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susan828
USA
291 Posts |
 Posted - 01/16/2013 : 08:41:00
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In an effort to understand where the TMS and anxiety came from, I read one of my diaries this morning, when I was 11. I read one page where my mother kicked me, threw a stuffed animal at me and called me a bitch. We were not allowed to use curse words in our house so this was unusual. I am really upset now after going through many pages where I could see entries of "I am sick today". The sickness stuff started 1 year before where I documented a panic attack followed by staying home from school and far of going far from home, "hard breathing attacks", things I know now are hyperventilation. This was back in the 1950s and 60s.
Is it helpful or harmful to delve into the whys? If I understand where the health anxiety came from and now TMS, will that help it go away? I know Sarno and Steve say you don't have to know why, just know it is there subconsciously. But they also say that therapy can help so I am confused. All reading the diary did was upset me. My mother is still alive and I wonder if she ever loved me and this really hurts now. Any insight would be appreciated. She is not well now and I am going through a lot of TMS every day, I am an emotional wreck and it is probably around the conflict over the relationship we had all my life.
My question is does understanding this by seeing my diary entries helpful or harmful? |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2013 : 09:17:32
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quote:
Originally posted by susan828
... I read one page where my mother kicked me, threw a stuffed animal at me and called me a bitch.
Was this an isolated out of character incident from your mother or occurring on a regular basis? Not to belittle the incident, did she hurt or bruise you? It was a stuffed animal so hopefully it didn't hurt much. Did you do something to enrage your mother or was it spontaneous? I remember my mother throwing a fork at me once. because I so enraged her and I well deserved it. I behaved better after that.
If you're not getting better on your own, see a TMS practitioner. Delving into your past diaries, looking for the "black TMS bullet", that triggered this all, is probably not helpful. TMS recovery is about the now and future nows. This is about building confidence in your mindbody strength through accomplishment--not paralysis by analysis.
g'luck,
tt, LSMFT
==================================================
DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0dKBFwGR0g
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
==================================================
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti
"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." Author Unknown
"Happy People Are Happy Putters." Frank Nobilo, Golf Analyst
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." Mark Twain and Balto
"The hot-dog is the noblest of dogs; it feeds the hand that bites it." Dr. Laurence Johnston Peter
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"If it ends with "itis" or "algia" or "syndrome" and doctors can't figure out what causes it, then it might be TMS." Dave the Mod
=================================================
TMS PRACTITIONERS:
John Sarno, MD
400 E 34th St, New York, NY 10016
(212) 263-6035
Here's the TMS practitioners list from the TMS Help Forum:
http://www.tmshelp.com/links.htm
Here's a list of TMS practitioners from the TMS Wiki:
http://tmswiki.org/ppd/Find_a_TMS_Doctor_or_Therapist
Here's a map of TMS practitioners from the old Tarpit Yoga site, (click on the map by state for listings).:
http://www.tarpityoga.com/2007_08_01_archive.html |
Edited by - tennis tom on 01/16/2013 09:51:48 |
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Peregrinus
250 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2013 : 09:26:11
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Susan:
The fact that your diary is troubling indicates that your childhood experiences may be a cause for your TMS. I’d recommend that you explore your past and try to understand what motivated your mother and other people who may have hurt you. Then you must forgive your mother and tell her that in person. Also, you must realize that those experiences are of no concern: they are not about you. You have a life that starts right now.
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2013 : 09:28:54
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| I think there comes a point that all this digging up the past has to take a back seat and resumption of normal activity -- with a view to overcoming the fear -- has to take place. I admit that this is the more difficult part and that I too struggle with it, so I am preaching to myself also. When digging up the past we tend to concentrate on the most negative aspects which in turn generates a lot of bad feelings and tension. The mind can actually take something very positive and pleasant and turn it into something negative and depressing which in turn makes us feel really Shi-ty about ourselves. So yes, focus on past events and current stressors, but every TMS book out there also says that while doing this one must also resume normal activity. |
Edited by - shawnsmith on 01/16/2013 09:29:30 |
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marsha
252 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2013 : 09:49:04
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Reading about the past can be helpful or harmful or nothing at all.
