quote:

---

Originally posted by shawnsmith

Pain

Shawn Smith- March 22, 2005

I remember the pleasure as I reached out to gently touch her cheek

My dear mother, when I cast my gaze upon her, saw myself in her eyes

Full of so much sadness and worry

Full of so much tenderness and love

I, the final fruit of her womb, felt so re-assured when she was taking care of me

She would take care of everything and I did not need to worry

Pleasure is a rarity for me these days

Pain, excruciating physical pain, is my daily lot

I feel that my mind will snap

Hot tears stream down my face

I sob like a little child

My heart is completely broken

My mom is so far away and she can't help me now

I wish she could tuck me in just one more time

I cry out to Allah for mercy

Is physical pain masking a deeper and more profound pain within me of which I am unaware?

Is my inner pain so great and so intense that my brain is telling my body to experience physical pain instead so that I will not deal with these emotional issues?

I don't know the answers to these questions and neither do all the doctors I have visited.

I feel guilty

I feel remorse

I feel anger

I feel fear

And, of course, the pain persists.................

---