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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
 Posted - 01/30/2013 : 10:05:42
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Shawn love, I care about you.
You can mail me anytime. |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2013 : 12:09:15
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"The more we know, the more pain we have. But because we are human beings, this must be. Otherwise we become objects rather than subjects."
~ Elie Wiesel (1928), Romanian-born Jewish-American writer, professor, political activist, Nobel Laureate, and Holocaust survivor |
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bryan3000
USA
513 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2013 : 13:28:19
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Hi Shawn,
I'd just like to add a thought to your "once I feel better then what..." question.
One thing to keep in mind (that I failed to realize early in my recovery) is that once you do make a turn, your mindset turns with it.
It's a nuanced point... but once you "get better"... your mindset will change. In other words, you simply won't have the need to ask that question.
The hardest part is, until we make that turn... it's hard to remember what it feels like. I've been through so many ups and downs with recovery
from nervous breakdown... but I do know that as things clear, our mindset changes.
So, the depression you feel now won't be feeding you the same chemistry as you get better. You won't worry about "now what"... because it won't
matter. Just being will be enough. Doing simple, meaningless tasks will be fun again. Depression and anxiety take away all of our ability to
see things simplified and turn it into something way more complex than it needs to be.
I remember driving down a street near my house one day when depression was thick. It was a sunny day. I love the sun here in LA.
I drove down the street looking at that sunny sky thinking.... it doesn't mean anything. I don't feel any happiness. Why should sun make me happy.
It became this big, complex, deep question that made me more fearful and more depressed.
Yet, while I'm still struggling to overcome the disorder... I have happy days back. I love the sun. I love watching birds outside. I revel in simplicity.
Not always... I have very trying days, but I've seen the chemistry shift back towards normalcy and that's where your body wants to be.
I really feel your pain, man. I can feel it in your words. But you will stand up to this and one day soon you'll feel this tiny shift... the tiniest glimpse
of the simplicity you once knew and the floodgates will open towards normalcy. I absolutely know you will. Just keep working and stay the course.
We're right here working with you.
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2013 : 15:09:57
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| That's a nice message of encouragement Bryan. Thanks so much. And thank you Plum also. |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2013 : 15:14:26
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quote:
Originally posted by shawnsmith
"The more we know, the more pain we have. But because we are human beings, this must be. Otherwise we become objects rather than subjects."
~ Elie Wiesel (1928), Romanian-born Jewish-American writer, professor, political activist, Nobel Laureate, and Holocaust survivor
“His life oscillates, as everyone's does, not merely between two poles, such as the body and the spirit, the saint and the sinner, but between thousands and thousands.” Hermann Hesse, Steppenwolf.
As a fellow lover of solitude, remember, you're not in this alone. |
Edited by - plum on 01/30/2013 15:15:15 |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/30/2013 : 15:36:00
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Bryan,
What can I say?
Those words are the green spring shoots, the blackbirds song, the first sleepy smile of the morning...cheerful, welcome and every wild reason for living and loving every moment. |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/31/2013 : 07:23:55
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Another great hillbilly quote that addresses confusion over how to heal.
quote:
Originally posted by Hillbilly
Susan,
I feel for you. I really do. I was once so tied up in knots from reading different people's opinions on the cause and course of cure, I didn't think I would ever get well. After fully recovering, I had a look back and a good laugh at it all, but it sure wasn't easy, nor was it direct. Even after I'd chosen what became my final recovery path, stuck to it like glue, and even started feeling better for a few days, I'd wake up and feel terrible again, my mind filled with equal parts doom and alarm.
There is one common thread among those who've beaten this condition, and it isn't reading someone's book. It is this. They stopped reacting emotionally at all to their symptoms . That is the cause of your continued suffering. It is the current flow of emotional toxins that flow through your body that cause you to feel bad, and I'll repeat it for you if it will help. If you doubt this, go to the success stories part of the forum and read through them, then weed out the ones who've come back with a relapse and some other symptom. The symptom is stress-related and so is the reaction, which is the cycle. Stop the cycle today. No more emotional reactions, no more worry about why you still have symptoms. No more doubt and bewilderment about what is happening.
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 01/31/2013 : 09:10:30
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Plum, to add to your latest, I think one of the original Keys to Healing (10/10/2012 version ... don't think I see it in the most recent edit) was Ace1's rather eloquent:
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14. Rejoice that you now know what's wrong and how to fix it. Before you had no chance of being really better, but now you know and all it will take is a matter of time. How beautiful is that?
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 As I see more and more how mentally strained I am, it makes more and more sense that I would have the symptoms I DO have ... and so I am gaining more and more confidence that once I reduce the chronic strain, that I will reduce the symptoms ! And that really IS a beautiful thought!
RSR |
Edited by - RageSootheRatio on 01/31/2013 09:11:41 |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2013 : 04:05:46
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RSR,
Back in my lurking days I do remember reading this. At the time I didn't fully appreciate it, I was too enmeshed in pain. I see the beauty of it now. Thanks for finding and reposting it. |
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chickenbone
Panama
398 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2013 : 18:26:39
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| Shawn, I don't know if this will help you or not, but I was finally able to answer that question "When I get better, than what?" To my surprise, I discovered that the answer is simply "nothing". I had been thinking the last few years, "If I could only be out of pain, then I could get my life back, I would be happy, etc." But you know what, it does not matter at all if the pain goes away or not, it won't change anything. Once I realized this, the pain lessened greatly over the course of a few weeks and now is almost gone. And I don't care if it all goes away or not. The more I think this way, the more the pain refuses to come back. I still look for the pain every morning, but I really don't care if it comes or not. So far, it has not come back and I even miss it a little. I guess I now see the pain as opportunity knocking on my door. I think I have finally started to embrace the opportunity that it represents. |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 02/01/2013 : 18:35:55
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| Chickenbone, why don't you tell us what it was that make you better. I would like your feedback. |
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chickenbone
Panama
398 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2013 : 14:47:25
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Hi Ace, Thanks for the interest. A little over a month ago, I had so much pain I was hardly able to sit at the computer for very long. Now I am much better, but not cured. I only have occasional days where I am not good at following your keys and I get the mental strain, which can lead to some discomfort, but I don't know that I would call it pain anymore. What helped me? I can tell you so far what I have been doing and not doing.
