
USA
438 Posts |
Posted - 06/30/2013 : 09:23:47
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^^^^^^^
It is the constant drip of the water, not painful and not frightening, that eventually breaks the person being tortured that way.
I do also know what it is like to be caught in the maze you are talking about.
Sometimes, for some, I wonder if it does not take a total break with the status quo, a life jarring, location and situation change, to break the self-absorption?
"Bridges Freeze Before Roads" |
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pan
United Kingdom
173 Posts |
Posted - 06/30/2013 : 09:38:44
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quote:
Originally posted by Back2-It
^^^^^^^
It is the constant drip of the water, not painful and not frightening, that eventually breaks the person being tortured that way.
I do also know what it is like to be caught in the maze you are talking about.
Sometimes, for some, I wonder if it does not take a total break with the status quo, a life jarring, location and situation change, to break the self-absorption?
"Bridges Freeze Before Roads"
That's an interesting thought.
I remember way back in the day on AZ writing a post with a similar theme about not so comfortable comfort zones.
The point in question is that many people (I include myself here) love to surround ourselves in the security blanket of our daily comfort zones, happy to stay in the same old routines and living a constant groundhog day being petrified of change and challenge. The ultimate irony and paradox of this is that we are aware it is sucking the marrow out of the bones of our lives and leaving us childlike, fearful and in a constant victim state but still we plod along refusing to follow our hearts and inner feelings.
I recall reading something somewhere years ago which went along the lines of that for most people their daily aim was to get out of bed in the morning and to get through the day as quickly as possible with the least possible challenge, change and agitation and to return to the safety of the same bed without exposing themselves to the possibility of suffering or rejection. Whilst on one level this seems perfectly logical when you look at what that entails it is a miserable and soulless existence. |
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 06/30/2013 : 10:29:07
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pan, I found this very interesting:
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I recall reading something somewhere years ago which went along the lines of that for most people their daily aim was to get out of bed in the morning and to get through the day as quickly as possible with the least possible challenge, change and agitation and to return to the safety of the same bed without exposing themselves to the possibility of suffering or rejection. Whilst on one level this seems perfectly logical when you look at what that entails it is a miserable and soulless existence.
I wonder if this is true for most people who are actually *quite stressed out*. And on the other side of the continuum, I do wonder if *healthy* persons have a different track in life .... that they actually SEEK OUT "novelty" / new experiences, opportunities for growth, in an ever-expanding quest for the more positive in life, with a sense of confident hopefulness about their days and their future ... an expectancy of their own resilience in the possibility of any "suffering or rejection" ... a belief in themselves and their world, that ultimately, no matter the "slings and arrows" along the way, a conviction that they will triumph ?
I do notice that things are different for me, depending on my state ... when I am stressed, I just want to GET through the day ... but when I am not-so-stressed, I get a glimpse of "the sky's the limit!"
~RSR |
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Snapping/Popping Hip Query.
