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Sylvia
199 Posts |
 Posted - 02/25/2013 : 05:26:06
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PS, please don't quote my post, I'm feeling a little fragile like I'd want to edit it gone. For now I have some courage to have written this. |
Edited by - Sylvia on 02/25/2013 15:48:08 |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 02/25/2013 : 13:03:37
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Hi Sylvia
I am sorry to hear of your many problems and the dilemma you are facing. It is the case that many people find themselves trapped in situations from which they cannot escape. I know many people who have similar stories to your own. Ace, in his healing key # 20, writes, "Remember, someone who can change their life to take out major stressors (quit a job, divorce etc) will get better faster than ones who cannot and has to accept their life the way it is and recondition themselves. Unless the circumstance is extreme or very easy to fix, it is to your benefit to recondition yourself than to change your life."
Your path, and we all have a path to tread upon, is to make the best of the situation you find yourself in. I know that I keep harping on this and sound like a broken record, but putting mindfulness exercises into practice as well as embracing the "isness" of the moment will go a long way towards reducing your suffering which you are currently experiencing. We here on the TMS forum can offer you general advice, but we don't know all the circumstances you are encountering, so our advice or comments may be off the mark. But I do believe that remaining in the moment, regardless of what difficulties you are encountering, will help a lot.
Once again, I invite you too put into practice, on a daily and consistent basis, Ace's keys to healing. You can view them as keys to helping you live in the current moment. You may also find Byron Katie's book "Loving What Is" to be helpful. These are real people being interviewed live. Listen online at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Nr74J6GYWM
Try also to see the good things in your life and cultivate a spirit of daily thankfulness, for when we look at our past and current situation through a very negative or dark lens only, we increase the intensity of our suffering.
Suffering is a pretty intense teacher, but if you become its pupil you can learn a lot about yourself and life with with the end result being amazing growth and a sense of health and wholeness.
Best wishes,
Shawn |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 02/25/2013 : 15:15:30
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| I suspect, Sylvia, that your main concern if you did leave is how would you support yourself. That is the problem for many people who desire to separate from their spouses. |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 02/25/2013 : 15:29:21
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| First Sylvia make a decision what you want to do then after that accept it fully. If you can't decide yet, accept your current situation fully and start to decondition yourself now. Make this situation your healing practice. Don't affirm that your going to leave easily. That is not the fix, you will still have anger even if he's not around you. The better one is I forgve and let go easily. When he says something bad to you offer no resistance. Then in your mind say i forgive and let go easily over and over non-stop. You'll see, in time, he will either get so frustrated that he can't upset you or he will start to act in a better way bc he can feel your sincere heart. Either way you will still win. This is hard I know, but the only way to healing. You have to decondition yourself to this conditioned situation that you have hyped yourself up about for so long. As you practice you will see that you yourself are part of the problem in the relationship and you will have a deeper understanding which will help you heal. You need to start your work right NOW, not when is relationship is over. This work, as you can see, takes practice to get better at it and practicing takes time. To get to the olypmics(healing) youve got to get really good. You will fail at first but continue to affirm and put yourself in the situation WITHOUT trying to run away from it. Over time you will get better. This is what is in my keys. This is what I think will make ou better if you just but try. |
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Sylvia
199 Posts |
Posted - 02/25/2013 : 15:55:25
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Thanks for your reponses. There were 90 readers, so good enough I got rid of my posts .
Ace I can see what you are saying
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Edited by - Sylvia on 02/26/2013 15:23:17 |
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alix
USA
434 Posts |
Posted - 02/25/2013 : 16:46:13
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Sylvia,
I can testify that "I forgive and let go easily" is really powerful. When I used it over and over, I remember experiencing my symptoms moving around very suddenly.
Why would you modify it? It is beautifully simple and meaningful as is. |
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Sylvia
199 Posts |
Posted - 02/25/2013 : 16:56:20
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I thought to change it cuz I read this book that says that in the form of a question is way more powerful. You know the brain goes in search of the proof to make that true.
But if oldschool is working for folks, maybe I forgive and let go easily is the declaration to make. |
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alix
USA
434 Posts |
Posted - 02/25/2013 : 17:17:05
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| I see. I had found this exact affirmation (actually it was reversed: let go first but it makes no difference)in a Zen book so I assumed and I witnessed for myself how effective it is. |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 02/25/2013 : 17:50:31
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| Yes Alix is right just use it directly the way it is. I don't like that question thing. In response to your other question, all the help I gave Shawn is just on this forum, nothing on the side. |
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pspa123
672 Posts |
Posted - 02/25/2013 : 18:19:13
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| Ive forgiven a lot but theren seems to be a line beyond which it continues to feel very artificial to try to do so, almost like i am trying to be someone i genuinely am not. And i keep wondering, might it not be healthier just to acknowledge and embrace my real feelings than to try to paper them over in what feels like an affected non genuine manner? The anger is very authentic believe me. |
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alix
USA
434 Posts |
Posted - 02/25/2013 : 18:28:58
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| I am sure that Ace will chime in with his interpretation, but my understanding is that you don't have to believe in it. You just have to say it. If you believe in such a thing as the unconscious mind, the affirmation is not destined to your conscious self but to your unconscious mind. It is why it has to be so simple and direct. |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 02/25/2013 : 18:46:08
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| Has this knowing of this anger in anyway helped your pain? Don't get me wrong you must know first that you are angry, so the knowing is 50% of the fix. After this you need to reason that is anger is like poison and you must change your thinking as not to generate this killing emotion. If you say, why it is so right for you to be angry and the many reasons why it makes sense for you to be angry, you actually in your mind make the current reaction more intense and in your mind you are reenforcing this reaction. Now on the other hand you say that you forgive and let go, you are in fact extinguishing the old reaction and helping to form a new one. Imagine this, you have a coworker that always says or does something to bother you. You affirm to your spouse how this person always does so and so and how they are really going to upset you the next day. Do you think your reaction will be more or less intense when this coworker does it? On the other hand, lets say you tell your spouse that you know that such and such does this, but you know they can't help it and you are going to forgive it and let it go. What will your reaction be now? Now affirmations work something like this but on a much deeper level. I cannot prove to you other wise. I'll leave it this way, go ahead and try what you think makes sense and if your making no progress (like I wasn't ). Come back and give this a good shot for about 3 monts and see how it works. |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 02/25/2013 : 18:48:11
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| Yes Alix is right you don't have to believe it it just sinks into your mind with repetition, as long as you don't say the opposite too. |
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Perfectionist,Goodist= do what is best and right