Your keys to healing have helped me tremendously. I can't thank you enough. They are very specific and easy to understand. I just kept reading and rereading them and made genuine progress. I am still struggling with some of them.
I ordered several of the books from the reading list and those mentioned on this site. Before that, I read up on the latest research in neuroscience, just to get the gist of it. Three books that helped me were Steve O's book, "The Great Pain Deception", "Back in Control", by Dr. David Hanscom and Dr. James Alexander's book, "The Hidden Psychology of Pain". Dr. James's book is unbelievably good and just what I needed for a lot of reasons that I don't have time to explain here. I am not even completely finished reading them. These books answered some nagging questions I had about the nature of pain. So my doubts about really having TMS were removed. I realized that I possessed a lot of incorrect information about pain and the mind/body. The mind experiences, learns, memorizes and strengthens pain through neural circuits. Although we cannot unlearn pain, we can break up these circuits or develop new, better ones, allowing the old ones to atrophy. I came to realize that my mind was creating and practicing pain, practically on it's own. I could do something about this.
I also kept up with a lot of the threads on the forum. I needed to connect with real people who had the same issue. I am very grateful for all of these people.
As for my experience of the start of healing from chronic pain, I began to have very different ways of thinking about and reacting with the pain. I came to be able to feel in my mind and body the difference between physical pain sensations and those caused by mental processes. It is too new to explain here, but I will probably be able to explain this more fully later on. It is more about pain not bothering me than about pain existing or not. In other words, the focus becomes about what bothers me and I don't think of having or not having pain. Periodically, I notice that the pain is missing.
I realized the importance of being in the present moment with the pain, let it be. Don't give it a past or future, and most importantly be aware that there is no "carrot" or "magic fix" after the pain. So getting over the pain does not become a "goal" The goal is, as always, to live my life the best way I can.
I meditated a lot on the "pain strategy". I came to regard it as my friend. What is it trying to tell me?, what is important for my conscious mind to know? From my journaling, I know that when my pain gets better, my sleep gets worse and visa versa so I suspect that my pain strategy is related to my sleep problems. I realized that I am fearful of falling asleep because of traumatic childhood issues. At the same time, I am terrified of not sleeping. Additionally, I fear what the very low doses of sleep meds might be doing to my mind and body. This poses a huge dilemma that the "pain strategy" may be prodding me to accept fully into consciousness and resolve. This seesaw between sleep issues and pain, which do I prefer, is giving me a lot to work on and I find it somewhat scary, but I am dealing with it the best I can.
I have done my best to answer your question, but I am work in progress and have not had time to really think things through. I plan to share all my experiences with the group and welcome feedback. |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 02/02/2013 : 15:15:28
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| Great story. Good job on your progress. You are on your way to complete cure. The last 10% can be the most challenging. Now one more question so I can improve my list. Do you think you could have made this progress with my list alone? If not, could you tell me anything that was instrumental to your recovery so far that I could include in the list that wasn't already on it? I always welcome feedback to make sure the list is complete. |
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chickenbone
Panama
398 Posts |
Posted - 02/03/2013 : 12:58:18
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Hi Ace, I carefully read over your Keys to Healing last night and gave it a lot of thought. It is quite complete as a guide to healing. The only think I would add, or actually emphasize, because you do bring it up later in the Keys, is the importance of remembering to breathe. I have often caught myself holding my breath while in strain mode. I have read that this is most important because the process of exhalation causes us to at least momentarily relax.
So my only suggestion is to bring this issue up earlier in the keys (since it is common to start at the top)and emphasize it more.
I want to personally thank you for taking the time to put these together. |
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chickenbone
Panama
398 Posts |
Posted - 02/03/2013 : 13:20:21
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| I realized that I did not answer your specific question. YES, I believe I could have recovered with the Keys alone. I think so because I was well on my way to healing before reading the books, although the books helped with some of the details. |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 02/04/2013 : 10:39:32
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| Thanks Chickenbone for your feedback it is very helpful. Actually in terms of breathing while it is helpful, I found it is not a necessary requirement toward healing. This is why I just listed it as a point to just help. I was even debating wheither or not to add it to the list but because of good feedback from people like yourself I have included it. Juat make sure that you dont use it to make it the main source of healing which should be mental relaxation |
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RageSootheRatio
Canada
430 Posts |
Posted - 02/04/2013 : 10:49:29
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WOW, Ace1 ! Thanks for this further clarification:
quote:
Juat make sure that you dont use it [the breathing] to make it the main source of healing which should be mental relaxation
I guess I wasn't seeing this quite so clearly ... I had been trying to trigger a "relaxation response" through using different breath techniques as recommended by various stress practitioners. I see that your focus is truly on the mental strain... thanks for this ! - RSR |
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chickenbone
Panama
398 Posts |
Posted - 02/04/2013 : 10:54:59
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| Ace, yes, I understand. |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 02/28/2013 : 04:52:38
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| bumping this to the top for discussion. |
Edited by - shawnsmith on 03/01/2013 06:29:55 |
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Ace of the Day - Day 8