In my experience discovering what benefit you are getting from suffering will help you uncover the reason for the pain ( there is always a benefit).
I don't mean that the pain is a plus but it is there to tell you something or help you out of a situation you don't want to be in. |
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alix
USA
434 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2013 : 12:15:27
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Yes, it was helpful in my case and I realize that it is not the case for everybody.
But you have to let go eventually and not constantly go back to those events.
I heard that EFT and EMDR can be effective to let go. I am not sure why it is effective but maybe it is simply the bizarre (goofy?) ritual associated with the 2 practices that help. |
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susan828
USA
291 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2013 : 13:23:23
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Thanks to everyone who replied. Tom, I don't remember being physically hurt by that. She wanted me to go to the store and I wouldn't, that's what I wrote. It just shocks me now to read this. What did she feel for me in oder to call her own 11 year old daughter a bitch? I can't imagine someone who loves their child doing this. I do know that I didn't turn out to be what she wanted and she has always been critical. However, she was also very kind to me most of the time.
Peregrinus, I can't ell her anything now because she is not nearby and our communication on the phone is difficult because of her hearing. I also don't want to upset her. She is very elderly and fragile, so I just have to deal with it. Our conversations are never deep anymore, just superficial how was your day stuff. As far as your mentioning what motivated her, she probably had more problems than I can know. She had a tough background and it must have affected her adversely. I accept that I'll have to accept the fact that I will never understand her in her "meaner" moments. Maybe just a temper, maybe a bad day.
I would like to see a TMS therapist. When I tried this year, none took insurance. I am waiting for Medicare to start (soon) at which time I can see one particular TMS physician but not a therapist. Why don't they take insurance, this bugs me. They had no answer, they just don't.
My Mom will probably not live much longer and I have a lot of responsibility, things to handle, very stressed so the TMS is full strength right now, jumping from one pain to another, one scare to another every day. I guess that's why I pulled out the diary, to see what on earth happened the days preceding my "I am sick" entries. To see a pattern but I can't, all I know is that I was a very fearful, hypochondriacal child.
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pspa123
672 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2013 : 13:34:46
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| I had a lot of very unpleasant dealings with my father when I was younger. As egocentric children, we perhaps don't understand that parents are individuals with their own struggles, limitations, and flaws who can't always be who we want them to be or act as we want them to act, but who make mistakes and say and do things to us that they regret. I understand this all too well now as I make the same mistakes sometime with my own kids, despite my best efforts. In the end I think the best one can do is to forgive, and to realize that what they said and did was not for want of love but just out of being a flawed human being. |
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bryan3000
USA
513 Posts |
Posted - 01/16/2013 : 13:36:30
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Susan,
I think it is helpful to the extent of understanding why you are like you are now. There is also some release in going over what happened and being able to recognize that it's fair for you to have emotions about it. I still remember to this day awful things my father said to me as a child. I can connect them with my being a people pleaser, perfectionist, highly competitive, etc.
So, just my thoughts... but I wouldn't overdo digging into your past, but with anxiety (TMS) you need to have a clear picture of how you are, and WHY can help present that picture. (I have low self esteem because of X-thing that happened.)
The important part though is to identify the core fears and underlying behaviors. Now you know that your mother mistreated you in an unthinkable way... what was the result? What personality trait arose from that? Then... get to work on undoing that, reframing your thoughts, and making behavioral change.
Also, don't discount the day to day influence on anxiety. Your core fears and personality traits react to everyday situations and this compounds the situation.
So... losing fear of the symptoms, recognizing they are a product of stress, fear and overstimulation... and changing the ROOT behaviors and narratives that run in your mind will be your salvation, in my opinion. It's so hard to face what we've been through. Whether or not our brains "distract" from it with pain is up for debate... but what isn't up for debate is that the chemistry in your body will cause you suffering until you can undo the thought processes behind your fear, worry, etc.
Easier said than done. I'm not at the finish line myself. But, I can see it. I hope you can too some time soon. |
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Trying To Understand Past
