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KristenG
USA
29 Posts |
 Posted - 01/28/2013 : 04:26:17
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Hi All,
I have not posted here much, but I have read a lot. I feel like I have made a lot of progress. A little background: years ago anxiety was my main symptom, I did an anxiety program and felt like I had that pretty much under control. I had a particularly stressful year in 2012. My mother had quite a few health challenges and at one point we didn't think she'd make it. That is what really started the symptom avalanche. I was back to having panic attacks. When I pushed them away, I had TMJ, tinnitus, shoulder and neck pain, and my scariest symptom, vertigo. That is why I am here today.
I have read so much here. I've read SteveO's book. I do affirmations that I'd learned here. I don't wake up anymore and "check in" to see how I am feeling. I am still have some neck pain on occasion. I have learned to listen to my internal dialog and realized that a lot of times there are things that irritate me or make me angry - that I am so used to ignoring - that bring on symptoms. Anyway, about vertigo. My vertigo, generally, only comes when I roll over on to my right side in bed. While I have doing well with my other symptoms, I still am afraid to sleep on my right side. Now and then, I will turn my head that way but I feel like I am only doing it to check to see if it is there. It hasn't been there in about a month. I woke up around 3 am this morning. I had been having a dream that my mom had passed away. I wasn't really focused on that when I woke up because I had a head ache and neck pain on my right side. I got up and used the bathroom. I came back and got in bed and decided to lay on my right side. After a minute or so I started to feel that familiar vertigo feeling. I immediately rolled back onto my back. Of course, I became focused on that and never fell back to sleep. When I rolled back on my left side (the opposite side) I had nystagmus (eye twitching that happens with vertigo) and had a little bit of vertigo feeling.It's not uncommon for that to happen if I have been laying on the side that gives me vertigo first.
So, finally to the question....how do I stop this? Obviously, I still am afraid of it. If I lay on my right side I feel like I am only doing it to the challenge the symptom. I never do it without thinking about it first. I feel like I am giving it power in doing so. Should I just wait until I do it without thinking about it? As a side note, I am in a semi-long distance relationship. The last time I was visiting my boyfriend, I did roll over on my right for more than a minute or two. I did think about it briefly before I did it, but did it anyway. I was fine. In my mind, I feel like that happened because I am more relaxed when I am there. That is where I want to be. I am currently living with an ex (for financial reasons) but it is very stressful.
Sorry this was so long. Can anyone offer any advice? I feel like I am too close to this to see the answer clearly.
Thanks,
Kristen |
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balto
839 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2013 : 05:56:35
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Hi Kristen,
Our body's relationship with emotion is almost exactly like our body's relationship with temperature. Let look at these two relationships:
Between 65 - 85F we're in our comfort zone.
when everything going smoothly in our life, we're in our comfort zone.
Between 86 - 105 and between 45 - 64F we are a little out of our comfort zone and need some help to cope with. We need to wear more clothes and turn on the heat when it is cold and we need to wear light clothes and turn on the AC when it is hot.
When our life is in some kind of turmoil we're also out of our comfort zone. We have difficulty at work or in our marriage, we don't do good in school or are worry about losing something important. We may loose sleep a little or have some mild symptoms of anxiety or a little headache or fatigue. We cope by going out with friends, have some wine and veg out in front of the tv, go shop or take a vacation...
When the temp is more than 105 or lower than 45F and if we being exposed to the element for too long we will get hypothemia or heat stroke, and in extreme cases, death.
If bad lucks keep happenning to us, if we're being traumatize for too long, if we dwell on the negative for too long, if we keep ourself in a state of chronic stress for too long, we will get symptoms of tms/anxiety. And in extreme cases we will get cancer, heart disease and may die from it.
Our emotions is the product of our thinking. Our thinking is influence by our 5 senses, our mind, and our conditioning memory. We are conditioned to think this way and that way when something happened.
For tmser's our 5 senses are working overtime, we always expecting the worst when our body sensed something.
Our mind is overly sensitive we always expect the worst when some event happened in our life.
Our conditioned memory is in lala land, it always produce danger signal to everything that happened around us or in our body.
We need to correct it, we need to "think correct" to be "normal" again.
To get back to our comfort zone we need to push that reset button and reclaim our life. Destress, remove yourself from stressful situation, accept it if you can, and start any program to change your thinking from negative to positive.
Just my thought.
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No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
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KristenG
USA
29 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2013 : 07:54:38
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Thank you for the thoughtful reply, Balto.
I couldn't agree more with this:
quote:
For tmser's our 5 senses are working overtime, we always expecting the worst when our body sensed something.
Our mind is overly sensitive we always expect the worst when some event happened in our life.
Our conditioned memory is in lala land, it always produce danger signal to everything that happened around us or in our body.
For whatever reason, I have chosen to hang on to that one symptom. I have to say that I am dealing with it much better today than I have in the past. I am not dwelling on it and checking for it, but rather I am just going on about my day. In trying to look at it rationally, I think I may have figured out what the trigger was in this case.
Thanks again for your response.
Kristen
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Racer
USA
129 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2013 : 08:59:04
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quote:
It hasn't been there in about a month. I woke up around 3 am this morning. I had been having a dream that my mom had passed away. I wasn't really focused on that when I woke up because I had a head ache and neck pain on my right side.
As your mom is having the health challenges and you love her so much, you want to protect her at your subconscious mind. I think this has manifested in your dream as something went wrong. I get such dreams, not just my mom, almost everyone who are close to me. Probably we are trying to challenge ourselves, when feeling defeated, the rage is manifesting into headache. I get severe headaches whenever I get such dreams. The headaches were so severe, and feel like someone pounding my head with a steel rod.
Believe me, I overcame this headache now. As soon as the headache starts after getting up from a dream, I take few sips of water, I manage myself by telling that my emotions in the subconscious mind is challenging me, and there is nothing really to panic. The pain will vanish in 5 minutes. I almost stopped taking Advil these days for my headache. |
Edited by - Racer on 01/28/2013 09:10:40 |
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KristenG
USA
29 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2013 : 09:20:29
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Thanks for the reply, Racer.
I agree that it has something to do with mom. She had a lot of health issues that past year. There is not much else they can do for her. For Christmas, she gave us all a gift with something sentimental inscribed on it. That is so out of character for her. She said that she figured it was her last Christmas so she wanted to give everyone something to remember her. She lost her dog to diabetes a couple of weeks ago and that worries me because she lived for that dog. She has asked me twice in the last few weeks when I will be home again to see her. She wants me to bring my boyfriend whom she's never met. I can't help but feel like this is her way of saying goodbye.I know that could be my TMS talking....expecting the worst...but that is how I feel.
In my dream, last night, she had passed and I was speaking to my girlfriend who lost her mother last year. The only thing I really remember was her saying to me that sometimes people just know when it is their time. That is what is stuck in my head AND I think that is why I got vertigo again. It is my scariest symptom and a great distraction from something that I am not yet ready to deal with. |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2013 : 11:21:17
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quote:
Originally posted by KristenG
So, finally to the question....how do I stop this?
You can't, so stop trying.
You seem to be on the right track. Intellectually you understand the process, and you accept the symptom is TMS. You are exploring potential psychological triggers and trying to face difficult emotions.
Even if you have the knowledge and belief, recovery still takes discipline and time. It is not enough to understand and accept TMS on an intellectual level. It needs to seep into your stubborn unconscious mind. This can only happen through ongoing reconditioning of your thoughts and behavior.
When you are aware of the symptom, remind yourself it is psychogenic and ignore it. Think about emotions you may not be fully appreciating. Accept the symptom is benign and eventually it will fade away. It is nothing more than a nuisance. |
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plum
United Kingdom
641 Posts |
Posted - 01/28/2013 : 14:12:25
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Sweetheart,
I'm a carer. I look after my husband 24/7, and both my own mum and mother-in-law who are also not well. I completely understand the implicit and not-so fears you are expressing here.
I cannot possibly know if this is true for your mum right now but people do have a sense when it is their time. This is natural and we will all know it one day. A couple of years ago we almost lost my mum-in-law. I woke one night and something felt very wrong. We drove to her home, it's mercifully not far, and she was in a bad way but we spoke and prayed and tended to her and she pulled through. Never underestimate the power of love.
If it is time, then live from your heart. Love her and let her know. You may find some comfort here:
http://www.ekrfoundation.org/
This is the website of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, who has helped countless people face the inevitable.
My heart goes out to you. My best advice, with regard to tms is to feel these feelings, these emotions. Journal. Post here. Do what you need. There really are good souls here who will support you.
God bless. |
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Racer
USA
129 Posts |
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KristenG
USA
29 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2013 : 11:46:09
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quote:
You can't, so stop trying.
You are so right, Dave. It really is as simple as that.
Thank you for your reply.
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KristenG
USA
29 Posts |
Posted - 01/29/2013 : 18:13:18
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Thank you for the kind words, Plum. I lost my father when I was 12. That was really my only experience with losing someone close to me. I consider myself fortunate in that aspect. My ex-husband, whom I still speak to, has stage 4 cancer as well. It's just a lot to take in all at once. I will take a look at the website you've suggested.
I like this line: quote:
If it is time, then live from your heart.
I think I will live by this EVERY day!
Kristen |
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What we resist persists?
